Call For Me And I Will Be There (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - Lazy River Road")

           For the past few months, only our 16-year-old son has been living at home.  He will remain the only child in our home through Pesach and on into the middle of May. For his sake, one of his older sisters is scheduled to return.  Yes, there are moments when he enjoys being the only child. For example, he doesn’t have to battle his sisters for bathroom rights. On the other hand, he can’t get away with pawning off his chores onto anyone else. Certainly, he cannot get away with winning the “Ignoring Game”; a game that he quickly mastered while his sisters were home. The “Ignoring Game”  is a game that all children play with their parents and sometimes their grandparents.   I remember playing it with my parents when I was a teenager.  The game can be played at any time of day and under nearly any circumstance. The rules of the game are rather simple. The parent initiates play by calling out to the teenager with a simple request. Assuming that a sibling will actually respond, the teenager ignores the first request. The parent waits approximately 30 seconds before calling out to the teenager with the same request. Again, the teenager ignores the parent’s request, hoping the other sibling will respond. Now the parent waits 45-60 seconds before calling out for the same request. This time the request is louder, sterner, and more specific. “Hello, (child’s name), yeah I am talking to you” or “can you hear me (add child’s name)? I am talking to you.” Now the game changes slightly. The teenager needs to respond, and generally, the response involves a grunt, “Huh” or a question such as “what?” or a statement such as “Ok, ok, I heard you” or “Ok, I’ll do it in a minute”.  Keep in mind, that those statements are code for “I am ignoring you doing something else that I prefer to be doing rather than anything you request.” Now the game escalates. The parent needs to get the teenager’s attention and focus on the request. To accomplish this the parent still utilizes leverage however does so in a quiet disarming manner. At this point,  I try to close the physical distance by approaching them. If they are in their room, I will stand in their doorway. With as much calm as I can muster, I turn the request into a transaction. I rely on my inner Don Corleone and try to “make an offer they can’t refuse”. I try to speak quieter and in a colder more calculating tone. First I confirm that they will ultimately fulfill the request.  Then I make a business arrangement. I remind them that they will make requests of me and ask favours of me and it will become very difficult for me to fulfill their request and favours. We agree on a reasonable timeframe for my request to be fulfilled. With mutually agreed upon deterrents to prevent potential “forgetfulness”, I thank the teenager for fulfilling my request, and the “Ignoring Game” concludes.

           This Shabbat, we begin the third book of the Torah, Sefer Vayikra by reading from the Parsha with the same name VaYikrah. For all of Bereishit (Genesis) and the first half of Shmot (Exodus), we read narratives. In the Second half of Shmot, we read the blueprints of and then the actual construction of the Mishkan – the portable worship station that would accompany Bnai Yisroel on their journey towards Eretz Yisroel. Now the Torah takes a break from narrative and construction. We begin reading the various types of offerings that Kohen Gadol, the High Priest, will make on our behalf. These offerings were the various means by which  God permitted the individual or the community to approach. We approach Hashem for a variety of reasons, including special occasions and for personal reasons: repentance, thanksgiving, and special occasions for communal reasons: seasonal festivals, or daily service.

           We are familiar with the language that usually appears when Hashem speaks to Moshe. VaYomer Adoshem el Moshe Leimor – Hashem said to Moshe saying, or VaYiDaBeR Adoshem El Moshe Leimor – And Hashem spoke to Moshe saying. Now for the first and perhaps only time, Hashem neither ‘says’ nor “speaks” to Moshe. Instead, we read   Vayikrah el Moshe -God called to Moshe (Lev 1:1). ” Imagine, God, calling out to a person before speaking? The word “VaYiKRa” ends with a letter that is in a smaller font size than the rest of the letters that are found in the Torah. So clearly, this type of VaYiKRa is different than the typical kind of VaYiKRA with all the letters being the same size. Rashi, the 11th-century French vintner and commentator, explains that God speaks in a loud booming voice; a voice that can shatter trees and be heard throughout the world. However, this VaYiKRa, was only heard by Moshe. The calling was done so in a loving manner. The diminutive final letter – Aleph; suggests two possibilities.  First, Hashem whispered Moshe’s name in a manner that only Moshe could hear. Second, Moshe was humble enough, as symbolized by the diminutive letter, that his soul was receptive to God’s calling. The result of which Moshe quickly and eagerly responded with Hinneni –“Here I am”.

