I Can Hear The Siren's Call It's A Certain Sort Of Sound; And The Rain Falling Down (John Barlow & Bob Weir -"Saint of Circumstance")

           Over the past few weeks, Frances Haugen,  a former data scientist at Facebook, revealed how the company’s algorithm amplifies misinformation, anger, inflammatory divisive speech: all of which ultimately corrodes the foundations of a democratic society. She explained this to newspapers, and with numerous documents that she copied prior to leaving Facebook, she testified to this before a Senate subcommittee. Earlier this week, she appeared before the British Parliament to testify as well. Since she went public with her story and documents, others have and will continue to come forward testifying to the toxic environment that Facebook creates with its algorithm, its disdain for public safety, and its avarice and greed with revenue generation as its only goal. It takes a certain type of person to have the courage, the strength of character, a strong moral code,  to be a whistleblower. I don’t think Ms. Haugen began her career as a data scientist aspiring to become a whistleblower.  Nor do I think that one becomes a whistleblower for selfish reasons. It is a rather selfless and lonely endeavor that illustrates a concern for the greater good and concern for the vulnerable.

        This week's Parsha is Chayei Sarah. The Parsha begins with recounting the years of Sarah's life, Avraham's mourning for his wife, purchasing the land for Sarah's burial, and then burying her. Avraham then tells his servant that he does not want his son, Yitzchak, marrying a Canaanite woman. Instead, his servant must return to Avraham's hometown and look for a woman from Avraham's family/ tribe. The servant wants to know how to determine the appropriate girl for his master's son. Avraham answers that the girl that returns with the servant is the right girl. Armed with treasures, camels, and plenty of wealth for a dowry, the servant sets off and decides that the best place to find a girl is by the local well. There the servant decides that the "right" girl is the girl who would offer him water, as well as offer water to his camels. Sure enough, Rebecca arrives at the well and fulfills the servant's standard. The servant returns with Rebecca to her family convinces the family to let her go, and Rebecca is asked if she wants to return with the servant. Rebecca unhesitatingly responds with a yes. Now Rebecca has fulfilled the servant's requirement as well as Avraham's requirement. Upon her arrival at her new home, she sees her betrothed, and, not knowing who he was, asked the servant. The servant told her and she covered herself. Rebecca and Yitzchak are married. The Parsha concludes with Yitzchak and Ishmael burying their father, and the genealogy of Ishmael's family.

        The story of the Yitzchak and Rebecca's courtship is one of the more unique stories in Torah. Three times we read of the servant’s test or criteria for determining a wife for his master’s son. The first mention occurs when the servant prays to God that a girl offers water to him and his camels. Vayomer Adonai Elohei Adoni Avraham Hakrei Nah Lfanai Hayom V'Asei Chesed Im Adoni Avraham - And he said, " Lord, God of my master Avraham, may you so arrange it for me this day that you do kindness with my master Abraham, See, I stand here by the spring of water and the daughters of the townsmen come out to draw. Let it be that the maiden to whom I shall say 'Please tip over your jug so I may drink', and who replies, 'Drink, and I will even water your camels,'…. (Gen 24:12-14) The second telling of this story is when it actually occurs. (Gen 24:15-21) The third telling of the story occurs when the servant tells it for the first time to Rebecca's family (Gen.24:42-46). These events must be significant if Torah tells us the events in three different contexts, all of which are in the same chapter.

        The servants' criteria are quite eye-opening. A woman that shows kindness to the stranger, a lowly servant, the embodiment of the vulnerable. The woman showed kindness to the stranger by offering him water and then providing water to his camels without having to be asked. Neither demonstrating fear of a stranger, concern for her safety, Rebecca's sole focus was upon the well-being of the “other”, in this case, Avraham’s servant. Such a selfless woman, with a genuine concern for the “other”, must be the right person for his master’s son because similar qualities are manifest in his master’s character. The servant doesn’t worry about looks, her family's character, and behavior, success in school, or anything else. Just one simple act of Gemilut Chasadim, of Loving Kindness, is the sole criteria for choosing a mate. Ms. Haugen must have had role models, perhaps her parents, teachers, or mentors with tremendous character, a powerful moral code, and concern for the welfare of others. Clearly, Ms. Haugen learned those lessons, internalized them, made those qualities part of her character, and when confronted with an injustice, she blew a whistle in an attempt to make the world a bit safer and a bit better than it was before. 

