I Would Slave To Learn The Way To Sink Your Ship Of Fools (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - Ship Of Fools")

As a father of four, I spend a lot of time worrying. I worry about our four kids. I worry about my wife. I worry when they are very busy with work and school. I worry when they feel stress. I worry when I sense that they are not taking care of themselves. For our eldest daughter who works on a presidential campaign, this is one the busiest times of the presidential campaign cycle. She loves this time of year and she thrives during this time of year. Admittedly, as her dad,  I worry about her. I worry that she will forget to take care of herself. During a recent conversation, she reassured me that she was looking after herself and that she even decided to suspend her Facebook account, cut back on her use of social media and diminish the number of people she follows on Twitter, mostly comedians. She explained that the world of Social Media had grown incredibly toxic and she believed that by cutting back; she could reduce her stress and anxiety.  I decided to look into this relationship between social media and anxiety, depression and mental health. My daughter was onto something.  A recent study published in the Journal of Depression last year demonstrated a link between the high usage of social media sites such as Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, to name a few,  and depression.  Of the participants in the study who checked their social media accounts 30 times per week an hour per day; 25% faced a higher risk (2.7 times more risk) for depression. There is greater exposure to cyberbullying, and all the toxicity and hate that is in social media. Also, because people only post the best thing and the most “perfect” moments, others suffer from FOMO (Fear of Missing Out). Such people are left feeling that they have nothing worthwhile to post, their lives are not as great as those whom they follow.  A recent study at York University found that young women who were asked to interact with a post of someone whom they perceived as more attractive felt worse about themselves afterward. The 120 undergraduate women were either asked to find on Facebook and Instagram a peer who they felt was more attractive, or a family member who they did not feel was more attractive, and leave a comment. They reported that they felt worse about their own appearances only in the first condition, with peers, but not family. It would appear based upon scientific studies and our daughter’s social media experiences, too much Social Media can enslave.

            This week, we begin the Book of Shmot, the Book of Exodus. The first few verses essentially recount the ending of the Book of Genesis. Shmot re-iterates the fact that Yaakov and his sons came to Egypt, Yaakov dies, and the next generation, Yaakov’s sons (including Yosef) pass away. A new king assumes the mantle of power and does not know of Yosef’s great deeds. Instead, the new Pharaoh believed that this foreign population was tantamount to a fifth column. Therefore this tribe must be enslaved in order to prevent their uniting with Egypt’s external enemies. Vayavidu Mitzrayim et B’nai Yisroel B’Farech – The Egyptians enslaved B’nai Yisroel with crushing harshness. Vai’Mareru et Chayeihem Ba’Avodah Kasha B'Chomer Uvilveinim Uvechol Avodah Ba’Sadeh Eit Kol Avodatam Asher Avdu Bahem B’Farech – They embittered their lives with hard work, with mortar, and with bricks, and with every labor of the field, all their labors that they performed with them were with crushing harshness (Ex. 1:13-14). These two verses strike me as problematic. Why does the first verse tell us that enslavement was with “crushing harshness” when the second verse goes into great detail as to what constitutes crushing hardness and then concludes with “the labor that they performed with them with crushing harshness? Either the verse seems redundant, or superfluous. Perhaps the best solution would be to eliminate the word b’Farech in the first verse and keep it in the second verse. So it would read: the Egyptians enslaved B’nai Yisroel. They embittered their lives….  How do we understand the use of the extra B’Farech?

            The second use of B’Farech is defined for us by the verse. Hard work, embittering lives, every labor of the field constitutes crushing harshness. The issue is the use of B’Farech in the previous verse. Perhaps the crushing harshness is not to be taken literally. In Hebrew B’Farech means “in a crushing manner” the slavery ground them into the ground. Farech can be divided into two words Peh and Rech. Peh means mouth and Rech means soft. Figuratively “soft speech” means persuasively or persuading via the “soft sell” as opposed to threats. With this in mind, we can understand that there were to steps to slavery. First, convince B’nai Yisroel that they were part of Egypt. Explain to B’nai Yisroel how much they are needed by Egypt. Incorporate them into the Egyptian workforce. Make it easy to be Egyptian. Encourage assimilation. Once B’nai Yisroel willingly gave up their “separateness”, once they gave up their identity, one piece at a time, they relinquished their freedom one piece at a time. The first verse could, therefore, be understood as Egyptians crushing slavery as the dominant culture and society overwhelming or crushing the minority culture. Once assimilation occurred, once B’nai Yisroel had assumed the bondage of the popular culture; putting them into chains and crushing them with backbreaking work became inevitable.

