Monday, November 17, 2014

I Thought I Heard a Baby Cry This Morning (Bonnie Dobson - "Morning Dew")



To the untrained ear, a crying baby, or a crying child is just that, a crying baby or a crying child.  However every parent knows that babies have different cries for when they are hungry, wet, scared, or don’t feel like being alone.  Every parent knows that older kids have different cries for when they are experiencing acute physical pain, frustration, or sadness. For parents, our ability to decipher the various types of cries of our children goes a long way in being able to zero in on the problem and stop the crying. I can tell when our eldest daughter feels overwhelmed with work and she begins to cry or when our high school age daughter feels hurt by her girlfriends for some perceived social inadequacy.  We can tell from the cry of our son when he is physically or when he can’t get his way. We can tell the difference in our twelve year old daughter’s cry when she feels guilty about something and when she misses a camp friend.  
This week, we read from Parsha is Toldot. We read of the birth of Esav and Yaakov. Even though they were twins, we learn that these boys couldn’t be any more different. Esav is a hunter Ish Sadeh – a man of the field, an outdoorsman, Yaakov is Ish Tam v’Yashav b’Ohalo – a simple man who resides in his tent. Yaakov is concerned with the Birthright, receiving blessings and the spiritual world. Esav is concerned with eating, drinking, hunting and the physical world. We learn that just like his father, Avraham, who experienced a famine in the land, Yitzchak also experienced a famine in the land. Unlike his father, Yitzchak does not go down to Egypt. Yitzchak remains in the land, grows wealthy, and re-opens the wells that had gone dry in his father’s day. The narrative then re-focuses upon Yitzchak and his family. Yitzchak, sensing his imminent death, wants to bless Esav. Rivka overhears this and tells Yaakov to pose as Esav in order to receive the blessing. Yaakov listens to his mother, and dresses as Esav. Yaakov receives Yitzchak’s blessing. As a result, Esav is fit to be tied and threatens to kill Yaakov. The Parsha concludes with Rivka telling Jacob to go to her brother’s home, convincing Yitzchak that Yaakov needs to leave home in order to find a wife. Yaakov receives his fathers’ blessing, the blessing of the Brit, the Covenant that God made with Avraham and Yitzchak, a blessing that was never intended for Esav.  Yaakov leaves home and Esav moves away as well. He decides to dwell with his uncle Ishmael among the Canaanites.
The irony of the narrative, is that Yaakov never changes. Although his is described as Ish Tam – a simple man, Yaakov is hardly simple. He convinces his brother to sell him the birthright. Although Yaakov hesitates when he hears his mother’s plan to disguise himself as Esav in order to steal that particular blessing, once he is told that he will be absolved of any wrongdoing, Yaakov goes along. Even when fleeing for his life, Yaakov makes time to get one more blessing from his father. Esav on the other hand is Ish Sadeh, a man of the field, a hunter, a physically oriented person. Yes he sells his birthright to his brother because he is “starving to death”.  He marries the wrong girl from the wrong tribe which upsets his parents. However he fulfills his father’s request in order to receive his blessing. When he doesn’t receive the blessing: KiShma Esav et Divrei Aviv Yitzchak Tzaaka Gedola U’Mara Ad M’Ode; VaYomer L’Aviv Barcheini Gam Ani Avi When Esav heard his father’s words, he cried out an exceedingly great and bitter cry, and said to his father, “Bless me to my Father” (27:34). Four verses later, when it appears that Yitzchak doesn’t have a blessing in reserve for Esav: VaYomer Esav El Aviv HaBracha Achat Hee Lecha Avi, Barcheini Gam Ani Avi VaYisah Eisav Kolo VaYeivkEsav said to his father, “have you but one blessing, my Father? Bless me too my father!” and Esav raised his voice and wept (27:38).  After this big strong strapping sort of man finished crying he then vowed to kill his brother.  For a moment at least, Esav appears sympathetic, his cry is “exceedingly great”; he “raises his voice and weeps”.  What did these cries sound like? After all, not all cries sound the same. Was it the type of cry when one has suffered a sudden loss? Was it the cry of someone who just broke a bone? Was it the cry upon hearing the news of a loved one? Was it the cry of being at the end of one’s emotional rope and feeling helpless in the face of life’s onslaught? The Meforshim (the commentators) are oddly silent about the nature of the “Tzaak Gedola UMara- the great and bitter cry. Perhaps the silence suggests that Esav’s response is legitimately reasonable. Maybe the silence suggests that Esav’s crying is so out of character from the way he has behaved up until this point and how he acts after the second cry. Regarding the VaYisah Eisav Kolo VaYeivk Esav raised his voice and wept;” the Midrash Tanchuma comments that Esav wept only three tears. One from each eye and one that disappeared in the midst of his eye. When God saw that the “wicked one wept over his life only 3 tears”, that small limited moment demonstrated the smallest of regret over the what his life had become and might very well be in the future. For this tiny moment, for this humane cry, God made sure that Esav received a blessing. Maybe not the one that Yaakov received, but this minimal blessing reflects the minimal nature of the crying, weeping.
Pain, anguish, tears, and crying can happen to the strongest and the weakest, the passive and the aggressive, the victim and the perpetrator, the good guy and the bad guy, the most sensitive and the most callous. Obviously we need to be able to decipher the nature of each cry and of each tear in order to treat it appropriately.  Even an Esav can cry and weep; we just have to be able to determine which is the most appropriate and human response.
Peace,
                Rav Yitz

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