Learn To Speak, Speak With Wisdom Like A Child (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - Foolish Heart)

Last Friday night, my son and I walked to shul. While he claimed that he didn’t want to go, within 10 steps of our leaving the house, he had sidled up next to me and we began talking. I asked how his week went and he looked up at me and unsure what the question meant and what I wanted to hear. “Let me rephrase the question. How was school this week?”  Before I could get the words out, he looked up at me and said “Boring. School is boring.” Granted this is his standard answer. Mine used be “nothing” as a response to what I did in school.  I laughed and tried another approach. “Really,” I asked. “Is it really boring or you just don’t feel like telling me about school?” He smiled and nodded and then as suggested that he tell me anyway.  For the rest of our walk, we discussed all of his subjects: Hebrew, math, Parsha, spelling,   Jewish studies, and science.  He didn’t just provide the standard type of information. We talked, and he was so enthusiastic about what he was learning. His enthusiasm wasn’t limited to one particular subject. He sounded enthusiastic about everything.

This Shabbat, the Shabbat after Yom Kippur, we read from Parshat Ha’Azinu.  The Parsha is poetry, a song that God had commanded Moshe to compose in the previous Parsha, VaYeleich. Composing this song was the final deed that God commanded Moshe. The song is the final prophecy that God told Moshe in the previous Parsha, VaYeilech.  As a song, it is not contain the most pleasant of lyrics, and it is not particular uplifting or inspiration. The song does not offer such an optimistic future.  Rather, Moshe invokes Heaven and Earth to offer testimony to God’s prophecy and future punishment against his people.  Throughout Sefer Devarim, Deuteronomy,  Moshe has taught the law, and inspired Bnai Yisroel to choose fidelity to God and God’s Torah.  Choosing to follow would result in a reward. Choosing not to follow would result in a punishment. Now, during the final moments of Moshe Rabeinu’s life, the song  suggests neither choice nor the results of that choice. Instead we are told that we will choose badly and that we will be punished.  There is nothing explicit  within the song that suggests or even offers a means by which we are able to do Tshuva (repent) and ultimately return to God. While intellectually, Moshe has taught that concept to Bnai Yisroel; here in the song that possibility is not explicit.

However when the song is complete, Moshe speaks his word to Bnai Yisroel. His words offer a sense of hope, a sense of inspiration. He reminds Bnai Yisroel that even when they have grown distant from God, even though the resulting punishment will be brutal; there is still a measure of hope, hope for the next generation.  SImu Levavchem L’Chol Hadvarim Asher Anochi Mei’id Bachem Hayom, Asher T’Tzavoom et Bnaichem Lishmor La’Asot et Kol Divrei HaTorah Ha’Zot -  Apply your hearts to all the words that I Testify against you today, with which you are to instruct your children, to be careful to perform all the words of this Torah.  Ki Lo Davar Reik Hu Mikem Ki Hu Chayeichem Uvadavar HaZeh Ta’Arichu Yamim – for it is not an empty thing for you , for it is your life, and through this matter shall you prolong your days on the Land to which you cross the Jordan to possess it. In Moshe’s final moments, he reminds us that the key to our survival is to teach Torah to our children. Yes, according to the song, we will grow distant from God, yes we will engage in idolatry. Yes we will be punishment. However there will always be hope for the next generation if they are educated in such a manner that when it comes time for them to make a choice; they choose wisely, they choose God’s Torah.  Moshe reminds his people that the  Torah is not empty. Rashi reminds us that if we find Torah to be empty and unsatisfying then the fault lies with us, Mikem.

As we walked home from shul, my son continued telling me about school.  When we were about to walking in the house I asked him if he realized how much he had been telling me about school. In typical eight year old fashion he responded, “Well maybe it wasn’t so boring after all.” I nodded and smiled.  Boring or emptiness is merely a product of the effort and time spent learning.  Maybe my son will figure that out so that next time I ask how skill is, he won’t initially respond with “boring”.

