Standing On The Moon, Where Talk Is Cheap And Vision True (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Standing On The Moon")

           Maybe it’s me, but I think that elected officials should only use social media when they are being “social”. Using social media to introduce a new policy, to emote, gloat, complain, chastise,  intimidate, slander, fire, or make public pronouncements without the scrutiny of the non-fake, non-conspiracy-oriented news media places too much emphasis on the “media” and not enough emphasis on the “social”.  If an elected official would like to use social media to be “social”, to show us social aspects of his/her life, funny incidents that occurred, a cute family picture with greater emphasis upon the “social” of “social media” then,  by all means, use social media. With a greater emphasis upon the “social”, the elected official appears like the rest of us, more approachable and ordinary.  With a greater emphasis upon “Media”, the elected official creates a more toxic and dangerous way to govern and a more toxic and dangerous way to exercise authority. By placing a greater emphasis upon the “Media” and not the “Social” the elected official demeans the office,  violates the public trust, corrupts the nature of being a public service, and indicates a shortcoming in character and public discourse.

This week’s Torah portion is VaYigash.  The confrontation between Yosef and his brothers is about to occur. The Parshah begins with Yehudah approaching his brother Yosef, whom he does not recognize, and pleads for Benjamin’s freedom.  Yosef reveals his identity, and the brothers hug and kiss each other. They cry and they forgive each other. Yosef asks about his father’s welfare. The brothers return to their father, Yaakov, and tell him that Yosef is alive. The brothers add that everyone, the entire clan, should go down to Egypt. So this clan, including Jacob, the brothers, their wives, and children, heads down to Egypt. Yaakov meets Pharaoh. Yosef’s family is given a parcel of land outside of Egypt in a place called Goshen, where they can tend to their flocks. Yaakov is reunited with his beloved Yosef in the land of Goshen.

For the ChaZaL, the Talmudic Sages of Blessed Memory,  the confrontation between Yosef, the second most powerful man in Egypt, and Yehudah, the leader of Yaakov’s sons; represents something much more than just two brothers meeting up after a couple of decades. For ChaZaL, the word VaYiGaSh refers to Yehudah girding himself for war. Remember, Yehudah does not yet know the identity of the man standing before him. For all Yehudah knows, this man, who looks Egyptian, dresses Egyptian, and speaks Egyptian embodies the most powerful empire and the most dominant culture in the world. However, according to the Or HaChayim, the 18th-century Morrocan commentator, suggests that “girding for war” is not the plain meaning of the word VaYiGaSh. Rather the Or HaChayim explains that if Yehudah was “girding himself for war” then he would not have spoken so respectfully and politely to Yosef: Bi Adoni “if it pleases my lord”. Nor would Yehudah be concerned with publicly antagonizing Yosef’s anger. Instead, Yehuda directly approaches Egypt’s Second Command,  bypassing his guards and advisors, and manages to speak quietly and privately into the minister’s ear. Make no mistake, when Yehudah tells the minister that Pharoah’s Second in Command is just like Pharaoh, it is meant as an indictment and insult. Indeed, Yehuda speaks truth to power; he does so in a whisper, privately, without causing embarrassment to the second most powerful man in the Egyptian empire. Yehudah’s approached Yosef so as not to publicly embarrass or anger him for several reasons. First, he felt a deep sense of responsibility for his brother Benjamin. Second, he felt a deep sense of responsibility and commitment to his father.  So Yehuda felt obligated and compelled to approach Yosef, however, he could not approach in a meek subservient manner. Third, he felt a deep sense of respect for the power and authority of the man standing before him and what that man represented.  As a result, Yehudah had to project the perfect blend of strength and humility. He had to speak politely yet forcefully. Most of all he had to make sure that he wouldn’t embarrass the second most powerful man in the Egyptian empire. Only after this confrontation was Yosef able to reveal himself, and his character to the brothers.  Only then could he reveal the fact that he had no desire for retribution, no animosity but rather only joy, relief, and concern.

