She Always Tries to Play by the Golden Rule (Jerry Garcia/ Robert Hunter - West L.A. Fadeaway)

Well Pesach is over. After almost two weeks my sister in-law, her husband and four children, ranging in age from 9mos – 6yrs, have returned to Los Angeles. Our eldest daughter has returned to University. Our house is slowly returning to normal and quiet. During Pesach, our home was quite busy with many children playing, singing, dancing, laughing, whining and occasionally crying. Grown-ups asked, told, and commanded children to “pick up” “clean up” “eat over the table”, “wash up” “lower your voice”, “stop yelling” and a myriad of other things that parents constantly say to their children. Each of these, reminders, warnings, and commands was followed by an age old parental mantra. When challenged by our children with that simple three lettered word, “why?” We responded, “Because I am your parent and I SAID SO!!!!” For some reason, our children consistently forgot that we were their parents, and they needed constant reminding. For some reason our children needed constant reminders as to who was in charge.

This Shabbat we read from Parsha Kedoshim. Kedoshim is the plural form of the adjective Kodesh, which means holy. In this particular case the antecedent for Kedoshim is Kol Adat B’nai Yisroel – the Entire Assembly of the Children of Israel. All of Israel is Holy, why? As we will read over and over again in a mantra-like fashion, Ki Kadosh Ani Adonai Eloheichem – Because Holy am I the Lord your God. We are holy because of our sacred relationship to God. Interestingly, the rest of the Parsha does NOT concentrate on the relationship between God and humanity. Instead, the Parsha outlines the moral and ethical behavior that we are commanded to display towards our fellow human being. Keeping in mind that we are all created B’Tzelem Elokim – the Image of God; we are urged to imitate God. We are reminded to treat others as we would treat God.

The plethora of ethical behaviors outlined includes “do not place a stumbling block before the blind”, or “a workers wage shall not remain with you overnight until morning”. Even the Golden Rule, urging us to treat others as we hope to be treated is part of Kedoshim. The great Talmudic Sage Rabbi Hillel, explained to an individual who wanted to learn Torah while standing on one leg that this one rule embodies the essence of Torah “the rest are the detail” (Shabbat 31a). V’Ahavta L’Rei’echa K’Mocha – You shall love your fellow human being as yourself (Lev 19:18). Rabbi Akiva, another Talmudic Sage, explain that this is the fundamental rule of the Torah (Jerusalem Talmud Nedarim 9:4). Rabbi Avraham Yehoshua Heschel explained that this commandment does not mean to love saintly and righteous people – it is impossible NOT to love such people. Rather God commands us to love even people whom it is hard to love. However we do not “love” to our detriment. After each of these ethical reminders God provides the mantra Ki Kadosh Ani Adonai Eloheichem – Because Holy am I the Lord your God. Did Bnai Yisroel suddenly forget who they were? Did Bnai Yisroel suddenly forget who God was? So soon after standing at Sinai, receiving the Aseret Dibrot, making the regrettable decision to worship the Egel Zahav, engaging in national tshuva, and constructing a mishkan , did Bnai Yisroel really forget that they are part of a sacred relationship? Perhaps these ethical statements and the re-iteration of many of the commandments are put into the context of human relationship because it is much easier to see the immediacy and relevance of these commandments in human terms. At the same time we need to be reminded that we follow these commandments for two reasons: 1) because I said so and 2) because we have it in us to be holy, to be Godly.

This is the first Shabbat following Pesach and we are nearly two weeks into the counting of the Omer. With the counting of each day, we take a moment to work on a different shortcoming in our spiritual development so that when we receive the Torah on Shavuot, we are as spiritually pure as possible. Let us begin with this most fundamental of rules. V’Ahavta L’Rei’echa K’Mocha.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

That Path is for Your Steps Alone (Hunter/Garcia - Ripple)

