I received some sad news this
week. One of my childhood Rabbis, a teacher, a mentor, someone I have always
looked up to and frequently sought guidance from, my Rebbe, was diagnosed with Leukemia.
So earlier this week, while bringing our children to visit their grandparents
for a few days, I went to visit my Rabbi. He was very tired since he had just
underwent a transfusion earlier in the day. Nevertheless, when we spoke, he
told me to stop by before returning to Toronto. He spoke. I listened. He spoke about chemo, he
spoke about bone marrow transplants, and he spoke about his wife, his children
and his family. Then he began to actually teach. No, we didn’t pick up a daf of
Talmud, nor did we look at a pasuk of Torah and then the Rashi. However what he
did do was to explain to me how one deals with a life threatening illness and he
explained to me what the Torah means when it tells us to choose life. He explained that there is a process: first
shock, then denial, then a deep and dark sadness. Sometimes, depending upon the
person, the depth of sadness is simply too great to climb out from. The only
way to climb out is with what my Rebbe called the “Ladder of Purpose”. To
choose life, he explained, is a conscious choice, an active choice –not
passive. Too choose life means to consciously do something each and every day:
prayer, study, time spent with loved ones, etc. Choosing life for my Rabbi
means going through this process of chemo, transfusion, bone marrow transplants
etc., so that he can somehow make it more manageable, more tolerable, for the
next person. As a result, he continued, he can’t waste time with negativity.
Instead he replaces negativity with lots of humor and he tries spend some time
each day in self-reflection because he understands that if he can show others
how to deal with this, he has not only chosen life, but he has infused the
process with Kedushah, with Holiness.
This Shabbat we begin the second
book of the Torah, Sefer Shmot the Book of Exodus, with the Parsha of the same
name: Shmot. The first few verses essentially recount the ending of the Book of
Genesis. Shmot re-iterates the fact that Yaakov and his sons came to Egypt,
Yaakov dies, and the next generation, Yaakov’s sons (including Yosef) pass
away. A new king assumes the mantle of power and does not know of Yosef’s great
deeds. Instead, the new Pharaoh believed that this foreign population was
tantamount to a fifth column. Therefore this tribe must be enslaved in order to
prevent their uniting with Egypt’s external enemies. We read about the birth
and growth of Moses, and his flight to Midian. We read about his becoming a
husband, a shepherd, a father. We learn of his epiphany with the Burning Bush
and God’s instructions plan to redeem B’nai Yisroel from slavery and Moshe’s
role in the redemptive process.
During this epiphany from
Burning Bush, Hashem repeats himself. VaYomer
AdoShem Ra’Oh Ra’iti Et Oni Ami Asher B’Mitzrayim V’Et Tza’Aktam Shamati Mipnei
Nogshav Ki Yadati Et Macho’av- I have indeed seen the affliction of My People
that is in Egypt and I have heard its outcry because of its taskmasters, for I
have known of its sufferings. God explains that there will be a redemption
and then he will bring his nation to Eretz Canaan. Then in the next pasuk, God
continues speaking: V’Atah, Hinei
Tza’akat Bnai Yisroel Ba’ah Eilai V’Gam Ra’Iti Et HaLaChatz Asher Mitzrayim
LoChatzim Otam – And now, behold! The
outcry of the Children of Israel has come to Me, and I have also seen the oppression
with which the Egyptians oppress them.
Hashem finishes the epiphany by telling Moshe “I shall sent you to Pharaoh and you shall take My People the Children
of Israel out of Egypt. (Ex3:7-10) Why does God repeat God’s self.
Certainly the epiphany would have been powerful enough had God said that he saw
and heard B’nai Yisroel’s suffering only once. So why repeat? Even with the
authority and the force behind the repetition, Moshe’s answer suggests
hesitation, humility and later, we discover that Moshe didn’t really want such
a difficult task. RaMBan the great 13th century Spanish commentator,
explains that God’s repeating the fact that he has seen and heard the
suffering, suggests that the promise made to Avraham was about ready to come to
fruition. In a sense, God once again had a purpose in terms of a relationship
with his people. They were ready and God was ready. However, Moshe still needed convincing. Moshe
still needed to be infused with a sense of purpose. He needed to understand
that had all the necessary spiritual tools to choose a relationship with God,
to choose Freedom, to choose Torah and ultimately to choose a life of purpose,
infusing life with Kedushah, Holiness.
When I said good-by to my Rebbe,
I left his home and wept. As I drove back to Toronto, re-playing his words in
my mind, I began asking questions. Was my Rebbe’s drasha (explanation) for his
benefit or mine? Why was I so sad? I
came to a few realizations during my three hour drive back to Toronto. He had a
sense of purpose. He didn’t shy away from the load that God had dumped upon
him. My tears were because I felt as if
I didn’t do anything during the course of my visit to cheer him up. Instead,
his words inspired me. He offered me a way to deal with his tsuris. He showed me
that despite such deep sadness, that there was humor, hope and a purpose. He
was going to make the path smoother and demonstrate to all those, who God
Forbid are struck with something awful, how to muster enough courage, humor,
hope and strength so that they will have an easier time of it. Please God he
should have a Refuah Shleima, a
speedy and complete recovery.
Peace,
Rav
Yitz
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