Peace,
Rav Yitz

Like A Child She Is Pure, She Is Not To Blame (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Help Is On The Way"

           With two daughters attending university, a daughter well into her career and supporting herself, and a son in 12th grade filling out university applications, I admit that there are moments that I don’t feel very much like a father of four, that I am “coasting” through fatherhood. After all,  the demands of fatherhood have changed since they were adolescents. However, recently, and all at once, the demands of fatherhood came crashing down upon me. Over the course of 48 hours, I had to spend a few hours helping a daughter with an essay for art history. I had to listen to another daughter share her angst and concern about a relationship and then I had to offer advice. Then later that same night I helped our son with his university application as well as engaged in a heated discussion with him regarding an online class that he was taking for extra credit in which he has procrastinated for months. Then finally, a brief conversation with my eldest daughter about her life. Needless to say, I was emotionally drained. Oh, how I almost yearned for those days when bedtime was early, the homework was simple, and the emotional issues much less fraught.  

           This week’s Parsha is VaYeira. The narrative and adventures of Avraham the Patriarch continue. While healing from his ritual circumcision, he fulfills the mitzvah of Hachnasat Orchim, hospitality. He negotiates with God and reduces the number of righteous people that must be found in Sodom and Gomorrah in order to prevent its destruction. The narrative of Avraham is interrupted as we read the narrative of Lot, the two Angels (the same two that had visited Avraham at the beginning of the Parsha), the destruction of the city, and the impure relationship that results when the survivors think that world has been destroyed. The narrative returns to Avraham as its focus and he and his wife Sarah give birth to a son (Yitzchak), the banishment of Hagar and Ishmael (Avraham’s firstborn son and his concubine), and the final test of his belief, the Akeidat Yitzchak – the Offering of Isaac. While the narrative highlights Avraham’s faith in God, and certainly a man worthy of receiving God’s covenant; the Parsha is replete with a parent’s ill-treatment of a child. Avraham was willing to offer his son Yitzchak as a way of indicating his faith in God. He banished his son Ishmael into the wilderness. Certainly, it is possible to evaluate Avraham’s behavior as a father as a bit negligent, to say the least, and perhaps abusive.

        Yet the Torah struggles with portraying Avraham’s sons as just that, sons. When we read the text, we view Yitzchak and Ishmael as little boys, helpless victims in Avraham’s displays of faith. We easily forget that Yitzchak was thirty-seven years old when Avraham was asked to make him an offering to God. Ishmael’s status changes throughout the Parsha. His status changes within one narrative from verse to verse.  VaYeira HaDavar M’Ode B’Einei Avraham Al Odot B’no. VaYomer Elokim El Avraham Al Yeira B’Einecha AL HaNa’Ar v’Al Amatecha – The matter greatly distressed Avraham regarding his son. So God said to Avraham, “be not distressed over the (HaNa’ar) youth or your slave woman. (21:11-12). VaYitein El Hagar Sam Al Shichmah V’Et HaYeled V’Yishalcheha VaTeileich BaTeita B’Midbar B’Eir Shava -  He placed them on her should along with the Yeled (the boy), and sent her off… (Gen. 21:14).  Why does the text easily and seemingly so arbitrarily switch between the use of (Yeled) the boy and the (Na’Ar)  youth? The Chatam Sofer, Rabbi Moshe Schreiber, a late 18th early 19th-century German commentator and Halachist, points out that the term Na’ar (Youth) is used when Ishmael is home living with Avraham, and the term Yeled (boy/child) is used when Ishmael is in the wilderness cut off from his father’s influence.  A Na’Ar (a youth) was held to the same high standards that Avraham held for himself and his household. This means that as a Na’Ar, Ishmael embodied and lived up to the expectations of Avraham’s teachings. As Yeled (a boy), Ishmael was not held to the same high exacting standard of behavior and belief nor was he capable.

