I have always been a little jealous and perhaps a little leery of those who have been "shown the light", experienced a life changing epiphany, or felt as if they had a "calling." Perhaps my jealousy was a result of my perception that "a calling" almost makes any issue so simple to deal with. When one is called, there are no questions. It is simple, black and white. It is clear and easy. One doesn't fight a calling. There is a certain positive, unquestioned faith when one is called, when one is shown the light, when one has that epiphany. That doesn't mean the task or the calling is simple, it just means that no matter how difficult, the fact that one is called means one never needs to question whether one should be pursuing the calling in the first place. I am jealous of such people because I assume that such an individual is spiritually open to the possibility of the calling. There are times I look back and wonder if I have ever experienced such a moment of clarity , been aware that I was experiencing or experienced an epiphany. I wonder what the light looks like when I am finally shown the light.
Admittedly, I am also leery of those who publicly claim that they have been "shown the light", that God spoke to them as a means of justifying their actions, their policies etc. Yes I am a bit cynical, but when some people claim that they have been called by G-d, that they experienced an epiphany, more times than not it strikes me as incredibly self serving and a justification for poor ideas. This was most evident in the U.S. Senate campaign in the state of Nevada. The Republican candidated claimed that she had been called by G-d to run. Not only do I find such "light showing" and indication of poor lighting, but rather cheap lighting at that. If there is a possiblity of demeaning G-d, this would be it. Watching these political events unfold from Toronto, left me shaking my head, as I almost felt compelled to apologize that the American electorate doesn't really believe politicians when they say that they have been "called by G-d" to run. Yet I can't apologize because there is such a large section of Americans that does believe such a thing. My sense is that Canadian politicians couldn't get away with such language. Perhaps the Canadian electorate is too sophisticated.
Moshe experiences an incredibly powerful revelation. Moshe is shown the light. Moshe experiences a life change moment of clarity. Va'yar, V'Hinei Hasne Boer Ba'Aish V'HaSneh Eineno Ukal - he saw and behold! the bush was burning in the fire but the bush was not consumed.(Ex. 3:2) What made this epiphany this revelation so authentic compared to the so many that I hear others claim. I think people indeed "see" a light. I think people, indeed, here their names called, like Moses heard his name called. For me, what made Moses' ephiphany so authentic was Moses, and his response. When called, Moshe responds Hineini - Here I am (3:4). He doesn't run away, neither does he run towards God. Rather he stands his ground and declares his existance. Most people I would imagine, would run away when we hear G-d. I know that there are others that would run towards G-d with no trepidation, no awe, no fear as if their best friend is calling them. When G-d tells Moshe what is entailed in this calling, Moshe humility demonstrates that this calling is the real thing. He doesn't think he is worthy to have such a calling: Mi Anochi Ki Eileich - Who am I that I should go? (3:11). I am not qualified nor worthy to be chosen by you.
It seems to me that you know you have been "shown the light" if it the light leaves you in awe, ready to pay the price required to change your life. You know that you have experienced an epiphany when you feel mortal, limited and so ill prepared that you are left wondering, "How the hell am I going to go this?" If an epiphany leaves you humbled then and mortal, then it seems to me that you have experienced something authentic. Using that criteria I have experienced a several ephiphanies, not one big one that was earth shattering, but smaller ones that impacted certain phases of my life.
Becoming a Father was the biggest epiphany. The light that shown from every one of my children was not only awesome but the idea that I was now responsible to raise a child in this world was not only overwhelming but left me feeling incredibly mortal. Ironically, my decision to become a Rabbi was not an answer to a calling. However when I completed the work and on the day that I was given the title Rabbi- I still did not hear my name being called. I did experience something very powerful, overwhelming, and awe inspiring. I had become a link in a chain of learning and that would mean something to me for the rest of my life. I still wonder if G-d was speaking to me. I wonder what G-d was saying. Most likely the calling is more of a reminder that we are being entrusted with something precious, and something sacred and we shouldn't mess it up too much since it needs to be passed to the next generation. Not exactly as powerful a message as Moses received. I guess I should feel as if I am lucky to realize that I had been shown the light to begin with.
Peace-
Rav Yitz
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