Monday, November 28, 2011

So Many Roads I Know; All I Want Is One To Take Me Home (Hunter & Garcia- So Many Roads))

Among the great cultural differences between Americans and Canadians is the notion of Thanksgiving. In living in Toronto, I have learned that indeed, Canada has Thanksgiving. It happens to coincide with Columbus Day in the United States. Yes there is a Turkey dinner with all the fixings. I have even noticed supermarkets have display shelves for Thanksgiving. However in the Jewish community, Canada’s Thanksgiving is not a big deal. Maybe Canada’s Thanksgiving is not a big deal because it usually falls right around the Jewish Holidays or maybe it’s not a big deal because there is no culturally unifying narrative. Whatever the reason may be, when I try to explain American Thanksgiving, Canadian Jews look at me like I am the typical patriotic American, or they think that this is another example of Jews assimilating into American culture, or that it is a quaint commercialized excuse to mark the beginning of Holiday shopping. While there is no question that Thanksgiving has evolved into a commercialized excuse for Black Friday and Cyber Monday, Thanksgiving is indeed a secularized and necessary Yom Tov. Yes there is a narrative: Pilgrims seeking religious freedom sail to the new world, land at Plymouth Rock, manage to survive the first winter and then develop a relationship with the native Americans who teach them how to survive in the New World, as the summer harvest is gather and much of it is stored, both groups join together for a feast in which Thanks is given – Thanks for a bountiful harvest, Thanks for positive relationship between two very different peoples and their respective cultures and Thanks to the opportunities that await this people in the New World. For Jews fleeing religious persecution in Europe and settling in America, their experience was no different than all those other immigrants that came to America decades before and after fleeing their own religious persecution and finding a new world built on the principals of Religious Toleration. When Thanksgiving is viewed from this perspective, it becomes very easy to understand why American Jews, from the most Reform to the Orthodox Jews of Young Israel and Aish HaTorah celebrate Thanksgiving. Indeed, it is a time in which we realize that we are indeed free to express our Thanks. Growing up in Rochester, Thanksgiving was truly Yom Tov. Certainly there was an expectation that I would be home for Thanksgiving. There is no question that going home for thanksgiving is part of the “Thanksgiving picture” and the reason why the Tuesday evening and the Wednesday before Thanksgiving is the busiest travel day of the year. In our home, we all look forward to Thanksgiving, reconnecting with family for a few days, and participating in one last get together before the onslaught of winter hibernation. Even if we could not physically “go home”, there was always the expectation that we would celebrate Thanksgiving wherever we were in the world.

This week we read from Parshat VaYeitzeh- a Parsha that is replete with the Holiday Themes of Thanksgiving and “Home for the Holidays”. The focus of the narrative is upon Yaakov. He has left his mother, Rivkah, and his father Yitzchak, for the first time. In fleeing his brother Esav, Yaakov now embarks on a new phase of his life. Yaakov will meet his future wives, his cousins Leah and Rachel. He will work for his father in- law, Lavan, and he will have children. The narrative will focus upon Yaakov life from young adulthood to becoming a responsible father, earning a living and all the trials, tribulation, and tensions of career and family. As Yaakov makes his way in life, hopefully he will learn more about himself. With each event, with each adventure, Yaakov has an opportunity to become better connected, better connected to himself, and better connected to a covenant that his father bequeathed to him.

