Tuesday, October 31, 2017

Like A Child She Is Pure, She Is Not To Blame (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Help Is On The Way")



As the Harvey Weinstein fall out continues, a resulting social media response focused upon giving voice to victims of sexual harassment. The “#Me-Too” campaign on both Facebook and Twitter, has allowed people who have been the victims of sexual harassment or abuse to “raise their hands”, to speak out without feeling alone, isolated or so ashamed. The #MeToo campaign not only gives voice to victims, but its victims transcend race, religion, social class, and economic standing.  As the #MeToo campaign has continued to unfold, and our daughters have become aware of it discussing it in school and at the dinner table; it’s incredible to think of the names of people being mentioned. Editors of magazines, television personalities, politicians, businessmen and university professors; just about anyone who occupies a position of power, and authority deliberately confused borders and boundaries with those who have little authority and little power to protect those borders and boundaries. The #MeToo campaign has empowered those who had, at one point, been un-empowered.  When  my daughters asked me what I thought of all this, I told them that as a father, I want to be sure to raise strong, independent women, who would never tolerate the harassment and raise their voice in support of those who feel so alone and alienated that they can’t raise their own voice and scream “me too.” Over the course of our discussion, our daughters now understand why  I raise them the way that I do, challenge them the way I do, push them in their studies the way I do, push them to be active in their community, to question and to argue is because I want them to have the emotional and spiritual tools to prevent them from becoming victims. I want them to have the tools to become strong independent women.
This Shabbat we read from Parsha VaYeira. The narrative and adventures of Avraham the Patriarch continue. While healing from his ritual circumcision, he fulfills the mitzvah of Hachnasat Orchim, (hospitality). He negotiates with God and reduces the number of righteous people that must be found in Sodom and Gomorrah in order to prevent its destruction. The narrative of Avraham is interrupted as we read the narrative of Lot, the two Angels (the same two that had visited Avraham at the beginning of the parsha), the destruction of the city, and the impure relationship that results when the survivors think that world has been destroyed. The narrative returns to Avraham as its focus and he and his wife Sarah give birth to a son (Yitzchak), the banishment of Hagar and Ishmael (Avraham’s first born son and his concubine) and the final test of his belief, the Akeidat Yitzchak – the Offering of Isaac.
While the focus of the Parsha deals primarily with Abraham, there is a very disturbing narrative about Lot, Abraham’s nephew, Lot’s daughters, and the destruction of Sodom and Gemorrah. As two of the three messengers leave Abraham, they make their way to Sodom and Gomorrah in order to warn Lot and nine other “tzadikim” righteous inhabitants of the impending destruction.  Just as Abraham demonstrated the mitzvah of Hachnasat Orchim (Hospitality) to these strangers; Lot also welcomes the strangers into his home and feeds them. The townspeople of Sodom see Lot welcome these strangers and want Lot to send the strangers out to them. Lot, aware that sending out the strangers to the townspeople, would mean trouble for guests; comes up with a very troubling solution. VaYeitze Aleihem Lot HaPetcha V’HaDelet Sagar Acharav- Lot went out to them to the entrance, and shut the door behind him. Va’Yomer Al Nah Achai TaRei’U – And he said, “I beg you, my brothers, do not act wickedly.  Hinei Na Li Sh’tei Vanot Asher Lo Yadu Ish Otziah Na Ethein Aliechem V’Asu La’Hein Ka’Tov B’Eineichem Rok L’Anashim Ha’Eil Al Ta’Asu Davar Ki Al Kein Ba’u B”Tzeil Korati See, now, I have two daughters who have never known a man. I shall bring them out to you and do to them as you please; but to these men do nothing inasmuch as they have come under the shelter of my roof (Gen. 19:6-8).  Unbelievable! A father offers his own daughters to a crazed mob in an attempt to placate them. The Midrash Tanchuma expresses a deep disturbance with Lot’s behavior: “Said the Holy One Blessed is He to Lot: ‘By your life! It is for yourself that you keep them’ because the end was that the drunken Lot lived with his daughters and they conceived by him.” The victims, the daughters, are just that, victims. They never had a chance to be anything but victims. For the Talmudic Sages of Midrash Tanchuma, the daughters’ plight goes as far back as Lot’s decision to move to Sodom and to be like the people of Sodom. His values were so misplaced and corrupt that it manifest itself with his daughters. So, because he had managed to damage his daughters by offering them to the mob in Sodom, he would constantly be reminded of his behavior and the damage he wrought by the fact that his daughters would use him in an a corrupt and reprehensible deed that will bring forth children whose names serve as mockery to their father: Moab (From father) and Ben-Ammi (Son of My Father). Lot would be the one to live with the shame the rest of his life.
Harvey Weinstein, Bill O’Reilly, Donald Trump and any other man that has power and authority and deals with women have not made it easy being a father of daughters.  These men and people like them have made my daughters’ world a little darker and a little meaner and a little more threatening.  So when the world is a little darker, we teach our daughters to be strong, resolute and vigilant about shining a light on the darkness. When the world is a little meaner we teach our daughters to retain their dignity, their grace, and their sense of Menschlekeit. When the world is a little more threatening we teach our daughters and our sons how to identify and acknowledge  the threat, avoid the threat, make sure that the threat eventually becomes insignificant and harmless, and always be a well- lit sanctuary from the likes of the Sodom and Gomorrah out there.
Peace,
Rav Yitz

