Mama, Mama, Many Worlds I've Come Since I First Left Home (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Brokedown Palace")

           The United States observance and celebration of it Thanksgiving signal the beginning of the holiday season. If Christmas decorations have not yet appeared in storefronts, they do so now. Individual homes and town centers begin cleaning up and decorating acknowledging Christmas and Chanukkah. We all begin shopping for gifts for family and friends. Of course, all the Christmas specials are re-broadcast on television. Our family’s favorite Holiday season movie is Frank Capra’s 1946 film It’s A Wonderful Life.  I have watched the movie since I was a kid. With each passing year, with each phase of my life, I have seen Jimmy Stewart’s character, George Bailey, in a different light. As he went through different phases of growing up, getting married, and raising a family, I have done the same. As he struggled with his existential angst, so have I. This year, for the first time in 32 years, I have no children in my house. Instead, they are living their lives, on their own, following their path. As a result, I experienced the movie just a bit differently than before.   During one particular scene Jimmy Stewart’s character George Bailey sits at the dining room table with his mother, his father, and his younger brother, they discuss George’s future plans. He expresses his need to leave and go out on his own: “I just feel like if I don't get away, I'd bust.” I smiled to myself because, in my mind, it seemed like yesterday that I felt that way in terms of my parents. Now I am at a point in my life where my kids have all adopted a similar mantra. For the first time, I identified with George Bailey’s father, the parent offering guidance to the child who prepares to go off on his own. 

          This Shabbat we read from Parsha VaYeitze. The focus of the narrative is on Yaakov. For the first time, Yaakov will find out what it means to be alone in the world.  He has left his mother, Rivkah, and his father Yitzchak, for the first time. In fleeing his brother Esav, Yaakov now embarks on a new phase of his life. For the first time, but certainly not the last time, he will have to face being alone. He will learn to be an independent individual. Yes, Yaakov will meet his future wives, his cousins Leah and Rachel. He will work for his father-in-law, Lavan, and he will have children. The narrative will focus on Yaakov’s life from young adulthood to becoming a responsible father, earning a living, and all the trials, tribulations, and tensions of career and family. As Yaakov makes his way in life, hopefully, he will learn more about himself. With each event, with each adventure, Yaakov has an opportunity to become better connected, better connected to himself, and better connected to a covenant that his father bequeathed to him. Yet throughout the narrative he will learn to be alone, he will learn to become independent, and he will learn, through trial and error, to whom he should spiritually cling: Esav, his parents, Lavan, his wives, and God.

           At the conclusion of the previous Parsha, Parsha Toldot, we read that Yitzchak and Rivkah instructed Yaakov to go to Padan- Aram, to the house of Bethuel (Rivkah’s father’s home) and take a wife from there. We would expect Parsha VaYeitze to begin with Yaakov heading to Padan- Aram. Instead, VaYeitze begins: VaYeitze Yaakov M’Beer Sheva VaYeilech Charana – Yaakov departed from Beer Sheva and went toward Charan. Why doesn’t VaYeitze, say that Yaakov departed and went to Padan Aram? Why do we need to be told that he went to Charan? What’s in Charan? Yaakov has never been away from home. Although he is heading toward his mother’s family; even Rivkah knew enough to leave her family of origin. Now Yaakov, in order to preserve his life, must leave his family of origin. In Toldot, Yaakov was described as Ish Tam  Yoshev Ohalim – a simple man of faith who dwells in tents (Gen. 19;27) The Talmudic Sages explain that Yaakov’s dwelling in the tents meant that he spent time in his parent’s tents studying and learning. However, no learning would prepare him for what he would contend with when dealing with Rivka’s family and particularly her brother Lavan.  Rabbi Kamenetsky, (1891-1986), explained that prior to arriving in Paddan Aram, Yaakov stopped in Charan to learn from Shem and Eber. Shem was Noah’s son and Eber from the generation of the Tower of Bavel. Both were considered righteous and wise men who lived in unsavory environments and managed to retain their sense of righteousness. Yaakov sought their practical wisdom prior to his encounter with Lavan and dealing with becoming independent in an unsavory environment.  He will also need the wisdom of Shem and Eber to help him eventually return home. As a result of Yaakov’s diversion, Yaakov understands that he must maintain a relationship with God, and he understands that he will need to find his way home when the time is right.

          In It’s A Wonderful Life, George Bailey’s desire to leave home was symbolized by his request and his “wish to never been born”. Indeed, when George cries out “I want to live again” he is asking to return home. For Yaakov, he needed to leave his physical home, but clearly, he took with him the values and the learning that he acquired from his family. He took God with him as well as the sense of the land. He took with him a desire to return home. Yaakov and George Bailey derive an aspect of their independence from not only leaving home but leaving home with a code as well has to have the courage and humility to return home. Indeed, our children have all left home, however, our children also know that whenever the need arises, the doors of the home are always open, and their parents' arms are also open to hug them when they walk in the door

Peace
Rav Yitz.

All This Favour Ended When My Brother Failed At War - (John Barlow & Bob Weir - "My Brother Esau")

           Being American, Thanksgiving was always a big deal in my family. There were numerous family traditions and foods that were associated with the day. One of the traditions established by my mother occurred during the meal. We would go around the table and offer our reason for being thankful. Usually, the reasons focused on health and family. However this year I am more acutely aware of what or more importantly for whom I am not thankful. I am not thankful for Elon Musk and his decision to reinstate Donald Trump on Twitter. However, I am thankful for all those employees of Twitter who continue to quit and hopefully, the company will be utterly ruined and fall into the dust heap of history. If you go on Twitter, you will find a cesspool of hate ignorance, intolerance a  sewage system of conspiracy theories, and a public square inhabited by loud people who crave attention, speak in hyperbole, and pander in fear and hatred. 

          This week’s Parsha is Toldot. We read of the birth of Esav and Yaakov. Even though they were twins, we learn that these boys couldn’t be any different. Esav is a hunter Ish Sadeh – is a man of the field, an outdoorsman, Yaakov is Ish Tam v’Yashav b’Ohalo – a simple man who resides in his tent. Yaakov is concerned with the Birthright, receiving blessings, and the spiritual world. Esav is concerned with eating, drinking, hunting, and the physical world. We learn that just like his father, Avraham, who experienced a famine in the land, Yitzchak also experienced a famine in the land. Unlike his father, Yitzchak does not go down to Egypt. Yitzchak remains, grows wealthy, and re-opens the wells that had gone dry in his father’s day. The narrative then re-focuses on Yitzchak and his family. Yitzchak, sensing his imminent death, wants to bless Esav. Rivka overhears this and tells Yaakov to pose as Esav in order to receive the blessing. Yaakov listens to his mother and dresses as Esav. Yaakov receives Yitzchak’s blessing. As a result, Esav is fit to be tied and threatens to kill Yaakov.