Gmar Chatima Tova – May we all be sealed in the Book of Life,

Peace,

Rav Yitz

And It Looks Like The Old Man's Getting On (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia "Brown Eyed Women")

A few weeks ago, I had a chance to visit with my grandfather. He is 96 years old. Our family recently moved him from the assisted living part of the Jewish Home to the actual Jewish home. He has a room, he has some pictures of his family, and he has the 24 hour care that he now requires. Until he turned 96, he certainly did not act his age, now as my wife lovingly reminds me, “You have a 96 year old grandfather.” Even though for last ten or so years, it was always in the back of my mind that something may happen to my grandfather:  severe dementia, Alzheimer’s, some debilitating disease and death.  However, having such thoughts in the back of one’s mind is substantially different than the cold stark reality of my grandfather’s dementia and residing in the Jewish Home in Rochester. Seeing him now, is very different than visiting with him even a couple of years ago.  Now, when I visit or call, I tell him my name and who I am. Our conversations are generally the same. I know that when I hang up with him or when my visit concludes, he will put me and memory of me away deep in the recesses of his mind. Yet, even now, I recall conversations with my grandfather, not all that many years ago. One conversation strikes me as particularly poignant given this week’s parsha and the fact that Rosh Hashanah begins less than a week from now. He complimented me on my family: my wife, three daughters and son. He reminded me to take care of myself and “take good care of that family of yours.” I joked and told him that they were his family too. He laughed and said that is why he was reminding me to take care of them. Then he said that he has truly been blessed, children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. He continued by saying even though his wife passed away several years before, he has no regrets in his life. He finished by saying that he could die tomorrow completely at peace and satisfied with his life, and the blessings that he received.  That was last meaningful conversation that he and I have had. It probably occurred a year ago.

            This week’s Parsha is the Parsha Nitzavim. According the Aggadah, this is the recounting of Moshe Rabeinu’s last day of life. Unafraid of his imminent death, he gathers his family: Rosheichem, Shivteichem, Zikneichem, v’Shotreichem, Kol Ish Yisroel, Topchem N’Sheichem V’Geircha Asher B’Kerev Machanecha Meichotev Eitzecha Ad Sho’eiv Meimecha – The heads of your tribes, your elders, and your officers, all the men of Yisroel; your children, your women, and the stranger who is in the midst of our camp, from the woodchopper to the one who draws water (Deut. 29:9-10). Moshe imparts his last vestiges of wisdom to his children, his people. Moshe wants to make sure that everything is in order when he dies and Joshua takes over. Moshe truly has been blessed. He has had the blessing of old age, and here God has granted him the gift of saying goodbye in perhaps the most wonderful fashion. God has commanded Moshe to say his goodbyes and impart the final vestiges of wisdom.

           

            We are taught that death is a part of life. Yet many of us are afraid of death. Many of us believe that we should shield our children from death, sadness and loss. However when we read Parsha Nitzavim, we learn that while impending death is sad, death in the manner of Moshe’s can take on an aura of holiness – of Kedusha. It is in holiness that we attain the highest level of life, a life that is directly connected to God. When death comes like this, from God, with an opportunity to say Goodbye- with an opportunity to impart wisdom to one’s children, death is not mundane; death is not ordinary, but rather holy and part of life, the final expression of holiness in a very physical endeavor.

            When we talk of strength, we unfortunately think of the person who lifts a lot of weight. We think of the person who doesn’t cry, who remains stoic if he/she is all torn up inside. At this time of year, from Elul through Succot, when we recite the 27^th Psalm and conclude with the words Chazak v’Ya’Ameitz Libecha, v’Kavei El Adoshem – Strengthen yourself, and he will give you courage; and hope to HaShem! We now understand what it means to strengthen oneself.  Moshe had that kind of strength. To be aware of the end of life, to prepare for it, to draw loved ones toward and tell them how we feel is the epitome of courage. Not having the opportunity to say goodbye, not having a chance to speak ones final words to people who matter most is far more tragic.

            Now, I realize the significance of the conversation that transpired between me and my grandfather a year ago. Somewhere deep down, he understood what was happening to him and what would eventually result. So before his condition worsened, before his memory was diminished and he became far less than what he ever was even a short time ago; he needed to say goodbye to me, and so he did. It’s just that I have to accept and learn that I said goodbye to my grandfather during that conversation as well.  With each phone call and visit over the past year and especially now that he is in the Jewish Home; that last conversation in my car is what I hear. I hear the courage in his voice, the acceptance of his reality, the understanding that his life has truly been blessed, and the happiness of no regrets.  On this Shabbat, the Shabbat before Rosh HaShanah, before Yom HaDin (Judgement Day), let us all have the courage to impart our wisdom to our loved ones every day, and be able to understand and accept our blessings.

