Truckin' Like The Doodah Man; Once Told Me "Gotta Play Your Hand (Robert Hunter, Jerry Garcia, Bob Weir & Phil Leshe - "Truckin'"

           Chanukah conveniently coincided with the Christmas and New Years holiday this year. Lights were lit both in the Jewish and Christian world at the same time. It also turned out that our children had off for all of Chanukah. We decided to spend it visiting family and friends in the New York Metropolitan area. Normally we drive. Normally we spend the night at the grandparents in Rochester, and then leave first thing the next morning. This time the plans were different. Our son was sick so we delayed our departure by a day. Then on the morning we were going to leave, the roads and iced over and we had to wait for the weather to turn a bit warmer, which it did. The problem was that ice was forecast on the very route that we were taking to New York. However, as the day would progress, the temperatures were supposed to rise. I watched the weather, studied the forecast, loaded the car and family and began our drive. The weather was fine until we arrived at the grandparents. We spend about an hour there, ate a late lunch. I looked at the weather forecast again. One route which was a bit longer, safer, with more rest stops, was expecting cold temperatures and ice. The alternative route which was less lit, through the mountains with fewer stops was expecting warmer temperatures and rain instead of ice.  So as I drove, and heard one last forecast, I opted for the the mountain route through Pennsylvania and New Jersey. The weather was cold, damp, and remained between 33-38 Fahrenheit the whole drive.  As the temperature inched lower and grew more nervous, more concerned about skidding as I crossed mountain over passes, more concerned as trucks were slowing down mountain descents, and more concerned about having to suddenly stop. Needless to say it was far from a relaxing drive.  At one point our daughter who is taking driving lesson, commented that she didn’t recall me ever appearing worried during a drive.  I explained that because I am driving, I always worry since I felt responsible for everyone. I asked her why she noticed my worrying this time. She said that maybe because she is now taking driving lessons, she has started to understand and appreciate the responsibility involved in driving a car.

         This week we read from Parsha Mikeitz. The Parsha always coincides with Shabbat of Chanukah. While there is nothing in the Parsha that explicitly mentions or implicitly suggests Chanukah; we could look at the entire Parsha as embodying miracles. Two years after Joseph correctly interprets the dreams of the Wine Steward and the Baker, the Wine Steward informs Pharaoh of the Hebrew prisoner that interprets dreams. Pharaoh has a dream, and only Joseph is able to interpret it. Pharaoh promotes Joseph from prisoner to Prime Minister. Joseph becomes second in command, devises a plan that saves Egypt from the impending seven-year famine. He is given an Egyptian name, an Egyptian wife, and had two sons: Ephraim and Menashe. After seven plentiful years, the famine begins. The famine is particularly devastating outside Egypt where no preparations occurred. Jacob sends his sons to Egypt for food. However, they have no idea that the person that they meet, the person to whom they make their request for food is their brother Joseph. Joseph recognizes the immediately. Joseph devises a plan to ascertain whether or not the brothers have finally done some type of Teshuva (some type of repentance for what they had done to him years before. For Joseph, he must try to manipulate events in order to get the brothers to bring Benjamin, Jacob’s youngest son born from Rachel, to Egypt as well as convince Jacob to come to Egypt. The Parsha concludes, with Joseph forcing the brothers to leave Benjamin in Egypt and return to Jacob with the news.