        When Esav turned 40, he got married. As different as the boys were before this, Esav’s marriages reflect his further spiritual diminishment from his mother and father. Esav’s association with these women brings out the worst in him. Va’Yehi Eisav Ben Arbaim Shanah VaYikach Isha et Y’hudit Bat B’Eiri HaChiti V’et Basmat Bat Eilon Ha’Chiti – When Esav was forty years old, he took as a wife Judith daughter of Beeri the Hittite, and Basemath daughter of Elon the Hittite. Va’Tiheyenah Morat Ruach L’Yitzchak U’l’Rivkah – and they were a source of spiritual bitterness for Yitzchak and Rivka (Gen.26:24). There is a Midrash that tells us that once a species of bird migrated to Eretz Yisrael. The Rabbis were unable to determine whether this new specie was kosher or treif. Rabbi Chiya, the leading scholar of his day, said, “Isolate one on the roof and see what kind of birds associate with it.” Immediately a raven (which is not kosher) joined the new bird. The Rabbis were able to finally determine that the new species of bird was not kosher. The same was true with regard to Esav when he married both women. They brought out the worst in him, whether it was Avodah Zarah – idolatry, or degrading himself to such a point that he did not warrant receiving the blessing. Of even greater concern to Rivkah and Yitzchak was the departure of the Divine Presence. Remember that when Yitzchak’s mother, Sarah, died, the light in her tent, the holy presence diminished. When Yitzchak married Rivka, the holy presence returned to Sarah’s tent. However, when Esav’s wives became part of Yitzchak’s household, this holy light was vanquished.

          Yes, there was a brief moment when Twitter was first created when its potential was evaluated through the prism of the best of human nature. When children are young, we tend to see their future as positive, full of potential, and as a source of joy and pride (nachas) to the parents. At that moment we are completely thankful. However, the children grow up and follow their paths, and perhaps a parent’s optimism, hopes, and dreams gradually diminish and are replaced with the realization that the child has become the worst possible version of him/herself. That is what happened to Esav. That also holds for any new endeavor or product or service. Twitter came into the world and was hailed as a place for the civilized exchange of ideas, and the instant transmission of information. Sadly it did not take long for Twitter to grow up and become the worst possible version of itself, a place that attracts misinformation, conspiracy, hatred, racism, antisemitism, and fear. Maybe all those who left Elon Musk can form a version of Twitter that fulfills the best possible version of itself and become like Yaakov as opposed to Esav.

Peace,
Rav Yitz

Inside You're Burning, I Can See Clear Through; Your Eyes Tell More Than You Mean Them To (John Barlow & Bob Weir - "Feel Like A Stranger")

           On Thursday, the  United States celebrated Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving was always a big deal in my family and hundreds of millions of other families in the U.S. There was always an expectation that our family, wherever we were, would come together for this meal. In an observant Jewish home, a family coming together for a meal happens more than once a year. In fact, it happens once if not twice a week on Shabbat. It happens during the Jewish Holidays. As a kid, our family composed of grandparents, aunt, uncle cousin parents, and sister wasn’t such a big deal. As we grew older and our own lives took us on our own path and our own levels of observance, Thanksgiving was the one Holiday that allowed us to come together, and re-connect. Of course, there are also numerous families that grow distant over the course of a year or even longer, and when they gather for Thanksgiving, the day and the meal are filled with tension and dysfunction. 

          This Shabbat we read from Parsha VaYeishev. The focus of the narrative now shifts from Yaakov (aka. Israel) to his most beloved son Yosef. Contextually, Yaakov is at a point in his life where he has finished his spiritual and personal struggles. He now is at a calm and settled point in his life, hence the name of the Parshah: Vayeishev – and he settled. We learn that Yaakov, like his parents, played favorites. He showered Yosef, Rachel’s son, with a beautiful Kutonet Pasim – Coat of Many Colors.  Despised by his brothers,  they sell Yosef to a passing caravan. Yosef winds up in the home of one of the Pharaoh’s courtiers. As a slave, Yosef proved invaluable to the welfare of the Courtier’s business dealings. Yosef managed everything and the courtier profited greatly. The courtier’s wife however was a bit bored and made a pass at Yosef. Yosef put her off and then was accused of sexual harassment. Yosef was sent to prison. While in prison, Yosef helped the warden manage the prison, and the warden did well. Yosef became known for his ability to interpret dreams.

          The dysfunction within Yaakov’s family is palpable. The Torah tells us that because Jacob demonstrably loved Joseph more and perhaps it was at the expense of Jacob’s other sons, the brothers hated Yosef. VaYiru Echav Ki Oto Ahav Avihem Mikol Echav VaYisnu Oto  V’Lo Yachlu Dabro L’Shalom - His brothers saw that it was he whom their father loved most of all so his brothers hated him, and they could not speak to him peaceably (37:4). The brothers had so much animosity towards Joseph that they couldn’t even be civil to him. Yes, Yosef would tell their father all the bad things that the brothers did (37:2). Certainly, Yosef acted a bit obtuse, lacking self-awareness when he shared the dreams about the sheaves and the constellations. After hearing these dreams the brothers hated Yosef even more, even more than being unable to speak peaceably to him. More than hating Yosef, they were now jealous of Yosef. The next interaction the brothers have with Yosef occurs while tending the flocks. VaYiru Oto M’Rachok U’Vterem Yikra Aleihem Vayitnaklu Oto L’Hamito- They saw him from afar; and when he had not yet approached them, they conspired against him to kill him. (37:18) The Vorker Rebbe (1779-1848) explained that Yosef and the brothers seemed to always keep a distance. The Torah never tells us of any positive interaction between Yosef and his brothers. The brothers never speak to Yosef and Yosef only speaks to them when sharing his dreams of dominion over them. Instead of expressing their pain to their father, and perhaps their anger, they channel it towards Yosef. The distance becomes greater and greater. They never spoke and the brothers’ hatred and jealousy grew by the day. Eventually, they became detached, and Yosef ceased being kin but evolved into “other” instead. “Other” can be dangerous and threatening. So the brothers plotted to kill Yosef.

          It is probably safe to say that Yosef and his brothers did not break bread together. They probably couldn’t remember the last time they shared a meal together where they just talked and laughed. One can imagine a family meal, a Shabbat meal, or a Fesitval meal, fraught with innuendo, harboring the pain of past slights, and finally the meal abruptly concluding with tempers flaring and seething anger. Indeed, the distance that grows among family members is frequently too great to traverse at one meal, even if it is Thanksgiving.

