Listening For The Secret, Searching For The Sound (Bobby Peterson & Phil Lesh- "Unbroken Chain")

Every once in a while, quite infrequently actually, a child will validate my parenting methods. No, there won’t be much fanfare, nor will it be a public statement, nor does one child tell one of my other children about the event that caused such validation. Instead the validation comes during a one on one moment, just my child and me, alone, perhaps having a bite of lunch together, or doing homework together. Then during these very quiet moments the child, in a completely earnest manner, will validate me as a parents and even go so far as to say that she was glad that she listened to me. Such was the case with our eldest daughter when she was in high school (she is now 23) and such was the recent case of our 14 year old daughter who just started her freshman year of High School (in Toronto speak this is known as “Grade 9”).  For the past couple of weeks, our daughter had a cough and cold like symptoms.  She hadn’t really been sleeping very well because of the cough. The doctor said she wasn’t sick, “but she is not exactly healthy either”. Earlier in the week, her 9^th grade class had a retreat where they participated in all kinds of trust and class bonding experiences, such as hiking, canoeing etc… I decided, and my wife completely agreed that our daughter should stay home and spend the two days, sleeping and finally getting rid of this cough. Our daughter moped around, complained and whined about how mean we were for prohibiting her from going. On the evening of the first day, her mom suggested that our daughter could go on the second day of activities since a teacher from the school would be going to the camp site. When I asked why, her mom said that she felt badly for our daughter and clearly our daughter felt sad that she wasn’t able to attend and that she was mad at us. “So what that she is mad”, I said. “I don’t expect anything else, and besides if she is mad, we must be right.” Needless to say, our daughter stayed home on the second day of the trip as well.  Two days later, I take our daughter to an orthodontist appointment. After the appointment, I take her out for lunch and then bring her back to school. There in the restaurant, as she is putting a spoonful of soup into her mouth, our daughter very quietly makes a statement. “You were right about not letting me go on the 9^th grade trip. I really needed these two days to sleep and get better.  I am glad that you made me listen to you. Thank You”. I nearly choked on my lunch. Without gloating, and in a straight face I told her what I told her eldest sister. “If you listen to what I tell you, if you follow my directions and advice, your problems will be small and your life will easy.” I smiled and didn’t say another word. Inside, I was screaming “Hallelujah! Finally another child who will surely listen because they understand.”

This week we read from Parsha Ki Tavo. The Parsha begins with Moshe explaining the laws that are specific to B'nai Yisroel’s entry into the Land.  He reminds them of the laws of first fruits, and tithing.  Moshe reminds them that there is a powerful link between God, B'nai Yisroel and the Land. Each needs the other.  Moshe then describes the ritual specific to this generation that will symbolize their acceptance of the Torah and the covenant.  As they cross the Jordan River, they would inscribe two stones with Kol Divrei HaTorah HaZot BaEir Heiteiv – You shall inscribe on the stones all the words of this Torah well clarified.” Then the stones would be covered with plaster in order to protect the inscriptions. Moshe then reminds B'nai Yisroel that they are now an Am Yisroel– a Nation and no longer B’nai Yisroel – Children of Yisroel.  With that change of status comes responsibility, and Moshe lists the blessings and the curses that will result depending upon Am Yisroel’s behavior.  Moshe concludes his passionate plea to fulfill the covenant by giving Am Yisroel a brief history lesson. He reminds them that they left Egypt and saw all the signs and wonders (they didn’t, rather their parents and grandparents experience the Exodus and witnessed the plagues). Moshe reminds them that he let them for Forty years, and they didn’t eat bread nor drink wine, rather they experienced the miracle of the Manna. He reminds them of battles they fought and won and finally he reminded them they were ready to begin their new lives in the land.

Moshe also reminds them that if they listen, they will be blessed. If they fail to listen and fail to live up the covenant, then they will be cursed and sent into exile. V’Haya Im Shamoah Tishmah B’Kol Adoshem Elokecha - It shall be that if you hearken (surely listen/obey) the voice of Hashem, your God, - Lishmor et Kol Mitzvotav Asher Anochi Mtzavcha Hayom - to observe, to perform all His commandments that I command you this day, Untancha Adoshem Elokecha Elyon Al Kol Goyei Ha’Aretz - then Hashem, your God, will make you supreme over all the nations of the earth. (Deut. 28:1)  Rashi explains that the force of this emphatic doubling of the verb ShaMA-listen. “If you take it upon yourselves, it will become easy for you, since it is only the beginning that is hard.” Rashi, and the Talmud before him, is offering a psychological truth about observance and about anything new for that matter. At first the action may prove daunting and perhaps even overwhelming. However as the action is repeated, it becomes easier and easier and almost second nature. Rambam (Maimonides) commented that “the more man is drawn after the paths of wisdom and justice, the more he longs for them and desires them (Code, Teshuva 6:4) However it is not enough to listen, but rather one must listen emphatically, that is, internalize what has been listened to and then used.

