Sorry That You Feel That Way; The Only Thing There Is To Say; Every Silver Lining's Got A Touch Of Grey (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia "Touch of Grey")

Well Passover has passed over.  Of course with the end of the Passover, we try to return our kitchen back to normal. Pesach dishes, pots, pans and utensils are wrapped and boxed and stored away for another year. Hopefully everything will return to normal by the time Shabbat begins. As my wife and I get just a little bit older, and our home is now filled with three teen-agers who quite capable young people, we expect them to help us prepare for Pesach and to clean up after Pesach.  Well our son disappeared into his room, claiming he was tired. What’s so amazing about that idea is that he did not have school the first day after the Pesach holiday. He could have stayed up but he opted for bed. Ironically, he always asks to stay up, but if cleaning up, and schlepping boxes are involved, he discovers fatigue. As for our teen-age daughters, well for about 15 minutes the sixteen year old helped and then she collapsed upon the sofa. The fifteen year old couldn’t find the motivation to help unless she had Chametz…a sandwich, a bowl of cereal, anything really. However it took an hour of complaining about how there was nothing to eat, before she ate. When she was finally ready to help, she provided a whopping ten minutes before she lost interest and grew tired.  I just about lost it. My poor wife and I are wrapping and packing, and cleaning and they were doing next to nothing. I was tired, and aggravated that these capable young people did so little.  I made several hurtful comments concerning their lack of consideration and maturity. Before anything worse came out of my mouth, I stepped outside, calmed down, and collected my thoughts. I thought about what had just transpired. I thought how I should have behaved differently, behaved in a manner that would have de-escalated the tension as opposed to escalate the tension. Then I thought about what I could do to rectify the current situation. When I walked back in, the kids had gone upstairs. My wife said that they were very upset and went upstairs. Although she agreed with me, she thought I had been a bit harsh and clearly they were hurt by what I said. Personally, I don’t like apologizing to my children. However in this particular case, it was absolutely the right thing to do. I went upstairs, and spent some time with each child, explaining that I should have known better. I apologized for failing to act more like an adult and parent. My apology was contrite and heartfelt. They also apologized to me. We talked some more, hugged and then I said good night to each of them. I realized that had I not apologized first, none of them would have apologized to me, and we would have missed an opportunity to discuss the fact that as each of them grow older, we, the parents, expect our children to take on more responsibility in helping around the house. 

This Shabbat, we resume the weekly Torah Readings with Parsha Shemini. Divided into three chapters, Parsha Shemini begins the narrative aspects of the book of Leviticus. Until now, we have read God’s speaking to Moshe about all the various Korbonot (offerings) and Moshe speaking to B’nai Yisroel and the Kohanim about all the Korbonot (offerings). Now, Aaron, the Kohen Gadol, begins his preparations for and then engages in the actual slaughtering of the Ram as part of his own Sin Offering. First the Kohen Gadol must be without blemish, without sin, and ritually pure before he begins serving as the conduit between the individual/community and God. When the Kohen is ritually impure and attempts to approach God inappropriately we learn the results, as does Aaron (Lev. 10:1-2). Finally, we learn how the individual/the community can aspire to be holy without Kohen Gadol’s involvement. We learn this by the Torah’s enumeration of all the animals that are prohibited for consumption.

The Parsha begins with the word VaYehi: It was on the eighth day; Moses summoned Aaron and his sons, and the elders of Israel (Lev. 9:1). In the Talmudic tractate of Megillah (10b) we are taught that the word VaYehi often serves as foreshadow for troubling events. The Midrash teaches that this parsha occurred on the first of Nissan, an incredibly happy time since it serves as an indicator of Zman Cheiruteinu – the Time of our Freedom and the Pesach holiday. However this is a bittersweet moment. The sweetness is the fact that the community is gathering together for the dedication of the Mishkan. The bitterness lay in the fact that a Mishkan is even necessary. Prior to the sin of the Eigel Zahav (Golden Calf), there was no need for a place for Bnai Yisroel to gather and engage in communal and individual Tshuva. Following the sin of the Eigel Zahav, we as individuals and as a community required a central gathering place to atone for our sins, and engage in Tshuvah.  Next we read Vayomer El Aharon Kach Lecha Eigel ben Bakar L’Chatat – [Moshe] said to Aaron: Take for yourself a young bull for a sin offering…(Lev. 9:3).What sin offering? What did Aaron do wrong that a Sin offering was required? Precisely because of Aaron’s involvement in the Golden Calf debacle, he needs to atone. So Aaron must bring a Chatat offering, a sin offering. Aaron must admit his sin, atone for it, and seek a spiritual return to God (Tshuvah) prior to serving on the behalf of the people. Even more powerful than Aaron’s fulfilling this obligation is the fact that Aaron’s two remaining sons, the Elders, and the entire assembly will bear witness to Aaron’s humbling of himself. Not only will Aaron know that he is worthy to serve on behalf of the people, but the people will know as well.