Peace,
Rav Yitz

Tonight I Would Be Thankful Lord For Any Dreams At All (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Mission In The Rain")

          This is a very unique weekend for North America. Both Canada and the United States celebrate share a common long weekend. In Canada, we celebrate Thanksgiving.  Schools are closed, banks, federal and provincial government buildings are closed. Many stores are closed or have adjusted hours. The summer crops have been harvested, the days are getting shorter, the season has changed and fall is definitely in the air. Thanksgiving in Canada offers a genuine sense of nature, agriculture, the delicate balance of water, light, crop strain, technology, and labour to bring forth a plentiful harvest. Growing up in the U.S., this weekend was known as Columbus Day. Like Canada’s Thanksgiving Day, public schools and private schools were closed. It was a Bank holiday as well as a federal and state government holiday. Unlike Canadian Thanksgiving, every store was open and usually, it was an excuse for a weekend sale of merchandise.  However, one could very well imagine that upon making landfall in the Caribbean, before he realized that he did not find what he originally set out to find, he probably gave thanks for his safe arrival.

          This Shabbat we read from Parshat Noach. Comprised of two distinct narratives; both deal with the theology of chaos and confused boundaries. First, we read the story of  Noach, God’s disenchantment with Creation and mankind’s behavior, the instruction to construct the Teva (the Ark), the Flood as punishment for mankind’s unethical behavior, the covenant made between God and Noach, and the resulting offering to God, and then an odd story about Noach’s drunkenness and one’s sons inappropriate behavior. The second distinct narrative is also about chaos and confused boundaries. This time mankind confuses boundaries and trying to build a tower up to the heavens. The result is that God scatters mankind across the earth by making mankind speak numerous languages and making communication difficult.

          Noach was good at following instructions. He built the Ark-Teva according to God’s specifications. He brought in the animals according to God’s instructions. He and his family boarded the Ark when God told him to. After the flood, after the rains stopped, the water receded and the earth dried, Noach, his family, and the animals disembarked from the Ark only when God told Noach to do so. However, God does not show Noach the rainbow, God does not make any covenant to refrain from bringing another flood, God doesn’t even bless Noach until Noach does something for which he was never commanded. VaYiven Noach Mizbeach L’Adoshem VaYikach Mikol HaBHeima Ha’T’Hora U’Mikol Ha’Of HaTaHor VaYa’Al Olot BaMizbeach - Then Noach built an altar to HaShem and took of every clean animal and of every clean bird, and offered burnt offerings on the altar (8:20).  Noach built an altar to AdoShem, however, it was Elokim who told him to leave the Ark. Why does the Torah change aspects of God from Elokim to AdoShem? Why do we need to be told that Noach built an Altar and then “offered burnt offerings on the altar”?  How did Noach know to make burnt offerings using only the ritually “clean” beasts and fowl? Chizkuni, the 13th century Rabbi/biblical commentator explains and derives an important lesson from this one verse.  He [Noach] acted similar to the sailors in the story of Jonah, who after having been saved from a great storm and returned to dry land, immediately offered offerings to G-d for their deliverance. (Jonah 2,16). From Chizkuni's comment, we learn that anyone who has been miraculously saved from dangers beyond his control is expected to offer tangible thanksgiving offerings. One offers thanks to the Merciful aspect of God - Adoshem. The expression of gratitude is incredibly personal and only results when one feels the need to express gratitude. Gratitude, real gratitude is expressed wholeheartedly. Using only the “ritually clean beasts and fowl” indicates Noach’s intuitive understanding that his sense of gratitude is pure of heart. The only previous offerings with any detailed narrative are those offered by Cain and Abel. Cain withheld the best of his flock and Abel offered the best of his harvest. God was pleased with Abel’s and less than pleased with Cain’s.  God’s response after Noach makes his pure-hearted, completely voluntary demonstration of gratitude is a covenant, a rainbow, and the 7 Noahide laws.

          There is still a Canadian Thanksgiving, however, in many parts of the United States, Columbus Day has been replaced by Indigenous People’s Day. Despite changing the name of the Federal holiday, it seems that we can understand the importance of offering thanks both for religious purposes and even secular purposes. Perhaps the real lesson is having enough humility and enough perspective to understand that gratitude needs to be expressed. Only by expressing and demonstrating a sense of gratitude does a community and the individual realize greater meaning and purposefulness.

Peace,
Rav Yitz

Tonight I Would Be Thankful Lord, For Any Dreams At All (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Mission In The Rain")

           One of the most important days of the year growing up in my Western Upstate New York home was Thanksgiving. As a child, and later a college student, my family, grandparents, aunt, uncle, and cousin would always gather at my parents’ home. My mother would make a traditional Thanksgiving Dinner: turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, sweet potatoes, corn muffins, coleslaw.  We would watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving day parade, take a walk or play catch with my father, and if the weather was unusually warm (more than 10 degrees) we would go play nine holes of golf. When we finally sat down to dinner, my mother insisted that we go around the table sharing the one thing that we were most thankful for in the past year. Even while living in Toronto, our children always insist on driving to their grandparents for Thanksgiving. Whether we are there for only the day or for the long weekend, our children are always thankful for sharing that time with their grandparents.  This year will be a very different Thanksgiving. Yes, we will have the same food. However, only two of our children will be with us. My parents will remain in upstate New York. My mother-in-law will remain in California. There will be no Macy’s thanksgiving day parade.  One daughter will be in Israel, and one daughter will be with a college roommate sharing Thanksgiving dinner in New Jersey (she will arrive home on Sunday).  The pandemic has forced us to adjust our Thanksgiving expectations. So in response, we will take some time prior to eating our traditional Thanksgiving feast; we will gather on Zoom, and yes, my mother will insist that we do around sharing the one thing for which we are thankful in 2020, in this year of a pandemic, in this year of so much pain and suffering for so many.

          This week we read from Parsha VaYeitze. This week we read from Parshat VaYeitze. The focus of the narrative is upon Yaakov. Yaakov will grow up before our very eyes. He will leave home. Find a girl, get married. Actually, he will have several wives. He will get a job. He will have children, he will continue to work for his father in law and take on all the trappings of raising a family and living a middle-class life. Eventually, he will grow restless enough and realize that it is time to return home to his parents, and home to his covenantal land. 