Yaakov will have to have his own experiences, and live his own life before he is capable of truly offering thanks and being thankful. After Yaakov dreams of the ladder, he has a revelatory experience. V’hinei Adonai Nitzav Alav, Vayomer: Ani Adonai Elohei Avraham Avicha v’Elohei Yitzchak and behold Hashem stood above it and said: I am Hashem the God of Abraham your father, and the God of Yitzchak (Gen.28:13). However God does not introduce himself as “your God” but rather the God of his Avraham and Yitzchak. God appreciates the fact that any sense of a relationship that exists between Yaakov and God is merely a function of Yaakov’s father and grandfather. Although he received a blessing upon fleeing from his home, Yaakov has not experienced his own narrative. He doesn’t share a common narrative with his father or grandfather. Certainly there is a pre-existing relationship but it is merely a function of a covenant between God and Yaakov’s father and grandfather. Yaakov does not yet have his own connection to God and the covenant. Rather the person must develop his or her own connection. Yaakov must eventually have his own relationship with God that is separate and based upon his own merit as well as God’s. Va’yidar Yaakov Neder Leimor: Im Yiheyeh Elohim Imadi, v’Shamrani b’Derech Hazeh Asher Anochi Holeich, v’Natan Li Lechem Le’Echol v’Beged Lilbosh, V’Shavti B’shalom El Beit Avi, V’hayah HaShem Li LeilohimAnd Yaakov vowed a vow saying: if the God will stand with me, and guard me on this way that I go, and give me bread to eat and clothing to wear, and returns me in peace to my father’s home, then Hashem will be my God. (Gen 28:20-21). Yaakov has now laid out the conditions by which Yaakov and God will have their own unique connection, based upon a common narrative that he shares with his father and grandfather. Avraham left his home and went to Eretz Canaan, Avraham experienced exile twice when he left Canaan and returned. Yitzchak never physically left Canaan however his experience at the Akedah was so life altering that he first went to Beer Sheva before he returned to his parents (only to find out that his mother had died). Both men had left home and had the opportunity to have their own individual relationship with God. Yaakov understood that when he is able to “return home” then God can be his God as well. Only after experiencing exile and returning home does Yaakov share enough common experiences with his father and grandfather that he would feel connected to the Covenant and to his family.

Part of the Thanksgiving experience is the idea that Americans return “home” for Thanksgiving. Even when my wife was in Israel she and her friends celebrated Thanksgiving with a traditional Thanksgiving meal. Whether we Americans physically travel to our parents for the holiday or that we celebrate it in whatever country we live in, there is no question that the process of returning to a place where one is capable of offering Thanks is key to appreciating Thanksgiving. In a sense, we can look at Shabbat as weekly Thanksgiving. During the weekday we are in a type of exile and Shabbat is the opportunity in which we are able to return to our family and to God.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

Monday, November 21, 2011

Brother Esau Holds a Curse (John Barlow, Bob Weir- "My Brother Esau")

With a daughter about to turn 21, and another daughter beginning the Bar/Bat Mitzvah circuit, I often experience both waves of relief and waves of anxiety. The wave of relief is that one child has made it to the final year of University, about to turn 21 and is truly her own person. The peer pressure of adolescent years and her teen age years have come and gone leaving her comfortable in her own skin. The peer pressure of high school and vulnerable early years of University have been replaced by the wisdom of engaging in relationships that make her a better person and choosing friends that treat her as well as she treats her friends. The wave of anxiety is that another child is now on the Bar/Bat Mitzvah circuit and now begins the long process of growing into her own skin. Now she begins dealing with all the social issues and peer pressure that is associated with adolescence. Now she has to learn how to choose her friends not because of issues of popularity but base on issues of loyalty, honesty and bringing out the best in each other. Like our older daughter, I have no doubt that there will be many tears focusing on issues of Peer Pressure, issues of being part of the group, afraid that “they won’t like me”, or wanting to fit in so much that perhaps poor choices are made. To think there are still two more after her, for whom my wife and I have to go through this again and again! Parents want their child hanging around with kids who share similar values, who bring out the best in the child, or who exert a positive peer pressure.

This week’s Parsha is Toldot. We read of the birth of Esav and Yaakov. Even though they were twins, we learn that these boys couldn’t be any different. Esav is a hunter Ish Sadeh – a man of the field, an outdoorsman, Yaakov is Ish Tam v’Yashav b’Ohalo – a simple man who resides in his tent. When Esav turned 40, he marries a woman from another tribe. As different as the boys were before this, Esav’s marriages reflect his further spiritual diminishment from his mother and father. Esav’s association with these women brings out the worst in him. Va’Yehi Eisav Ben Arbaim Shanah VaYikach Isha et Y’hudit Bat B’Eiri HaChiti V’et Basmat Bat Eilon Ha’ChitiWhen Esav was forty years old, he took as a wife Judith daughter of Beeri the Hittite, and Basemath daughter of Elon the Hittite. Va’Tiheyenah Morat Ruach L’Yitzchak U’l’Rivkahand they were a source of spiritual bitterness for Yitzchak and Rivka (Gen.26:24).