           Parenting is no easy task. Quite often it is thankless. As parents, we are constantly forced to make choices. Some of our choices are true tests in our faith in God. Some of our choices leave us feeling that we are stuck between choosing between “bad” and “worse”. Some of our choices mean that we need to know when the child is ready to transition from one stage of life to the next, from “baby” to “toddler”, from “teen” to “adult”. As parents we have a responsibility to our children, to pass along morals, values, and Torah. As parents, we also have the responsibility to determine how much responsibility our kids can handle as they make their way within the developmental process. As a result, we need to see our children as they are and not how we wish them to be. Only then can we help them transition from one stage of life to the next.

 Peace,
Rav Yitz 

Walk Into Splintered Sunlight Inch Your Way Through Dead Dreams To Another Land (Robert Hunter & Phil Lesh - "Box of Rain")

           Our seventeen-year-old has come down with a sickness that strikes students in their final year of High School. This sickness is extremely prevalent in Canada and The United States. Our son’s U.S.  and Canadian summer camp friends are coming down with this. I remember having an awful case of it when I was 17 and in my last year of high school. The sickness is called “Senior-itis”. Senioritis for students in their final year of high school focuses upon the profound desire to leave home.  In some cases, the desire is so strong that the student will seek a university as far away as possible.  A less severe case might mean that the student only needs to be an hour away. Because the desire to get out of the parents’ home is so powerful,  life with the 12th grader can be quite strained and tense for the rest of the family. Suddenly rules are questioned, parents are considered to be overbearing and impossible to deal with. The 12th grader walks around frequently aggravated and muttering under his/her breath: “I can’t wait to get out of here.” While all this is perfectly normal and natural, it does carry one enormous risk. It is much safer to have Senioritis when the senior has already been accepted to University or at least a gap year program. Why? Senioritis also affects the 12th grader’s attitude towards school. Senioritis is most dangerous when the student has not yet been accepted because there is still the pressure to academically succeed and apply, all the while dealing with the overbearing desire to leave home.  One should keep in mind that depending on the behavior of the 12th grader, the symptoms can spread. Not only to younger siblings but more importantly, it can spread to us parents. The more the 12th grader becomes impossible; the more the parents can’t wait for the child to get accepted, graduate high school, and actually leave. Obviously, some parents may be more affected than others. In our home, for example, I have become quite vulnerable to our 12th grader’s case of senioritis. Like him, I am getting to the point where I cannot wait for him to leave. However, his mother seems completely invulnerable and can’t stand the idea that he wants to leave.

            This week’s Parsha offers an excellent example of the first steps towards independence, the natural need for reassurance, and mutual trust and faith between a parent and child. Many events occur in Parshat Lech Lecha. Included among these are: Abram leaving his birthplace, traveling down to Egypt and becoming wealthy, separating from Lot, his brother’s son and last blood relative, fight in a battle and killing those men responsible for territorial instability, fathering a son by his wife’s handmaid (with his wife’s approval), and finally circumcising himself at age 99 and all the males in his household, including his son Ishmael.

             In this Parsha, so many things happen to Avram. He is forever running ahead of God; He is forever living life and making decisions. Avram is forever wondering if he is indeed “doing the right thing”.  Like any good parent, God allows Avram to “run ahead”, be independent, and still offer the necessary parental reassurance.  Noach’s relationship was very different than Avraham’s. Noach walked with God suggesting an image of a parent holding a baby’s hands as he/she learns to walk.  Regarding Avram, the Torah says: “And the Lord appeared before Avram and said- Ani El Shaddai Hithaleich Lefanai Veheyei Tamim - I am El Shaddai; walk before Me and be perfect (17:1). Avram is spiritually more evolved; he can walk ahead. However, even when we allow our children to run ahead of us, or give them more and more independence, we still reassure them that we are part of their lives, and everything will work itself out. Six times Avram receives fatherly assurance in the form of a covenant. Ironically, the first time we read of this assurance is immediately following Avram’s father’s death. God tells Avram to leave his birthplace and he will become a great nation (12:2).  God reassures Avram a second time while Avram, literally, walks ahead of God and keeps going until God tells him where to stop. God reiterates his covenant to Avram (12:7), thereby reassuring Avram. God reassures Avram after he made the difficult decision of separating from the last vestiges of his family of origin, Lot (his brother’s son). By re-iterating his covenant (13:14), God reassures Avram that although the decision was painful, it was correct. After worrying whether he behaved appropriately by fighting against the five kings, God re-iterates and reassures Avram a fourth time (15:4). Avram receives reassurance for the fifth time after he drives away the birds of prey that ruined the sacrifice he made to God (15:13). Avram’s sixth reassurance occurs after making the difficult decision of sending away his firstborn son Ishmael.       