            Our sages hold Aaron in very high esteem. While the Rabbinic Sages are troubled with the way he handled himself during the incident of the Golden Calf; it is here in Parsha Shemini, when Aaron publicly humbles himself, we understand Aaron’s meritorious conduct.  Aaron’s behavior provides a powerful lesson for any individual in a position of authority or leadership. Our ability to engage in heartfelt Tshuva does not diminish our authority but rather enhances it.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

I Will Walk Alone By The Black Muddy River ( Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Black Muddy River")

As our thirteen year old becomes more social; she prefers to spend time more time with her friends out from the watchful eye of her parents. Recently she found herself confronted with a choice: go along with her friends and disobeying her parents or adhering to the rules and the values she had learned and accepted and not be included by the group friends. I would like to think that most parents share the same attitude regarding their child dealing with peer pressure as we have with our young teenager. We have spent so much time trying to instill a sense of self and sense of purpose. We have attempted to teach her the importance of sometimes having to act alone rather than go along with the crowd. We have tried to teach her the importance of thinking for herself and making decisions that are best for her and not to worry about what everyone else thinks. As parents, we never really know if the lessons are penetrating our child’s brain. We can only hope and pray that when our child gets put into a difficult situation, they will respond the way we have taught them. As our daughter found out, sometimes having lots of friends and being a social butterfly can lead to feeling all alone. Recently she had to make a difficult decision which meant losing a “popularity contest” with her friends. We talked about it over dinner and welcomed her to officially being a teen-ager and dealing with peer pressure. We also explained that this was a good lesson in leadership as well.  Sometimes a person leads by being out in front of an issue. Sometimes a person leads by sitting on ones hands and waiting for the right opportunity to make a point.  Sometimes a person leads by having enough patience and confidence and faith that things work themselves out while simultaneously being minimally invasive. Sometimes a person leads by making sure to cause the least amount of tumult, anguish or divisiveness. Perhaps the great leaders are the ones who know when to sit on his/her hands and knowing when to be aggressively proactive. Noach is an excellent case in point. Certainly he was proactive. He prepared for the Mabul, the Flood. However he didn’t enter into the Ark when the first drops arrived. He waited until the last possible second when there was no hope of saving anymore of God’s creation.

 This week we read Parshat Noach. Noach’s story should be familiar to all of us. God sends a flood as a means of dealing with the growing disappointment in mankind abysmal behavior. However one man, Noach, is deemed Ish Tzadik B’Dorotav – a righteous man in his generation and God makes a covenant with him and his family.  As a result, Noach, his family, and the male and female of every species will be saved in order to re-create after the flood. God instructs Noach to build a Tevah, an Ark. So Noach becomes proactive and begins building. According to the Midrash Tanchuma, it took Noach 120 years to build the Ark. Also, the Ark was built atop a mountain in order to give Noach the greatest amount of time to complete the project. This meant hauling all the materials up a mountain. Frequently, during these 120 years, Noach faced ridicule from others and death threats. Yet Noach persevered. Imagine spending roughly 1/8^th of your life preparing for the future. Imagine spending roughly 1/8^th of your life engaged in a single endeavor. Imagine putting off gratification for 1/8^th of your life and then knowing your sense of accomplishment is predicated on the destruction of so much. Imagine spending 1/8^th of your life hauling Gopher wood up a mountain. Imagine spending a 1/8^th of your life contending with the ridicule of others or death threats. Every day Noach spent his time engaged in one activity, building the first aircraft carrier. Eventually the project would become the purpose of living. During this time, Noach’s life was not so easy. In fact, from a practical perspective, Noach’s life seems quite depressing. Yet despite it all, he continued building even though the gratification from the project would not occur for many years.

For most children, making decisions that allow them to be part of the crowd is much more prevalent than making decisions that sets them apart. For most kids, fitting in is much more important than being the best possible person. To be righteous in one’s own generation is no easy task. One must have a strong sense of self, a strong sense of purpose, and a sense of mission to know when to be aggressively proactive and know when to let all that pieces that one worked so hard to prepare to fall into place. Our daughter found it re-assuring that these issues don’t stop when we finish our teenage years. She was relieved to find out that her 23 year old sister still deals with these types of issues. She was ecstatic to find out that both of her parents routinely have to make “unpopular” decisions, even if it means some people very close to us, might be upset. She smiled and immediately realized what we were saying, then thanked us for being good parents even if it means that she gets angry with us some of the time.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

