You May Be The Fate Of Ophelia, Sleeping And Perchance To Dream (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Althea")

I have always enjoyed it when Chanukah and Christmas overlap. On a very basic level, everyone is in the supermarket or the mall for the same reasons. They are buying food for the Holiday parties and feasts. So I happened to be at the supermarket this week and I bumped into a friend who, like us, has a daughter preparing to study in Israel next year. We discussed where our daughters applied, their first choice and what we hope they learn while learning for the year in Israel. The friend explained why he wanted his daughter to study at a particular seminary.  One of their considerations for applying to a Seminary was the institution’s ability to protect and shield their daughter from all the shmutz of modern society, all the hedonistic behavior, the drugs, and all the difficult things that teenagers have to deal with. The father continued and explained that he quietly hoped that she would spend not one but two years learning, meet a boy, return from her two years as very religious and very observant and gets married. I smiled and I pointed that it seemed like my friend was hoping that a year or two at Seminary would allow her to retreat from and provide a sanctuary and protection for his daughter from all the negative aspects of secularism, of hedonistic western culture. After he finished, I was prepared to depart and continue with my shopping. Unfortunately, he made the mistake of asking me my opinion.  So I offered my opinion. I explained that I had great difficulty in ascribing such power to an institution to protect my children from modern secular culture.  I explained that I was far more concerned that the institutions, like our home, offer our daughter the tools to deal with, and not deny the negative aspects of secularism in our everyday culture. The question, I said to my friend, is how assimilated will our children become, how assimilated with they be in their home, in their daily behavior, in attitude, and in the acknowledgment of the world around them. We wished each other good luck and continued with my Chanukah food shopping.

This Shabbat we read from Parsha Mikeitz. Mikeitz always coincides with Chanukah.  The Parsha begins two years from when VaYeishev concluded. Pharaoh has a dream. He is unsatisfied with all attempts to interpret it. Pharaoh's wine chamberlain remembers that Yosef accurately interpreted his dream while in prison. Yosef is released from prison and brought before Pharaoh. He interprets that soon will begin seven years of abundance followed by seven years of severe famine. Pharaoh appoints him as viceroy to oversee the project. Egypt becomes the granary of the world. Yaakov sends his sons to Egypt to buy food. The brothers come before Yosef and bow to him. Yosef recognizes them but they do not recognize him. Without disclosing his identity, Yosef sells the brothers' food but keeps Shimon hostage until they bring their brother Binyamin to him as proof that they are who they say they are. Yaakov refuses to let Binyamin go to Egypt, but when the famine grows unbearable, he accedes. Yehuda guarantees Binyamin's safety, and the brothers go to Egypt. Yosef welcomes the brothers lavishly as honored guests. When he sees Binyamin he rushes from the room and weeps. Yosef instructs his servants to replace the money in the sacks and to put his goblet inside Binyamin's sack. When the goblet is discovered, Yosef demands Binyamin become his slave as punishment. Yehuda interposes and offers himself instead, but Yosef refuses.

For the first time, beginning in last week’s Torah portion, VaYeishev and again in Mikeitz, we read about an individual encounter a dominant culture while still retaining his sense of code and morality. Avraham left the dominant culture and encountered it periodically but did so accompanied by his wife. Yitzchak encountered a different culture but had never left home in a spiritual nor a physical sense (he always remained in the land). Even Yaakov never had to confront a dominant culture. Yes, his uncle Lavan was an idol worshipper, but it was family and besides Uncle Lavan’s was a tribal culture. When Yaakov encountered Shechem, he did so accompanied by his sons. However, Yosef was in his late teens, early twenties when arrived in Egypt. He worked for Potifar. He had to stave off the sexual harassment of Potifar’s wife and accept the injustice of prison. At the beginning of Mikeitz, we find Yosef in prison, still referred to as Naar Ivri- Hebrew Youth even though he is 30 (Gen. 41:46).  Even after interpreting Pharaohs’ dreams, becoming a Viceroy, wearing Egyptian clothes, looking Egyptian, being clean-shaven like an Egyptian, speaking Egyptian, marrying an Egyptian woman (Asnat) and receiving an Egyptian name (Zaphenat Paneah), and essentially living an Egyptian lifestyle; Yosef somehow manages to maintain his tribal loyalty, his Jewishness, his sense of morality and code. When Pharaoh tells Yosef about his dream and is asked to interpret it; VaYa’An Yosef et Paroh Leimor, Biladai Elohim Ya’Eneh et Shlom Paroh – Joseph answered Pharaoh saying, That is beyond me; it is God who will respond with Pharaoh’s welfare.   The Or HaChaim comments that Biladai is not only a humble expression “that is beyond me”. Biladai means “this does not depend on me”. This is not only an indication of Yosef giving credit for his “Dream Telling Gift” to God. Yosef subtly indicates that his code and his theology will not waver within this overbearing and all-encompassing culture. Yosef adds the words Shlom Paroh- literally, the peace of Pharaoh. Yosef is merely a vessel, and he isn’t so much interpreting a dream, instead, he is providing a prophecy. As a result, Yosef must speak truth to power and cannot bend or interpret the meaning to satisfy some other agenda or plan except God’s plan.