           Avram walks ahead of God knowing that God is always around to reassure him. Ultimately this type of relationship breeds a strong sense of security, trust, and faith in the parent figure. Faith breeds faith and trust breeds trust. Certainly, our 12th-grade son might think that he is ready to begin his own version of Lech Lecha. Yet about some things, he still needs to walk with his parents and, believe it or not, still wants to walk with his parents. About other things, the frustration and aggravation that he feels towards us is merely an expression of the fact that he wants to walk on ahead of us. In both instances, he is telling us about his level of self-confidence to handle the first steps of the path of his own lifelong journey.  One thing is for sure, as parents, we never stop trying to guide and teach him so when he does walk on ahead, he remains grounded in his values and the lessons that she learned. Hopefully, as he grows older and well on his journey, his aggravation with his parents will diminish. Perhaps he will even begin to appreciate the wisdom that we transmitted to him. I hope. 

Peace,
Rav Yitz

Walk Out Of Any Doorway; Feel Your Way Like The Day Before (Robert Hunter & Phil Lesh "Box of Rain")

            I just spent two weeks in quarantine, after I drove my twenty-year-old daughter to the University of Maryland. While down in my basement, reading books, working out on my elliptical machine, and watching the news as well as assorted Netflix movies, my daughters knew that I was always home and available for them. In the late mornings, our eighteen-year-old daughter would Whatsapp video call me from Israel. She would tell me about her classes her voice filled with excitement her face full of enthusiasm. Later on, in the early part of the afternoon, I would receive a WhatsApp message or video call from our twenty-year-old. If it was a video call, invariably she would be walking across the campus, coming from a class, her physical therapy session, or a store. Always wearing a mask, her voice too was filled with excitement to be on a big-time college campus, excited to be living in an apartment and thankful for schlepping her down to the University of Maryland. Later in the evening, I would send a message to our eldest daughter. I know that she is incredibly busy trying to get her candidate elected to the United States Congress. Usually, she would respond on a video call as well, prefacing our call by informing me that she only has a few minutes to spare because she is so busy. The campaign will be done next week. Although she looks so tired that I worry about her, her voice is also filled with excitement and passion, her face resolute as she guides a campaign to its ultimate goal.  

          This week's Parsha is Lech Lecha. In it, God commands Abram to leave his father, his homeland, and everything he has ever known, and go towards a place that God will show him later. Abram does. He heads down towards Egypt because of a famine. Eventually, Abram leaves Egypt with money, flocks, servants, and wealth. Lot, Abram's nephew, and Abram decide to part ways since each their respective flocks not only become intermingled but their hired hands fight among each other. Abram then fights against several kings in an attempt to protect Lot. Then his wife Sarai, who is barren, tells Abram to make Hagar (the maidservant) the surrogate mother. Abram listens and Hagar has a son named Ishmael. She runs away and then returns. God tells Abram a prophecy. Abram will become the father of a great nation, and that nation will become enslaved for several centuries and then will return to the land that God promised Abram. Then God instructs Abram to circumcise himself, his son Ishmael and all the males of his household. All these events are linked together by the theme of "Lech Lecha" of going, of traveling.