Tuesday, October 24, 2017

Hey, Now, Bird, Wouldn't You Rather Die Than Walk This World When You're Born To Fly? (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Liberty")



Our seventeen year old has come down with sickness that strikes students in their final year of High School and University. This sickness is extremely prevalent in the United States. All of our daughter’s U.S. summer camp friends are coming down with this. I remember having an awful case of it when I was a high school senior. From what I can tell, it is also quite prevalent here in Toronto. The sickness is called “Senior-itis”. It strikes students who are in their final year and are ready to move onto to the next chapter. “Senior-itis” and it affects high school seniors (students in their final year of high school); and it has one glaring symptomatic difference from the “Senior-itis” that strikes college/university seniors. "Senior-itis" for a college/university senior is more about getting on with the next chapter of life, whether it be graduate school or work.  However "Senior-itis" that strikes the High School student is marked by a keen and profound desire to leave home. A college/university senior has already left home. High School senior can’t stand being home. There is an expectation of “going away” for school. In some cases it means going far away and sometimes it may mean being only an hour away. The desire to get out of the parents’ home is so powerful, that life with the 12th grader can be quite strained. Suddenly rules are questioned, parents are considered to be overbearing and impossible to deal with. The 12th grader walks around frequently aggravated and muttering under his/her breath: “I can’t wait to get out of here.” While all this is perfectly normal and natural, it does carry one enormous risk. It is much safer to have "Senior-itis" when the senior has already been accepted to University or at least a gap year program. Why? "Senior-itis" also affects the 12th grader’s attitude towards school. "Senior-itis" is most dangerous when the student has not yet been accepted because there is still the pressure to academically succeed and apply, all the while dealing with the overbearing desire to leave home.  One should keep in mind that depending on the behavior of the 12th grader, the symptoms can spread. Not only to younger siblings but more importantly, it can spread to us parents. The more the 12th grader becomes impossible; the more the parents can’t wait for the child to get accepted, graduate high school and actually leave. Obviously some parents may be more affected than others. In our home for example, I have become quite vulnerable to our 12th graders’ case of "Senior-itis". Like her, I also can’t wait for her to leave. However, her mother seems completely invulnerable and can’t stand the idea that she wants to leave.
This week’s Parsha offers an excellent example of the first steps towards independence, the natural need for re-assurance, and mutual trust and faith between a parent and child. Many events occur in Parshat Lech Lecha. Included among these are: Abram leaving his birthplace, traveling down to Egypt and becoming wealthy, separating from Lot, his brother’s son and last blood relative, fight in a battle and killing those men responsible for territorial instability, fathering a son by his wife’s handmaid (with his wife’s approval), and finally circumcising himself at age 99 and all the males in his household, including his son Ishmael.
In this Parsha, so many things happen to Avram. He is forever running ahead of God; He is forever living life and making decisions. Avram is forever wondering if he is indeed “doing the right thing”.  Like any good parent, God allows Avram to “run ahead”, be independent, and still offer the necessary parental reassurance.  Noach’s relationship was very different than Avraham’s. Noach walked with God suggesting an image of a parent holding a baby’s hands as he/she learns to walk.  Regarding Avram, the Torah says: “And the Lord appeared before Avram and said- Ani El Shaddai Hithaleich Lefanai Veheyei Tamim - I am El Shaddai; walk before Me and be perfect (17:1). Avram is spiritually more evolved; he can walk ahead. However even when we allow our children to run ahead of us, or give them more and more independence, we still reassure them that we are part of their lives, and everything will work itself out. Six times Avram receives fatherly assurance in the form of a covenant. Ironically, the first time we read of this assurance is immediately following Avram’s father’s death. God tells Avram to leave his birthplace and he will become a great nation (12:2).  God reassures Avram a second time while Avram, literally, walks ahead of God and keeps going until God tells him where to stop. God re-iterates his covenant to Avram (12:7), thereby reassuring Avram. God reassures Avram after he made the difficult decision of separating from the last vestiges of his family of origin, Lot (his brother’s son). By re-iterating his covenant (13:14), God reassures Avram that although the decision was painful, it was correct. After worrying whether he behaved appropriately by fighting against the five kings, God re-iterates and reassures Avram a fourth time (15:4). Avram receives re-assurance for a fifth time after he drives away the birds of prey that ruined the sacrifice he made to God (15:13). Avram’s sixth reassurance occurs after making the difficult decision of sending away his first born son Ishmael.      
Avram walks ahead of God knowing that God is always around to re-assure him. Ultimately this type of relationship breeds a strong sense of security, trust and faith in the parent figure. Faith breeds faith and trust breeds trust. Certainly, our 12th grade daughter might think that she is ready to begin her own version of Lech Lecha. Yet about some things, she still needs to walk with her parents and, believe it or not, still wants to walk with her parents. About other things, her frustration and aggravation with us is merely an expression of the fact that she wants to walk on ahead of us. In both instances, she is telling us about her level of self-confidence to handle the first steps of her path and her lifelong journey.  One thing is for sure, as parents, we never stop trying to infuse and teach her so that way when she does walk on ahead, she remains grounded in her values and the lessons that she learned. Hopefully as she gets older and she is well on her journey her aggravation with her parents will diminish and she will appreciate the wisdom that we have given her.
Peace,
Rav Yitz

