Whatever Happened To His Precious Self Control (Gerrit Graham & Bob Weir - "Victim Or The Crime")

           One of the most damaging results of the ongoing pandemic has been the increase of has been the increase in substance abuse and addiction. Whether alcohol, opioids, or another substance; the increased tension, and anxiety have led to an increased demand for mental health services.  Dr. Carl Erik Fisher author of The Urge: Our History of Addiction wrote a recent Op-Ed piece in the Jan 15th New York Times entitled "It's Misleading to Call Addiction a Disease". He explains that as a recovering addict, who is also a medical doctor, he has always struggled with the idea that addiction is a disease. His point is that the “addiction as a disease” paradigm oversimplifies the role of medicine and science. This paradigm assumes that a pill or a procedure will eradicate the disease. Besides, oversimplification, the “addiction as a disease” paradigm also eliminates the importance of empowering the patient to recover. A disease, if genetic, creates a degree of fatalism, and a disease that is entirely environmental and socio-economic eliminates the importance of hope. Rather, Fisher explains that when he wakes up every morning, his addiction reminds him that he, like everyone else, has a human struggle. His addiction reminds him that he, like everyone, must struggle with self-control and his addiction is just another example of human suffering and struggling with self-control.  

        This week's Parsha is Yitro. Named after Moshe's father-in-law, who happens to be a Midianite priest, the Parsha begins with Moshe leading B'nai Yisroel toward the wilderness of Midyan where he meets up with his father-in-law, his wife, and his two sons. Yitro suggests that Moshe should create a bureaucracy whereby others administer the small everyday rulings required of a judge. Difficult legal issues would be administered by Moshe. Moshe is then commanded by God to bring B'nai Yisroel to Har Sinai. For three days they will purify themselves, clean their clothes, not have marital relations, and purify their souls for a revelation. With the mountain smoking and thunder billowing from the heavens, God begins to speak. B'nai Yisroel is absolutely petrified and fearing death, they beg Moshe to go up the mountain as their Shaliach (appointed messenger). Moshe ascends the mountain and receives the Aseret HaDibrot (the Ten Commandments), then descends. Upon his descent, he tells B'nai Yisroel the Aseret HaDibrot. The Parsha concludes with B'nai Yisroel readily accepting the Ten Commandments, Moshe re-assures the people not to fear the thunder and the flames, God attests to the fact that B'nai Yisroel has accepted these commandments and then commands Moshe to build an altar of earth.

        The Ten Commandments are bound by several themes. The first five commandments are God-oriented. The second five commandments are people-oriented. The Aseret HaDibrot is punishable by death. Through our modern perspective, we may not agree but we can understand the concept of capital punishment in terms of murder, testifying falsely, (in which false testimony leads to death), or even kidnapping. However, how do we explain capital punishment as a punishment for not honoring your parents, keeping the Shabbat, or committing Avodah Zarah (Idolatry)? Certainly violating Shabbat or violating the first five commandments that are all God-  does not necessarily hurt someone else. Even not honoring one's parents might not warrant capital punishment in today's day and age. So how do we understand that each commandment is punishable by death? We know that if we do not take care of our bodies, there is a chance our bodies will be hurt. If we don't eat right, get enough sleep, and exercise then our resistance is low and there is a chance we will get sick. If we don't fasten our seatbelts then there is a chance that we won't be able to walk away from an accident. If we drink too much and too often or if we smoke, we know that we are doing damage to our bodies. There are things that we do to help our spiritual existence as well. Failure to take care of our souls is also detrimental to our existence. Failure to take care of our soul leads to emptiness, purposelessness, and a misguided existence. The first five commandments are about the welfare of our souls.  The first five commandments give our existence a higher more spiritual purpose. The first five commandments fill our lives with meaning even when overwhelmed with the onslaught of the humdrum of everyday life. The first five commandments give us a sense of where we fit in the universe. The first five commandments are for each individual's soul and the soul's relationship to God.

        The Aseret HaDibrot is much more than the Ten Commandments. The Aseret HaDibrot provides a blueprint for a life that is part of a community  (the second five commandments) and accounts for our own sense of self-worth and purpose (the first five commandments). The Aseret HaDibrot teaches us and commands us to transcend time and space by adding meaning and holiness to our lives. The Aseret HaDibrot teaches us that our spiritual well-being is just as important as our physical well-being. When our soul is complete, filled with a sense of purpose, filled with love, and filled with the acknowledgment that there is God, we are able to transcend the physical. As Dr. Fisher explains, addiction is just another type of human struggle that occurs on a daily basis. That struggle is as much a struggle of the soul as it is a struggle of the body. The Aseret Dibrot, gives our soul a higher purpose, choosing to connect to the holy and the sacred rather than the mundane, the ordinary, or the destructive.

Peace,
Rav Yitz.