            The Zohar, the rabbinic book of mysticism, comments upon the first verse "Lech Lecha Mei'Artzecha uMimoladtcha, U'mibeit Avicha El Ha'Aretz Acher Areka- Go for yourself from your land, from your relatives, and from your father's house to the land that I will show you (Gen 12:1). Instead of a physical journey, the Zohar explains that Abram was commanded to embark upon a spiritual journey. The soul, while residing in the World to Come, exists in close or proximity to God. Because of the spiritual clarity and intensity revealed there, no free will and no chance for spiritual growth and advancement can occur. Like the angels, the soul in the World to Come is called an Omaid, a standee. In this World, however, we know that a person has Free Will. This means that we all have the opportunity to advance spiritually as long as we remain in this World. The soul in this world is called a Holiach, a walker, someone who goes, much like Abram went.

            Like Abram, we are all commanded to Lech Lecha. Abram walked and traveled, and so did Lot. Yet Abram epitomized the individual who retained his integrity and ideals despite the difficulties of life, and despite the growing cynicism brought on by age. Abram managed to remember that God is the end and everything else is merely a means to that end. However, all the wealth and all the prosperity are not ends in and of itself. Our daughters have left home,  They are making their way. They may have left home but not the value with which they have been raised. They may have left home, but they brought with them the lessons they have learned and applied it to their lives, their studies, and their jobs. They may have left home but wherever they are and whatever they do, they do so with the passion and joy that can only exist when they choose their respective paths. I only hope our son demonstrates the same passion and joy in whatever path he chooses.

Peace,

Rav Yitz 

So Come Walking In The Sun With Me My Little One (Dave Parker & Jerry Garcia - "The Only Time Is Now")

One of the things we parents vow is to avoid repeating the negative experiences of our childhood with our children. The other thing we parents vow is to share our positive childhood experiences with our children. Perhaps that is why I have taken my kids to see my favorite band. Perhaps that is why I enjoy playing golf with my son, after all, I have many positive memories and experiences playing golf with my father and grandfather. Among the other positive experiences, I had with my father was walking to Shul with him on Shabbat. From the time of my Bar Mitzvah until I was in my mid-thirties when my parents lived near their shul when I was in their home, I walked to shul with my father. Sometimes we talked, sometimes we didn’t. However, just walking with him was my time with my dad; not having to share the time with my mother or sister, was a special time. As a parent, I wanted to share that with my children.  Living 4 ¼ miles from shul makes walking with my son an infrequent event. However, when the opportunity presents itself, and my son and I can walk to shul, it is a moment that I cherish. When he was little, I wrapped my pinkie finger and thumb around his wrist and wrapped my hand all around his. When he was little, I whistled or felt the need to keep him entertained while we walked to shul. Now, at fifteen, he is nearly as tall as me, his hands are as big as mine and he put his arm around me, sometimes protectively, sometimes just affectionately. Sometimes we speak, sometimes we don’t. While he walks with his eyes ahead, I catch myself looking at this maturing young man; I look at him and I am transported to a Shabbat when I was fifteen walking with my father, sometimes talking and sometimes not.

This Shabbat we read from Parsha VaYeira. The narrative and adventures of Avraham the Patriarch continue. While healing from his ritual circumcision, he fulfills the mitzvah of Hachnasat Orchim, (hospitality). He negotiates with God and reduces the number of righteous people that must be found in Sodom and Gomorrah in order to prevent its destruction. The narrative of Avraham is interrupted as we read the narrative of Lot, the two Angels (the same two that had visited Avraham at the beginning of the Parsha), the destruction of the city, and the impure relationship that results when the survivors think that the world has been destroyed. The narrative returns to Avraham as its focus and he and his wife Sarah give birth to a son (Yitzchak), the banishment of Hagar and Ishmael (Avraham’s firstborn son and his concubine) and the final test of his belief, the Akeidat Yitzchak – the Offering of Isaac.