There is a Midrash that tells us that once a species of bird migrated to Eretz Yisrael. The Rabbis were unable to determine whether this new specie was kosher or treif. Rabbi Chiya, the leading scholar of his day, said, “Isolate one of these new birds on the roof and see what kind of birds associate with it.” Immediately a raven (which is not kosher) joined the new bird. The Rabbis were able to finally determine that the new species of bird was not kosher. The same was true with regard to Esav, when he married both women. They brought out the worst in him, whether it was Avodah Zarah – idolatry, or degrading himself to such a point that he did not warrant receiving the blessing. Of even greater concern to Rivkah and Yitzchak was the departure of the Divine Presence. Remember that when Yitzchak’s mother, Sarah, died, the light in her tent, the holy presence diminished. When Yitzchak married Rivka, the Holy Presence returned to Sarah’s tent. However, when Esav’s wives became part of Yitzchak’s household, this holy light was vanquished.

From this one event, we learn the importance of associating with people, developing friendships, and engaging in relationships that elevate us spiritually, that make us a better person. It is interesting to note that nowhere in this text of the Torah or in its Midrash did we read words like “good” or “bad”. These women might have been perfectly nice women, however if they diminished Esav’s spiritual aspect, then neither of these women were good for Esav. Throughout our lives, we encounter circumstances and situations where our only criteria should be: does this spiritually uplift me or diminish me? Does it make me a better person if not? Esav was an extremely physical being unable to control his physical desires. Therefore, whatever Esav wanted, or whatever made Esav happy; Esav considered “good”. Esav wanted the red pottage, so he gave up his birthright. However the pottage didn’t make him a better person, in fact it greatly impacted upon his future. Esav wanted to associate with a certain crowd. He was not concerned about the ramifications of his actions. However those closest to him, his family, were affected by his actions.

When we make choices, when we have the opportunity to create and develop relationships, we will be affected and influenced by those relationships. We will grow and become improved individuals or we will become diminished. Our job is to spiritually search for holiness. We should aspire to bask in the glow of holiness. If, in every physical activity that we engage in including: eating sleeping, learning, working, dealing with people, is an opportunity to attain holiness; then we must only engage in that which elevates us in holiness. So we instruct our children and we hope that they choose their friends wisely. We instruct and eventually hope that our children only associate with those who make them better human beings. When they reach a certain age, we hold our breaths. When they grow a little older, become a little wiser and hopefully don’t get too hurt along the way; we exhale. When we do, hopefully we are looking at a young person comfortable in her own skin and capable of living a life of Torah.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Handing Out Free Tickets to the Wedding of His Son (Bob Dylan - Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again)

Without giving away too many trade secrets, there are certain themes that Rabbi’s speak about depending upon the life cycle event. When I attend various life cycle events and I am a guest and not an officiant, I normally would turn to my wife or my children and whisper to them what text, verse, or Talmudic expression the officiant will use in his talk. Weddings usually involve discussing the idea of Beshert (Fate) and how God, as part of his creating and re-creating, has already pre-determined and matched up all the Jewish souls in the world. Another theme is the idea that a wife is like Chava, the first Wife. Like Chava, she will be an Ezer K’Negdoa compliment and supplement to Adam’s soul. However, if the marriage isn’t based on a respectful relationship then there will be more K’Negdo (against him) than Ezer (help). There are several other texts which I imagine make up nearly every wedding talk I have ever heard. Imagine my surprise when the Rabbi, during a wedding I attended, spoke about life and death? This Rabbi cited the famous verse from Sefer Kohelet (Ecclesiastes 3:1-2): “Everything has its season, and there is a time for everything under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die.” When I leaned over to my wife and made a snide comment about how this marriage must be doomed since it is being compared to a "time to die." My wife looked at me and leaned over and commented that I really don’t know everything and that maybe I could learn something.

