On a typical weekday evening, after Mincha/Maariv (the afternoon and evening services) have been recited, and the final carpool has been driven, I usually walk in only to be inundated with every problem and issue that is plaguing my wife and our three teenagers. “This is broken”, “can you fix this”, “can you help me with my algebra”, “can you help me with chemistry”, or “can you help me study for my Talmud test”? After I perform a few minutes of triage and calm people down; we eat dinner. At that point, everyone views these few minutes of family mealtime as an opportunity to share every hurt feeling, every social slight, and “issue” that each teenager seems to be dealing with. Honestly, it seems like I am watching my wife and children’s lives as soap operas. Sometimes it can be exhausting. I try to get away from it by working out for about 45 minutes. Admittedly, they are all quite respectful of this, otherwise, they know that I won’t have the patience to help them. For the next few hours I help with household chores, I help with essays, math problems, test, and applications. By 11pm, I am ready to sit on the sofa with a cup of tea and watch my news show and catch up with the world. Unfortunately, I encounter another soap opera of political intrigue, investigation, fragile egos, nuclear tension, and the constant venting of emotion via Twitter. I had hoped that my cup of tea, and listening to the news would have calmed me down, provided some perspective and allowed me to settle myself down for a quiet peaceful sleep.
This morning we read from Parshah Vayeishev. The focus of the narrative now shifts from Yaakov (aka. Israel) to his most beloved son Yosef. Contextually, Yaakov is at a point in his life where he has finished his spiritual and personal struggles. He now is at a calm and settled point in his life, hence the name of the Parshah: Vayeishev – and he settled. We learn that Yaakov, like his parents, played favorites. He showered Yosef, Rachel’s son, with a beautiful Kutonet Pasim – Coat of Many Colors. Yosef was a bit arrogant. This was manifested in his dreams that portrayed his greatness and the subjugated his brothers and his parents to his power. Needless to say, no one appreciated his dreams, neither his brothers who wanted to kill him nor his father who sent Yosef back to his brothers knowing that they were angry with him (Gen. 37:10-14). Yosef is then removed from a pit, sold as a slave and worked in the home of one of Pharaoh’s courtiers. The parsha concludes with Yosef being sent to prison.
Phew! Yosef’s life sounds like a soap opera. Yosef’s life is full of ups and downs. Yosef was up as a favored son, down when he was admonished by his father. Yosef was down when he was thrown into a pit by his brother, and then he was quite literally up when he was removed from the pit. Soon after, Yosef was quickly down when he was sold into slavery. However, he went back up again when, as a slave, he was also the manager of the courtier’s business dealings. Yosef was then literally brought down by the courtier’s wife, and then went further down when he was thrown down into the prison. Yet even in prison, he enjoyed an elevated status because of his abilities. Yosef’s life has a certain roller coaster quality to it. He is an individual who has enjoyed success and experienced failure. Frequently, we read of Yosef going up and going down, ascending and descending in terms of direction and not only his spirituality. VaYishlcheihu M’Emek Chevron V’Yavoh ShChema – So he [Yaakov] sent him [Yosef] from the depth of Hebron, and he arrived at Shechem. Hebron is in the south and Shechem is in the north, so from the perspective of direction, Yosef’s going from south to north would usually be categorized as “up”. However, the phrase Emek Chevron is very problematic. Rashi, the 11th century French commentator, explains that V’Eilah Chevron B’Har, “VYaalu B’Negev Ad Chevron (BeMidbar 13:22) – Hebron is situated on a mountain as it says in Numbers 13:22 ‘they ascended in the south up to Hebron’. Clearly, the language appears confusing. Clearly, the text is geographically challenged. Maybe those two simple words, Emek Hebron, and those contradictory concepts Emek Hebron are supposed to teach us something about the nature of Yosef’s life and our lives.
Maybe it is too much for me to wish my children’s lives to be quiet and boring. While “quiet” and “boring” suggests calm and even peacefulness; the reality is that human beings are far too complex to have “quiet and boring”. We engage in relationships, we are social beings, and we are spiritual beings. We think and we feel. Life will always have its ups and downs. We don’t even need to look for the ups and downs; it will find us. Of course, this begs the question why leaders go out of their way to “make news”; to do behave and lead as if life was a soap opera or a reality TV Show. As a parent, it is exhausting when a child’s life has the ups and downs of a soap opera. As a citizen, it is exhausting to constantly read about soap opera leadership while there are serious news stories and serious issues that need to be dealt with. Yosef, a spoiled son, a dreamer, a leader and an incredibly talented young man, demonstrates that sometimes a perceived down might really be an up and a perceived up might really be a down. It seems that the key is how we look at the ups and downs and how we handle those ups and downs.
Peace,
Rav Yitz