          While we learn about Yaakov, we will also learn something about his wives: Rachel and Leah, his children, and many of the family dynamics. Yaakov is ready to become a father. Sadly his beloved Rachel is unable to conceive. However, Leah is able to conceive and gives Yaakov children even if Yaakov does not love her as he loves Rachel. VaYar Hashem Ki Snuah Leah Va’Yiftach et Rachma, V’Rachel  Akara - and Hashem saw that Leah was unloved, so he opened her womb, but Rachel remained barren. (29:31) For the next three Psukim (29:32-34), we read that Leah conceives and gives birth to sons. Leah names each son in succession and offers a reason for their name. She named the first Reuven because Hashem Ra’u- saw that she was unloved compared to Rachel. She names the second Shimon because Hashem Shama - heard that she was unloved. She named the third Levi because after three sons Yaakov will become YiLVeh - attached to her. After three sons, clearly, nothing had changed. She continued to feel unloved compared to her sister, and her husband wasn’t any more attached to her because she had given birth to these three sons. However in the fourth verse, 29:34, she conceives and gives birth to a fourth son. This time something is very different. VaTahar Od Va Teiled Ben VaTomer  Ha’PaAm Odeh et Hashem Al Kein Kra’ah Shmo Yehuda V Ta’amod Miledet - Again she conceived, and bore a son, and declared, ‘This time let me gratefully praise Hashem’ therefore she called his name Yehuda (Judah) then she stopped giving birth (29:35) Yehudah received his name because Leah understood gratitude. There was no ulterior motive, no agenda. Instead, a woman gave birth and was able to appreciate the blessing she just received: a happy healthy baby. Rashi explains that Leah understood that each of the wives was supposed to bear three sons. When Leah conceived and gave birth to a fourth son, she realized that she had received more than her share. Because she received more than her fair share she could appreciate her blessing and feel gratitude. The Talmudic Sages (ChaZaL) explains that this was the first time that anyone had demonstrated any type of gratitude towards God (Brachot 7b). Certainly, God had provided blessings and miracles prior to Leah’s giving birth a fourth time. Yet, only now she is capable of gratitude?  For Leah, according to the commentaries, gratitude is a result of a sense that one has received something beyond a fair share, beyond one’s “portion”.  This attitude contradicts the Sages who teach in Ethics of the Fathers (Pirkei Avot 4:1) that a rich person is someone who is happy with their portion. Underlying the Sages' understanding of being “rich” and of being “happy” is the idea that the person has gratitude for his/her portion. 

          Leah was blessed to have not one but four sons in those four Psukim. However, she didn’t feel blessed, she didn’t feel “rich”, or “happy” until she was able to express her gratitude by naming the fourth son Yehuda. The irony wasn’t lost on her sister, Rachel. She would have been thankful to give birth to one son, let alone four. Leah needed to give birth four times before she could get past her pain, and appreciate what she did have. Indeed, there has been discomfort, and pain during this past year. Our picture of Thanksgiving, of a multigenerational family gathering together to share a meal and giving thanks, had to be altered. This year, the thankfulness is distilled into the simplest level of gratitude. We are all thankful for health, for being able to share even this moment, even if it’s remote, with our loved ones. Sometimes having gratitude for even the smallest stuff gives us a bit of perspective in terms of what is most important.

Peace,

Rav Yitz 

The More My Brother Looks Like Me The Less I Understand (John Barlow & Bob Weir- "My Brother Esau")

           With her candidate’s campaign now complete, our daughter needed a rest. When we spoke about her post-campaign plans, I suggested that a two-week quarantine with unlimited wifi, meals served, no chores, access to exercise equipment, cable television, free laundry, and a coffee maker might permit her to relax, catch up on some sleep, as well as her friends. All the while she could professionally network.  By the time her quarantine would end, she could celebrate her birthday and celebrate U.S. Thanksgiving. For our son, his eldest sister’s presence would mean that he wouldn’t be the only child home while we celebrated American Thanksgiving. So, with an opportunity to quarantine, relax, and celebrate her birthday and Thanksgiving with at least one of her siblings,  our eldest daughter arrived home. Thankfully she feels fine.  During her quarantine, our other daughters, (University of Maryland and Israel) have called the two siblings who are here in Toronto. They have had several Whatsapp group video calls. We, the parents,  love watching the four of them speak together or video chat together. As I watch them and listen, I am amazed by their similarities and their differences. I am always amazed that these four nearly adult children who grew up in the same are four different personalities and different perspectives on the world. 

          This week, we read from Parsha is Toldot. We read of the birth of Esav and Yaakov. Even though they were twins, we learn that these boys couldn’t be any more different. Esav is a hunter Ish Sadeh – a man of the field, an outdoorsman, Yaakov is Ish Tam v’Yashav b’Ohalo – a simple man who resides in his tent. Yaakov is concerned with the Birthright, receiving blessings, and the spiritual world. Esav is concerned with eating, drinking, hunting, and the physical world. We learn that just like his father who experienced a famine in the land, Yitzchak also experienced a famine in the land. Unlike his father, Yitzchak doesn’t depart from the land but rather remains there, growing wealthy. Instead, Yitzchak re-opens the wells that had gone dry in his father’s day. The narrative then re-focuses upon Yitzchak and his family. Yitzchak, sensing his imminent death, wants to bless Esav. Rivka overhears this and tells Yaakov to pose as Esav in order to receive the blessing. Yaakov listens to his mother and dresses as Esav. Yaakov receives Yitzchak’s blessing. Esav discovers that he lost out on the blessing and he threatens to kill Yaakov. The Parsha concludes with Rivka telling Jacob to go to her brother’s home. She explains to  Yitzchak that Yaakov needs to leave home in order to find a wife. Prior to his departure, Yitzchak wants to bless Yitzchak.  So, prior to his departure Yaakov receives his the blessing of the Brit, the Covenant that God made with Avraham and Yitzchak. This covenantal blessing was never intended for Esav.  Yaakov leaves home. Esav moves away as well and decides to dwell with his uncle Ishmael among the Canaanites.

Two boys grew up in the same home with the same parents and instilled with the same values, went to the same day school, participated in the same extracurricular activities, and shared the same Bar Mitzvah date. Although the parents disagreed as to who was going to be “successful”; by the end of the Parsha, it is quite clear that the blessing that Yitzchak gave Yaakov prior to Yaakov’s departure was always intended for Yaakov. So to some extent, both parents agreed as to who was the rightful inheritor of the Abrahamic Covenant. Right or wrong, the parents had definite opinions about their sons’, their abilities, and their future success.  Much of that opinion is based upon how each child responds to life’s stimuli. The Torah doesn’t really tell us much about their respective youth, Va’Yigdalu HaN’Arim, “And the boys grew up.” (Gen25: 27) R’ Levi said: At first they were like myrtle and a wild rose growing side by side. But when they grew up the former yielded to its natural fragrance, and the latter its thorns. So, for the first thirteen years, both Yaakov and Esav went to school and came home from school. But at the end of thirteen years, one went to houses of study and the other to shrines of idolatry.” (Genesis Rabbah 63:10). The Sifsei Chachamim clarifies that until their Bar Mitzvah, they were nearly identical. However, after their Bar Mitzvah, essential differences became evident. By the time they reached Bar Mitzvah, they now can begin to formulate their own opinions, develop their own attitudes, respond to their likes and dislikes. By the time the boys reach Bar Mitzvah, the parents can see a personality develop and take root. 