      I can’t imagine Moshe ignoring God’s call. I can’t imagine Moshe saying, “I’ll be there in a minute” and not showing up. On those rare occasions when our son doesn’t feel like playing the “Ignoring Game”, but instead, immediately responds to my call; he always seems surprised that I am nicer and easier going. He even displays surprise because my request seems neither overbearing nor unreasonable. He even thinks that I am in a good mood. Usually, his immediate response elicits a smile from me or I will tell him that I “appreciate” it. I remind him that no one likes being ignored. On more than one occasion, he has sheepishly smiled and told me that it is especially hard to ignore when he is the only child in the house.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

Heard A Voice A-Calling, Lord You Was Coming After Me (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Bertha")

My children love to play games with me. No, I am not talking about “Monopoly”, or cards, or any of those kinds of games. My children like to play a game called: “Ignore”. Have you ever heard of it? I am convinced that every home that has teenage children plays some iteration of the “Ignore” game.  I remember playing it with my parents when I was a teenager.   The game can be played at any time of day and under nearly any circumstance. The rules of the game are rather simple. The parent initiates play by calling out to the teenager by making a request of him/her. The teenager ignores the first request. The parent generally should wait not less than 30 seconds but not more than 60 seconds before calling out to the teenager with the same request. Again, the teenager ignores and again after another 30-60 seconds, the parent calls out for the same request, only louder and more specifically. “Hello, I am talking to you” or “can you hear me? I am talking to you.” Now the game changes slightly. The teenager needs to respond, and generally, the response involves a grunt, “Huh” or a question such as “what?” or a statement such as “Ok, Ok, I heard you” or “Ok, I’ll do it in a minute”.  Keep in mind, that those statements are code for “I am ignoring you doing something else that I prefer to be doing rather than anything you request.” Now the game escalates, the parent needs to close the physical gap, stand in front of the teenager and issue the request, thereby making the teenagers ability to ignore much more difficult. The teenager can escalate by ignoring or declining to fulfill the request. Now, the parent faces three alternatives and needs to quickly assess the importance of the request. If the request is unimportant, then the parent can end the game by ceasing to make another request. If the request is important then the parent can utilize leverage in a loud threatening way. However, this usually leads to a delay in fulfilling the request by engaging in a fight, at which point the teenager wins the “Ignore” game. The third alternative requires great discipline but offers the greatest possibility of a parent’s victory. The parent needs to get the teenagers attention and to focus upon the request. To accomplish this the parent still utilizes leverage however does so in a quiet disarming manner. When I was a teenager, I knew that when my father took off his glasses and squint/glare like Clint Eastwood and spoke quietly, that it was time for me to listen, and fulfill whatever request was being made. I never mastered the Clint Eastwood glare like my father. Instead, I try to close the physical distance, and with as much calm in my voice, as I can muster, I turn the request into a transaction. While my father relied on his inner Clint Eastwood stare; I rely on my inner Don Corleone and try to “make an offer they can’t refuse”. I try to speak quieter in a colder more calculating manner and begin with a confirmation that they will ultimately fulfill the request.  Then I make a business arrangement and tell them that I know what their more imminent requests will be and that I won’t be able to fulfill them unless my request is imminently filled. We agree on a reasonable timeframe for the request to be fulfilled and with mutually agreed upon deterrents to prevent potential “forgetfulness”. Then I say “thank you” and the Ignoring game concludes.

This Shabbat we begin the third book of the Torah, Sefer Vayikra by reading from the Parsha with the same name VaYikrah. For all of Bereishit (Genesis) and the first half of Shmot (Exodus), we read narratives. The Second half of Shmot, we read the blueprints of and then the actual construction of the Mishkan – the portable worship station that would accompany Bnai Yisroel on their Trek towards Eretz Yisroel. Now the Torah takes a break from narrative and construction. Now we begin reading the various types of offerings that Kohen Gadol, the High Priest, will make on our behalf. These offerings are the various means by which the individual or the community is able to approach Hashem. We approach Hashem for a variety of reasons, including special occasions for personal reasons: repentance, thanksgiving, and special occasions for communal reasons: seasonal festivals, or daily service.

We are familiar with the language that usually appears when Hashem speaks to Moshe. VaYomer Adoshem el Moshe Leimor – Hashem said to Moshe saying; or VaYiDaBeR Adoshem El Moshe Leimor – And Hashem spoke to Moshe saying. Now for the first and perhaps only time, Hashem neither ‘says’ nor “speaks” to Moshe. Instead, we read   Vayikrah el Moshe -God called to Moshe (Lev 1:1). ” Imagine, God calling out to a person before speaking? The word “VaYiKRa” ends with a letter that is in smaller font size than the rest of the letters that are found in the Torah. So clearly, this type of VaYiKRa is different than the typical kind of VaYiKRA with all the letters being the same size. Rashi, the 11th-century French vintner, and commentator explain that God speaks in a loud booming voice; a voice that can shatter trees and be heard throughout the world. However, this VaYiKRa, was only heard by Moshe. The calling was done so in a loving manner. The diminutive final letter – Aleph; suggests two possibilities.  First, Hashem whispered Moshe’s name in a manner that only Moshe could hear. Second, Moshe was humble enough, as symbolized by the diminutive letter, that his soul was receptive to God’s calling. The result of which Moshe quickly and eagerly responded with Hinneni –“Here I am”.