I Would Slave To Learn The Way To Sink Your Ship Of Fools (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - Ship Of Fools")

As a father of four, I spend a lot of time worrying. I worry about our four kids. I worry about my wife. I worry when they are very busy with work and school. I worry when they feel stress. I worry when I sense that they are not taking care of themselves. For our eldest daughter who works on a presidential campaign, this is one the busiest times of the presidential campaign cycle. She loves this time of year and she thrives during this time of year. Admittedly, as her dad,  I worry about her. I worry that she will forget to take care of herself. During a recent conversation, she reassured me that she was looking after herself and that she even decided to suspend her Facebook account, cut back on her use of social media and diminish the number of people she follows on Twitter, mostly comedians. She explained that the world of Social Media had grown incredibly toxic and she believed that by cutting back; she could reduce her stress and anxiety.  I decided to look into this relationship between social media and anxiety, depression and mental health. My daughter was onto something.  A recent study published in the Journal of Depression last year demonstrated a link between the high usage of social media sites such as Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, to name a few,  and depression.  Of the participants in the study who checked their social media accounts 30 times per week an hour per day; 25% faced a higher risk (2.7 times more risk) for depression. There is greater exposure to cyberbullying, and all the toxicity and hate that is in social media. Also, because people only post the best thing and the most “perfect” moments, others suffer from FOMO (Fear of Missing Out). Such people are left feeling that they have nothing worthwhile to post, their lives are not as great as those whom they follow.  A recent study at York University found that young women who were asked to interact with a post of someone whom they perceived as more attractive felt worse about themselves afterward. The 120 undergraduate women were either asked to find on Facebook and Instagram a peer who they felt was more attractive, or a family member who they did not feel was more attractive, and leave a comment. They reported that they felt worse about their own appearances only in the first condition, with peers, but not family. It would appear based upon scientific studies and our daughter’s social media experiences, too much Social Media can enslave.

            This week, we begin the Book of Shmot, the Book of Exodus. The first few verses essentially recount the ending of the Book of Genesis. Shmot re-iterates the fact that Yaakov and his sons came to Egypt, Yaakov dies, and the next generation, Yaakov’s sons (including Yosef) pass away. A new king assumes the mantle of power and does not know of Yosef’s great deeds. Instead, the new Pharaoh believed that this foreign population was tantamount to a fifth column. Therefore this tribe must be enslaved in order to prevent their uniting with Egypt’s external enemies. Vayavidu Mitzrayim et B’nai Yisroel B’Farech – The Egyptians enslaved B’nai Yisroel with crushing harshness. Vai’Mareru et Chayeihem Ba’Avodah Kasha B'Chomer Uvilveinim Uvechol Avodah Ba’Sadeh Eit Kol Avodatam Asher Avdu Bahem B’Farech – They embittered their lives with hard work, with mortar, and with bricks, and with every labor of the field, all their labors that they performed with them were with crushing harshness (Ex. 1:13-14). These two verses strike me as problematic. Why does the first verse tell us that enslavement was with “crushing harshness” when the second verse goes into great detail as to what constitutes crushing hardness and then concludes with “the labor that they performed with them with crushing harshness? Either the verse seems redundant, or superfluous. Perhaps the best solution would be to eliminate the word b’Farech in the first verse and keep it in the second verse. So it would read: the Egyptians enslaved B’nai Yisroel. They embittered their lives….  How do we understand the use of the extra B’Farech?

            The second use of B’Farech is defined for us by the verse. Hard work, embittering lives, every labor of the field constitutes crushing harshness. The issue is the use of B’Farech in the previous verse. Perhaps the crushing harshness is not to be taken literally. In Hebrew B’Farech means “in a crushing manner” the slavery ground them into the ground. Farech can be divided into two words Peh and Rech. Peh means mouth and Rech means soft. Figuratively “soft speech” means persuasively or persuading via the “soft sell” as opposed to threats. With this in mind, we can understand that there were to steps to slavery. First, convince B’nai Yisroel that they were part of Egypt. Explain to B’nai Yisroel how much they are needed by Egypt. Incorporate them into the Egyptian workforce. Make it easy to be Egyptian. Encourage assimilation. Once B’nai Yisroel willingly gave up their “separateness”, once they gave up their identity, one piece at a time, they relinquished their freedom one piece at a time. The first verse could, therefore, be understood as Egyptians crushing slavery as the dominant culture and society overwhelming or crushing the minority culture. Once assimilation occurred, once B’nai Yisroel had assumed the bondage of the popular culture; putting them into chains and crushing them with backbreaking work became inevitable.

            To a degree, Social Media has enslaved us.  We are exposed to all the unfiltered thoughts and bilge that a person desires to share. We are exposed to everyone’s attempt to cast themselves in the best possible light, we think that we are the only ones with problems and imperfections. The second we receive a notification, we have programmed ourselves to look and see about what are we being notified, and if we don’t check our notification right away: we will miss out and then feel left out (FOMO). Ironic isn’t it? The one notification for which we ought to be attentive, answer or follow is God, and that is the one relationship that requires no technology, no plugging in, no screen and no cell tower. When I checked in our daughter and asked her how her diminished social media use was going; she explained that besides less stress, she has more time, more focus, less aggravation and a greater sense of calm. Now, I need to convince my three other kids and my wife to liberate themselves from too much social media.