You Who Choose To Lead Must Follow (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Ripple")

Now that the Yamim Noraim and the Chagim are nearly complete we can begin the slow re-entry into the humdrum of routine and the “real world”. Yes, there remains the conclusion of Sukkot, Shemini Atseret and then Simchat Torah, but by the time Shabbat begins the routine of Shabbat liturgy returns and with it the Weekly Parsha. There won’t be any liturgical additions, no additional torah portions to read, or special haftarot to chant.  With the return of a regular and ordinary Shabbat comes the return of the regular work week, and its regular rhythms of the mundane and the ordinary. I admit by the end of Sukkot, I am Holiday-ed out. I yearn for the routine of a regular work week, I long for my children to have a full week of school, and I excitedly rejoin those who keep up with current events. For me the most difficult thing about the Holidays is that they are designed to keep your focus out of the mundane secular world. I actually like to know what is happening in world. I like to know about mankind’s successes and failures. I like to know when mankind has follows the Yetzer HaTov, the good inclination; and the Yetzer Harah, the evil inclination. For example I need to catch up on what happened regarding Syria and chemical weapons. The last time I heard about Syria, some were criticizing the President because he had failed to lead, he consulted Congress and the American people. Vladimir Putin didn’t consult with anyone. For many, Vladimir Putin exhibited strong leadership skills and the President did not.  Weak American leadership and strong Russian leadership in the international arena is an idea scares many in the west. It scares some Americans, it scares some Canadians, and it scares supporters of Israel. It certainly scares me.

This morning we begin the Torah from the very beginning in Parsha Breishit. We are all familiar with the narrative of this Parsha. The first chapter focuses upon the narrative of creation from God’s perspective. The second chapter focuses upon the narrative of creation from a humankind perspective. The third chapter focuses upon Adam and Chava’s disobedience of God, their obedience to the serpent their partaking of the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge and the resulting consequences. The Fourth chapter focuses upon the family’s growth, sibling rivalry as well as fratricide. The fifth chapter focuses upon ten generations of the family’s genealogy beginning with Adam and Chava and concluding with Noach and his sons. In the sixth chapter, God expresses disappointment with mankind’s behavior and God expresses disappointment in his creation. Emcha Et Ha’Adam Asher Barati  Mei’al Pnai Ha’Adamah – I will blot out mankind whom I have created from the face of the ground (Gen. 6:7).

Torah portrays an omnipotent God, and omnipresent God, and omniscient God, throughout each of the chapters that constitute Parsha Breishit. Yet during the creation process in the first chapter there is a moment where power and leadership hang in the balance.  Vayomer Elohim Na’Aseh Adam B’Tzalmeinu Kidmuteinu V’Yirdu Vidgat HaYam U’ve’Of HaShamayim U’Vabeheimah U’vechol Ha’Aretz Uve’Chol HaRemes HaRomeis Al Ha’Adamah – And God said, Let us make Man in our image, after Our likeness. They shall rule over the fish of the sea, the birds of the sky, and the over the animal, the whole earth, and every creeping thing that creeps upon the earth (Gen. 1:26).  The Midrash explains that the creation of mankind might give the appearance of diminishing both God’s power and the Ministering Angel’s power. Instead of being right in his desire to create mankind, God still consulted with the ministering angels. As a result, God and the Heavenly Court could all take responsibility for the positive or negative results of that action.

The lesson in leadership is clear.  No matter the title, or the actual power a leader may have, the issue is always about making sure that there are those willing to follow. A leader with no followers is a person who walks alone. Therefore the trick is to be sure to allow others to take ownership of the mission. No one wants ownership if they are already alienated. The Ministering Angels had every reason to feel alienated with the creation of mankind. Essentially Adam v’Chava were ministering angels here. There were even given the same mission as Ministering Angels. By consulting with the Ministering Angels, they were no longer alienated. After Adam v’Chava disobeyed and ate from the tree of knowledge, and Adam v’ Chava became equally physical as well as spiritual beings; there was even less of a threat. The point is that these Angels were consulted, they were not dismissed. They were factored into the creation process not alienated from it. 

Peace,

Rav Yitz

You Who Choose To Lead Must Follow (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Ripple")

With the conclusion of the last final exam, the last in class party, and the “goodbye’s”, our three younger children finished 7^th, 5^th and 3^rd grade respectively.  As they happily came into the house, and dumped their knapsack in the hall for the last time of this school year, they showed us their report cards. I am always amazed what adults say to our children when they hear about their grades. Actually my amazement has more to do with how utterly silly the comments tend to be and the genuine fear that the comments will serve as a “turn-off” to our children’s continued effort in the particular subject and success.  When our children are asked about their grades, and they mention their grades in Talmud and Tanach, and all things Jewish, someone always asks, “Are you going to be a Rabbi like your father?” If I am standing there, they look at me; eyes open wide, with a slight look of apprehension. I nod to them and they smile and say “no”.  The question is usually asked of our son, but each of our daughters has been asked the question.  While our son used to say that he wanted to be a Rabbi, his answer has subtly evolved. No, he doesn’t want to be a rabbi. While he would like to learn: learn Tanah, learn Talmud, study Judaism and live an observant life; he aspires to other things. Neither his mother nor I encourage him to be a Rabbi but instead gently discourage him from the life of a pulpit Rabbi.

