Our daughter asked us if she could have a “Facebook” account. Incredulous, my wife and I both firmly responded with a “NO!” Besides the fact that Facebook tells us that no one under the age of 13 should have a Facebook account, we both felt that a ten year old is far too young to handle the responsibility of controlling words, pictures and thoughts let alone keep them from spreading uncontrollably on the internet. Even worse, I could just imagine some sick individual finding my daughter through Facebook and encountering a big pile of Tsuris. After her mom and I said no, I asked her why she wanted a Facebook account. “Well a bunch of my friends have Facebook accounts, so I thought that I could have a Facebook account tool” Poor kid, if she only knew me better. If she knew me better; then she would have known that the best way to guarantee that she won’t get what she wants was to invoke the age old excuse “I want what my friends want”. If she only knew that I used to invoke the same logic with my father. He also gave an incredulous “no”. Frequently my father offered insight into his “no”. “I don’t care what the other kids have”. “I am not your friend’s parent, I am your parent.” I care about you, so the answer is no.” I remember being a few years older that her when I requested a pair of leather high top sneakers. Why? My friends had those types of sneakers. My father’s response included all of the aforementioned reasons, including the fact that my foot was still growing and he wasn’t going to spend that kind of money on sneakers that I would outgrow in 3 months. Between you and me, I think our daughter was relieved by our rejection for her Facebook request. She told her friends that we said “No” and now the pressure to fit in, to be part of hyper-social crowd had been eliminated.
This Shabbat is Shabbat HaGadol; the Shabbat that immediately precedes Pesach. The Parsha is Acharei Mot. After two Parshiot, Tazria and Metzorah, which essentially interrupted the narrative and the laws that had been focused upon the Kohanim, we now return to the Kohen as the central focus in the Parsha. Now that he has become spiritually pure, the Torah is now ready to teach the laws for the spiritual purity of the nation. We have focused upon the impurities of individuals, now we focus upon the community. The Kohen acts on behalf of the nation just like he acts on behalf of the individual. The Torah teaches us the laws for the offerings of Yom Kippur, national atonement, and Azazel otherwise known as the Scapegoat. The Scapegoat is not offered as a sacrifice to God, but rather is sent out from the camp and left to wander in the wilderness eventually succumbing to the elements.
The second half of the Parsha focuses upon the holy and holy relationships within the family. However the list of inappropriate behaviors between family members is taught within the context of the other nations. What is particularly troubling is the fact that our interaction with the two nations was a direct function of God’s plan. God invokes Egypt and God invokes Canaan. We went down to Egypt and now we were being brought to Canaan. K’Maasei Eretz Mitzrayim Asher Y’shavtem Bah Lo Ta’Asu UchMa’Asei Eretz Canaan Asher Ani Meivi Etchem Shamah Lo Ta’Asu UvChukoteihem Lo Teileichu – Do not practice of the land of Egypt in which you dwelled; and do not perform the practice of the land of Canaan to which I bring you, and do not follow their traditions. (Lev. 18:3) For the past two centuries Bnai Yisroel dwelled in Egypt, a morally decadent community. Now B’nai Yisroel is about to head into Eretz Canaan, which was also a morally decadent land inhabited by the Moabites, the Canaanites, the Hittites, the Jebusites and the Edo mites to name a few. I can justify using Egypt as the example. First our descent into slavery both physical and spiritual was hardly overnight but rather a gradual process. Second, our experience in Egypt serves as the origins of our becoming a nation. Invoking that experience is at the core of our national memory. We remind ourselves of Yetziat Mitzrayim three times a day when we say the Shma. We are reminded of Yetziat Mitzrayim when we make Kiddush on Shabbat and all festivals. We reminded ourselves of Yetziat Mitzrayim and pass down that collective memory to our children at the Pesach Seder. But Canaan? Canaan is God’s covenant with us, originating with Avraham Avinu. So why would God promise us a land that is as morally bankrupt as Egypt? Why would God bring us to a place that is the equivalent to a place where God brought us out?
The Be’er Yitzchak, the 19th Russian Rabbi offers a comment that is relevant to today’s Jewish experience. “The reason for mentioning Egypt and Canaan is simple: if you imitate the Egyptians – then why did I take you out of Egypt? And if you behave like the Canaanites- why should I expel them before you/ it was on condition that you will not do so that I took you out of Egypt and that I shall expel the Canaanites… do not imitate even their innocuous practices, for these lead to total assimilation.” The experience in Egypt was an incubation period to prepare for Torah at Sinai. Our experience in Egypt would constantly serve as a reminder that we ultimately rejected physical slavery and that we ultimately rejected the institutions and behaviors of that master. It is certainly easy to reject all things Egyptian while we are reminded of how damaging the experience was. It is quite another thing to reject the behavior, and culture of a society when one is free, when one is not scarred by such a damaging experience. Yet, the success of our people, the future viability of our relationship with God through Torah could only occur if we are able to reject a dominant culture’s behavior as a free nation and not as an enslaved nation. Bnai Yisroel’s survival ultimately depends upon remaining separate and apart from the cultural majority. Bnai Yisroel’s survival depends upon remaining spiritually distinct from the majority. Bnai Yisroel’s survival depends upon the spiritual strength needed to reject the behaviors of any dominant culture, to refrain from behavior because “everyone else does it”.
It is always nice to feel part of something. It is always nice to feel included. It is always nice to be culturally recognized. From an individual perspective, going along with the crowd means never feeling left out. For our children, there is always the tension of fitting in and still retaining a sense of individuality. However, as a people, our national sin, our national mistake is our individual yearning, our desire to be like everybody else, to assimilate.
So we managed to teach our daughter a most valuable lesson. Just because “everyone is doing it” neither makes it right nor means that it is good for the individual. Rather she needs to make decisions based upon what is best for her. Thankfully, she has figured a way to avoid feeling left out. She and some other girls with parents who said “no” to Facebook, have developed their own social network that is much more age appropriate, they use the phone and send notes.
Peace,
Rav Yitz
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