The Akeidat Yitzchak, the Binding of Isaac, a narrative that is considered to be among the most important if not the most important passage in the entire Torah, encompasses 19 verses. The language is terse and the details are sparse. So when a word or a derivative of a word appears six times in a sparsely worded, minimally detailed narrative, perhaps the text is teaching us something.  The word YaChDaV, or a form of of the word, such as YaChiD, or YaChiDecha (Yod, Chet, Dalet), appears six times: 22:2, 22:6, 22:8, 22:12; 22:16; 22:19 ) Yachadav in verses 22: 6, 22:8, and 22:19 means together, as in “they walked together”. Yachidcha, in 22:2, 22:12 and 22:16 “your only son. The Or HaChayim (Rabbi Chaim Attar, 18^th century Morroco) explains Yechidcha –Your only (son) as tantamount to the sanctity of loving one’s own soul.  In singling out Yitzchak to Avraham, God describes Yitzchak as Bincha – Your son (God speaking to Avraham). However, a Ben, a son will one day become his own man. However, God also describes Yitzchak as Yechidcha – he is your only, that is to say, joined with and part of your soul.  Yechidcha suggests there is no separation or distinction between father and son between the soul of the father and the soul of the son. By using the word Yachdav as a way to describe the fact that Avraham and Yitzchak walked together, we get an idea of how they walked together. When reading the text, we might want to ask, “What did father and son talk about for three days?”  The text ignores the first two days of the journey and only picks up the narrative once Avraham sees the mountain. But because the Torah uses the word YaChDav, we know that father and son walked in harmony, united, as one soul. There would be no reason to speak. Father and son know each other’s thoughts, they are kindred spirits. Rashi, the 11th Century French commentator explains that they walk together with a singular purpose.  Isaac is Avraham’s entire world and he understands Yitzchak’s pain is his father’s pain, Yitzchak’s anxiety is his father’s anxiety, and Yitzchak’s faith is his father’s faith. As much as Yitzchak is about to be bound to the altar in preparation for the offering, Yitzchak and Avraham are already bound together. 

So a father and son walk together, quietly. Certainly, each one is aware of what is before them. One will make the offering and one will be the offering. Yet, both are bound “together” with a singular purpose. A father and son walk together. Inevitably, the father and son glance at each other, knowing each other role. They are so spiritually close that with each glance they see themselves. Avraham sees what he used to be: young, idealistic, and pure; pure enough to be an offering. Yitzchak sees an old man (the Midrash teaches that there was no such thing as looking elderly until Avraham), who carries the spiritual scars of numerous triumphs, tribulations, and numerous spiritual tests. Yitzchak sees an old man girded in the armor of his faith in God. Hopefully, when my son and I walk together to shul, he doesn’t see such an “old man” just an “older man”. Maybe when he glances upon me he looks upon me the same way I looked upon my dad.  I know that when I look upon him, I wistfully think of myself at fifteen, coming into my own physically, formulating my own ideas about the world and wanting to challenge my father. However, I am also reassured that my father was just happy and content walking together when I was fifteen. So, I glance at my son and hope that he understands that just how content my soul is walking with him to shul.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

But If You Don't Face Straight Ahead You Could Not Stand The Shock (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Gomorrah")

I felt very blessed this week. Our eldest daughter called. This is an incredibly busy time with about 10 days left before Election Day and early voting has already commenced. She explained that she was in between meetings and had a few minutes now and knew that she would be busy the rest of the day. Usually when she calls me; she needs to vent. Sometimes she calls to ask for advice. There was a calm in this particular call. I asked her how the campaign was going. She said that she felt positive.  I asked why and she gave the oddest most counter-intuitive reply. The opposing campaign just released a series of negative ads. She explained that her opponents have no good ideas for the future, and how to solve problems. Instead, he can only look backward and point to problems with my daughter’s candidate. My daughter’s campaign was to make sure her candidate continues looking forward, inspiring others that together, problems can be solved, lives can be improved and life in the district can be better.  I ask if she doesn’t want to respond to the negative ads with something to disqualifying or diminishing? She laughed and said of course she does, that’s why she calls me. She needed to vent.

