Let The Words Be Yours, I'm Done With Mine (John Barlow & Bob Weir- "Cassidy)

The other day, our fourteen year old daughter got the best of me. After pushing my buttons over and over again, I made the number one parent mistake. I responded. I should have walked away but I responded. Knowing that I possessed a much stronger vocabulary that could inflict more hurt than what she was saying to me; I should have just walked away. However in the heat of the moment, I wanted to show her that I was the parent.  So I said something that was pretty hurtful to her. In a look that expressed shock; her jaw dropped, tears welled up and she ran upstairs to her room.  Belatedly I went outside to get some air and collect my thoughts. I thought about what had just transpired. I thought how I should have behaved differently, behaved in a manner that would have de-escalated the tension as opposed to escalated the tension. Then I thought about what I could do to rectify the current situation of our fourteen year old daughter angry and upset in her room.  Personally, I don’t like apologizing to my children. However in this particular case, it was absolutely the right thing to do. I went upstairs, I sat at the foot of her bed and apologized. I explained that I should have known better. I apologized for failing to act more like an adult and her parent. My apology was contrite and heartfelt. She cried a little and apologized to me. We talked some more, hugged and then I said good night to her. I realized that had I not apologized first, she would never have apologized to me and we would never have discussed the issue that was at the heart of the matter. 

This Shabbat, we resume the weekly Torah Readings with Parsha Shemini. Divided into three chapters, Parsha Shemini begins the narrative aspects of the book of Leviticus. Until now, we have read God’s speaking to Moshe about all the various Korbonot (offerings) and Moshe speaking to Bnai Yisroel and the Kohanim about all the Korbonot (offerings). Now, Aaron, the Kohen Gadol, begins his preparations for and then engages in the actual slaughtering of the Ram as part of his own Sin Offering. First the Kohen Gadol must be without blemish, without sin, and ritually pure before he begins serving as the conduit between the individual/community and  God. When the Kohen is ritually impure and attempts to approach God inappropriately we learn the results, as does Aaron (Lev. 10:1-2). Finally, we learn how the individual/the community can aspire to be holy without Kohen Gadol’s involvement. We learn this by the Torah’s enumeration of all the animals that are prohibited for consumption.

The Parsha begins with the word VaYehi: It was on the eighth day; Moses summoned Aaron and his sons, and the elders of Israel (Lev. 9:1). In the Talmudic tractate of Megillah (10b) we are taught that the word VaYehi often serves as foreshadow for troubling events. The Midrash teaches that this parsha occurred on the first of Nissan, an incredibly happy time since it serves as an indicator of Zman Cheiruteinu – the Time of our Freedom and the Pesach holiday. However this is a bittersweet moment. The sweetness is the fact that the community is gathering together for the dedication of the Mishkan. The bitterness lay in the fact that a Mishkan is even necessary. Prior to the sin of the Eigel Zahav (Golden Calf), there was no need for a place for Bnai Yisroel to gather and engage in communal and individual Tshuva. Following the sin of the Eigel Zahav, we as individuals and as a community required a central gathering place to atone for our sins, and engage in Tshuvah.  Next we read Vayomer El Aharon Kach Lecha Eigel ben Bakar L’Chatat – [Moshe] said to Aaron: Take for yourself a young bull for a sin offering…(Lev. 9:3).What sin offering? What did Aaron do wrong that a Sin offering was required? Precisely because of Aaron’s involvement in the Golden Calf debacle, he needs to atone. So Aaron must bring a Chatat offering, a sin offering. Aaron must admit his sin, atone for it, and seek a spiritual return to God (Tshuvah) prior to serving on the behalf of the people. Even more powerful than Aaron’s fulfilling this obligation is the fact that Aaron’s two remaining sons, the Elders, and the entire assembly will bear witness to Aaron’s humbling of himself. Not only will Aaron know that he is worthy to serve on behalf of the people, but the people will know as well.

            Our sages hold Aaron in very high esteem. While the Rabbinic Sages are troubled with the way he handled himself during the incident of the Golden Calf; it is here in Parsha Shemini, when Aaron publicly humbles himself, we understand Aaron’s meritorious conduct.  Aaron’s behavior provides a powerful lesson for any individual in a position of authority or leadership. Our ability to engage in heartfelt Tshuva does not diminish our authority but rather enhances it.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

If a man among you, got no sin upon his hand (Hunter/Weir/Hart- Playing in the Band)