Character, both individual and national manifests in a myriad of ways. In today’s day and age,  Character is routinely revealed in the public discourse on social media. However, more often than not, we learn more about the character of the person that posts, than the subject matter or the person about whom the poster posts. Indeed, the tension and the confrontation between Yehuda and Yosef, as perceived by the Sages to demonstrate the mystical tension between Israel and Egypt. This tension quickly dissipated once Yosef revealed his identity. Only by revealing his identity and making himself vulnerable; was Joseph able to show the content of his character, the contentment in his soul rather than a desire for retribution. Yehuda confronted Yosef, prior to announcing his identity, in a private quiet manner. Yosef revealed his identity to his brothers only when they were alone. Imagine what social discourse, cancel culture and public shaming would look like if Yehuda was more publicly demonstrative and putting greater emphasis upon the ”social” instead of the “media”.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

Learn To Speak, Speak With Wisdom Like A Child Directly To The Heart (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Foolish Heart")

          The Jewish people concluded the eight days of Chanukah this week. Halacha (Jewish Law) instructs that each household must light a Chanukiya. However, if there is a desire to Hadur Mitzvah (beautify the commandment), each person may light his/her own Chanukiyah. In our home, we have the “house” Chanukiya that I light and our children have their own.  When each child leaves for their gap year, university, or to live and work in another city, they take their Chanukiya with them.  Because of the pandemic,  three of our four children happen to be home for Chanukkah.  As a result,  our family has lit at least three Chanukiyot on each of the eight nights. On the last night of Chanukkah, when three Chanukiyot were lit, the most spiritual light glowed in our window. I looked at my wife, I looked at my children, our eighteen-year-old daughter in Israel joined us through Whatsapp, and I truly felt blessed.  As I looked at my eldest daughter. I didn’t look at her remembering a little girl. Instead, I saw a thirty-year-old woman who is incredibly accomplished, well respected in her career,  and sought after for her advice and ability by those who seek public office. Through that powerful Chanukkah light, I saw a thirty-year-old woman who has already accomplished so much. 

          This week’s Parsha is Mikeitz. This is Yosef’s coming out party. He is released from prison in order to interpret Pharaoh’s dreams. First, he informs Pharaoh that God has given him the gift of interpretation,  and then he successfully interprets the two dreams. Pharaoh is so impressed, and so trusting of Yosef, that he makes Yosef his right-hand man. Yosef becomes responsible for preparing Egypt for the famine that will occur. When the famine strikes Egypt,  neighboring lands are affected, including Canaan and Yosef’s family. Seeking relief from the famine, Yosef's brothers go down to Egypt. Yosef recognizes them, but he does not reveal his identity. Rather, he tests their moral growth; he purposefully frames the youngest brother, Benjamin.  Yosef wants to determine whether the brothers are capable of protecting one of their own.

          Throughout the Parsha, Yosef embodies two personas. There is the Yosef that we know: son of Yaakov, despised by his brothers and wise beyond his years having experienced and learned from life’s’ ups and downs. Yosef also has a public/professional persona in which people seek out his advice and insight. It began in Potifar’s home when he improved the household finances. Yosef's professional development and expertise continued in prison when he successfully interpreted dreams.  Recalling his own experience with Yosef's interpreting dreams, the wine steward recommends Yosef to Pharaoh in order to interpret Pharaoh’s dream. Yosef interprets the dream correctly. Ultimately, Pharaoh makes Yosef his second in command. Yosef is given the responsibility to save Egypt from the impending famine. The people have given him the title “Avrech”. The Talmudic Midrash explains that AvRech is derived from two words: Av (father) in wisdom and Rach (tender) in terms of years. Indeed several verses later (41:46), the Torah tells us: V’Yosef Ben Shloshim Shanah– Now Joseph was thirty years old. The Egyptian empire, its economy, and national security were in the hands of a thirty-year-old!. There are not many 30-year-olds who become the second most powerful person in the most powerful nation. Yosef’s numerous life experiences and his ability to learn from those ups and downs,  and his ability to express himself to Pharaoh suggests that Yosef had become an “old soul”,  a great reservoir of wisdom, worthy of the name “AvRech”. 