          As parents, we always think our perceptions of our children are the best indicators of an outcome.  However, it would appear that parents’ perceptions are not always based upon the context at the time but rather upon an ideal. From Yitzchak’s perspective Esav was a fine son, and worthy of a blessing because he meticulously fulfilled the value of Kibud Av – Respecting the father.  However, as meticulous as Esav was about that particular value, it did not make him fit for The Covenantal  Blessing. Children grow up in the same home but they respond to the stimuli differently, they have different interests, passions, and experiences outside the home which also influence, shape, and stimulate. As parents, perhaps all we can do is leave our arms, homes, and minds open to our children, praising them when they work hard at becoming the best possible version of themselves, and kvelling when they accomplish this.

Peace, 

Rav Yitz 

Gonna Leave This Brokedown Palace; On My Hands And My Knees, I Will Roll, Roll, Roll (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Brokedown Palace")

Now that December Holiday season is upon us, one cannot turn on the television without a Christmas special on this channel or a Christmas movie on that channel. Perhaps the most beloved holiday movie in our home is Frank Capra’s “It’s A Wonderful Life”. In fact, the first time the movie was on this year occurred last Saturday night during the U.S. Thanksgiving holiday. With all of our children, we sat together as a family and watched. We have watched this movie dozens and dozens of times as a family. While we watched, our 17-year-old daughter furiously worked on her university applications as well as her Israel seminary applications. The Seminary applications and one university application were due the following day.   During the scene Jimmy Stewart’s character George Bailey sits at the dining room table with his mother, his father, his younger brother, they discuss George’s future plans. There we were, our seventeen-year-old sitting with her father, mother and siblings worry about her future. Our daughter, who just wanted to be finished with the process, declared that perhaps she would just remain at home. As she makes this statement, Jimmy Steward said: “I just feel like if I don't get away, I'd bust.” We all laughed at the contradicting attitudes: one stated by our daughter and one stated by Jimmy Stewart as a 21-year-old son.  When we finished laughing, I suggested that our two children who no longer lived at home ought to provide an answer.  

This Shabbat we read from Parsha VaYeitze. The focus of the narrative is upon Yaakov. For the first time, Yaakov will find out what it means to be alone in the world.  He has left his mother, Rivkah, and his father Yitzchak, for the first time. In fleeing his brother Esav, Yaakov now embarks on a new phase of his life. For the first time, but certainly not the last time, he will have to face being alone. He will learn to be an independent individual. Yes, Yaakov will meet his future wives, his cousins Leah and Rachel. He will work for his father in- law, Lavan, and he will have children. The narrative will focus upon Yaakov’s life from young adulthood to becoming a responsible father, earning a living and all the trials, tribulation, and tensions of career and family. As Yaakov makes his way in life, hopefully, he will learn more about himself. With each event, with each adventure, Yaakov has an opportunity to become better connected, better connected to himself, and better connected to a covenant that his father bequeathed to him. Yet throughout the narrative he will learn to be alone, he will learn to become independent, he will learn, through trial and error, to whom he should spiritually cling: Esav, his parents, Lavan, his wives, and God.

At the conclusion of the previous Parsha, Parsha Toldot, we read that Yitzchak and Rivkah instructed Yaakov to go to Padan- Aram, to the house of Bethuel (Rivkah’s father’s home) and take a wife from there. We would expect Parsha VaYeitze to begin with Yaakov heading to Padan- Aram. Instead, VaYeitze begins: VaYeitze Yaakov M’Beer Sheva VaYeilech Charana – Yaakov departed from Beer Sheva and went toward Charan. Why doesn’t VaYeitze, say that Yaakov departed and went to Padan Aram? Why do we need to be told that he went to Charan what’s in Charan? Keeping in mind that Yaakov has never been away from home and although he is heading toward his mother’s family; even Rivkah knew enough to leave her family of origin. Now Yaakov, in order to preserve his life, must leave his family of origin. In Toldot, Yaakov was described as Ish Tam  Yoshev Ohalim – a simple man of faith who dwells in tents (Gen. 19;27) The Talmudic Sages explain that Yaakov’s dwelling in the tents meant that he spent time in his parent’s tents studying and learning. However, no learning would prepare him for what he would contend with when dealing with Rivka’s family and particularly her brother Lavan.  Rabbi Kamenetsky, (1891-1986), explained that prior to arriving in Paddan Aram, Yaakov stopped in Charan to learn from Shem and Eber. Shem was Noah’s son, and Eber from the generation of the Tower of Bavel. Both were considered righteous and wise men who lived in unsavory environments and managed to retain their sense of righteousness. Yaakov sought their practical wisdom prior to his encounter with Lavan and dealing with becoming independent in an unsavory environment.  He will also need the wisdom of Shem and Eber to help him eventually return home. As a result of Yaakov’s diversion, Yaakov understands that he must maintain a relationship with God, and he understands that he will need to find his way home when the time is right.

As we watched the movie, George Bailey’s desire to leave home was symbolized by his request and his “wish to never been born”. Indeed, when George cries out “I want to live again” he is asking to return home. For Yaakov, he needed to leave his physical home, but clearly, he took with him the values and the learning that he acquired from his family. He took God with him as well as the sense of the land. He took with him a desire to return home. Yaakov and George Bailey derive an aspect of their independence from not only leaving home but leaving home with a code as well has having the courage and humility to return home. Our daughter’s older sisters both explained that leaving home is a vital ingredient in becoming and independent and confident person. Older sisters pointed out that part of becoming independent is knowing what to bring and what to leave, what wisdom is helpful and which superstitions are foolish As our 17-year-old watched the remainder of the movie and listened to her older sisters’ wisdom, hopefully, she will leave with same excitement and enthusiasm as they left with. Admittedly, and selfishly, I also hope that she will return often, having become an independent,  thoughtful, and decent woman like her sisters.

Peace

Rav Yitz.

Wonder Who Will Water All The Children Of The Garden (Robert Hunter, Phil Lesh & Jerry Garcia "St. Stephen -William Tell Bridge")