Our daughter asked us if she could have a “Facebook” account. Incredulous, my wife and I both firmly responded with a “NO!” Besides the fact that Facebook tells us that no one under the age of 13 should have a Facebook account, we both felt that a ten year old is far too young to handle the responsibility of controlling words, pictures and thoughts let alone keep them from spreading uncontrollably on the internet. Even worse, I could just imagine some sick individual finding my daughter through Facebook and encountering a big pile of Tsuris. After her mom and I said no, I asked her why she wanted a Facebook account. “Well a bunch of my friends have Facebook accounts, so I thought that I could have a Facebook account tool” Poor kid, if she only knew me better. If she knew me better; then she would have known that the best way to guarantee that she won’t get what she wants was to invoke the age old excuse “I want what my friends want”. If she only knew that I used to invoke the same logic with my father. He also gave an incredulous “no”. Frequently my father offered insight into his “no”. “I don’t care what the other kids have”. “I am not your friend’s parent, I am your parent.” I care about you, so the answer is no.” I remember being a few years older that her when I requested a pair of leather high top sneakers. Why? My friends had those types of sneakers. My father’s response included all of the aforementioned reasons, including the fact that my foot was still growing and he wasn’t going to spend that kind of money on sneakers that I would outgrow in 3 months. Between you and me, I think our daughter was relieved by our rejection for her Facebook request. She told her friends that we said “No” and now the pressure to fit in, to be part of hyper-social crowd had been eliminated.

This Shabbat is Shabbat HaGadol; the Shabbat that immediately precedes Pesach. The Parsha is Acharei Mot. After two Parshiot, Tazria and Metzorah, which essentially interrupted the narrative and the laws that had been focused upon the Kohanim, we now return to the Kohen as the central focus in the Parsha. Now that he has become spiritually pure, the Torah is now ready to teach the laws for the spiritual purity of the nation. We have focused upon the impurities of individuals, now we focus upon the community. The Kohen acts on behalf of the nation just like he acts on behalf of the individual. The Torah teaches us the laws for the offerings of Yom Kippur, national atonement, and Azazel otherwise known as the Scapegoat. The Scapegoat is not offered as a sacrifice to God, but rather is sent out from the camp and left to wander in the wilderness eventually succumbing to the elements.

The second half of the Parsha focuses upon the holy and holy relationships within the family. However the list of inappropriate behaviors between family members is taught within the context of the other nations. What is particularly troubling is the fact that our interaction with the two nations was a direct function of God’s plan. God invokes Egypt and God invokes Canaan. We went down to Egypt and now we were being brought to Canaan. K’Maasei Eretz Mitzrayim Asher Y’shavtem Bah Lo Ta’Asu UchMa’Asei Eretz Canaan Asher Ani Meivi Etchem Shamah Lo Ta’Asu UvChukoteihem Lo Teileichu – Do not practice of the land of Egypt in which you dwelled; and do not perform the practice of the land of Canaan to which I bring you, and do not follow their traditions. (Lev. 18:3) For the past two centuries Bnai Yisroel dwelled in Egypt, a morally decadent community. Now B’nai Yisroel is about to head into Eretz Canaan, which was also a morally decadent land inhabited by the Moabites, the Canaanites, the Hittites, the Jebusites and the Edo mites to name a few. I can justify using Egypt as the example. First our descent into slavery both physical and spiritual was hardly overnight but rather a gradual process. Second, our experience in Egypt serves as the origins of our becoming a nation. Invoking that experience is at the core of our national memory. We remind ourselves of Yetziat Mitzrayim three times a day when we say the Shma. We are reminded of Yetziat Mitzrayim when we make Kiddush on Shabbat and all festivals. We reminded ourselves of Yetziat Mitzrayim and pass down that collective memory to our children at the Pesach Seder. But Canaan? Canaan is God’s covenant with us, originating with Avraham Avinu. So why would God promise us a land that is as morally bankrupt as Egypt? Why would God bring us to a place that is the equivalent to a place where God brought us out?

The Be’er Yitzchak, the 19^th Russian Rabbi offers a comment that is relevant to today’s Jewish experience. “The reason for mentioning Egypt and Canaan is simple: if you imitate the Egyptians – then why did I take you out of Egypt? And if you behave like the Canaanites- why should I expel them before you/ it was on condition that you will not do so that I took you out of Egypt and that I shall expel the Canaanites… do not imitate even their innocuous practices, for these lead to total assimilation.” The experience in Egypt was an incubation period to prepare for Torah at Sinai. Our experience in Egypt would constantly serve as a reminder that we ultimately rejected physical slavery and that we ultimately rejected the institutions and behaviors of that master. It is certainly easy to reject all things Egyptian while we are reminded of how damaging the experience was. It is quite another thing to reject the behavior, and culture of a society when one is free, when one is not scarred by such a damaging experience. Yet, the success of our people, the future viability of our relationship with God through Torah could only occur if we are able to reject a dominant culture’s behavior as a free nation and not as an enslaved nation. Bnai Yisroel’s survival ultimately depends upon remaining separate and apart from the cultural majority. Bnai Yisroel’s survival depends upon remaining spiritually distinct from the majority. Bnai Yisroel’s survival depends upon the spiritual strength needed to reject the behaviors of any dominant culture, to refrain from behavior because “everyone else does it”.