          As we read how Yosef is regarded by Pharaoh and the Egyptian people, we understand that Yosef is no longer the arrogant 17-year old hated by his brothers. He has suffered the consequences for mistakes he has made.  He also has suffered as a victim of unfortunate circumstances.  As Yosef grew up and matured; he learned how to listen to people: wealthy officials of the state, convicted felons warden’s, and of course Pharoah. Indeed, Yosef has a gift beyond the ability to interpret dreams. Yosef’s experiences have left him humble and approachable with the ability to connect to all types of people from all walks of life. The reader has been afforded the opportunity to watch this teenager grow up into this incredibly polished and powerful man. Yes, looking at our thirty-year-old daughter in the Chanukkah candlelight, it dawned on me that I have been blessed to watch her grow up into the incredibly polished strong young woman that is highly regarded by her friends, colleagues, and mentors.  For our three younger children who are only now embarking on their path, our hope is that whatever career path they choose,  they will work hard,  become a credit to their profession, and enjoy the same Shem Tov (good name/reputation) that their sister has achieved. 

Peace,
Rav Yitz 

But You'll Never Find Another Honest Man (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia- "Loser")

           I can tell my kids are growing up or are already grown up. No, I am not speaking in terms of age, nor am I speaking in terms of their physical development. I am speaking about their analytical development and appreciation of small details and finer points. One of the things I love to do with my kids and something my father did with me, especially when watching a sporting event, is to determine “turning points”. There may be only one turning point, there may be more. Rarely does something progress in a straight upward slope. Sometimes there is an ebb and flow, more momentum or less momentum, headwinds or tailwinds. Several weeks ago, my son and I watch our favorite college football team play against the then number 1 ranked college team. With our team 91 yards away from the tying touchdown and only 1:48 left in regulation and two-time outs,  I asked my son to see if he could focus upon the key play, the smallest detail,  the key block, the key fake or turning point that either permitted our team to tie the game or lose. As we watched those final 1:48 seconds, I watched my son appreciate the smallest details that allowed our team to successfully move down the field in 1:26 seconds and tied the game in regulation, and ultimately win it in double overtime.     

      

  This Shabbat we read from Parsha VaYeishev. The focus of the narrative now shifts from Yaakov (aka. Israel) to his most beloved son Yosef. Contextually, Yaakov is at a point in his life where he has finished his spiritual and personal struggles. He now is at a calm and settled point in his life, hence the name of the Parshah: Vayeishev – and he settled. We learn that Yaakov, like his parents, played favorites. He showered Yosef, Rachel’s son, with a beautiful Kutonet Pasim – Coat of Many Colors. Yosef was a bit arrogant. This was manifested in his dreams that portrayed his greatness and subjugated his brothers and his parents to his power. Needless to say, no one appreciated his dreams, neither his brothers who wanted to kill him but instead threw him into an empty pit nor his father who sent Yosef back to his brothers knowing that they were angry with him (Gen. 37:10-14). Yosef is then removed from the pit, sold as a slave, and worked in the home of one of Pharaoh’s courtiers. As a slave, Yosef proved invaluable to the welfare of the Courtier’s business dealings. Yosef managed everything and the courtier profited greatly. The courtier’s wife however was a bit bored and made a pass at Yosef. Yosef put her off and then was accused of sexual harassment. Yosef was sent to prison. While in prison, Yosef helped the warden manage the prison, and the warden did well. Yosef became known for an ability to interpret dreams.