This Shabbat we read from Parsha VaYeira. The narrative and adventures of Avraham the Patriarch continue. While healing from his ritual circumcision, he fulfills the mitzvah of Hachnasat Orchim, hospitality. He negotiates with God and reduces the number of righteous people that must be found in Sodom and Gomorrah in order to prevent its destruction. The narrative of Avraham is interrupted as we read the narrative of Lot, the two Angels (the same two that had visited Avraham at the beginning of the Parsha), the destruction of the city, and the impure relationship that results when the survivors think that world has been destroyed. The narrative returns to Avraham as its focus and he and his wife Sarah give birth to a son (Yitzchak), the banishment of Hagar and Ishmael (Avraham’s firstborn son from his concubine) and the final test of his belief, the Akeidat Yitzchak – the Offering of Isaac.

                During these adventures, during these tests, it is fascinating to watch Avraham deal with each new issue, each new tension and arrive at solutions. Avraham always looks forward. Avraham looked forward towards Sodom and Gomorrah while God talked to Avraham about his intention to destroy those cities. When he is commanded to banish Hagar and Ishmael, Avraham looks forward toward where they will be going and gives them food and water in order to survive the journey. When asked to sacrifice his son, Isaac, Avraham doesn’t look back, he looks forward, towards the mountain where the sacrifice will supposedly occur. Compare this with Lot and his family (Gen 19:12-26).  Three times the angels tell Lot it’s time to leave. The first time,  Lot tells his children to leave, although there is no indication that Lot and his wife intend to go. The second time, the two angels lead Lot, his wife and children out, but Lot still can’t just leave! VaYitmama – still he lingered (Gen 19:16). Even when God’s messengers grab Lot, his wife, and his daughters by the hands and lead them out of the city VaYomer saying to them: Himaleit Al Nafshecha Al Tabit Acharecha v’Al Taamod B’Chol HaKikar Hahara Himaleit Pen Tisafeh- Flee for your life! Do not look behind you nor stop anywhere in all the plain; flee to the mount lest you be swept away (Gen 19:17). Lot can’t just move on. He chooses to remain; he thinks he can reason and negotiate. He assumes, if necessary, that he can flee to a nearby city.  Finally, they begin making their way towards the alternative destination,  VeTabeit Ishto M’Acharav Vathi  Ntziv Melach  But His wife looked back and she became a pillar of salt (Gen. 19:26) Ramban explains that she looked back to make sure her daughters were following. What parent would flee and have the children (little or young adult) behind them? A parent would either have the children in front of them or be holding their hand while fleeing. So what other reason was there to turn around. Like her husband, who had such a difficult time to move forward, Lot’s wife wanted to turn around one last time in order to see the life and the world she was leaving. She was merely emulating Lot. However, she did it “one more time”. From the Angels' perspective, enough was enough

                Sometimes moving forward can be very difficult. It can be especially difficult if there is a lack of commitment to move forward. Sometimes even with a strong commitment to move forward, the obstacles are too overwhelming. Sometimes it can be scary to go forward by oneself even if the person knows that it is the correct path. Sometimes moving forward means sacrificing a job, or power, or popularity. Sometimes moving forward is so emotionally paralyzing because it opens a whole new series of unanticipated consequences or even anticipated consequences with unacceptable solutions. Certainly, it is important to understand the past since it helps to deal with the future. However, one must avoid being enslaved by the past.  For Lot, as well as his wife, their sense of purpose was linked to life in the city: Sodom, or any city, it didn’t matter. Unlike Avraham and Sarai who “didn’t look back” but had enough faith in God and the future to look forward; Lot and his wife lacked that faith and were unable to steadfastly look forward. My daughter thanked me for listening and said that sometimes its hard to keep looking forward; it takes a lot of faith and a sense that tomorrow can really be better than today. I reminded that she needs to keep everybody pointing towards tomorrow and convince all those people who get scared by the negative ads need not be scared of the future.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

I Got No Dime, But I Got Some Time To Hear His Story ( Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - " Wharf Rat")