I can’t imagine Moshe ignoring God’s calling out to him. On those rare occasions when my children don’t feel like playing their games, and they respond to my calling the first couple of times, they always seem surprised that I am nicer, easier going, and my request never seems so neither overbearing nor unreasonable. They even think that I am a good mood. Usually, their acknowledgment elicits a smile from me. I explain to them that no one likes to be ignored and that we get along so much better when we actually pay attention to one another, especially when we hear our names being called.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

If You Get Confused Listen To The Music Play ( Robert Hunter, Bill Kreutzman, Jerry Garcia - "Franklin's Tower")

With the Jewish Holidays behind us, we have returned to the mundane. Kids are now in school every day, my wife and I go to work every day and we all run errands every day. Most important is that I actually get to read the news and see the news every day. During the three weeks of Jewish Holidays, I always feel that I am unaware of what is happening in the world. Sure I am able to find out the sports scores, and if there was some huge news event, I would hear about it. As news/ political junkie, these three weeks are really a test in keeping up with what is occurring in the world.  In my home country, the news is spun in a certain way and as a result people talk past each other and nobody seems to listen whether it is about containing Ebola, or dealing with ISIS. As I watch the mayoral race in Toronto unfold, I see excerpts of mayoral debates and see that the candidates talk past each other rather than discuss issues. In Israel, sure Israelis talk to each other but there is no discussions between Israel and it Palestinian counterpart. In fact, Hamas claims that they are reconstructing some of their damaged tunnel.  All the talking past each other or at each other breeds confusion. Confusion seems to breed fear and once fear sets in, well that seems to breed some type of paralysis.

This Shabbat we read from Parsha Noach. This Shabbat we read from Parshat Noach. Comprised of two distinct narratives; both deal with the theology of chaos and confused boundaries. First we read the story of Noach, God’s disenchantment with creation and mankind’s behavior, the instruction to build the Teva (the Ark), the Flood as punishment for mankind’s unethical behavior, the covenant made between God and Noach and the resulting offering to God, and then an odd story about Noach’s drunkenness and one’s sons inappropriate behavior. The second distinct narrative is also about chaos and confused boundaries. This time mankind confuses boundaries and trying to build a tower up to the heavens. The result is that God scatters mankind across the earth by making mankind speak numerous languages and making communication difficult.

 While both narratives can conceivably stand alone; both narratives are related. As manifested in the previous in the story of Creation, God is a god of creation and order. Therefore, in order for God to destroy, order must be removed or chaos must become firmly entrenched.  Meivi et HaMabul Mayim AL HaAretz L’Shacheit Kol Basar Asher Bo Ruach Chayim Mitachat HaShamayim Kol Asher Ba’Aretz Yigvah – I will bring the flood of waters upon the earth  to destroy all flesh, in which is the breath of life from under heaven, and everything that is on earth shall die. Clearly from the text there must be other kinds of floods besides water, otherwise we do not need to be told that this particular flood is one that involves water. The message is that God will punish creation by instituting chaos for a period of time. Later in Chapter 11 as mankind begins building a tower up to heaven God becomes disappointed again. Vayomer Adoshem  Hain Am Echad V’Safah Achat L’Chulam V’zeh Hachilam La’Asot V’aAtah Lo Yibatzeir Mei’hem Kol Asher Yazmu La’Asot – Behold the people is one, and they have all one language; and this they begin to do; and now nothing will be withheld from them which they have schemed to do. Hava Neirdah V’Navlah Sham Sfatam Sher lo Yishmu Ish  Sfat Rei’eihu – Come let us go down and there confound their language, that they may not understand on another’s speech. Instead of the flood of water, God created the flood of language and confusion the flood of a cacophony. From now on there will be a different type of confusion, a confusion of communication between people. No longer be a confusion between the boundary of God and Mankind.

Thousands of years late we still struggle with the results of this different type of confusion. However that is not to say that this confusion in communication cannot be overcome. The only way to overcome the confusion and cacophony of language is one simple act -listening. As an action, “listening” is an act that we all struggle with. Individuals struggle with it, politicians struggle with it, the press struggles with it and nations struggle with. I know that I struggle with listening.  Perhaps the difficulty and the struggle to listen effectively means that we have to put ourselves and our stuff aside even before we hear what the other person has to say. However if we can manage effectively, confusion would diminish and our responses might become more efficient and effective, both for individuals, communities and countries.

Peace,

Rav Yitz