The other day, my ten year old daughter got the best of me. After pushing my buttons over and over again, I made the number one parent mistake. I responded. I should have walked away, but I responded. Knowing that I possessed a much stronger vocabulary and that could inflict much more damage than she ever could; I should have just walked away. However in the heat of the moment, I wanted to show her who the parent was, and it wasn’t the ten year old. So I said something that was pretty hurtful to her. In a look that expressed shock; her jaw dropped, tears welled up and she ran upstairs to her room. Belatedly, I went outside to get some air and collect my thoughts. I thought about what had just transpired. I thought how I could have behaved differently, behaved in a way that would have de-escalated the tension as opposed to escalated the tension. I thought about what needs to be done to rectify the current situation. Apologizing can be difficult, apologizing to a child is almost impossible. However in this particular case, it was absolutely the right thing to do. I went upstairs, I sat at the foot of her bed and apologized. I explained that I should have known better. I apologize for failing to act more like an adult and her parent. My apology was contrite and heartfelt. She began crying and apologized to me. We talked some more, hugged and then I said good night to her. I realized that had I not apologized first, she would never have apologized to me and we would never have discussed the issue that was at the heart of the matter; her insolent behavior. Because I apologized to her first, I appeared more human, more approachable and safer for her to apologize to me.

This Shabbat, we read Parsha Shemini. Divided into three chapters, Parsha Shemini begins the narrative aspects of the book of Leviticus. Until now, we have read God’s speaking to Moshe about all the various Korbonot (offerings) and Moshe speaking to Bnai Yisroel and the Cohanim about all the Korbonot (offerings). Now, Aaron, the Kohen Gadol, begins his preparations for and then engages in the actual slaughtering of the Ram as part of his own Sin Offering. First the Kohen Gadol must be without blemish, without sin, and ritually pure before he begins serving as the conduit between the individual/community and God. When the Kohen is ritually impure and attempts to approach God inappropriately we learn the results, as does Aaron (Lev. 10:1-2). Finally, we learn how the individual/the community can aspire to be holy without Kohen Gadol’s involvement. We learn this by the Torah’s enumeration of all the animals that are prohibited for consumption.

The Parsha begins with the word VaYehi: It was on the eighth day; Moses summoned Aaron and his sons, and the elders of Israel (Lev. 9:1). In the Talmudic tractate of Megillah (10b) we are taught that the word VaYehi often serves as foreshadow for troubling events. The Midrash teaches that this parsha occurred on the first of Nissan, an incredibly happy time since it serves as an indicator of Zman Cheiruteinu – the Time of our Freedom and the Pesach holiday. However this is a bittersweet moment. The sweetness is the fact that the community is gathering together for the dedication of the Mishkan. The bitterness lay in the fact that a Mishkan is even necessary. Prior to the sin of the Eigel Zahav (Golden Calf), there was no need for a place for Bnai Yisroel to gather and engage in communal and individual Tshuva. Following the sin of the Eigel Zahav, we as individuals and as a community required a central gathering place to atone for our sins, and engage in Tshuvah. Next we read Vayomer El Aharon Kach Lecha Eigel ben Bakar L’Chatat – [Moshe] said to Aaron: Take for yourself a young bull for a sin offering…(Lev. 9:3).What sin offering? What did Aaron do wrong that a Sin offering was required? Precisely because of Aaron’s involvement in the Golden Calf debacle, he needs to atone. So Aaron must bring a Chatat offering, a sin offering. Aaron must admit his sin, atone for it, and seek a spiritual return to God (Tshuvah) prior to serving on the behalf of the people. Even more powerful than Aaron’s fulfilling this obligation is the fact that Aaron’s two remaining sons, the Elders, and the entire assembly will bear witness to Aaron’s humbling of himself. Not only will Aaron know that he is worthy to serve on behalf of the people, but the people will know as well.

Our sages hold Aaron in very high esteem. While the Rabbinic Sages are troubled with the way he handled himself during the incident of the Golden Calf; it is here in Parsha Shemini, when Aaron publicly humbles himself, we understand Aaron’s meritorious conduct. Aaron’s behavior provides a powerful lesson for any individual in a position of authority or leadership. Whether Parent, President or Prime Minister, our ability to engage in heartfelt Tshuva does not diminish that authority but rather enhances it.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

They're Telling Me Forgiveness is the Key to Every Door - Bobby Peterson, Phil Lesh "Unbroken Chain"

When I was a kid, and did something wrong, the following scene always occurred. My parents reprimanded me. After a long and stern talking to, I petulantly responded with an apology. My mother or father would look at me and say, “No, you’re not sorry. I am not interested in your apology. Just don’t do it again.” Of course I would begin to panic because it seemed that no prescribed formula existed for me to get back into their good graces. After I had some time to think about it, I would apologize a second time. This apology sounded less petulant, more thoughtful, and certainly more meaningful. My parents would look at me, and in a much gentler tone, I would receive my punishment and be sent on my way. Interestingly enough, I was happy to be punished. At least I wasn't being ignored and dismissed. Now, thirty years later, guess what? The same scene occurs. The same conversations transpire. The same petulance erupts, the same attempts at an appropriate apology occurs. The same sense of relief radiates from the face when the child realizes that the punishment offers a path to re-establishing a warmth and closeness. The only difference is that I am the father, and I play this scene out with my four children.