This Shabbat we read from Parsha Pinchas. The first few Psukim of the Parsha are a direct continuation of the previous Parsha: Balak. There is no elapse of time in the narrative. Parsha Balak concludes with a plague upon Bnai Yisroel for its worship of Moabite/Midianite god, Baal Peor. Aaron’s son Pinchas zealously acts by killing Zimri from the tribe of Shimon and Cozbi the Midianite woman. God tells Moshe to reward Pinchas for his behavior by giving him the Brit Shalom, the Covenant of Peace. This covenant is only for Pinchas and his descendants. Keeping in mind that B’nai Yisroel has now concluded it 40 years of wandering in the wilderness and are poised upon the eastern bank of the Jordan River; a new census is taken. Just like we needed to know how many left Egypt, we now need to know how many will enter into Eretz Canaan. After the census is taken Moshe must judge a legal case concerning the laws of inheritance when a man has only daughters. This brief narrative is about the “Daughters of Tzelophchad”. Following this narrative, God commands Moshe to teach the new generation the laws for time bound offerings including the Shabbat offering, the Rosh Chodesh offering, the offerings for the Shelosh Regalim (Three Pilgrimage Festivals etc).

             God also tells Moshe Rabeinu that his time as leader and in fact his life is quickly drawing to a close and that he should put his affairs in order (27:12-18). Given the opportunity this incredible opportunity to put his affairs in order, the most glaring concern that Moshe has is publicly naming and endorsing his successor. On the one hand, it is an obvious choice. The Torah mentioned two men who were there at Sinai and were eligible to enter into Canaan: Caleb and Joshua. Of the two, Joshua has received far more print. After all, he warned Moshe of Bnai Yisroel’s behavior with the Egel Zahav, he fough the Amalekites while Moshe held up his hands. Joshua has served as Moshe’s right hand for all these years.  Yet Moshe, as smart as he is, as prophetic as his spirit is, still speaks to God in the hope that God will make the choice: Yifkod Adoshem Elokai Haruchot L’Chol Basar Ish Al Ha’Eidah. May Hashem, God of the spirits of all flesh, appoint a man over the assembly, Asher Yeitzei Lifneihem va’Asher Yavo Lifneihem Va’Asher Yevieim V’Lo Tiheyeh Adat Adoshem Katzon Asher Ein Lahem Roeh –who shall go out before them and come in before them, who shall take them out and bring them in; and let the assembly of Hashem not be like sheep that have no shepherd. (27:16-17). Indeed God makes a choice. The question is: why didn’t Moshe just nominate Joshua using the language of the two Psukim and invoking the qualities enumerated in these two psukim?

 It seems that maybe Moshe was hoping for a different answer.  Bemidbar Rabbah, the Talmudic Sages commentary on the book of Bemidbar, makes the following comment: What prompted Moshe to make this request immediately after the chapter dealing with the laws of inheritance? Since the daughters of Zelophehad inherited their father, Moshe said: Now is the time to make my claims. If daughters inherit, then it is only right that my sons inherit my glory! Said the Holy One Blessed Be He to him: ‘Who so keepeth the fig tree shall eat the fruit thereof’ (Proverbs 27:18). Your sons idled away their time and did not occupy themselves with the study of the Torah, but as for Joshua, much did he minister to you and much honor did he apportion you… Since he served you with all his strength it were meet for him to minister to Israel that he doesn’t lose his reward. Take Joshua son of Nun” The Talmud adds: Why do not the children of scholars usually turn out to be scholars? Said Rabbi Yosef: That it should not be said that the Torah came to them by inheritance” (Nedarim 71a).  Rather, Torah is inherited by those who labor in it, who study it, who struggle with it and wrestle with it. A scholar’s son may engage in such activities but he does so because of his own volition, not because of his father.

             As parents we always hope our children will do well in school. More importantly we stress that they should put forth an honest effort. More importantly we hope that they will discover their own academic interests, not because they are mine and my wife’s but rather because each recognizes his/her own intellectual curiosity  about various subjects and wishes to pursue them because each has made it their own.

Peace,

Rav Yitz