Now that our son has become a Bar Mitzvah and obligated to put tefillin on every morning; his mom has taken it upon herself to remind him to do it.
Needless to say, this has become a point of contention. I appreciate the fact
that he doesn’t want to be hocked, nagged or constantly reminded. I have even
spoken to his mom about the negative repercussions of her nagging him. Since
school had not yet started, he said that he has been too tired to wake up for
minyan. I told him that I totally
understood and that as long as he put on his tefillin and prayed the morning
service, I didn’t really care if he went to minyan. The night before our Labour Day golf
date, I suggested that he go to sleep just a bit earlier so he wouldn’t be so
tired. Of course he complained, and moaned
at how unfair it seemed. Knowing that it was going to be a father son day; he eventually listened. I woke him, he complained, we went to morning minyan and then we
went to play nine holes of golf. It was
a beautiful sunny day, with a comfortable breeze. We walked, we talked, and we
even hit some good shots. Our son sank a few putts of more than 8 feet; and I
had one birdie and four pars. Yes, a
well struck golf shot was cause for a wonderful feeling. However it was the
walking and talking with my son that was incredibly meaningful. So as we hit
golf shots, we walked, and we talked about mommy nagging him about putting on
Tefillin. I asked him what he thought he
could do to get her to nag less about putting on tefillin. “Maybe I should put
it on before she has a chance to nag?” “Maybe
I should go to bed a little earlier if I know that I have to wake up for
minyan like I did last night.” I told him that I thought that both were good answers. As I stood over
a 10 foot putt for birdie; our son made a stunning comment. “You know, I am glad that I listened to you
last night, and maybe if I listen to you, she will nag me less about putting on
Tefillin, thank you.” I couldn’t believe
my ears, I was shocked, and needless to say, I blew the birdie putt. After I
made my par putt; without gloating and in a straight face I told him what I
have told each of his three older sisters. “If you listen to what I tell you,
if you follow my directions and advice, your problems will be small and your
life will easy.” I smiled and didn’t say another word. Inside, I was thinking: "finally, my youngest child will surely listen because now he understands that
his life is better when he listens to his father!"
This week we read from Parsha Ki Tavo. The Parsha begins
with Moshe explaining the laws that are specific to B'nai Yisroel’s entry into
the Land. He reminds them of the laws of
first fruits, and tithing. Moshe reminds
them that there is a powerful link between God, B'nai Yisroel and the Land.
Each needs the other. Moshe then describes
the ritual specific to this generation that will symbolize their acceptance of
the Torah and the covenant. As they
cross the Jordan River, they would inscribe two stones with Kol Divrei HaTorah HaZot BaEir Heiteiv
– You shall inscribe on the stones all
the words of this Torah well clarified.” Then the stones would be covered
with plaster in order to protect the inscriptions. Moshe then reminds B'nai
Yisroel that they are now an Am Yisroel– a Nation and no longer B’nai Yisroel –
Children of Yisroel. With that change of
status comes responsibility, and Moshe lists the blessings and the curses that
will result depending upon Am Yisroel’s behavior. Moshe concludes his passionate plea to
fulfill the covenant by giving Am Yisroel a brief history lesson. He reminds
them that they left Egypt and saw all the signs and wonders (they didn’t,
rather their parents and grandparents experience the Exodus and witnessed the
plagues). Moshe reminds them that he let them for Forty years, and they didn’t
eat bread nor drink wine, rather they experienced the miracle of the Manna. He
reminds them of battles they fought and won and finally he reminded them they
were ready to begin their new lives in the land.
Moshe also reminds them that if they listen, they will be
blessed. If they fail to listen and fail to live up the covenant, then they
will be cursed and sent into exile. V’Haya
Im Shamoah Tishmah B’Kol Adoshem Elokecha - It shall be that if you hearken
(surely listen/obey) the voice of Hashem, your God, - Lishmor et Kol Mitzvotav Asher
Anochi Mtzavcha Hayom - to observe,
to perform all His commandments that I command you this day, Untancha Adoshem
Elokecha Elyon Al Kol Goyei Ha’Aretz - then
Hashem, your God, will make you supreme over all the nations of the earth.
(Deut. 28:1) Rashi explains that the force of this emphatic
doubling of the verb ShaMA-listen. “If you take it upon yourselves, it will
become easy for you, since it is only the beginning that is hard.” Rashi, and
the Talmud before him, is offering a psychological truth about observance and
about anything new for that matter. At first the action may prove daunting and
perhaps even overwhelming. However as the action is repeated, it becomes easier
and easier and almost second nature. Rambam (Maimonides) commented that “the
more man is drawn after the paths of wisdom and justice, the more he longs for
them and desires them (Code, Teshuva 6:4) However it is not enough to listen,
but rather one must listen emphatically, that is, internalize what has been
listened to and then used.
Whether
it is observing mitzvot, the commandments, or just listening to dear old dad,
our son learned this most valuable lesson. He can whine, and mope, but if he
just listens to me; his life will actually be OK. Of course, like B’nai
Yisroel, it is all predicated on listening, observing and then consciously
acknowledging that it actually works.
Hopefully he learned his lesson this time and I won’t have to spend the
rest of his teenage years watching him re-learn this lesson. Well, good luck
with that!
Peace,
Rav Yitz