          There are two moments when Jacob and family suffer because of the famine. There are two moments when, on two separate occasions, two sons, Reuven and Judah, attempt to convince Jacob to allow the to bring Benjamin to Egypt in return for more food. When Reuven, the first born son, attempts to convince Jacob that he will be responsible for looking after Benjamin, Jacob disapproves of the suggestion. The family continues to suffer from a lack of food. When Judah attempts to convince his father that he will assume responsibility for Benjamin, Jacob accepts and assigns Judah responsibility. Why does Jacob allow the fourth eldest to assume responsibility and not the eldest? Reuven’s idea of responsibility is Et Shnei Vanai Tamit Im Lo Avienu Eilecha T’na Oto  Al Yadi V’Ani Ashivenu Eilecha – You may slay my two sons if I fail to bring him back to you. Put him in my care and I will return him to you (Gen. 42:37). Rashi quoting a midrash that Jacob heard Reuven and thought to himself that his eldest son is a fool. Jacob had already lost a son (Joseph) and one is being held in Egypt.  If Reuven fails and now Jacob would lose two grandsons? Jacob hears Reuven’s offer and realizes that he is shifting the blame. If, God forbid, something was to happen to Benjamin, two other sons would suffer as well as a father and a grandfather. To Jacob, Reuven’s offer hardly sounds like someone assuming responsibility.  Judah’s idea of responsibility is: Anochi E’Ervenu MiYadi T’Vakshenu Im Lo Havi’otiv Eilecha V’Hitzagtiv Lefanecha V’Chatati Lecha Kol Hayamim – I will personally guarantee him; of my own hand you can demand him. If I do not bring him back to you and stand him before you, then I will have sinned to you for all time. ( 43:9). Judah “guarantees” Benjamin’s welfare. Judah explains to his father that he will put his life on the line for his brother.  Judah knows what it is to lose a son. He has lost two sons. He, more than any of the other brothers, including Reuven, understands what is is to have lost a child and to take responsibility for his deeds. (Gen. 39). Judah won’t punish anyone else but himself if he fails to care for Benjamin. Yaakov believes that this is the language of responsibility, so he acquiesces and allows Judah to assume responsibility for Benjamin. Symbolically, Judah has now assumed the mantle of responsibility for the welfare of the whole family and ultimately the nation.  Judah is the ancestor to King David. Judah is blessed by Jacob as being the ancestor to the God’s anointed (Moshiach).

          As I continued the drive, our sixteen-year-old, began to understand what it meant to assume responsibility. She asked if I thought about waiting a day and driving when we knew the weather would have been nicer?  Yes, I thought about it and I told her so. She acknowledged that she would have been disappointed but she added that she now understood my reasoning. Before driving lessons, she thought that if I chose to delay the drive, the weather was merely an excuse; she thought that I just didn’t want to be in New York visiting family and friends. Now that she takes driving lessons, she can “appreciate the fact that assuming responsibility means putting feelings aside and doing the smart thoughtful thing even if means “not doing what you want.” Because of the driving lessons. I realize that she is able to empathize with me.  As a result, she now realizes that my trust and a deep understanding of responsibility for her decisions and judgment  accompanies her drivers license and my car. I guess it was an educational drive after all.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

Lost Now On The Country Miles In His Cadillac (John Barlow & Bob Weir- "Cassidy")

Our teen-age daughters spent the last days of the Jewish Holidays, Shemini Atseret and Simchat Torah, with their camp friends in the New York metropolitan area. Everyone had a great time. However the journey down towards New York almost ended in one of them missing out on their re-union. The plan was simple enough. Last Saturday night, while listening to the Chicago Cubs defeat the Los Angeles Dodgers on the radio, I drove our daughters down to my parents in Rochester, NY. My parents, who were driving to New York to spend Simchat Torah with their other granddaughter, were to provide a ride to the New York Metropolitan area. We had arranged for the daughter heading to Teaneck to be dropped off at a Teaneck area hotel just off the highway. From there, my parents would drive into New York City, and drop our other daughter off at my sister’s apartment. From there, she would take a cab with her aunt or her grandmother to the East Side, where she would meet her friends and get a ride to New Rochelle. The Teaneck bound daughter should arrive by 2:30 the latest, and the New Rochelle bound daughter should arrive at the Upper East Side by 3:30 the latest. We arrived on Saturday night, happy that the Cubs were going to the World Series. I asked my father if he needed directions to the Teaneck hotel. He said he didn’t as he had already downloaded the directions and even confidently stated that he knew to get into the local lane in order to exit off of I 80 East.  I spent the night, woke up the next morning and returned to Toronto. My parents and daughters left Rochester and began the drive to New Jersey. By 11:30am I had arrived in Toronto. Their drive was just fine. By noon, they were about 45 minutes from Teaneck. Then the adventure began. They were lost in Teaneck. My father missed the exit. He tried to double back. He became more lost. He kept stopping and asking for directions and he proceeded to get more lost, more anxious and more upset.