In this week’s Parsha, Ki Tisa, we read about Moshe and a nation entering into the apology process. We read about T’shuvah. The parshah begins with God telling Moshe to conduct a census and each adult should make a donation. Meanwhile, B’nai Yisroel had been getting quite worried while Moshe was up the mountain for 40 days and nights. So they had Aaron build a Golden Calf. Well needless to say, B’nai Yisroel’s idolatry (avodah zarah) did not exactly go un-noticed. God says “Let my anger flare up against them and I shall annihilate them…” (Ex. 32:10). Moshe was just as angry. “Moshe’s anger flared up, He threw down the tablets from his hands, and shattered them at the foot of the mountain” (Ex. 32:19). Moshe chastised the people and then went back up the mountain to placate God’s anger. After everyone calmed down, punishments were meted out. As God and Moshe began the re-issuing of the two tablets, something fascinating happened. God and Moshe grew closer. God had a new found respect for Moshe and his people, and Moshe had a new found closeness with God. So much so, that Moshe uttered the words “Hodi’eini nah et D’rachecha V’Eda’acha -Make your way known to me so that I may know You…Show me Your Glory” (Ex. 33:13:14). God re-issues his covenant with Moshe, and reveals himself to Moshe. God makes his way known to Moshe by uttering a formula, the Thirteen Attributes.

What an incredibly powerful moment! Moshe sought forgiveness, and learned how to do so in a thoughtful and honest manner. Certainly, there was punishment. Certainly, there was fear. Yet the process resulted in a closer, more loving, respectful, and powerful relationship. This closer, more awesome relationship is a product of doing T’shuvah, repentance. As a nation we had never sought repentance. As a nation, we did not even know what repentance was. As a nation, as children, we were just told to behave. We had not tested the ramifications for disobedience. Now, B’nai Israel had made a grievous mistake. This mistake emanates from a group of spiritual children who test.. However, part of the spiritual maturation process, like emotional and physical maturation involves falling down, making mistakes, and then knowing enough to seek repentance, to do T’shuvah. Moshe did this on behalf of B’nai Yisroel. God taught Moshe what honest, meaningful, and thoughtful repentance meant. God gave Moshe a code, a formula to be used by the nation after a long, thoughtful, meaningful repentant process occurred. Ado-shem Ado-shemi k'El Rachum v’Chanun, Erech Apaim v’Rav Chesed v’ Emet, Notzer Chesed La’ Alafim, Noseih Avon V’Feshah v’Chata’ah v’Nakei-“HaShem, HaShem G-d, Compassionate and Gracious, Slow to Anger, and Abundant in Kindness and Truth, Preserver of Kindness for thousands of generations, Forgiver of Iniquity, Willful Sin, and Error and Who Cleanses….” (Ex 34:6-7). Rabbi Yochanan, a great Talmudic sage in the Talmudic Tractate Rosh Hashanah (17b), explained: if this verse were not written, it would be impossible for us to say. We could never describe God like this. This passage teaches us that God wrapped himself in a Tallis like the person leading the congregation in prayer. And like the person leading the congregation in prayer, God showed Moshe the order of this particular prayer. “Whenever Israel sins, let them perform before Me this order of prayer, and I shall forgive them”.

As children, adults, and as a people, we all need a way to apologize in a meaningful, honest and thoughtful manner. We all need a safe haven to issue such an apology. Then when punishment is meted out, we understand that it is a result of behavior and not for being. We also get the message that the punishment does not mean that we are not loved. Rather it is just the opposite. If meted out fairly, warmly, and in a loving manner, we get the messaged that we are cared for and loved. We get the message that the punishment is part of the process by which we can return to that warm and close relationship. No matter how long we remain negligent in our behavior and observance there is a way back towards God and Torah. However the impetus is upon us. We must take the first steps. We must go through some introspection, some tough honest introspection, and some self-reflection. The formula spelled out here in Ki Tissa, demands it. Otherwise we say the words petulantly and defensively. The process then becomes rather empty. Only then we engage in a thoughtful apologetic process can we achieve meaningful repentance. Only then can we achieve a sense of self-contentment, inner peace and spiritual radiance. “When Moshe descended from Mount Sinai… Moshe did not know that the skin of his face had become radiant” (Ex. 34:29). In fact, we know that children radiate this type of glow when the punishment is meted out, we hug them and they are thankful.

Peace,

Rav Yitz