Certainly, it was a “perfect storm”, a chain of events that brought Yosef to Egypt. His brother’s hatred, his Yaakov's favoritism of Yosef, and later Yaakov's aggravation with Yosef contributed to Yosef's winding up in Egypt. The brother’s decision to sell Yosef rather than kill him and the coincidence of the caravan’s arrival all contributed to Yosef’s winding up in Egypt.  However the moment, the turning point in the narrative, that small seemingly minor detail that affected the rest of Yosef’s life was the moment that Yosef, upon instructions from his father, sought out his brother, and got lost.  Vayimtza’eihu Ish V’Hinei To’eh BaSadeh And a certain man found him and behold, he [Yosef] was wandering in the field; VaYishaleihu Ha’Ish Leimor: Mah T’Vakeish? And the man asked him, saying: What are looking for? VaYomer Et Achai Anochi Mevakeish and He [Joseph] said I seeking my brothers. Hagidah Nah Li: Eifo Haim Ro’im.  Tell me I pray, where do they feed their flocks?   VaYomer HaIsh Nasu Mi’Zeh Ki Shamati Omrim Leilcha Dotainah. And the man said they traveled from here for I heard them say ‘Let us go to Dotham. VaYeilech Yosef Achar Echav Vayimtza’eim B’Dotan. So Yosef went after his brother and found them in Dothan. (Gen. 47:15-17). Between the dysfunctional environment of home and the confrontation with his brothers (at the request of his father); exist this very brief but incredibly important conversation between Yosef and an unnamed man. How important is this conversation? Yosef’s entire future, God’s prophesy and covenant with Avraham hinges upon this conversation and Yosef finding his brothers and eventually winding up in Egypt. The turning point in the narrative of Breishit hinges upon an unnamed man giving directions to Yosef. The Talmudic Sages explain that this was not a chance passer-by but an “angel”; a divine messenger of God. 

For the Talmudic Sages, implicitly, this narrative is about God’s involvement in a person’s life.  Certainly, it is human nature to focus upon the big glaring moments: the explanation of a dream, a colorful coat, being thrown into a pit, or being sold. God’s presence or absence may appear to be obvious. For the Sages, the key to a relationship with God was being able to sense God’s presence in the smallest and seemingly innocuous moments like a moment shared with an unnamed passerby who offers directions. The key is for us to be open-minded, and open-hearted enough to see that turning point and have the courage to see where it leads. It may lead to a new opportunity, it may cause us to avoid being in the “wrong place at the wrong time”.  For the Talmudic Sages, this is never happenstance this is evidence of God’s involvement and we must learn to make ourselves aware. Part of Yosef’s growing up involves increasing his awareness of God’s presence. The same can be said for our teenage son. Part of his growing up and maturation process is an increased awareness of those small details, those easily overlooked moments that really are turning points, turning points between feeling blessed or cursed, between hopelessness and hopefulness, or between sorrow and joy.

Peace,

Rav Yitz  

The More My Brother Looks Like Me The Less I Understand (John Barlow & Bob Weir - "My Brother Esau")

 

          Well, it's official. The "Transition" formally began, and for the first time, President-Elect Biden received the PDB (the President's Daily Intelligence Briefing). Does this mean that Trump finally changed his mind about who won and who lost? Does this mean that during Thanksgiving dinner with his family, Trump decided it was time to treat the President-Elect with the same respect and offer the same access to information that he received when he was the President-Elect four very long years ago.  Does this mean that Trump graciously accepted defeat, and for the good of the country, will move on? Does this mean that he will stop sowing doubt about the integrity of the election and democratic norms and institutions? Does this mean that Trump will give a concessions speech and tell his followers to accept the result? My 18-year-old daughter living in Israel has two British roommates and when we speak with her, she will frequently take on a British accent and use British slang. Her response to these questions is rather succinct: "Not bloody likely",  My children incredulously remind me that we are talking about a 74-year-old man who never grew up, never learned how to fight fair, win graciously, and not behave like a sore loser. My eldest daughter reminded me that would deem any child that behaved like Trump has been behaving since the election as a spoiled brat. She quickly added that at least in the case of the child, there is still the possibility that the child would grow up and cease being a spoiled brat. Changing a personality, changing who we are, changing our core seems a rather daunting task. Several years ago, a book by Stephen Guise entitled Mini Habits: Smaller Habits Bigger Results appeared. Guise's theory is based upon Lao Tzu’s famous pearl of wisdom “The journey of a thousand miles begins with a small step”, and begins with the brutally realistic view of human nature. Guise explains change is predicated upon two ingredients: intention and overestimating competence. Big intentions and big ambitions are worthless if they don’t bring results. The lack of intended result harms and defeats the person and then he/she will eventually stop the process. Guise explains that one enormous obstacle is The Dunning-Kruger effect.  This is the cognitive bias that people generally overestimate their competencies. A person thinks that he is the smartest, has the biggest brain, or the nicest.  Since change is predicated on "self-control", Guise,  explains that usually, a person assumes more self-control, not less. and as a result of this unrealistic evaluation of our self-control and our lack of humility regarding strengths and weakness, we inadvertently place obstacles that contribute to our inability to change.