This morning we begin the Torah from the very beginning in Parsha Breishit. We are all familiar with the narrative of this Parsha. The first chapter focuses upon the narrative of creation from God’s perspective. The second chapter focuses upon the narrative of creation from a humankind perspective. The third chapter focuses upon Adam and Chava’s disobedience of God, their obedience to the serpent their partaking of the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge and the resulting consequences. The Fourth chapter focuses upon the family’s growth, sibling rivalry as well as fratricide. The fifth chapter focuses upon ten generations of the family’s genealogy beginning with Adam and Chava and concluding with Noach and his sons. In the sixth chapter, God expresses disappointment with mankind’s behavior and God expresses disappointment in his creation.

There is a moment after Adam and Chava ate from the Tree of Knowledge, and they realized that they had failed to follow directions. VaTipakachna Einei Shneihem VaYeidu Ki Eirumim Heim – then the eyes of both of them were opened and they realized that they were naked. By eating from the Tree of Knowledge, their eyes opened.  They had become enlightened. They had become “aware” of their existence in context. They were not like other aspects of creation.  Despite this enlightenment and this awareness what do they do? VaYitChabei Ha’Adam V’Ishto Mipnei Adoshem Elokim B’Toch Eitz Hagan – and the man and his wife hid from Hashem God among the trees of the garden.  They tried to lose themselves amid the trees. So when God asks Ayeka – Where are you? God knows where they are. The problem is that they do not know where they are. They don’t answer the question.  Et Kolecha Shamati BaGan VaIra Ki Eirom Anochi VaEichavei – I heard the sound of You in the garden and I was afraid because I am naked, so I hid. This answers the question of why did you hide? But the answer to “where are you” is simple. It is an answer that more spiritually mature and aware people will offer. The answer to the question “where are you?” is “here”. Such an answer suggests that the person is not so lost. Or the answer the question “where are you?” is “I don’ know”.  If Adam is enlightened because he ate from the Tree of Knowledge, Adam’s response is disturbing. He is not as enlightened as his descendent Avraham who will respond “Hineini -Here I am”. Nor is he enlightened to know that he is lost. To be lost suggests at least knowing the destination but not knowing how to get there. Adam can’t answer the question because he doesn’t know where he is going nor does he know from where he comes. He only knows that he is naked and without purpose.

Eventually, I managed to get my father to the highway heading towards the George Washington Bridge. They were stuck in traffic for a while, but eventually managed to drop off our daughter at the rendezvous point and she arrived at her final destination in time. Yes, they had been lost, but they always had in mind the final destination. Yes they had been lost but they always knew that the direction they needed to go, eventually they would find the right path. Needless to say, everyone arrived where they were supposed to be and everyone had a wonderful end to the Chagim.  I guess next time I will make sure to buy my father a GPS so that way when I ask him

“Ayeka – where are you?”, he will know.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

The Future's Here, We Are It, We Are On Our Own (John Barlow & Bob Weir - "Throwing Stones")