Peace.

Rav Yitz

I Go Walking In The Valley Of The Shadow Of Death (Sarah Doudney & Ira David Sankey - "And We Bid You Goodnight")

The fact that three people died this week is not such a statistical anomaly. Sadly, people die each and every week. The fact that there were three suicides this week is also not such a statistical anomaly. However, what makes these three deaths, these three suicides, so troubling are the circumstances of the three people who committed suicide. In Parkland Florida, two of the teenagers who survived last year’s Parkland High School shooting suffered from PTSD. Tragically, they couldn’t live with the guilt of having survived; and they took their own lives. Imagine being the parents, siblings, grandparents or friends of those two teenagers? The third suicide occurred in Connecticut. Jeremy Richman was 49 years old, a husband and a father of three children. One of his daughters, Avielle, was murdered in the Sandy Hook School shooting in 2012. Upon his daughter’s death, Mr. Richman, a research scientist by training, created a foundation to promote research into the brain pathologies and mental health issues that lead to violence. Tragically, families and communities that dealt with the horror of a mass shooting in Parkland Florida, or Sandyhook, Connecticut or anyplace where such a tragedy occurs,  need to grapple with the fact that there are always more victims. Not only must families and communities struggle with the immediate loss of life, we know that those who survive rarely do so unscathed. Sadly and tragically, it seems that they are vulnerable and at risk to become victims and statistics. How those families, and their respective communities dealt the initial tragedy and how they deal with these current deaths may go a long way in preventing future deaths due to suffering from survivor’s guilt and PTSD.

This Shabbat is known as Shabbat Para because of the special Maftir Aliyah. Following the weekly Torah Portion,  the Maftir Aliya discusses the offering of the Para Adumah (the Red Heifer). The weekly Parshat, is Shemini.  Parsha Shemini consists of three complete chapters, focusing upon the three parties necessary for the Brit (the covenant) of B’nai Yisroel: God, the Kohen, and B’nai Yisroel. While certainly, God is the embodiment of Purity, the second and third chapters of the Parsha explain how the Kohen and B’nai Yisroel are able to achieve a higher level of purity. All three parties: God, the Kohen and B’nai Yisroel, must remain spiritually pure otherwise the relationship cannot work. As long as any one is spiritually impure, then that impurity creates a buffer between God, the Kohen and B’nai Yisroel.

In the second chapter of the Parsha, there is a very brief narrative about Aharon’s two sons Nadav and Avihu. After Aharon completed his own purification process, thereby making him pure enough to begin making offering on the behalf of B’nai Yisroel, Nadav and Avihu brought an unsolicited offering to God. They were never commanded to bring an offering. The result of Nadav and Avihu’s inappropriate approach to G-d caused a tragedy. VaTeitzei Aish Milifnei Adoshem VaToChal Otam Va’Yamutu Lifnei HaShem – A Fire came forth from before Hashem and consumed them, and they died before Hashem (Lev. 10:2).  His two sons were tragically killed by the “strange fire” that they offered to God.  Aharon's sons, like Aharon were public figures. In a sense their deaths were public and Aharon's mourning might also have been public.  In an attempt to protect his older brother, in a desire to shield him from shame and embarrassment, Moshe tells Aharon of the sad news as follows: Bikrovai Ekadeish V’Al Pnei Chol Ha’Am  Ekaveid – Moshe said to Aharon; Of this did Hashem speak, saying: I will be sanctified through those who are nearest Me, thus I will be honored before the entire people (Lev. 10:3). Even though Aharon was clearly a public figure, he did not make their deaths any more public than they already were. We all would have forgiven Aharon if he wept, if he questioned his faith,  or if he decided to take a few days off to grieve for his sons.  Yet, Aharon remained a paragon of faith and dignity. Vayidom Aharon – And Aharon was silent (Lev 10:3). While his son’s deaths were tragic, and certainly the news became public, Aharon’s response, and his behavior reaffirmed his faith. Aharon did not question, he did not fight, he did not complain or rail at the heavens asking “why me?” Instead, in Aharon’s silence, and his own private response to his son’s death, Aharon was able to grant Nadav and Avihu dignity and grace in their deaths.

When we feel most helpless in our confrontation with death and tragedy, perhaps we can learn from Aharon. For some people touched by tragedy and death, there will be a struggle with their faith. Hopefully, those that struggle will not only maintain their faith, but their faith will actually strengthen. There is a dignity in that struggle for the survivor as well as for the memory of the deceased. We know that there will be a possibility of overwhelmingly dark thoughts seeping into our soul. But those thoughts need to be acknowledged  and dealt with. As parents, our inclination is to protect our children from death. Over the years, I have learned that the best way to protect our children from death and tragedy is to create an environment where it is safe to talk about it and safe to grieve in each person’s own way. May the souls of those three individuals finally be at peace, and may all the families that have been touched by any tragedy, be aware of these new vulnerabilities as they struggle to deal with death and tragedy.

Peace,

Rav Yitz