Well this week’s Parshah, Chayei Sarah. If you think about it, the narrative within the Parsha and the Parsha’s title, embody those Kohelet’s words: “Everything has its season, and there is a time for everything under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. Everything does have its season. In Chayei Sarah, life and death appear almost simultaneously. We read of Sarah’s death in terms of life: “Sarah’s lifetime was…” (Gen23:1). Then Avraham prepares for his wife’s burial. Next Avraham concentrates his focus upon the perpetuation of life. He sends his servant, Eliezer, to find a wife for his son. He sends his servant, Eliezer, to find a matriarch that can fill the void left by Sarah’s death. Rivkah embodied this notion of life and legacy. These qualities are inherent to her character, as is evident in her name as well as in two subtle but strong actions. First, Rivkah offered water, a symbol of both life and Torah, to Eliezer. Then she offered water to Eliezer’s camels thereby demonstrating her menschlekite. Rivkah also possessed the ability to sustain life. She sustained Eliezer’s life by allowing him to accomplish his mission and return to Avraham with a wife for Yitzchak. She sustained her own life by having the wherewithal and the strength to leave her family, a family which our sages suggest were cutthroats and cheats (Genesis Rabbah 63:4), and join a family that made a covenant with God.

After Eliezer receives water from this girl, we are told her name, Rivkah. Her name is indicative of her character. Her name also suggests an inherent ability to join seemingly disparate events or ideas such as life and death and make meaning from it. The Hebrew root of her name (RVK) means “join”, or “yoked together”, e.g. two oxen are joined together to pull a plow. The team must be of equal strength or the plow won’t go straight. Therefore Rivkah must be equally as strong as and independent as Yitzchak. Rivkah must be strong enough to take the memory and legacy of Sarah and make it her own. This requires a very strong sense of self.

Rivkah fills the spiritual vacuum created by Sarah’s death. Rivka will also become Avrahan in the sense that just like God shared with Avraham the prophecy; God will share the prophecy of Rivkah’s two sons with Rivkah (Parsha Toldot). Like Avraham, Rivka is the bridge between ,this family’s current state of affairs and future spiritual holiness. “And Yitzchak brought her into the tent of his mother; he married Rivkah, she became his wife, and he loved her; and thus was Yitzchak consoled after his mother.” (Gen 24:67) The Rabbis explain that while Sarah lived a cloud of glory hung over her tent, her tent was known for hospitality, and a lamp remained alit from Shabbat to Shabbat. When Sarah died all these qualities died with her. However, when Rivkah was brought into the tent of his mother, all these qualities returned (Genesis Rabbah 60:16). Besides perpetuating life, she perpetuated the spiritual holiness necessary for joining Yitzchak in God’s covenant.

Rivkah’s strong sense of self is expressed in a second rather subtle but strong action. As was the custom of the day, she veiled herself upon seeing Yitzchak (Gen 24:65). Certainly she covered herself in order to be modest. However covering herself also created a distinction from Yitzchak. She was an equal part of a team, and yet she was still her own person. Only Rivkah was able to join herself to Yitzchak without losing her sense of self. Only Rivkah was able to fill the powerful memory of Sarah and still prevent herself from being overwhelmed by such a memory. Only Rivkah was able to join the generation of Avraham and Sarah with the next generation. Fittingly, the Parshah ends as it began, with death. However now we read of Avraham’s death.

