With my wife visiting our son in Israel during the Christmas and New Year’s vacation, I decided to pay a visit to my parents. During dinner with my parents, they both became incredibly serious. It was the kind of serious where I was awaiting for one of them to tell me some dreadful news. Apparently, they had the same talk with my younger sister last week. Thankfully, the news wasn’t dreadful but the subject matter was rather troubling. My parents have aged a lot and I think the fact that they both had Covid this past summer has given them a powerful concern about their own mortality. So, during dinner, my parents expressed their concerns about aging, their own health, and their anticipated deterioration of health. Both talked about their desire to remain in their home for as long as they were physically and mentally capable. Both shared their concerns regarding what “measures” to take during the coming years if, in fact, health deteriorates rapidly. They both understood that in the coming years, my sister and I would be much more involved in making decisions for them or with them, decisions that will affect them. They were anxious, nervous, and needed peace of mind as they head into their very golden years together. So I listened, I smiled and I told them that my sister and I will do everything we can to respect their wishes.
This morning we read from Parsha Vayechi. This is the final Parsha in the book of Breishit. T Parsha begins with Yaakov calling Yosef and making him swear an oath that he will not be buried in Egypt. He also blesses his grandsons Ephraim and Menashe. He gathers his sons together and offers each son a blessing or a prophecy. Yaakov dies and his sons take him out of Egypt and fulfill their vow. They bury their father in Heron alongside Avraham and Yitzchak and Sarah Rebecca and Leah. Afterward, the brothers fear that Yosef will finally take vengeance for their mistreatment of him. Yosef doesn’t, and the brothers and their families continue to grow and prosper in Goshen. As Yosef prepares for his death, he makes his brother's vow to take his bones out of Egypt and bury his bones in Eretz Canaan.
Yaakov’s final wish is to be buried in Canaan, in the Caves of the Machpela with his ancestors, Avraham/Sarah, Yitzchak/Rivka, and his wife Leah. Yaakov shares this wish with Yosef. Given his position within Egypt, Yosef would be the most likely of the sons who could arrange to fulfill Yaakov’s wish. After sharing his final wish with his beloved son Yosef; Yaakov asks Yosef to swear to him that he will carry out this final wish. To demonstrate one’s “swearing a vow,” Yaakov tells Yosef: Im Nah Matzati Chein M’Einecha If now I have found grace in your eyes Sim Nah Yadcha Tachat Yereichi put, I pray of you, your hand beneath my thigh v’Asita Imadi Chesed v’Emet –, and deal kindly and truthfully with me. However, Yosef does not do as his father asks; Yosef does not put his hand beneath his father’s thigh as an indication of swearing an oath. Rather, Vayomer [Yosef] said, Anochi Eseh Chidvarecha – I personally will do as you said. Yaakov, sensing his son’s hesitation, asks Yosef to swear that he will fulfill the request. Finally, Yosef acquiesces and swears an oath to fulfill his father’s request.
Why does Yosef hesitate? The text clearly conveys that Yosef did not make a “vow” to Yaakov when first asked. Yosef did not immediately put his hand beneath his father’s thigh as an indication of making a vow. Yosef did not immediately say “I swear to bury you with your ancestors”. Why doesn’t Yaakov’s favorite son, Joseph, swear this last dying favor to his father? What kind of son doesn’t swear an oath if asked by his dying father to do so if it means peace of mind and a soul at peace for his father? Yosef’s first answer indicates that he will look after the request personally. Midrash explains the difference between Avraham’s servant’s behavior and Yosef’s behavior: HaEved Asa K’Avadoto Uven Chorin Asah K’Chiruto – Rabbi Yitzchak said: The servant acted like a servant and the free man acted as a free man, The servant acted like a servant, as it says ‘And the servant put his hand beneath his [Avraham’s] thigh; While the freeman acted as a free person: ‘And he said, I will do as you said’’ As a free individual, Yosef is only bound by his conscience. He is free to question. The servant, on the other hand, has no such ability. He is bound to fulfill his obligations whether forced or unforced. The Malbim, the 17th-century commentator explains that Yosef was acting as a son should. Yosef was trying to act out of filial responsibility, based upon his own free will rather than a servant who is bound by oaths.
There are moments when one’s own volition is not enough to fulfill a final wish. Yaakov makes Yosef swear the oath because he wants Yosef to acknowledge an authority greater than his own. He also wants Yosef to acknowledge an authority greater than Pharaoh. Yaakov wanted Yosef to be completely powerless and act solely on behalf of his father. Under normal circumstances, according to ChaZaL – our Talmudic sages of Blessed Memory, the acceptance of the Torah and its commandments are an acknowledgment and acceptance of an external authority greater than ourselves. Intrinsic to that acceptance is a humbling awareness that we are not all that powerful or in control of every aspect of life. Of course, my sister and I will do everything we can to respect our parents' wishes as they enter these upcoming years. As my parents spoke to me, and I listened, I only had one thought. After all the sacrifices my parents have made in helping me to become the best possible version of me, how could I not honor their request and do everything I can to make their golden years together as golden and as dignified as possible?
Rav Yitz
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