I don’t know why but I am always amazed that there is always
one child having a bad day, being difficult, antagonizing parents and siblings
and just being plain old rotten. I can’t
remember the last time when all of our children actually got along with each
other. I men they all like each other,
they play with each other. However on any given day, sisters are fighting with
sisters; older sister is fighting with little brother, middle sister is picking
on little brother, or little brother is picking on sisters. Rarely do we, the
parents, receive any warning. Sometimes
the fights are very loud and explicitly. Those we can deal with quickly
rationally and fairly. Our son has a stuffed
animal which serves as his security blanket. He carries it around the house; it
sleeps in bed with him. He has had this stuffed animal since he was 1 day old,
so needless to say it is very significant to him. It happens, when he takes the
stuffed animal out of his bed and walks around the house, he will put it down
and then invariably forget where he left it. Needless to say that at least
twice a week his bedtime is postponed while we look for the stuffed animal.
Thankfully, we find it rather quickly and avoid significant distress. However
the other day, ten year old was in a mood and was currently engaged in a fight
with her brother. Seeing her little brother’s favorite stuffed animal lying
around, she knowingly hid hit from him and from us as well. Obviously she hid the
stuffed animal as a way of “getting back” at her brother for whatever injustice
he perpetrated upon her. She also knew
that hiding the stuffed animal is about the meanest thing she could do to her
brother. Yet she did it. When we finally found the stuffed animal and our
daughter happily confessed to hiding it, there was no remorse. Instead there
was only gloating; gloating because she understood that she had power over her
brother because she could take away the most important thing in the world to him. Of course when I shared my disappointment with
her she began to cry and feel guilty.
This week’s Parsha is Mishpatim. Moshe is still at Har Sinai.
However the revelation that occurred with the giving of the Aseret Dibrot (Ten
Commandments) is long gone. Instead, God has now started giving Moshe numerous
laws that affect the day to day issues raised by human interaction. There are
no smoking mountains, there is no shofar blowing, only God telling Moshe how to
decide various legal matters including the damages to be paid if my ox gores
your ox; two men are fighting near a pregnant woman and she gets hurt, and how
to treat to a Jewish servant to name just a few. Moshe tells these laws to Bnai Yisroel and
they respond with the words Naaseh v’Nishmah – we will do and learn.
Certainly there is far more to God’s covenant with Bnai Yisroel
than our behavior towards God. In fact
the laws in Parsha Mishpatim focus almost entirely about how we treat each
other. Clearly the law recognizes that
accidents happen, which does not necessarily mean that these accidents go
unpunished. There are other laws that
are legislated which have nothing to do with accidents but rather situations
that may arise in which we have to remind ourselves who needs our protection:
widows and orphans especially.
Underlying all these laws is the assumption that we are supposed to
appeal to our greater good, to the holiest aspect within ourselves rather than
degrading ourselves due to negative emotions. Ki Tifgah Shor Oyvecha O Chamoro To’eh Hasheiv Tshivenu Lo – If you
meet your enemy’s ox or mule going astray, then you must surely return the
animal to him [your enemy (Ex. 23:4). No
matter how much you may dislike or even hate the person, if you see the person’s
property you can’t keep, you can’t even just leave it where you found. Rather
you must be pro-active and return the property to the legal owner. The Torah recognizes that Bnai Yisroel will
not always get along. Sometimes there will be fights, disagreements that may
lead to genuine anger, bitterness or even hatred. However we don’t let our emotions cloud our
judgment that we are blocked from doing the appropriate thing- returning the
found item. We don’t use our enemy’s
property in order to “get back” at our enemy or to “teach our enemy a lesson”. We
must strive to be better than that. Yes of course we are human; yes of course
we get angry. However being human doesn’t mean we succumb to human nature; rather
we are supposed to strive towards our godly nature. Needless to say, the next
time our daughter sees her brother’s favorite stuffed animal lying around; she
understand that she will return it to him or put the stuffed animal on her
brother’s bed. Sure, she can be mad at him, and fight with him, but just like
she expects him to respect her property, she now understands that he is
entitled to the same expectation.
Peace,
Rav Yitz
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