We just returned from a week long family holiday. We drove to New York City. We spent the conclusion of Chanukah and the days leading up to last Shabbat with Manhattan. We stayed with my sister and her family in their apartment. We spent time with our eldest daughter who lives and works in New York. We saw friends. We saw many of New York’s tourist attractions.  However there was a moment when I had a vision of the future, based upon two small seemingly dismissive incidents while in New York. The first incident occurred on Christmas Eve. My brother in law generously took both families, including his and my sister’s 4 year old daughter, and my family including our four children to his favorite steak restaurant. There we were, nine of us my sister and her family, me and my family. Such a gathering is very unique for us since gathering such as this include our parents. However they were back home. We ate, drank, talked and of course took a couple of pictures and sent them immediately to my parents.  When I spoke to my mother later that week, she commented how wonderful it was to see her children and their respective families gathered together spending time together. It brought her a sense of contentment and nachas seeing that. Later that evening, my children and I went to a movie down in Greenwich Village. As we walked to the subway, the four of them walked together a couple of steps ahead of me. They boarded the subway together. Even when we left the movie theatre and returned to the Upper West Side, the four of them: the 24 year old, the 14 year old, the 12 year old, and the 10 year old walked together almost as one. I watch them as I walked behind. Seeing my children walk together along the sidewalks of New York gave me a glimpse of a possible future of their lives without me. That glimpse provided me with a sense of calm about the future of my family.

This morning we read from Parsha Vayechi. This is the final Parshah in the book of Breishit. The Parsha begins with Yaakov calling Yosef and making him swear an oath that he will not be buried in Egypt. He also blesses his grandson’s Ephraim and Menashe. He gathers his sons together and offers each son a blessing or a prophecy. Yaakov dies and his sons take him out of Egypt and fulfill their vow. They bury their father in Hevron alongside Avraham and Yitzchak and Sarah Rebecca and Leah. Afterwards, the brothers fear that Yosef will finally take vengeance for their mistreatment of him. Yosef doesn’t, and the brothers and their families continue to grow and prosper in Goshen. As Yosef prepares for his death, he makes his brothers vow to take his bones out of Egypt and bury his bones in Eretz Canaan. Upon completing the Parsha, we stand and recite the words Chazak v’Nitchazeik – From strength to strength, we go forward in strength.

Immediately after Yaakov requests that he be buried in Hevron with his ancestors and then blesses Yosef’s son’s Ephraim and Menashe; the Torah tells us that he gathers the rest of his sons together in order to bless them. However the Torah manner in which Yaakov makes the request seems rather puzzling and perhaps redundant VaYikrah Yakov El Banav VaYomer - Then Jacob called for his sons and said: Hei’Asfu V’Agida Lachem Eit Asher Yikrah Etchem B’Acharit HaYamim – Assemble yourselves and I will tell you what will befall you in the End of Days. HiKavtsu v’Shimu Bnai Yaakov VShimu el Yisroel Avichem – Gather yourselves and listen, O sons of Jacob, and listen to Israel your father. (49:1-2. Yaakov tells them to “Assemble yourselves” then to “Gather yourselves. What is the difference between Hei’Asfu (Assemble yourselves) and Hikavtsu (Gather yourselves)? The former comes from the three lettered root ASaF which means to harvest.  The latter comes from the three lettered root KaVaTz which means ‘to press together’, ‘collect’. Ideally, ripe produce is harvested. Jacobs’ sons were ripe, they were spiritually ripe and ready to receive Jacob’s blessings. The survival of this family, required that the sons press together spiritually, to put aside their individual grievances and remains together otherwise the family and ultimately the nation will not survive. The rest of the Torah, and certainly the Books of Judges, Kings and Prophets reflect the struggles and tensions of trying to remain assembled and pressed together. Eventually, the future kingdom under David HaMelech will fail to remain united once his Son, Shlomo HaMelech dies. While Yaakov tried to share his vision with his sons of the “End of Days”; it must have been re-assuring that they came together, listened to their father, and prepared themselves for the impending slavery and eventual freedom of their children, grandchildren and great grandchildren.

I suppose that with families of our own, when we gather with my sister’s family or my wife’s sister’s family, it suggests a ripeness. It suggests that we are old enough physically and spiritually to appreciate the importance of HeiAsif, of Assembling ourselves together. We know that it brings nachas to our parents, to see their children and grandchildren together. When I see children HiKavtzu gathered together, they are learning that the secret to their respective family’s survival is creating bonds whereby they share the future together. Seeing my children go through gathering and assembling process gives me a hint of my of children’s possible future and the joy of watching a family grow up and thrive together.

Peace,

Rav Yitz