                Whether it is observing Mitzvot or just listening to dear old dad, our daughter learned this most valuable lesson. She can whine, and mope, but if she just listens to me, her life will actually be OK. Of course, like B’nai Yisroel, it is all predicated on listening, observing and then consciously acknowledging that it actually works.  Hopefully she learned her lesson this time and I won’t have to spend the rest of her teenage years watching her re-learn this lesson. Well, good luck with that!

Peace,

Rav Yitz

Listening For The Secret, Searching For The Sound (Bobby Peterson & Phil Lesh -"Unbroken Chain")

It was Father’s Day this past Sunday.  No I didn’t get to play golf, nor did I even get to watch the U.S. Open (albeit a rather uncompetitive U.S. Open). I helped kids pack for camp. Then I went with my wife and kids to the mall in order to finish up camp shopping. In fact it wasn’t much of a Father’s day at all.  However there was a brief moment when my children appeared to feel somewhat disappointed on my behalf because we didn’t do anything “special for dad”.  During this brief moment between running errands, they asked me what I wanted for Father’s Day. I told them that the best gift would be for them to listen when I asked them to do something.  Normally they will ignore me or tell me that they are doing it but invariably forget to do it. But to ask my children to pick up their shoes so that no one trips over them, put something away so that it doesn’t get ruined, or to turn off the TV and study in order to do well on the math test, or to ignore the kids who teases rather than picking a fight; to have them listen would be amazing. To have my children listen and realize that if only they listened they wouldn’t trip over the shoes, they wouldn’t get into the fight, they would do well on their test. Oh if they would heed my words, their lives would be easier, things would turn out for the best. When I asked them why they don’t just listen to me, knowing that unfortunate things happened when they don’t listen, our son innocently looked at me and said that a sign reminding them of their father’s common sense and prophetic nature would be helpful.  Are you kidding?

This week we read from Parsha Korach. This week's Parsha is Korach. Korach was a relative of Moshe's. They both came from the tribe of Levi. Korach questioned Moshe's authority. He did not do this during a private meeting between individuals. Rather, Korach gathered 250 supporters, and then publicly challenged Moshe. Moshe tried to keep peace within the community, but to no avail. A divine test is administered, and Korach and his supporters fail. The earth swallows them up. However God is angry and a plague falls upon the people. They are communally punished for Korach's actions, their passive support, and their failure to bond together against Korach. Yet the people are still not convinced that Moshe and Aharon should remain in charge, only that Korach was unworthy. So a second divine test is administered this time with 12 rods stuck in the ground and almond branches resulting in Aaron’s staff, thus symbolizing that God has chosen Aharon to be the Kohen Gadol.  The Parsha concludes with God speaking to Aharon, and re-iterating his obligations in terms of the Mishkan, the Altar, and the Tent of the Meeting.

Moshe Rabeinu must have felt as if he was at wits end in dealing with B’nai Yisroel if he needed “divine intervention”.  There he was surrounded by Korach, Datan and Aviram and many unhappy people. All reason had failed, negotiations had broken down. Moshe had lost people. They ceased to listen.  So Moshe tells them:  V’Im Briah Yivrah Adoshem U”Fatztah Ha’Adamah et Piha U’VaLA Otam v’Et Kol Asher Lahem V’ayardu Chayim Sheola ViDatem Ki Ni’Atzu HaAnashim Ha’Eilah et Adoshem – But if Hashem will create a phenomenon, and the ground will open its mouth and swallow them and all that is theirs, and they will descent alive to the pit – then you shall know that these men have provoked Hashem” (Num. 16:30). The last time Moshe needed Divine Intervention was back in Egypt when dealing with Pharaoh. However, even that was part of God’s plan of hardening Pharaoh’s heart. These people had seen sign after sign after sign of God’s power, God’s kindness, and God’s desire to be engaged in a covenantal relationship. They had experiences the ten plagues, they revelation at Sinai, Miriam’s well, the Divine Cloud, the Pillar of Fire, and the Manna. Yet Moshe still needs to invoke the “awesome” with a Divine Test. Ramban explains that Moshe’s request was to prove the integrity of his words and that God had chosen him. The request was not to convince B’nai Yisroel to believe in God, rather it was to prove that they should believe in Moshe, trust Moshe, and listen to Moshe. Rather than B’nai Yisroel learning to listen to Moshe by falling down, getting hurt or failing, Moshe hoped that a divine sign would suffice.

Sadly, B’nai Yisroel were precisely that, Children. Listening, trusting and believing in Moshe Rabeinu, a fatherly figure was a struggle for these Children. For Moshe, he had to constantly earn B’nai Yisroel’s trust, and belief. Eventually, B’nai Yisroel, the second generation born in the wilderness will learn that good things happen when they listen to Moshe and bad things happen when they fail to heed Moshe. Until then, Moshe can either say “I told you so” when bad things happen to his people, or he can continually defend the people against God’s wrath and try to remain patient.  No I don’t get to invoke a divine test or sign. Hopefully, our children will grow up and pass the tests and see the signs that exist every day, the signs of common sense, the wisdom of experience and the faith in those who are trying to pass it down in a non-threatening, loving manner.

Peace,

Rav Yitz