With Its Words Of A Life That Could Almost Be True (John Barlow & Bob Weir - "Black Throated Wind")

Our nineteen-year-old daughter was confronted with a conflict while working as a camp counselor. Camp is scheduled to end two days before she needs to be at her university dormitory in New York City. She needed a week at home in Toronto before heading down to University. So she arranged with the camp to that she would leave four or five days prior to the official conclusion of camp. She and the camp agreed and signed a contract.  When I went to visit her, my wife and our two other children last week, she and I spoke about her early departure. She explained that she felt conflicted because originally she wanted to leave a week before the official conclusion of camp and the camp ‘s original position was that leaving early was unnecessary. Both sides compromised on four days.  As we spoke and she shared with me her frustration, I suggested that she speak to her boss, request an earlier departure date and simultaneously offer to forego being paid the last week. I thought my suggestion was completely reasonable. She gave me a look of shock and incredulity. Then she stated, “I have a contract, I gave my word”.

This Shabbat, we read from the final two Parshiot in Sefer Bemidbar (Book of Numbers): Matot and Masei.  This double Parsha begins with the laws of Nedarim (Vows), and then Bnai Yisroel fights against the Midianites. Moshe rebukes his officers for their collective failure to deal with the Midianite woman since they were the cause of Bnai Yisroel’s plague in the first place. Bnai Yisroel then begins the process of dividing the spoils of this battle. Two tribes, Reuben and Gad request to settle in the land east of the Jordan River and not the land promised by Hashem. Moshe expresses his anger over the request and the two tribes amend their request. Moshe adds a condition and an agreement is reached. The Torah recounts the various stops that Bnai Yisroel made on their journey to Eretz Canaan, the boundaries of Eretz Canaan are clarified, the new leadership is introduced and the cities of refuge of explained and established. Finally, Sefer Bemidbar concludes with a reminder of the laws for tribal inheritance. With all those loose ends neatly sewn up; Bnai Yisroel now sits on the eastern bank of the Jordan River waiting to enter Eretz Canaan. As we conclude the reading, we say Chazak Chazak v’ NitChazeik – From strength to strength we shall go forward in strength.

The beginning of the Parsha, with its focus upon Nedarim v’Shvuot Vows and Oaths, we are being reminded of two vital concepts. First, we are reminded of the Aseret Dibrot, of the Ten Commandments and specifically invoking God’s name in vain.  Ish Ki Yidor Neder L’adoshem When a man takes a vow to Hashem (Num. 30:3). Part of the process by which one makes a vow is to invoke God name. Therefore, a failure to keep the vow or the oath means that one has used God’s name in vain. The repercussions of which are extremely serious.  Second, we learned in Sefer Breishit (Book of Genesis) that speech is holy. Speech is part of the God’s creative process; Vayomer Elokim, Yehi Or, VaYahi Or- And God said: Let there be Light, and there was light. In a sense, speech is perhaps one of the only actions available to us that allow us to emulate God. When we make a vow or an oath, we are acting similar to God. A Neder is a pledge to prohibit oneself from something that that the Torah permits. Or a Neder can be obligating oneself to something that the Torah considers to be optional. Obligating one’s self to contribute to a specific charity would be an example of "obligating that which is optional". Refraining from apples would be an example of prohibiting something that is originally acceptable. In either case, the individual is truly acting like God. The individual is creating Halacha and making his vow and or oath becomes tantamount to Torah. Clearly, this cannot be taken lightly. After all, the severity of the language is a function of the fact that one makes this vow, pledge or oath to God and not to oneself or to another.  Fundamental to our vows with God is a trust in the relationship, trust that it exists, trust that it is desired by both and trust that is must be treated as sacred.

Indeed, my daughter made gave her word regarding her early departure from camp. Yes, she complained. Yes, she shared her anxiety as she wondered how everything would get done before her leaving for university. Yes, she was certainly shocked when I suggested that she calmly and reasonably offer to give up a week of pay in order to leave earlier than the time that had been agreed upon. All that time, as I listened to her, and made suggestions, I thought I was listening to my little girl. After she incredulously told me that she gave me her word and signed a contract’ my little girl reminded me that her mother and I spent the last nineteen years raising her to be a woman that kept her word.  I guess she is our little girl isn’t so little anymore. Indeed, she is a woman of her word.  