Yosef, at the relatively young age of 30 has accepted the fact that his path, although his choosing, is part of God’s plan. Yes, some people are lucky to sense that a plan has been revealed to them. Yosef’s spiritual strength, his unwavering sense of belonging to a covenantal relationship means that no matter the name, no matter the clothes, no matter the culture, he is acutely aware that certain constants will keep him grounded in his relationship with God.  As parents, we don’t really know the paths any of our children are supposed to take. We can hope, and we can offer them guidance as they make their way along the path most suited to them, a path that fits their values and for which they are passionate. Eventually, they will need to make those decisions for themselves. While we light the Chanukah candles, we are reminded of Judaism’s survival within a powerful Hellenistic culture, we are reminded of Yosef surviving within a powerful Egyptian culture. We only hope that we have provided them enough tools, enough education and enough grounding in values that we deem important so that their decisions are an expression of a moral code and covenant to which they belong.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

Gonna Leave This Brokedown Palace; On My Hands And My Knees, I Will Roll, Roll, Roll (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Brokedown Palace")

Now that December Holiday season is upon us, one cannot turn on the television without a Christmas special on this channel or a Christmas movie on that channel. Perhaps the most beloved holiday movie in our home is Frank Capra’s “It’s A Wonderful Life”. In fact, the first time the movie was on this year occurred last Saturday night during the U.S. Thanksgiving holiday. With all of our children, we sat together as a family and watched. We have watched this movie dozens and dozens of times as a family. While we watched, our 17-year-old daughter furiously worked on her university applications as well as her Israel seminary applications. The Seminary applications and one university application were due the following day.   During the scene Jimmy Stewart’s character George Bailey sits at the dining room table with his mother, his father, his younger brother, they discuss George’s future plans. There we were, our seventeen-year-old sitting with her father, mother and siblings worry about her future. Our daughter, who just wanted to be finished with the process, declared that perhaps she would just remain at home. As she makes this statement, Jimmy Steward said: “I just feel like if I don't get away, I'd bust.” We all laughed at the contradicting attitudes: one stated by our daughter and one stated by Jimmy Stewart as a 21-year-old son.  When we finished laughing, I suggested that our two children who no longer lived at home ought to provide an answer.  

This Shabbat we read from Parsha VaYeitze. The focus of the narrative is upon Yaakov. For the first time, Yaakov will find out what it means to be alone in the world.  He has left his mother, Rivkah, and his father Yitzchak, for the first time. In fleeing his brother Esav, Yaakov now embarks on a new phase of his life. For the first time, but certainly not the last time, he will have to face being alone. He will learn to be an independent individual. Yes, Yaakov will meet his future wives, his cousins Leah and Rachel. He will work for his father in- law, Lavan, and he will have children. The narrative will focus upon Yaakov’s life from young adulthood to becoming a responsible father, earning a living and all the trials, tribulation, and tensions of career and family. As Yaakov makes his way in life, hopefully, he will learn more about himself. With each event, with each adventure, Yaakov has an opportunity to become better connected, better connected to himself, and better connected to a covenant that his father bequeathed to him. Yet throughout the narrative he will learn to be alone, he will learn to become independent, he will learn, through trial and error, to whom he should spiritually cling: Esav, his parents, Lavan, his wives, and God.

At the conclusion of the previous Parsha, Parsha Toldot, we read that Yitzchak and Rivkah instructed Yaakov to go to Padan- Aram, to the house of Bethuel (Rivkah’s father’s home) and take a wife from there. We would expect Parsha VaYeitze to begin with Yaakov heading to Padan- Aram. Instead, VaYeitze begins: VaYeitze Yaakov M’Beer Sheva VaYeilech Charana – Yaakov departed from Beer Sheva and went toward Charan. Why doesn’t VaYeitze, say that Yaakov departed and went to Padan Aram? Why do we need to be told that he went to Charan what’s in Charan? Keeping in mind that Yaakov has never been away from home and although he is heading toward his mother’s family; even Rivkah knew enough to leave her family of origin. Now Yaakov, in order to preserve his life, must leave his family of origin. In Toldot, Yaakov was described as Ish Tam  Yoshev Ohalim – a simple man of faith who dwells in tents (Gen. 19;27) The Talmudic Sages explain that Yaakov’s dwelling in the tents meant that he spent time in his parent’s tents studying and learning. However, no learning would prepare him for what he would contend with when dealing with Rivka’s family and particularly her brother Lavan.  Rabbi Kamenetsky, (1891-1986), explained that prior to arriving in Paddan Aram, Yaakov stopped in Charan to learn from Shem and Eber. Shem was Noah’s son, and Eber from the generation of the Tower of Bavel. Both were considered righteous and wise men who lived in unsavory environments and managed to retain their sense of righteousness. Yaakov sought their practical wisdom prior to his encounter with Lavan and dealing with becoming independent in an unsavory environment.  He will also need the wisdom of Shem and Eber to help him eventually return home. As a result of Yaakov’s diversion, Yaakov understands that he must maintain a relationship with God, and he understands that he will need to find his way home when the time is right.

As we watched the movie, George Bailey’s desire to leave home was symbolized by his request and his “wish to never been born”. Indeed, when George cries out “I want to live again” he is asking to return home. For Yaakov, he needed to leave his physical home, but clearly, he took with him the values and the learning that he acquired from his family. He took God with him as well as the sense of the land. He took with him a desire to return home. Yaakov and George Bailey derive an aspect of their independence from not only leaving home but leaving home with a code as well has having the courage and humility to return home. Our daughter’s older sisters both explained that leaving home is a vital ingredient in becoming and independent and confident person. Older sisters pointed out that part of becoming independent is knowing what to bring and what to leave, what wisdom is helpful and which superstitions are foolish As our 17-year-old watched the remainder of the movie and listened to her older sisters’ wisdom, hopefully, she will leave with same excitement and enthusiasm as they left with. Admittedly, and selfishly, I also hope that she will return often, having become an independent,  thoughtful, and decent woman like her sisters.

Peace

Rav Yitz.