Peace & Shanah Tova,

Rav Yitz

Darkness Fall and Seasons Change, Gonna Happen Every Time (Bob Weir & Eric Anderson - Weather Report Suite Part I)

Finally, the kids have gone back to school! No more wacky schedules! No more listening to “what are we going to do today?” No more being a children’s entertainment network! No more trying  to figure out a “special activity”. The days leading up to school are usually rather hectic: school supply shopping, uniform fittings, sneaker selecting.  However there is also a certain inevitability about the whole idea of “school starting”.  About ten days before school begins, I usually start mentioning that "when school starts, we won't do such and such activity anymore."  They complain that summer vacation is concluding, and I constantly speak of school as an inevitability that has absolutely nothing to do with the conclusion of summer vacation. It is nothing to feel good or bad about, it is just what kids have to do. So, when our twelve year old states that “I wish everyday could be summer vacation so I don’t have to go to school.” My response is simple “When you go to school, you won’t feel that way,” or “it doesn’t matter how you feel, YOU ARE GOING TO SCHOOL!”  Our ten year old, enjoys school so there is no  problem.  Our eight year old son expresses some trepidation because he knows that the teacher is stricter than any teacher he has ever had.  For him, I treat school as inevitable as well.  “When you go to school, all you have to do is listen,  follow the rules and do your work. That’s it; simple. Three simple things and you will do fine in school and do well with your teacher.”  He can’t believe that it is the secret. I whisper that it is and he is ready for the inevitable.

This week we read from Parsha Ki Tavo. The Parsha begins with Moshe explaining the laws that are specific to Bnai Yisroel’s entry into the Land.  He reminds them of the laws of first fruits, and tithing.  Moshe reminds them that there is a powerful link between God, Bnai Yisroel and the Land. Each needs the other.  Moshe then describes the ritual specific to this generation that will symbolize their acceptance of the Torah and the covenant.  As they cross the Jordan River, they would inscribe two stones with Kol Divrei haTorah HaZot BaEir Heiteiv – You shall inscribe on the stones all the words of this Torah well clarified.” Then the stones would be covered with plaster in order to protect the inscriptions. Moshe then reminds Bnai Yisroel that they are now a Am Yisroel– a Nation and no longer Bnai Yisroel – Children of Yisroel.  With that change of status comes the responsibility, and Moshe lists the blessings and the curses that will result depending upon Am Yisroel’s  behavior. Moshe concludes by reminding his people that after everything they have experienced, taking on the responsibilities of entry into the Land is not that difficult. Success in the Land is simple and based upon one thing, Ushmartem HaBrit HaZot- Observe the words of the covenant.

Moshe treats this enormous change in Bnai Yisroel’s existence as an inevitability. V’Hayah Ki Tavoh el Ha’Aretz Asher Adoshem Elokecha Notein Lecha Nachala Virishtah VYashavta Ba – It will be when you enter the Land that Hashem, your God, gives you as an inheritance, and you possess it, and dwell in it… (Deut. 26:1). Whether Bnai Yisroel likes it or not, wants it or not is anxiety ridden or not;  they will enter the land. There will be new responsibilities, responsibilities that they did not have during their 40 years of wandering. Later on in that same chapter we read: Ki T’Chaleh La’aser et kol MaSar T’vuatcha b’Shana Hashlishit When you have finished  tithing every tithe of your produce in the third year…(Deut 26:20). Again, Moshe presents this notion of tithing as an inevitability. You will tithe, you will get the through the process, you will have enough left over to live on. No matter our anxiety, no matter our feeling or thoughts. Moshe presents the transition from children to nation, the responsibilities that are part of being a nation as an inevitability that we need to embrace.

Maybe it is just a tough lesson to learn. “Inevitability“ suggests  a certain degree of powerlessness. Our kids cannot stop the first day of school from happening. They can either learn to accept it and embrace the inevitability. They can learn to control the things that they can control, namely their responses to that which is inevitable. However they will have to learn to accept life inevitability. So when our twelve year old daughter wishes that every day was summer vacation so she doesn’t have to go to school; maybe she should stop wasting time on wishes that have no bearing in reality.  I remind her that maybe she should wish about something that she can control, like the effort  and the work that she can put in to her studies.

Peace,

Rav Yitz