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Saw Your First Ship Sink And Drown From Rocking Of The Boat (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Ship of Fools")



It’s been approximately six weeks since Hurricane Maria devastated Puerto Rico. As of now, only 15% of the island has power. There is still a shortage of drinking water. Recently the President has stated that it was not his job to use the military to transport and distribute food, nor was it his job to make sure that power returns to the island. Simultaneously, tensions continue to rise with North Korea, I can’t help but think of the late President, Harry S. Truman, who was President when the Korean War was fought and the 38th Parallel became part of the Western lexicon. President Truman used to keep a paper weight on his desk with the saying “The Buck Stops Here”. In a sense it became indicative of President Truman’s view of leadership. The leader is ultimately responsible and therefore must assume that responsibility.

This week we read Parshat Noach. Noach’s should be familiar to all of us. God sends a flood as a means of dealing with the growing disappointment in mankind abysmal behavior. However one man, Noach, is deemed Ish Tzadik B’dorotava righteous man in his generation and God makes a covenant with him and his family.  As a result, Noach, his family, and the male and female of every species will be saved in order to re-create after the flood. God instructs Noach to build a Tevah, an Ark. Noach, his family, and each species of animal is saved. In a sense, a second creation ensues, and Noach and is family begin the narrative of re-creation. Generations pass, and eventually mankind becomes corrupt. This time, the corruption is the result of the mankind’s passivity by permitting, a certain kind of person to become the leader and never questioning or opposing his desire to build a Tower. A Tower is built, God views it as a violation of boundaries and rather than destroying the world, multiple languages come into being and people are unable to communicate. As a result, the leadership which lacked respect for boundaries scatters across the earth. The Parsha concludes ten generations later with the birth of Avraham Avinu, Abraham the Patriarch.

The narrative appears quite straightforward and simple. God is unhappy with the way people behave. He identifies Noach as a worthy partner and instructs him to build the Ark.  However one should keep in mind that Ark wasn’t built in a few days or weeks. According to the Midrash, the ark was built over the course of many decades. Even worse the flood didn’t come right away, that too, was decades in the making. According to the Midrash Tanchuma, it took Noach 120 years to build the Ark. Also, the Ark was built atop a mountain in order to give Noach the greatest amount of time to complete the project. This meant hauling all the materials up a mountain. Imagine spending roughly 1/8th of your life preparing for the future. Imagine spending roughly 1/8th of your life engaged in a single endeavor. Imagine putting off gratification for 1/8th of your life and then knowing your sense of accomplishment is predicated on the destruction of so much. Imagine spending 1/8th of your life hauling Gopher wood up a mountain. Every day Noach spent his time engaged in one activity, building the first aircraft carrier. Eventually the project would become the purpose of living. During this time, Noach’s life was not so easy. In fact, from a practical perspective, Noach’s life seems quite depressing. According to Midrash Tanchuma, Noach faced ridicule from others and he was threatened with death. Yet despite it all, he continued building even though the gratification from the project would not occur for many years. Even with the first raindrops and the first opportunity to enjoy the fruit of his life’s’ work and enter the Ark; he didn’t. Rather, he delayed his sense of accomplishment and gratification. Noach waited until the last possible second when there was no hope of saving anymore of God’s creation, and then he finally entered the Ark.

Being the leader can be a rather lonely job. Whether it’s the leader of a family, a tribe or a community it can be lonely. By no means was Noach a perfect leader. In fact one of the criticisms was that he really didn’t lead, instead his concern was limited to himself, his family and the animals that entered the Ark. That being said, Noach offers a valuable lesson in leadership.  Leaders cannot be concerned with immediate gratification. Rather, a leader takes the long view of history and destiny. A leader has the strength of his belief and convictions which allows him to worry about the long term and not be concerned with the short term. When undo attention is given to the short term, it seems that more people suffer as is the case in Puerto Rico. Hopefully those in a position to make a difference will remember President Truman’s paper weight that sat atop his desk: “The Buck Stops Here”.

Peace,
Rav Yitz