          Our family gathered together to celebrate American Thanksgiving and our eldest daughter’s birthday. Seeing my parents and all of our children celebrating a birthday and Thanksgiving, I couldn’t help but have a sense of Thankfulness. I also sensed the inevitable squeeze of being the middle generation. My parents are still healthy, still independent but aging with all the inconveniences of aging. Our children are healthy, engaged in their age-appropriate endeavors: high school studies and activities, university studies and activities and moving along a career path in her chosen field. As a result, I worry about their continued education, their life choices, and helping them when necessary. I watch my parents and my children interact, and I am deeply appreciative that our children are blessed with three grandparents with whom they enjoy an incredibly close and meaningful relationship. As our children listen to stories told to them by their grandparents, our children notice my father’s mannerisms and his expressions. My children comment on how similar I am to their grandfather. My father and I laugh invoking the words of Mel Brooks’ Two Thousand Year Old Man: “We mock the things we are to be.” Apparently, on their grandfather, these mannerisms and use of language, and philosophy on life are appealing, cute and endearing. On their father, these mannerisms, use of language, and philosophy of life are unappealing and annoying.
          This week, we read from Parsha is Toldot. We read of the birth of Esav and Yaakov. Even though they were twins, we learn that these boys couldn’t be any more different. Esav is a hunter Ish Sadeh – a man of the field, an outdoorsman, Yaakov is Ish Tam v’Yashav b’Ohalo – a simple man who resides in his tent. Yaakov is concerned with the Birthright, receiving blessings and the spiritual world. Esav is concerned with eating, drinking, hunting, and the physical world. We learn that just like his father, Avraham, who experienced a famine in the land, Yitzchak also experienced a famine in the land. Unlike his father, Yitzchak does not go down to Egypt. Yitzchak remains in the land, grows wealthy, and re-opens the wells that had gone dry in his father’s day. The narrative then re-focuses upon Yitzchak and his family. Yitzchak, sensing his imminent death, wants to bless Esav. Rivka overhears this and tells Yaakov to pose as Esav in order to receive the blessing. Yaakov listens to his mother and dresses as Esav. Yaakov receives Yitzchak’s blessing. As a result, Esav is fit to be tied and threatens to kill Yaakov. The Parsha concludes with Rivka telling Jacob to go to her brother’s home, convincing Yitzchak that Yaakov needs to leave home in order to find a wife. Yaakov receives his fathers’ blessing, the blessing of the Brit, the Covenant that God made with Avraham and Yitzchak, a blessing that was never intended for Esav. Yaakov leaves home and Esav moves away as well. He decides to dwell with his uncle Ishmael among the Canaanites.
          The Parsha begins with a common sort of phrase but contains within it a rather unexpected twist. The common phrase is Eila Toldot so and so. Whenever the Torah wants to begin presenting a genealogy; it begins with Eilah Toldot (These are the generations). We expect to see a list of children. However, this week’s Parsha begins, Eilah Toldot Yitzchak ben Avraham, Avraham Holid Yitzchak – These are the generations of Isaac son of Avraham; Avraham sired Isaac Gen 25:19). Given the end of the verse, the beginning of the verse should have said These are the generations of Avraham, Avraham sired Isaac. Why does the Torah remind us that Avraham is Yitzchak’s father? The Midrash Tanchuma is compelled to respond to the rumors questioning Isaac’s origins. Recalling that Sarah had been taken by Abimelech (Gen. 20:1-17), questions about Isaac’s origins persisted. Naysayers and conspiracy theorists cite Avraham’s behavior regarding the Akeidah as evidence supporting the rumor and conspiracy. Avraham needed to be told which son was to be offered. The Midrash Tanchuma explains that Isaac’s features were identical to Avraham’s features. Even in the previous Parsha, Chayei Sarah, Avraham was described as “old” immediately prior to his death. The Midrash explains that until Avraham, there was no such thing as old age. However, Avraham asked that he have the z'chut (the merit) of showing his age because he and Isaac looked so similar and their mannerisms were so similar. The Chatam Sofer (18th century Bratslav) offers an alternative understanding to that of Midrash Tanchuma. In his comment about the phrase: “Avraham sired Yitzchak”, The ChatamSofer suggests that the phrase alludes to the profound sense of fulfillment that Avraham derived from his son. Eventually, Avraham no longer desired to be known as Avraham. Instead, he received Nachas, (a mixture of pride and joy) being known as Yitzchak’s father and Jacob and Esau’s grandfather.
          Avraham had reached a point in his life where his focus was all about his legacy, his son and grandchildren. For Yitzchak, who looked so similar to his father, and whose mannerisms were so similar to his father, people couldn’t help but think that Yitzchak embodied so much of his father’s values and personal philosophy. Yitzchak must be the rightful inheritor of Avraham’s covenant with God. What follows from this opening verse focuses our attention as to who from the next generation will inherit this covenant. The answer is Avraham. Whichever of Yitzchak’s children embody Avraham, he will be the recipient of the covenant. No, I don’t look upon my children and think that only one is worthy of a covenant. Rather, as my children roll their eyes because they see and hear my father in me, indeed, I have been the beneficiary of my father’s Torah. As they continued to comment and lovingly tease me, I smile to my father and remind my children the words of Mel Brook’s “We mock the things we are to be”. I only hope that the “to be” that they mock are the good qualities that I received from my parents, and the good qualities my wife received from her parents.

Peace,
Rav Yitz

And So I Wrestle With The Angel To See Who'll Reap The Seeds I Sow (Gerrit Graham & Bob Weir - "Victim Or The Crime")

Like so many American families, we celebrated Thanksgiving. We packed up and drove to my parents’ home. Our eldest daughter who had been working in Florida until the recent midterm elections came, my sister brother in law and niece came.  Our daughter studying in Israel made Thanksgiving and we all had the chance to video chat with her. The last time that I saw our eldest daughter was in June when she came for her sister and brother’s graduation. Certainly, we had video chatted. Let’s just say a video chat doesn’t exactly offer a complete picture. So when she took one look at my completely gray beard, my salt and pepper head of hair, she hugged and kissed me and said. “You are so old! What happened to you?” Like the crows feet around my eyes, I attributed all the gray hair and white beard to the existential angst of fatherhood. For me, existential angst usually occurs in the middle of the night. It wakes me up, I go downstairs, I look outside at the night sky full of stars I think and worry. I worry about life, death, the quality of life and the quality of death, what am I doing with my life, how am I going to pay for Jewish day school, college, and weddings. I worry about my aging parents, my aging mother in law. I worry about my wife worrying about her aging mother. I explain to my eldest daughter that I wake up in the middle of the night and worry about all the stuff that a middle-aged person wrestles with.” While I normally sleep quite soundlessly, every so often I am wake up to wrestle with all my existential angst and worries.

This Shabbat we read from Parsha Vayishlach. Yaakov and his family prepare to return to Yaakov’s home. However, they will first need to deal with an almost twenty-year grudge held by Esav. Yaakov will hope for the best and prepare for the worst as he prepares to meet his brother.  After their short reunion, Yaakov makes his way back to his ancestral lands. His mother passes away. He is blessed with another son, Benjamin, born to his wife Rachel. However, she dies in childbirth. His daughter, Dinah, has an illicit relationship with a prince of Shechem. According to the text, she is rendered “impure” and her brothers wipe out the prince and his village. Yaakov’s name is changed to Yisroel. God blessed Yaakov within the context of the covenant made with Avraham and Yitzchok. Yaakov’s blessing includes children, land and wealth, all of the things that God promised to Yaakov’s grandfather – Avraham. The Parsha concludes Yaakov and Esav seeing each other one last time in order to bury their father Yitzchok, and then we read the final psukim: a list of Esav’s descendants down to grandchildren.