Our eldest daughter had a big week in terms of her professional career. For the past 5/6 months, she served as the campaign manager for a woman running for re-election to the Virginia State legislature. Her candidate won in a landslide. This was the first political campaign for which she was in charge of the entire campaign. With that experience, comes the next campaign which inevitably becomes a bigger and more prestigious campaign. Winning a campaign, as she explained to me, is all about a narratives. First she needs to tell the candidates life narrative and the narrative should include events, and experiences that allow the candidate to connect to the narratives of the voters.  That leads to the second narrative, the candidate needs to listen to the narratives of the voters’ lives. Her candidate needed to hear about the struggles, and tsuris that they deal with in order to speak to it and perhaps even come up with a solution for that pain, tsuris and hardship. The third narrative, is the integration of these two different narratives into a coherent messages that allows the candidate and voter to connect.  When I ask her about transmitting the narrative and what is the most powerful way of transmitting these narratives, it’s not Facebook, Twitter, digital media, print ads. Certainly all those modes of transmitting a narrative are helpful but nothing is more helpful than knocking on the door and talking to people face to face.

This week's Parsha is Chayei Sarah. The Parsha begins with the recounting the years of Sarah's life, Avraham's mourning for his wife, purchasing the land for Sarah's burial and then burying her. Avraham then tells his servant that he does not want his son, Yitzchak, marrying a Canaanite woman. Instead, the servant must return to Avraham's hometown and look for a woman from Avraham's family/ tribe. Avraham explains that the girl that returns with the servant is the right girl. Armed with treasures, camels and plenty of wealth for a dowry the servant sets off and decides that the best place to find a girl is by the local well. There the servant decides that the "right" girl is the girl who would offer him water, as well as offer water to his camels. Sure enough, Rebecca arrives at the well and fulfills the servant's standard. The servant returns with Rebecca to her family, convinces the family to let her go, and Rebecca is asked if she wants to return with the servant. Rebecca unhesitatingly responds with a yes. Now Rebecca has fulfilled the servant's requirement as well as Avraham's requirement. Upon her arrival at her new home, she sees her betrothed, and, not knowing who he was, asked the servant. The servant told her and she covered herself. Rebecca and Yitzchak are married. The Parsha concludes with Yitzchak and Ishmael burying their father, and the genealogy of Ishmael's family.

Three different times and in three different contexts we read about a father’s desire to find a wife for his son and then we read about that desire being fulfilled.  First, Avraham tells his servant Eliezer to swear an oath to find a wife for Yitzchak. Then we read about Eliezer actually finding the future wife for his master’s son, Yitzchak. Finally we read about Eliezer’s transmitting the first two narratives to the future bride’s family since they are about to be impacted by both Avraham’s desire for his son to find a wife and their daughter’s decision to become that wife. Each narrative contains numerous details and descriptions. Yet the narrative that immediately preceded this week’s Parsha, the narrative that Jewish tradition points to as the foundational essence of a people’s relationship to God, the Akedah, and the Binding of Isaac is scant nineteen verses and numerous details aren’t even included. In this one long narrative divided into three subsections, we are told of specific conversations, prayers, jewelry as well as gifts for Rebecca’s family.  Why does the Torah tell the story of how a couple met in three different ways, the third being a recapitulation of previous events by the servant. The only other time we read of a detailed recapitulation of a narrative is when Moshe speaks to B’nai Yisroel when they are on the eastern bank of the Jordan River and preparing to enter into Eretz Canaan. The RaDaK (Rabbi David Kimchi- Provence, France 1160-1235) explains that Eliezer’s recapitulation serves to placate Rebecca and her family. Avraham’s servant speaks candidly and enthusiastically of his master and his master’s household. Eliezer’s re-capitulation hints at the Avraham’s character as well as the very unique covenant established between him and God. Only by transmitting this message, this story in a face to face manner, Rebecca’s family understands the significance and the necessity of Rebecca leaving her family of origin for her future with Yitzchak.

Creating a narrative is important for individuals and for nations. However, it is the way in which that narrative gets transmitted which allows members of a family, a people, voters, citizens and members of a specific community to connect to a shared common past and experience. The means by which a narrative is transmitted will affect the way in which people connect with each other and its leadership. Just ask our daughter, she transmits narratives in order for people to serve their constituency and their community.  The real question becomes how do we transmit the values embodied in the narratives of our lives and our families and our traditions to the next generation?

Peace,

Rav Yitz