          This week we read from Parsha Vayishlach. We read about Yaakov and Esav’s reunion. We read about Yaakov’s daughter Dina and her unholy tryst with Shechem a member of the Hivites. We learn of what many consider to be the fanatical response on behalf of her brother Shimon and Levi. Yaakov returns to Bet El, the place where he dreamt of the ladder many years before, builds an altar, and receives the covenant from God. During that process, God changes his name from Yaakov to Yisroel. And while we read about the name change at the very beginning of the Parsha, that name change was given by another being (Gen. 32:29). Rachel dies as well as a wet nurse named Deborah. Finally, we read a list of Yaakov’s children as well as Esav’s. 

          Yaakov’s trepidation prior to his reunion with his brother stems from the one unanswered question. Has Esav really changed? Yaakov just crossed the Yabok River and is unsure as to what to expect from his brother Esav.  VaYaratz Esav Likrato VaiChabkeihu, VaYipol Al Tzavarav Vayishahkeihu Vayivku – Esav ran toward him, embraced him, fell upon his neck, and kissed him; then they wept (Gen. 33:4). At first blush, Esav appears to have forgiven his brother. Certainly, it appears that the decades have washed away Esav’s animosity towards his brother. Perhaps Esav truly changed. The plain meaning of the text suggests this. However, the text's simple meaning also appears focused upon superficial behavior, manners, social etiquette, and not upon motivation and the individual's core behaviour and instinct. Imagine not seeing someone for thirty years for fear of your life. Then as you approach; the person runs towards you. Are they a friend or foe? When you embrace, would it be out of the question to wonder if this hug felt more like an assault instead of a loving embrace? While worrying about the hug, what happens when the person falls upon your neck and kisses you on the neck? Is this a kiss of brotherly love or the proverbial “kiss of death”? Is this a “kinder and gentler” Esav, or the same Esav that has been angry since the blessing and birthright “incidents”. Perhaps all these questions justify Yaakov’s trepidation during this reunion.  

          One thing is clear, after this apparently emotional reunion, Esav wants to escort Yaakov and his family to their destination. When Yaakov politely rebuffs Esav’s offer; Esav suggests that some of his armed men should escort Yaakov and his family. Again, wary of his brother, Yaakov politely responds Lamah Zeh Why this (suggestion)? Emtzah Chein B’Einei Adoni Let me just have favor in my lord's eyes. VaYashav BaYom HaHu Eisav L’Darko Seirah So Esav started back that day on his way toward Seir. V’Yaakov Nasah Sukkotah - but Yaakov traveled to Sukkot (Gen. 33:15-17). The brothers go their separate ways. The Torah does say whether they hugged and kissed goodbye. Rather, Esav offers to take Yaakov to Seir.  Perhaps Esav thought he was being nice. Perhaps he was trying to lull Yaakov into a trap and only to wipe out Yaakov and his family later.  Yaakov understood that while his brother’s outward behavior, his social etiquette may have changed, it was more realistic to assume that at his core, big brother Esav hadn’t changed at all, For the sake of his family's future, Yaakov felt it best to keep as far away as possible. 

           Yes, social etiquette, manners, and perhaps even strategy demanded that Yaakov and Esav hug, kiss, and even weep together, Perhaps, over the course of twenty years, each had marginally softened and mellowed. Perhaps each had become more mature and better versions of themselves. Yaakov's new name Israel and his limp suggests that he is not the same scheming Yaakov that he was all those years before. He is somehow different. However, there is nothing in the Torah that suggests that Esav has acquired the ability and the skills necessary for introspection. He remains a hunter, his focus is upon his prey, not himself. At the core, each mans is who he is. So do people change? Well, it seems that change is only possible if a person is humble about personal is brutally honest with oneself and capable of introspection and humility, doesn't overestimate strengths, and acknowledges and understands his/her weaknesses. Then the person must be inclined to embrace the effort to engage in mini habits with an eye towards big results. However, if a person never put forth an effort, always received whatever they asked for, never had to contend with failure and loss, do we really expect a person to change?

Peace,

Rav Yitz