The parsha is replete with dramatic moments. However, the brief narrative (Gen. 32:25-29) about Yaakov’s night prior to his first meeting with Esav, offers us a life-changing moment in Yaakov’s life. The narrative of the wrestling match begins in a very peculiar manner. VaYivater Yaakov L’Vado, VaYei’avek Ish Imo Ad Alot HaShachar – Jacob was left alone and a many wrestled with him until the break of dawn.  So if Yaakov was left alone, with whom did he wrestle?  The Torah tells us he wrestled with a man, however by the end of this brief narrative, Yaakov is asking the man(?) to bless him. During the wrestling match, and to add to the confusion the word for “man” is not used neither is Yaakov’s name. Rather the third person masculine singular pronoun “Hu” is used.  The M’forshim also struggle with this brief narrative.  Rashi reminds us of how our sages explain Sh’Hu Saro Shel Eisav – that it was the guardian angel of Esav.  Chizkuni – the 13th-century French commentator succinctly states Malach B’Damut Ish – an angel in the form of a man. Radak, Rabbi David Kimchi – a late 12/early 13th-century French commentator is even more explicit. He offers a single word of explanation as to the “man’s” identity – Melach – an angel. Some say it was the guardian angel of Esav and some say it was an Angel sent to restate God’s promise to Yaakov. However, a more modern and psychologically aware understanding seems that the “man” is Yaakov. Yaakov is struggling with himself. The language of the wrestling match only uses the Hebrew word “Hu” – in English "he". He said, he held on, he didn’t let go, he blessed him, he wrestled with him. Yaakov’s name is only mentioned when his hip is pulled out of joint, when he states his name and when the other being renames Yaakov. Yaakov’s whole life has been a struggle… first with Esav, God, and then Lavan. Before his impending struggle with Esav, Yaakov needs to know who exactly Yaakov is and who he clings to – which aspect of himself does he cling to? The godly aspect within him? The Esav within him? The reality is, Yaakov must decide who He is and what that means as he returns to his ancestral home and receives the covenant.  It will leave a mark for sure, however during his sleepless night, during his “mid-life crisis” and his “moment of clarity”; Yaakov will finally be a complete spiritual person with a full acceptance of his relationship to God and a sense of purpose in his life. This does not mean his life will be easier. It just means that Yaakov, with this renewed sense of purpose and identity, will be able to deal with all the troubles and heartache that is involved in living life as he continues to grow old.

             Of course, I have gray hair. Yes, my beard is turning white. There are more worries, there are more things that feel beyond my control.  There are more times that I worry about the direction of my life and my children's lives. There are more times when I worry about my parent’s health. No, I don’t necessarily have my hip pulled out of joint when we wake up in the middle of the night with this existential angst. Although due to an old back injury; I sometimes wake up with my back pain more acute than at other times.  We do have the emotional scars of such moments. Our souls struggle and sometimes our souls receive scars because of those moments when we question our purpose in life. It probably causes wrinkles and definitely causes gray hair. However those struggles are necessary because it leads us to moments of clarity, and we understand that our lives do have a purpose, and our families will be ok and everything will be all right.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

Wildflower Seed On The Sand And Stone; May The Four Winds Blow You Safely Home (Robert Hunter, Bill Kreutzman,& Jerry Garcia - "Franklin's Tower")

Well, it’s Thanksgiving in the United States. Families return home in an attempt to share a few days together, a sumptuous Holiday meal together, and of course family dysfunction together. Obviously, in order for the children to return home for what winds up being dysfunctional family reunions, they must first leave home. So, in our home, we are going through the long difficult process of preparing for our 17-year-old to leave home. As the very common process continues to unfold in our home; I had one of those Sit-Com father moments this week. You know the moment. The wise-cracking, know it all, teenage daughter looks at her father as if he is the most dim-witted, short-sighted, fool on the planet. There I was, in the kitchen, eating my dinner, minding my own business. Our seventeen year old daughter, who firmly believes that neither her mother nor I could possibly understand what she goes through because after all, we were never seventeen, never seniors in high school, never had burning desire to leave home with mixed with the trepidation of leaving home, and never thought that our own parents were as clueless and out of touch as our daughter thinks we are. So after our daughter expressed her aggravation with her mother; I committed the sin of looking up and smiling because she sounded like a typical 17-year-old, with typical 17-year-old anxiety about the questions concerning her gap year and her four years at college/university. Boy did she let me have it! She looked incredulously, sneered and told me that I was annoying and she “couldn’t wait to get out of this house.” I suppose if I was the saintly good father, I would have let it pass or made a comment about how much we will miss her when she does finally leave. However, I am not such a saintly father. So I looked up from my dinner, I smiled and said that “I can’t wait either!”. Needless to say, my comment, which I thought was particularly poignant and thoughtful, didn’t go over very well with daughter or mother. Yet, as part of our daughter’s continued spiritual, emotional and intellectual development, it is important that she leaves home. It is important that the values that we instilled in her, become her values, the code with which we raised her becomes her code, and the rules that we instituted to govern her life becomes the rules by which she governs her own life.

This week we read from Parshat VaYeitzeh- a Parsha that is replete with the Holiday Themes of Thanksgiving and “Home for the Holidays”. The focus of the narrative is upon Yaakov. He has left his mother, Rivkah, and his father Yitzchak, for the first time. In fleeing his brother Esav, Yaakov now embarks on a new phase of his life. Yaakov will meet his future wives, his cousins Leah and Rachel. He will work for his father in- law, Lavan, and he will have children. The narrative focuses on Yaakov life from young adulthood to becoming a responsible father, earning a living and all the trials, tribulation, and tensions of career and family. As Yaakov makes his way in life, hopefully, he will learn more about himself. With each event, with each adventure, Yaakov has an opportunity to become better connected, better connected to himself, and better connected to a covenant that his father bequeathed to him.

Yaakov needs to have his own experiences, and live his own life before he is capable of truly offering thanks and being thankful. After Yaakov dreams of the ladder, he has a revelatory experience. V’hinei Adonai Nitzav Alav, Vayomer: Ani Adonai Elohei Avraham Avicha v’Elohei Yitzchak – and behold Hashem stood above it and said: I am Hashem the God of Abraham your father, and the God of Yitzchak (Gen.28:13). However, God does not introduce himself as “your God” but rather the God of his Avraham and Yitzchak. God appreciates the fact that any sense of a relationship that exists between Yaakov and God is merely a function of Yaakov’s father and grandfather. Although he received a blessing upon fleeing from his home, Yaakov has not experienced his own narrative. He doesn’t share a common narrative with his father or grandfather. Yaakov does not yet have his own connection to God and the covenant. Rather he must develop his connection. Va’yidar Yaakov Neder Leimor: Im Yiheyeh Elohim Imadi, v’Shamrani b’Derech Hazeh Asher Anochi Holeich, v’Natan Li Lechem Le’Echol v’Beged Lilbosh, V’Shavti B’shalom El Beit Avi, V’hayah HaShem Li Leilohim – And Yaakov vowed a vow saying: if the God will stand with me, and guard me on this way that I go, and give me bread to eat and clothing to wear, and returns me in peace to my father’s home, then Hashem will be my God. (Gen 28:20-21).  Yaakov has now laid out the conditions by which Yaakov and God will have their own unique connection, based upon a common narrative that he shares with his father and grandfather. Like his grandfather Avraham who left home (Parsha Lech Lecha) and  developed his own relationship with God, and like his father Yitzchak who had the ties to home severed (see the Akedah/Binding of Isaac); Yaakov innately understands that he needs to leave home and he needs to have the tools and strength to be able to return home. Only after experiencing exile and returning home does Yaakov share enough common experiences with his father and grandfather that he would feel connected to the Covenant and to his family.

