To the untrained ear, a crying
baby, or a crying child is just that, a crying baby or a crying child. However every parent knows that babies have
different cries for when they are hungry, wet, scared, or don’t feel like being
alone. Every parent knows that older
kids have different cries for when they are experiencing acute physical pain,
frustration, or sadness. For parents, our ability to decipher the various types
of cries of our children goes a long way in being able to zero in on the
problem and stop the crying. I can tell when our eldest daughter feels
overwhelmed with work and she begins to cry or when our high school age
daughter feels hurt by her girlfriends for some perceived social
inadequacy. We can tell from the cry of
our son when he is physically or when he can’t get his way. We can tell the
difference in our twelve year old daughter’s cry when she feels guilty about
something and when she misses a camp friend.
This week, we read from Parsha is
Toldot. We read of the birth of Esav and Yaakov. Even though they were twins,
we learn that these boys couldn’t be any more different. Esav is a hunter Ish Sadeh – a man of the field, an
outdoorsman, Yaakov is Ish Tam v’Yashav
b’Ohalo – a simple man who resides in his tent. Yaakov is concerned with
the Birthright, receiving blessings and the spiritual world. Esav is concerned
with eating, drinking, hunting and the physical world. We learn that just like
his father, Avraham, who experienced a famine in the land, Yitzchak also
experienced a famine in the land. Unlike his father, Yitzchak does not go down
to Egypt.
Yitzchak remains in the land, grows wealthy, and re-opens the wells that had
gone dry in his father’s day. The narrative then re-focuses upon Yitzchak and
his family. Yitzchak, sensing his imminent death, wants to bless Esav. Rivka
overhears this and tells Yaakov to pose as Esav in order to receive the
blessing. Yaakov listens to his mother, and dresses as Esav. Yaakov receives
Yitzchak’s blessing. As a result, Esav is fit to be tied and threatens to kill
Yaakov. The Parsha concludes with Rivka telling Jacob to go to her brother’s
home, convincing Yitzchak that Yaakov needs to leave home in order to find a
wife. Yaakov receives his fathers’ blessing, the blessing of the Brit, the
Covenant that God made with Avraham and Yitzchak, a blessing that was never
intended for Esav. Yaakov leaves home
and Esav moves away as well. He decides to dwell with his uncle Ishmael among
the Canaanites.
The irony of the narrative, is that
Yaakov never changes. Although his is described as Ish Tam – a simple man,
Yaakov is hardly simple. He convinces his brother to sell him the birthright.
Although Yaakov hesitates when he hears his mother’s plan to disguise himself
as Esav in order to steal that particular blessing, once he is told that he
will be absolved of any wrongdoing, Yaakov goes along. Even when fleeing for
his life, Yaakov makes time to get one more blessing from his father. Esav on
the other hand is Ish Sadeh, a man of the field, a hunter, a physically
oriented person. Yes he sells his birthright to his brother because he is “starving
to death”. He marries the wrong girl
from the wrong tribe which upsets his parents. However he fulfills his father’s
request in order to receive his blessing. When he doesn’t receive the blessing:
KiShma Esav et Divrei Aviv Yitzchak
Tzaaka Gedola U’Mara Ad M’Ode; VaYomer L’Aviv Barcheini Gam Ani Avi When Esav heard his father’s words, he cried
out an exceedingly great and bitter cry, and said to his father, “Bless me to
my Father” (27:34). Four verses later, when it appears that Yitzchak doesn’t
have a blessing in reserve for Esav:
VaYomer Esav El Aviv HaBracha Achat Hee Lecha Avi, Barcheini Gam Ani Avi
VaYisah Eisav Kolo VaYeivk – Esav said
to his father, “have you but one blessing, my Father? Bless me too my father!”
and Esav raised his voice and wept (27:38).
After this big strong strapping sort of man finished crying he then
vowed to kill his brother. For a moment
at least, Esav appears sympathetic, his cry is “exceedingly great”; he “raises
his voice and weeps”. What did these
cries sound like? After all, not all cries sound the same. Was it the type of
cry when one has suffered a sudden loss? Was it the cry of someone who just
broke a bone? Was it the cry upon hearing the news of a loved one? Was it the
cry of being at the end of one’s emotional rope and feeling helpless in the
face of life’s onslaught? The Meforshim (the commentators) are oddly silent
about the nature of the “Tzaak Gedola
UMara- the great and bitter cry.
Perhaps the silence suggests that Esav’s response is legitimately reasonable. Maybe
the silence suggests that Esav’s crying is so out of character from the way he
has behaved up until this point and how he acts after the second cry. Regarding
the VaYisah Eisav Kolo VaYeivk Esav raised his voice and wept;” the
Midrash Tanchuma comments that Esav wept only three tears. One from each eye
and one that disappeared in the midst of his eye. When God saw that the “wicked
one wept over his life only 3 tears”, that small limited moment demonstrated
the smallest of regret over the what his life had become and might very well be
in the future. For this tiny moment, for this humane cry, God made sure that
Esav received a blessing. Maybe not the one that Yaakov received, but this
minimal blessing reflects the minimal nature of the crying, weeping.
Pain, anguish, tears, and crying
can happen to the strongest and the weakest, the passive and the aggressive,
the victim and the perpetrator, the good guy and the bad guy, the most
sensitive and the most callous. Obviously we need to be able to decipher the
nature of each cry and of each tear in order to treat it appropriately. Even an Esav can cry and weep; we just have
to be able to determine which is the most appropriate and human response.
Peace,
Rav Yitz
Rav Yitz
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