            To a degree, Social Media has enslaved us.  We are exposed to all the unfiltered thoughts and bilge that a person desires to share. We are exposed to everyone’s attempt to cast themselves in the best possible light, we think that we are the only ones with problems and imperfections. The second we receive a notification, we have programmed ourselves to look and see about what are we being notified, and if we don’t check our notification right away: we will miss out and then feel left out (FOMO). Ironic isn’t it? The one notification for which we ought to be attentive, answer or follow is God, and that is the one relationship that requires no technology, no plugging in, no screen and no cell tower. When I checked in our daughter and asked her how her diminished social media use was going; she explained that besides less stress, she has more time, more focus, less aggravation and a greater sense of calm. Now, I need to convince my three other kids and my wife to liberate themselves from too much social media.

Peace.

Rav Yitz

There's Some Satisfaction In The San Francisco Rain (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Mission in the Rain"

It never ceases to amaze me how news events initiate discussion as well as provide learning opportunities for our children. It was our son’s birthday this week. He received gifts and cards. When I asked him what he wanted to do on his birthday he said he wanted to go play golf. So like a good dad, I bought him a junior set of clubs and we went and played 9 holes of golf. Me and my son. He hit some good shots and he had some bad shots. As we drove towards the 9^th and final hole, he had such a look of contentment, of satisfaction on his face, and he thanked me for such a great afternoon. A couple of days later, we heard the news that Robin Williams took his own life.  Knowing who Robin Williams is, our son immediately began asking the questions. He asked the questions we all ask in such a situation. How can someone take their own life? How could someone who is so funny, and so beloved want to kill himself? So we have spent the last few days talking about Depression. We have spent the last few days explaining that someone must be so distraught, so hopeless, so tormented, and bear so much pain that death brings greater relief, or even satisfaction that the current dissatisfied nature of life.

This week’s Parsha is Eikev. Here in his second discourse, Moshe explains to the new generation how the second set of tablet that contain the Aseret Dibrot came into being. He explains how God forgave their parents of their idolatrous behavior in regards to the Eigel Zahav (Golden Calf), and all B’nai Yisroel must do essentially refrain from Idolatry, serve God, worship God, and the nation will be rewarded with water, grass and quality lives. Moshe also reminds B’nai Yisroel that they have nothing to fear when they enter into Canaan and conquer the land even though they maybe outnumbered, because God has already demonstrated that he will protect his people. He did so during the Yetziat Mitzrayim (Exodus), and as long as B’nai Yisroel keeps its side of the B’rit, God will continue to protect his people.

            However it is towards the end of the Parsha, that we encounter a possible answer from a passage of Torah that should be familiar to all of us. V’Haya Im Tishma’u El Mitzvotai Asher Anochi M’tzaveh Etchem Hayom L’Ahavah – It will be that if you hearken to My commandments that I command you today to love Hashem your God and to serve him with all you heart and with all your soul…(Deut. 11:13). This is the second paragraph of the Shema, a part of the daily prayers we say every Shacharit (morning service) and Ma’Ariv (evening service). In this second paragraph of the Shema, we are told that there is a reward for our obeying God’s commandments and there will be retribution for disobeying God’s commandments. Among the rewards is a phrase that, at first glance, does not seem like such a reward. V’Haya Im Tishma’u El Mitzvotai Asher Anochi M’tzaveh Etchem Hayom L’Ahavah Et Adonai Eloheichem Ul’Avdo B’Chol Levavchem Uv’chol  Nafshachem. V’Natati M’tar Artzechem B’Ito Yoreh Umalkosh V’Asaftah D’Ganecha V'Tiroshcha v’Yitzharecha – It will be that if you hearken to My commandments that I command you today to love Hashem your God and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul, then I shall provide rain for your Land in its proper time, the early and the late rains, that you may gather in your grain, your wine and your oil.  V’Natati Esev B’Sadcha Livhemtecha V’Achalta V’Savata – I shall provide grass in your field for your cattle and you will eat and be satisfied (Deut. 11:15). Among the rewards is grass for our cattle and we will eat and be satisfied. We won’t be ecstatic, we won’t be overjoyed. Rather we will be content and satisfied. This notion of Savata “you will be satisfied”, suggest satiety. It assumes that we know when we have “had our fill”. It suggests that in moments of quiet and perhaps anxiety and despair and we ask “is this all there is?” We are supposed to be able to say “Yes, this is all there is…. And it is enough to fill me.” Certainly the Torah’s words are suggesting a means by which we are able to control our expectations and minimize our disappointments.

            Depression is a powerful disease. We explained to our son that this was something that Robin Williams lived with his whole life. We explained that he used his humor to fight the darkness that was dissatisfaction with himself and the pain that it caused him. Then our son said something so powerful. He said that Depression must be pretty horrible if it means that it won’t allow you to find satisfaction or happiness in something as small or simple as spending time with your kids. He asked when we could go play golf again. My son, taught me a lot this week.

Peace,

Rav Yitz