Rivkah’s character offers us a model in our struggle to bridge the previous generations to the future generations. Rivkah’s character offers us a model in our struggle to join with our partners in equal respectful relationships without submerging our own identity. Rivkah’s character offers us a model as in our struggle to incorporate memory without being swallowed up by it. Finally Rivkah offers us a model of menschlekite and consideration. Her small acts of kindness are all the difference between a warm and caring community and a cold uncaring community. Everything does have a season and there is a time for everything under heaven. This is the time we can learn from Rivkah. It is always the season to emulate such qualities.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Touching Makes the Flesh To Cry Out Loud - (Bobby Peterson & Phil Lesh - New Potato Caboose)

This has been a very troubling week for college football fans, for those of us who believe in universities that run clean programs for student athletes, for students and graduates of Penn State University for the residents of Happy Valley, Pennsylvania and the surrounding areas of Western Pennsylvania. It has been a troubling and disturbing week for Joe Paterno, a man, a coach, and mentor to hundreds if not thousands of young people over the course of a 45 year football coaching career at Penn State. As troubling and disturbing as the week has been; for a group of disadvantaged boys who were allegedly raped by one of Coach Joe Paterno’s assistant coaches, the past 15 years has been an unspeakable hell: lost childhoods, shattered lives and unimaginable emotional damage and scars. As I watched the news unfold over the past few days and listened to sports talk radio out of New York City, it is difficult to explain just how big a deal this is to my Toronto community. This is not only a story of one man, a pedophile committing unspeakable crimes to young boys. I remember arriving in Toronto a few years ago and hearing about a Junior Hockey coach engaging in “sexually inappropriate” behavior with players. I remember hearing NHL players admitting that they were victims of these predatory types of coaches. What makes the 15 years worth of criminal activity at Penn State so troubling was the role of a highly revered institution and the role of the de facto leader of that highly revered institution. This highly revered university, revered for running a clean program, revered for embodying the definition of the student athlete, revered by young boys in Pennsylvania and parts of New York and New Jersey as the ideal place to play college football; this highly revered institution proved to be morally decadent and consumed with self image than caring for the disadvantaged. This highly revered leader, Coach Paterno, by all measures a decent, moral, religious, upstanding individual who prided himself on making sure his players graduated and made something of their lives outside of football, this highly revered leader misplaced his moral compass and perversely showed more concern for his program, his reputation, the University’s reputation as opposed to the welfare and the safety of those so disadvantage. This highly respected and revered leader showed more concern for the institution than for the victims of these heinous crimes and lending a voice for these victims.

So how do I explain just how big this is to my Toronto community? Perhaps the best modern day comparison is the recent case of the Catholic Church covering up the pedophile behavior of a very small number of priests and the Church’s misplaced concern for the priests and institutional welfare at the expense of the victims. The similarities between what occurred at Penn State and the Catholic Church is absolutely stunning. Just as stunning is the fact this news story occurred this week during Parshah Vayeira and the narrative of Sodom and Gomorrah. We are all familiar with the narrative. God tells Avraham that Sodom and Gomorrah must be destroyed. Avraham negotiates with God and God agrees that if ten righteous people can be found in Sodom and Gomorrah then he will not destroy the city. Meanwhile two of the three men (Rashi explains that these two men were angels) head towards Sodom in order to warn Lot of the impending disaster. Lot, like his uncle Avraham demonstrated Hachnasat Orchim (hospitality) and offers food and lodging to these men. However the residents of Sodom demand that Lot sends the guests out to the mob so that they can have their way with them. Lot pleads with the mob and offers his own daughters instead. The mob desires the two guests. The guests save Lot and they manage to keep the mob at bay until morning. The guests urge Lot, Lot’s wife and daughters to flee to the nearby mountain without looking back. Lot and his family flee; his wife looks back and turns to a pillar of salt.

If we read the narrative closely, God never tells us Sodom and Gomorrah’s crime. We understand from the narrative that the mob wanted Lot to Hotziem Eileinu V’Neidah Otam (to bring them out to us so that we may know them Gen. 19:5) Biblical scholars and the classical commentaries agree that the mob wanted to engage in sexual relations with Lot’s two guests. However nothing happened, the mob was turned back and nothing actually happened to these two guests. Besides God was intent on destroying Sodom and Gomorrah even before this event. So what was crime of these two cities?

