My wife, kids and I walked around one of Toronto’s upscale malls several days ago. We concluded our mall visit at Indigo’s, Canada’s version of Barnes and Noble. The books on display usually reflect the bestseller list. So, as I wandered, I went to my NY Times phone app and looked to see the NY Times Best Seller List. I notice that one of the marketing displays showed books with titles containing four lettered expletives. It seems that this isn’t just a marketing tool of Indigo's, but several self- help authors, one of whom has been on the New York Times Bestseller list for 103 weeks. Mark Manson’s The Subtle Art Of Not Giving a *&#@, explains that much of our stress, and unhappiness is a result of caring too much about all the wrong things. He points out that in our desire to try to make things better, to “turn lemons into lemonade”; we contribute to the stress of a bad situation by trying too hard to make it better. He explains that stress would diminish if we learn how to “deal with the lemons”, and not worry about what everyone else says, thinks, or looks at us as. Instead, we should learn how to stomach the lemons. Certainly, the book is a bit counter intuitive and humorous, but it makes an important point about stress. Chronic stress can speed up the aging process. Chronic stress can make our lives miserable.
In this week’s Parsha Vayigash, Yosef reveals himself to his brothers. He urges his brother, Yehudah, to bring his father down to Egypt in order to reunite father and son as well as save him from the famine. Yosef arranges for his brothers and all their households to live in Goshen, thereby preserving their livelihood as shepherds. Yosef then brings his 130 year-old father to meet Pharaoh. After a very revealing exchange, Yaakov blesses Pharaoh. The Parsha concludes with all Yaakov’s sons, and their households, and cattle settling down again. However, instead of Canaan, they settle down in Goshen. There, in Goshen, they thrive.
While last week’s Parsha embodied the theme of appearances, this week’s Parsha is all about the effect of emotions upon appearances. Specifically, we read that Yosef could no longer contain his anguish and his excitement at the possibility of seeing his father. Later towards the end of the Parsha, Pharaoh looks upon this 130 year old man and asks, Kamah Yemai Shnei Chayecha “How old are you”? We see what life has done to Yaakov and his response indicates that he understands that his life hasn't been easy. “Uma’at Shanah V’Raim Hayu Y’mei Shnei Chayai, V’lo Hisigu et Y’mei Shnei Chayai Avotai Bimei M’gureihem” Few and bad have been the day of the years of my life, and they have not reached the years of the life of my forefathers in the days of their wandering (Gen 47:7-9). R’ Ovadia Sforno, the great Italian Renaissance Torah commentator explains that Pharoah’s question was not a sign of disrespect. Rather, Pharaoh asked the questions in a state of wonderment, such old age was rare in Egypt. Maybe Egyptians had a relatively shorter life span so seeing an elderly person was a bit shocking. Sforno goes on to explain that because of Jacob’s many trials and tribulations, Jacob appeared even older than his 130 years. Yaakov was incredibly self-aware. He understood that there is a difference between years and days, between quantity and quality of life between. Jacob refers to Megureihem, the years of his “sojournings” as 130 years. He equates trials and tribulation to his “travels”; the opposite of his feeling settled and content. Contentment and feeling settled could be measured in days; the stress of trials, tribulations, wandering and never feeling settled were measured in years. Indeed, Yaakov has had his share of tzuris – trials and tribulations. He spent over twenty years working for his evil uncle Lavan, and fearing his brother Esav. His daughter was violated by Shechem. For the last twenty- two years, he has been living with the anguish that his beloved son Yosef died in the pit. Yaakov has had a highly stressful, difficult and perhaps even tragic life. Life has beaten him up and aged him. Yaakov tells Pharaoh that he is not as old as his father or grandfather, only that his life has been far more difficult and full of stress compared to his father (Yitzchak) and his grandfather (Avraham.).
Our experiences affect us. We know that tragedies age us, and longevity takes a toll upon our bodies, our minds and sometimes our spirit. While Yaakov’s answer indicates that he had been through a lot, his answer is that of a Tzaddik (a righteous person). Not only does Yaakov answer, indicating that his mind is still sound, but his answer gives us insight into his soul. No matter how sad the situation, or tragic the experience, Yaakov possessed within him the element of a fighter. His name is Yisroel, and he is called by this name several times during the Parsha. Unlike Jacob’s father and Grandfather, Jacob is far more approachable. He has dealt with his share of loss, and his share of stress. He has feared for his own life, and as when confronted with bringing his family down to Egypt, he has feared for the welfare and the future of his own clan. No, we may not be leader of a clan, or an entire people. However, like Jacob, we hoped to be blessed with a family, and meaningful life. Pharaoh’s question and Jacob’s answer indicated the importance of living a life full of meaning. Jacob’s answer indicates that his days and years belong to him, the days and years were his path and his life and not his father’s life or grandfather’s life. So, good or bad, happy or sad, difficult or easy, the days and years belonged to him and he took ownership of his own life. Indeed, Jacob, even in old age, serves as a powerful role model on how to age with dignity.
Peace,
Rav Yitz
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