Monday, June 17, 2013

So Many Roads I Know; So Many Roads To Ease My Soul (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia "So Many Roads")



      With one daughter almost finished with the Bar/Bat Mitzvah circuit, and another one just about to begin the Bar/Bat Mitzvah circuit; I have discovered that the biggest obstacle to “good parenting” are other parents. It is difficult enough to instill our values into our children when I have to compete against popular culture, IPods, and the Internet. Now I have to compete with poor judgment of other parents, the misplaced values of other parents and even sometimes their utter lack of common courtesy. My wife and I learned that lesson the hard way. Not all parents deal with curfews and bedtimes like us, nor are they considerate of other parents rules. With our daughter at a Sunday night Bat Mitzvah party; the parent who was supposed to pick up her daughter and our daughter didn’t bring our child home until 11:30pm. She apologized and said that the “girls were having so much fun, and I didn’t want anyone’s feelings getting hurt by picking them up too early, so I let them stay until the band finished playing.” Her daughter was also dressed as if she were a 25 year old at a singles bar. Needless to say, I pick up our kids from these parties, and our daughter is only allowed to look her age, or maybe a year older. No adolescent daughter is permitted to dress like a 25 year old woman at a singles bar. Of course, our daughters’ desire to look like everyone else, to act like everyone else, as opposed to look like who they are and behave like who they are, is a constant source of tension.  Very often, we talk with our daughters and remind them that being “Happy “ is not a function of a cool cell phone, high heels, dressing in a slinky dress,  looking like and acting like their friends or even being popular.  Both my wife and I realize that not only do we have to work that much harder instilling our values, we have to teach our daughters not to be jealous of others or insecure with who and what they are. Certainly our daughters questions are legitimate, and I realize that the unhappiness and insecurities that are raised; are all too often the same questions, insecurities and unhappiness that we all raise at one time or another.
     This Shabbat we read form Parsha Balak. Balak was a Moabite King. After watching what B’nai Yisroel had done to the Ammonites, Balak was distressed. He realized that fighting B’nai Yisroel with a regular army was doomed to fail because he realized that God had blessed them. Being a clever king, Balak surmised that the only way to fight B'nai Yisroel was to fight them on a spiritual level. Since God blessed Bnai Yisroel, Balak wanted to find someone to curse them. There lived a prophet, a “Prophet Consultant,” a “hired gun” if you will, named Bilaam. King Balak hired Bilaam to curse B’nai Yisroel. Bilaam is visited by God and told not to curse B’nai Yisroel. Bilaam ignores the visitation. On his donkey heading towards B’nai Yisroel’s camp, and preparing his curses, the donkey stops. Although Bilaam could not see the angel standing in the middle of the road with a sword drawn, the donkey did. As a result the donkey refused to continue forward. Finally Bilaam realizes that there is a divine force in the middle of the road and must confront it. Bilaam listens and heads toward the camp. Looking down upon the encampment, Bilaam blesses B’nai Yisroel with words that we say upon entering into any synagogue, words that we teach our children at the youngest of ages. Ma Tovu Ohalecha Yaakov Mishkenotecha Yisroel – How goodly are your tents, O Jacob, your dwelling places O Israel – Kinchalim Nitayu K’ganot Alei Nahar K’Ahalim Natah Adoshem Ka’Arazim Alei Mayimstretching out like brooks like gardens by the river, like aloes planted by Hashem, like cedars by the water (Num 24:5-6). Try as he might, Bilaam is unable to curse Bnai Yisroel, rather he blesses them.
     However more than blessing B'nai Yisroel, Bilaam learned something else. He examined B’nai Yisroel and he reflected upon his own life. Whatever B'nai Yisroel has, he wishes it was bottled for his use. Tamot Nafshi Mot Yi’sharim Ut'hi Achariti KamohuMay my soul die the death of the upright, and may my end be like this. Bilaam, a once materialistic, prophet for hire, looks out upon a peaceful people’s encampment. Bilaam looks out a upon a warm caring community in which boundaries are observed, Derech Eretz is respected (the considerate treatment of one’s fellow man), observance of ritual, and the desire of everyone to live as a holy a life as possible is lived out every day in a million and one little ways. Bilaam looks out upon a nation that has achieved a sense of spiritual completeness, Shalem. This is a community that is at peace with itself, with a sense of purpose and destiny. If an entire nation has achieved this, what individual would not want this? Bilaam realized that this spiritual wholeness is attainable. If Bilaam realizes this, why don’t we?
      The community model that Bilaam sees and wants for himself is still possible today. Obviously it takes work. Obviously it takes all of us being on the same page in terms of our sense of purpose for our children and for our seniors. Obviously it takes all of us being on the same page in terms of our spiritual priorities and desire to learn. It takes all of us caring about each other, and still respecting each other’s space and privacy. It takes parents looking at their children and saying, “No, you may not wear those types of clothes.”  It takes parents understanding that children are not little adults but rather children, children that mimic what we say, what we do, and how we behave towards others.  Gee, I can’t wait until the Bar Mitzvah circuit includes my son and his class. By then I am sure I will have to agate and aggravation.
Peace,
Rav Yitz

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