The prophet Ezekiel offers some insight. "Behold this was the sin of Sodom…She and her daughters had pride, excess bread, and peaceful serenity, but she did not strengthen the hand of the poor and the needy" (16:49). Quite clearly Ezekiel pointed out that the sin of Sodom was the failure of its institutions to help the needy, to care for the vulnerable, feed the hungry and shelter the homeless. Sodom’s sin, according to Ezekiel was the city’s failure to look after those people who lived out on the socio-economic margins of life. A Mishnaic opinion in Avot 5:10 further strengthens this picture of moral depravity when it defines the Sodomite as one who says, "What's mine is mine and what's yours is yours." The Mishnah decries a man who wishes to remove himself from the social responsibility of welfare by closing himself and his wealth from others. For ChaZaL, (the Sages of Blessed Memory) the perversity and the moral depravity is the assumption that in Sodom the goal is to just worry about and take care of oneself. The perversity and the moral depravity is the assumption that one should not care about the welfare of anyone else. However the Mishnah only communicates the behavior of an individual citizen of Sodom.

More revealing and perhaps more indicative of the institutional perversity that transpired for 15 years at Penn State is a Midrash of Pirkei D’ Rebbi Eliezar. In examining the 18:21 God speaks to Avraham and states: Eirah Nah V’Eireh Haktza’akatah Eilai Asu - I will descend now, and see whether they have done all together the cry of it, which has come to me… The word Haktza’akatah – the cry of it is in the feminine form. It is unclear what feminine noun is being modified by this feminized verb. The previous feminine noun is Ir or city (i.e. Sodom and Gomorrah). This would suggest that the cry came from the city of Sodom and Gomorrah itself. However this common understanding diminishes just how twisted, perverse, amoral and evil Sodom was. The Midrash of Pirkei D’ Rebbi Eliezer explains that the feminized “cry” came from an actual female and this is her story. “They issued a proclamation in Sodom, saying: ‘Everyone who strengthens the hand of the poor and the needy with a loaf of bread shall be burn by fire. Lot’s daughter, Pelotit, was married to one of the noble citizens of Sodom. She happened to see a pauper in the street and her soul was so grieved by the sight of this man. Every day when she went to the well she put all kinds of provision in the water pitchers. She would empty the provision that were in the pitchers to the pauper and then continue on her way to the well and fill the pitchers with water. The Sodomite nobleman wondered how this poor man managed to still be alive as they assumed that he should have been long dead. They realized that Pelotit was bringing him food. She was arrested and brought to forth to be burned. She cried out ‘Sovereign of all worlds! Maintain my right and my cause at the hands of the men of Sodom!” And her cry ascended before the throne of glory. In that hour the Holy One blessed be He said ‘I will go down and see whether they have done altogether according to her cry which has come up to me.’ The Midrash teaches us that the perversity, the moral depravity was institutional. The very laws that should have been designed to help the needy and care for the most vulnerable members of society were now turned upside down. “They issued a proclamation”. The deplorable and depravity were not done in secret suggesting embarrassment or shame. Rather this proclamation suggests that it was the law of the land and punishable by death.

No, there was no legal statement or proclamation saying that Penn State football coaches were permitted to commit heinous crimes to young boys. However, when the most powerful person at Penn State, the face of Penn State, merely reports the issue to his the Athletic Director (in fulfillment of his legal obligation but certainly not his moral obligation) then what proclamation is being made? The fact that no action was taken back in 2002 except for removing the keys from the assistant coach suggests that for nearly the last ten years, the institutions concern was for itself, and Joe Paterno’s concern was for his record of most football victories in Division 1A and his reputation. Sadly how many more victims were there because of a coach’s and a university’s silence. Finally, the deafening cry of these victims as well as the Grand Jury’s report were heard by Penn State’s board of Directors. With the immediate removal of Coach Paterno, and the school President, perhaps the Penn State football program can right its moral compass. Hopefully now, and in the future trial of Mr. Sandusky, the perpetrator of these crimes, may these victims some of whom are young men, know some semblance of peace and begin putting their lives back together.

Peace,

Rav Yitz