Part of the Thanksgiving experience is the idea that Americans return “home” for Thanksgiving. As we sit down to our family’s Thanksgiving meal, we all understand that future Thanksgivings will be different. It was different for my parents when I left home, only to return, first as a single man, then as a married man, then as a father. It will be different for me and my wife. Yes, our eldest has been returning home for Thanksgiving for ten years, but now, our next child will also be returning home for all future Thanksgivings. So yes, “I can’t wait either” for her to leave, not because I won’t miss her, not because she is an annoying teenager, but because I know that she needs to have her own covenant. I know that she needs to take ownership of the values, code, and rules which we tried to instill.  Maybe when she returns home next year she won’t think I’m such a dim-witted clueless father.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

Since The End Is Never Told We Pay The Story Teller Off In Gold (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Lady With The Fan")

 For the most part our children have figured out how to balance being American and living in Toronto. Sure they notice subtle cultural differences. For the most part, our kids' citizenship is not a "front and center" sort of issue in their world.  However in the days immediately preceding the United States Thanksgiving; our children have to explain Thanksgiving to their friends. Because we take them out of school, our kids need to explain Thanksgiving to  their teachers as a reason for an upcoming absence, a reason to get homework assignments and a reason to try and reschedule tests.  Sometimes the teachers are understanding yet curious, “a real Thanksgiving dinner that we see on TV?”  Our children explain that yes, their family gathers together, eats Turkey and all the trimmings, goes around the table telling family and friends one thing for which they are thankful. When our children’s friends ask why we celebrate Thanksgiving, why it’s such a big deal in the U.S., and why it’s such a big deal for Jews, our kids tell them that Thanksgiving has a story. It’s not just a meal, it’s not just a family gathering, watching a parade, a football game (maybe, if it’s not too boring!).  There is a narrative, a story, and the story is taught to every little child in every school and the story gets repeated over and over for decades and centuries and the story, is transmitted from one generation to the next, transcending economic class, transcending ethnic background, transcending social status. The story, the narrative highlights one the fundamental values upon which North America was built: immigrants coming to the New World fleeing religious persecution. The narrative includes the reasons for the special meal and includes a food that is distinct to North America, or at least it was distinct in the 1600’s: Turkey.

This Shabbat we read from Parsha Chayei Sarah, “the Life of Sara”. It is a rather odd name for a Parsha that discusses’ Sarah’s death, and Avraham’s funeral preparations including: a eulogy, crying, and the purchase of land for burial. The focus then shifts from Sarah’s death and Avraham’s caring for her to Avraham’s son Yitzchak and getting on with his life. Avraham instructs his servant to find a wife for Yitzchak from among his ancestors. The servant head back to Avraham’s homeland, he asks’ God for a sign so that he knows which girls is the right one for his master’s son. He finds the girl, convinces her to return with him, the girl leaves home and heads back with the servant to meet her new husband and her father –in-law. They get married. Avraham takes a wife and lives quietly in retirement. The Parsha concludes with Avraham’s death and the death of his eldest son Ishmael.

Structurally, the Parsha is rather peculiar. Between narrative of Sarah’s death and funeral and the narrative of Avraham and Ishmael’s deaths exists a narrative affirming life.  A father arranges to find a wife for his son. A young woman, Rivkah,  leaves home and marries Avraham’s son Yitzchak, a man who had a near death experience when his father tried to offer him as a sacrifice and who is dealing with the death of his mother.  This life affirming narrative is told three different ways. The first narrative occurs when Avraham tells his servant what to do: Return to the ancestral homeland, find a girl from the tribe, bring her back so that Yitzchak can marry her. The second narrative is Avraham’s plan coming to fruition. The servant returns to Avraham’s homeland, he prays to God for a sign that he should pick the right girl, he meets the girl and then meets the family. The third narrative is the servant’s recounting the narrative beginning with Avraham’s presenting the servant with this sacred task. Why does the Torah present this narrative three different ways and from three different perspectives: Avraham’s plan, Avraham’s servant (Eliezer) fulfilling the mission, Eliezer explaining all these events to Rebecca’s family? Why all the details? The Torah could have told of Avraham’s plan, and even included the events that allowed Eliezer to fulfill the plan. Certainly we don’t need to read Eliezer’s recounting of events to Rebecca’s family. The Torah could have said: “And Eliezer told her family all that happened.” Maybe we read the narratives’ reiteration gets us to look at it in more than just a cursory manner. The more we look at it, and hear about it, the more we begin to realize just how miraculous the whole story is. Maybe the narrative’s reiteration reminds us that the focus should be on life affirming events rather than death affirming events.  Maybe the subliminal message and the reason for the narrative’s reiteration is the sanctity of narrative. Yitzchak was dealing with lots of death, as was Avraham. Generally death marks the end of a narrative. For Yitzchak and Rebecca, both of whom were about to begin new stage of life together, they needed to have a new narrative, their narrative. For the narrative to be effective it had to include the past, an origin, it needs to embody point to a possible future, it needs to embody fundamental values, and it needs to have a way of being transmitted.

 Indeed Thanksgiving is beloved by the American Jewish community. There is a narrative about people coming to the new world to escape religious persecution. There are special foods. Families come together. The only difference between Thanksgiving and any Jewish Holiday is that Thanksgiving does not have any restrictions of a Yom Tov. However every Jewish family can relate to the immigrant experience, every Jewish family can relate to the importance of religious freedom. Every Jewish family understand the sanctity of a narrative, the telling of a story that links the past to the present and offers lessons for the future. Just exactly how important is the idea of narrative in Judaism. Halacha Jewish law includes commandment to tell the story of the Exodus, to read the Megillah of Esther twice on the holiday of Purim, to teach Torah to “your children”. Judaism commands us to transmit our narrative to the next generation.  So while we are eating turkey, stuffing and sweet potatoes, we will be transmitting the story of Pilgrims, Native Americans, Squanto, the first thanksgiving, religious freedom, the Jewish experience and our family’s immigrant experience.

Peace,

Rav Yitz