Peace,

Rav Yitz  

Heard A Voice A-Calling, Lord You Was Coming After Me (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Bertha")

My children love to play games with me. No, I am not talking about “Monopoly”, or cards, or any of those kinds of games. My children like to play a game called: “Ignore”. Have you ever heard of it? I am convinced that every home that has teenage children plays some iteration of the “Ignore” game.  I remember playing it with my parents when I was a teenager.   The game can be played at any time of day and under nearly any circumstance. The rules of the game are rather simple. The parent initiates play by calling out to the teenager by making a request of him/her. The teenager ignores the first request. The parent generally should wait not less than 30 seconds but not more than 60 seconds before calling out to the teenager with the same request. Again, the teenager ignores and again after another 30-60 seconds, the parent calls out for the same request, only louder and more specifically. “Hello, I am talking to you” or “can you hear me? I am talking to you.” Now the game changes slightly. The teenager needs to respond, and generally, the response involves a grunt, “Huh” or a question such as “what?” or a statement such as “Ok, Ok, I heard you” or “Ok, I’ll do it in a minute”.  Keep in mind, that those statements are code for “I am ignoring you doing something else that I prefer to be doing rather than anything you request.” Now the game escalates, the parent needs to close the physical gap, stand in front of the teenager and issue the request, thereby making the teenagers ability to ignore much more difficult. The teenager can escalate by ignoring or declining to fulfill the request. Now, the parent faces three alternatives and needs to quickly assess the importance of the request. If the request is unimportant, then the parent can end the game by ceasing to make another request. If the request is important then the parent can utilize leverage in a loud threatening way. However, this usually leads to a delay in fulfilling the request by engaging in a fight, at which point the teenager wins the “Ignore” game. The third alternative requires great discipline but offers the greatest possibility of a parent’s victory. The parent needs to get the teenagers attention and to focus upon the request. To accomplish this the parent still utilizes leverage however does so in a quiet disarming manner. When I was a teenager, I knew that when my father took off his glasses and squint/glare like Clint Eastwood and spoke quietly, that it was time for me to listen, and fulfill whatever request was being made. I never mastered the Clint Eastwood glare like my father. Instead, I try to close the physical distance, and with as much calm in my voice, as I can muster, I turn the request into a transaction. While my father relied on his inner Clint Eastwood stare; I rely on my inner Don Corleone and try to “make an offer they can’t refuse”. I try to speak quieter in a colder more calculating manner and begin with a confirmation that they will ultimately fulfill the request.  Then I make a business arrangement and tell them that I know what their more imminent requests will be and that I won’t be able to fulfill them unless my request is imminently filled. We agree on a reasonable timeframe for the request to be fulfilled and with mutually agreed upon deterrents to prevent potential “forgetfulness”. Then I say “thank you” and the Ignoring game concludes.

This Shabbat we begin the third book of the Torah, Sefer Vayikra by reading from the Parsha with the same name VaYikrah. For all of Bereishit (Genesis) and the first half of Shmot (Exodus), we read narratives. The Second half of Shmot, we read the blueprints of and then the actual construction of the Mishkan – the portable worship station that would accompany Bnai Yisroel on their Trek towards Eretz Yisroel. Now the Torah takes a break from narrative and construction. Now we begin reading the various types of offerings that Kohen Gadol, the High Priest, will make on our behalf. These offerings are the various means by which the individual or the community is able to approach Hashem. We approach Hashem for a variety of reasons, including special occasions for personal reasons: repentance, thanksgiving, and special occasions for communal reasons: seasonal festivals, or daily service.

We are familiar with the language that usually appears when Hashem speaks to Moshe. VaYomer Adoshem el Moshe Leimor – Hashem said to Moshe saying; or VaYiDaBeR Adoshem El Moshe Leimor – And Hashem spoke to Moshe saying. Now for the first and perhaps only time, Hashem neither ‘says’ nor “speaks” to Moshe. Instead, we read   Vayikrah el Moshe -God called to Moshe (Lev 1:1). ” Imagine, God calling out to a person before speaking? The word “VaYiKRa” ends with a letter that is in smaller font size than the rest of the letters that are found in the Torah. So clearly, this type of VaYiKRa is different than the typical kind of VaYiKRA with all the letters being the same size. Rashi, the 11th-century French vintner, and commentator explain that God speaks in a loud booming voice; a voice that can shatter trees and be heard throughout the world. However, this VaYiKRa, was only heard by Moshe. The calling was done so in a loving manner. The diminutive final letter – Aleph; suggests two possibilities.  First, Hashem whispered Moshe’s name in a manner that only Moshe could hear. Second, Moshe was humble enough, as symbolized by the diminutive letter, that his soul was receptive to God’s calling. The result of which Moshe quickly and eagerly responded with Hinneni –“Here I am”.

I can’t imagine Moshe ignoring God’s calling out to him. On those rare occasions when my children don’t feel like playing their games, and they respond to my calling the first couple of times, they always seem surprised that I am nicer, easier going, and my request never seems so neither overbearing nor unreasonable. They even think that I am a good mood. Usually, their acknowledgment elicits a smile from me. I explain to them that no one likes to be ignored and that we get along so much better when we actually pay attention to one another, especially when we hear our names being called.

Peace,

Rav Yitz