It is always nice to feel part of something. It is always nice to feel included. It is always nice to be culturally recognized. From an individual perspective, going along with the crowd means never feeling left out. For our children, there is always the tension of fitting in and still retaining a sense of individuality. However, as a people, our national sin, our national mistake is our individual yearning, our desire to be like everybody else, to assimilate.

So we managed to teach our daughter a most valuable lesson. Just because “everyone is doing it” neither makes it right nor means that it is good for the individual. Rather she needs to make decisions based upon what is best for her. Thankfully, she has figured a way to avoid feeling left out. She and some other girls with parents who said “no” to Facebook, have developed their own social network that is much more age appropriate, they use the phone and send notes.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

Come Wash the Night-Time Clean ("Cassidy" - John Barlow, Bob Weir)

Every so often a song will come to mind that triggers all kinds of powerful memories. The other day, while driving home, I heard Paul Simon’s Kodachorome lyrics .“When I think back on all the @&*^$ I learn in High School, it’s a wonder I can think at all”. While the lyrics don’t necessarily remind me of my High School experience; Paul Simon’s lyrics remind me of some of the sillier, non- informative, and ignorant ideas that I was taught in Hebrew School. Personally, I have found that these lyrics are most applicable to misguided teachers that tried to explain the notions of Tamei & Tahor (purity and impurity), women and Mikvah. I can only imagine that the girls in my Hebrew School class would have every reason to hate being Jewish since we constantly heard the constant refrain that girls are “dirty”. Because girls are so dirty, they need to go to the Mikvah.

This week’s Parsha is Metzorah. The discussion and laws for Tamei/ Tahor as it affects human beings is continued from last week’s Parsha, Tazria. We continue to learn intricate details concerning how an individual becomes ritually purified, his/her re-entrance into the camp, and the prominent role of the Kohen Gadol in ascribing a spiritual treatment for a physical expression of a spiritual problem. Besides discussing the laws of the Metzorah, the laws of one who suffers from this skin ailment, the Parsha also confronts the issues of the Metzorah spreading to a house and the method by which that impurity is removed from the house. The second half of the Parsha concentrates on the laws of Taharah Mishpacha, the laws of family purity.

It is in the discussion of concerning woman, mikva, the laws of Niddah, the laws of family purity where such misconceptions of woman being “dirty” were taught. As a youngster, I don’t recall being taught that a man is considered “dirty”. However when we learned the following verse: V’Isha Ki Tiheyeh Zavah Dam Yiheyeh Zovah Bivsarah Shivat Yamim Tiheyeh v’Nidatah – When a woman has a discharge, her discharge from her flesh being blood, she shall be in a state of separation for seven days; unfortunately we were taught that the law of “Separation” the laws of Niddah were because natural human biology rendered her physically unclean. How ridiculous! This is not an issue of physical cleanliness or not. This is really an issue of taking a physical occurrence and elevating it to a spiritual endeavor.

The basis for sanctity in a Jewish Home is the fundamental relationship between husband and wife. As Jews, we strive to elevate the physical realm and physical desire to a spiritual plane. When we are hungry we just don’t put anything into our mouths, we put kosher food into our mouths. We don’t just start eating, we delay our physical desire for the amount of time it takes to make a Bracha and give thanks. The same holds true with the physical aspects of a husband and wife relationship. We create clear and distinct separations between those times when a husband and wife halachically can and should be together and when they cannot, regards of physical desire. Holiness within the husband and wife relationship occurs when they are able to renew their spiritual aspects of the relationship.

It is very easy for us to fall into the trap that the Torah and the Halacha is an obsolete institution. It is very easy for us to think in terms of “clean and dirty”. It is very easy for us to study Torah and think that this is only applicable to the most observant Jews. However the challenge is to derive meaning from that which seems offensive at first blush. The challenge is to apply the Torah’s instructions in an authentic manner. The challenge is to carefully examine and find the beauty in what could otherwise be seen as restrictive and mean. This challenge is perhaps most pervasive in four aspects of Judaism today: Kashrut, Shabbat, Prayer, and the Laws of Family Purity. It is up to us to find the merits and the spiritual beauty. It is up to us to teach our children the intrinsic beauty and holiness of Judaism so that they will not “look back and think of all the #$*&^&% they learned in high school; it is a wonder that they can think at all”.