A congregant once came into my office crying. “Rabbi, Rabbi, I have horrible news and I don’t know what to do!” Immediately I began thinking of all the possibilities of what constitutes “horrible news”. Perhaps she discovered that she had a terminal illness, or maybe her husband was having an affair, or maybe one of her children was addicted to drugs. I was very concerned since this was an extremely generous family, generous with their money and their time. They were in Shul all the time. Both children were, smart observant, active in their respective communities, and embodied mentschlekite. For the life of me, I could not imagine what possible crisis could bring this distraught woman brought into my office. “What is it?” I asked in a concerned manner. She answered, “My son, Josh, who is in his sophomore year of college, called me last night and he told me that he didn’t believe in God anymore.” I breathed a sigh of relief.” So, Nu? What’s the problem? What’s the crisis?” She could not understand why I was smiling. To her, a son’s declarative statement that expressed a disbelief in God, apparently made her feel inadequate as a parent, and challenged the foundation of her own belief system. I explained that for an intellectually honest and curious college student to think and express such thoughts is not only healthy and normal, but also vital to the process of developing and strengthening faith. Not too many 19-year-old young men feel mortal or limited. Everything is possible, they are all powerful, and they can “handle anything”. In such circumstances, wondering where God would fit in is a legitimate question. Most 19-year-old not only thinks that they are the center of the world, but they are not limited by its restrictions. There is no reason to believe in God as long as he believes in himself.
This Shabbat is Parsha Va’Eira. In this Parshah, God reassures Moshe after Pharaoh and mocked and dismissed both he and Aharon. God explains the plan to Moshe that Pharaoh’s heart will be hardened after each plague but eventually Pharaoh will capitulate. God explains the various stages of redemption. The plagues begin. We are supposed to understand that each of these first seven plagues is more severe than the previous plague: Blood, Frogs, Lice, Wild Beasts, Animal plague, Boils, Hail. Moshe requests that Pharaoh allows B’nai Yisroel to worship God for three days, Pharaoh sometimes acquiesces sometimes he doesn’t. Sometimes he asks Moshe to pray on his behalf and sometimes he doesn’t. One thing is clear, that whenever Pharaoh gets his way (a plague ceases), something that would clearly indicate the power of God, Pharaoh acts almost like a child. He returns to his arrogant self-centered nature. Finally at the very end of the Parsha, after the plague of Hail has devastated the land and killed anything that was outside, Pharaoh expresses the evolution of his belief system. Vayishlach Paroh Va’Yikrah L’Moshe U’le’Aharon Vayomer Aleihem Chatati HaPa’am Adonay HaTzaddik v’Ani V’Ami Harsha’im – Pharaoh sent and summoned Moshe and Aaron and said to them, “This time I have sinned; Hashem is the Righteous One, and I and my people are the wicked ones (Ex. 9:27). Was Pharaoh really contrite or was he putting on an act? Why was Pharaoh more contrite now compared to any other time previously? Pharaoh asks Moshe to pray on his behalf to end the plague. He seems to be genuine in his belief. According to the Midrash: Pharaoh felt contrition because he was comparing his own actions with God’s actions. Indeed God was the Righteous One because God warned the Egyptians to save lives by bringing the people and the livestock indoors. Pharaoh and his minions were the wicked ones since he let his people remain in the field where they were harmed. When the plague of Hail ends, Pharaoh stops comparing his actions to God. At that point, with no benchmark for evaluating righteousness, Pharaoh’s only standard becomes himself. Again, he refuses to let B’nai Yisroel leave. Now Pharaoh chooses to ignore that which he has come to legitimately accept. Now Pharaoh is not only aware of God’s presence but has accepted God’s presence even if it was for a short time. The Parsha concludes with Pharaoh committing the sin of ignoring God based upon stubbornness not ignoring based upon the failure of recognition.
Pharaoh, like the 19-year-old college student, obviously believes he is the center of the world. Time and History starts and ends with him. Pharaoh, like the 19 year old believes he is immortal and without limitations. Pharaoh’s process is the 19-year-old college student’s process. It is our process as well. We constantly question and wonder about God. Like Pharaoh, ultimately our belief in God is not tied up in miracle after miracle. Rather our belief, our complete and devoted faith to God will evolve from the small things in life. Unlike Pharaoh, hopefully the 19-year-old college student will figure that out as he grows older. God willing we as continue to grow spiritually and through experience our faith in God will continue to evolve and strengthen.
Peace,
Rav Yitz
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