Hearts Of Summer Held In Trust, Still Tender Young And Green (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia "Days Between")

           The Jewish world is a small world, so we were not surprised that our daughter and my wife’s cousin s who live in Teaneck knew the 19-year-old Teaneck,  New Jersey boy who died on LaG B’OMer at Mt. Meron, Israel.  Along with our daughter, we were among the 70,000 people that watched the Livestream of the funeral.  I saw two parents, broken, and shattered. I listened as the mother of the 19-year-old boy began to speak. It was completely heartbreaking and I could only watch for a few minutes. Through her sobs and heavy breathing, I listened to the mother say words like “gratitude”,  and “thanks”. I heard her invoke God. I listened as she told us about her son. There was no anger in her voice;  instead just a profound sense of grief and loss. Her words didn’t reflect a crisis of faith nor a lack of “trust in God’s Plan”.    

          Parsha Behar and Parsha Bechukotai. These are the last two Parshiot in Sefer Vayikrah (Book of Leviticus). Throughout the entire book, we have read how to elevate our lives with holiness. We elevate our lives by thanking God and atoning to God, through a variety of Korbonot. We elevate our lives by avoiding behavior that defiles us; we don’t marry our sisters. We elevate our lives in every day physical behaviors; we only eat certain types of food. We elevate our lives by consciously setting aside holy times throughout the day, week, and season. In Parsha Behar, we elevate our lives and our land with holiness by setting aside another type of sacred time, Shmita (the seventh year.) Just like the seventh day (Shabbat) is a day of rest. Shmita is a year of rest. Every seventh year, all outstanding debts are canceled. The land lies fallow. Slaves and servants are set free. Agriculturally speaking, there is a benefit. Resting the soil for a year allows for replenishment of nutrients. Rabbinically speaking, less time devoted to agricultural concerns meant more time devoted to Torah study! Parsha Bechukotai, being the end of Leviticus, tells us the ramifications for behavior. “If you’ll keep the commandments… then I’ll send the rains in their time, the earth and trees will give forth their produce, you’ll settle securely in the land…I will multiply you…I will walk with you” (Lev. 25:3-10). If we don’t live up to these standards, if we neglect to add Kedushah (holiness) to our lives, if we “don’t perform these commandments, if we consider these decrees loathsome, if we reject these ordinances, if we annul the covenant, then I will do the same to you…. (Lev. 26:14:17) God will annul us. All blessings will become curses.

          While the curses in the Torah portion don’t paint a very pleasant picture, both parshiot reflect the vital importance of Bitachon, trust in God. In Behar, this idea of Bitachon is evident in the commandments of Shmitta (the 7-year agricultural cycle) and Yovel (Jubilee). In the Jubilee year, all debts are canceled, and there is a quasi-national “reboot”. While it may sound nice for those of us with credit card debt, consider the turmoil. The economy would grind to a halt in the months or perhaps in a year or two before the 50th year. What lender would lend knowing that the loan would be canceled within  6 -12 months.  In the Shmitta year, the land lies fallow. We all agree that the field needs a rest, a Shabbat, just like we do. If the field lies fallow, what would people eat? We are urged to trust God. “I will command my blessing upon the sixth year and it will bring forth (enough) produce for three years (Lev. 25:20-21). Just like God provided a double portion of Manna on Friday and thereby guarantee enough food for Shabbat, so too God will “guarantee enough produce in the sixth year. B’nai Yisroel won’t starve in the seventh (Shmita) year.

          Our sixteen-year-old asked me about the mother's words. I explained that I would be far too angry to speak as the mother spoke.  I would have needed more time without thousands of people, to move from anger to grief. Our son then asked me about whether my trust and faith in God would have been affected. Maybe it is easier to have Bitachon, to have trust and faith in God when it comes to large “macro” issues such as rain in the rainy season and dry in the season. Maybe it's easier to have Bitachon -trust, to have trust and faith that a 50-year “reboot” or “re-do” won’t turn people's lives and an economy upside down. Maybe it's easier to have faith and trust in something that is more emotionally distant in an “idea” or in the metaphysical. When my son asked me whether I would have questioned my faith and trust in God. I answered immediately and without hesitation. Yes, a tragedy like this would test my faith, and my trust in God would have waned. I think that it would be a long time before I could trust in God again and have my faith restored. Yes, I could understand the parents speak about the wonderful qualities of their 19-year-old son. I understood why they focused on his “living”, and the things he did over the course of his short 19 years of life. Yes, I could understand it, but I don’t think that I would be able to speak of it nor share it, not yet, not until the shock and anger subsided.

Peace
Rav Yitz 

Some Folks Trust To Reason, Others Trust To Might (Robert Hunter, Bob Weir, Mickey Hart - "Playing In The Band")

As my children,  wife, and I continue to watch the news, two people have earned our trust. Two people are worth our attention and trust. They are Governor Cuomo from New York State and Dr. Anthony Fauci.  Apparently, we are not alone. In a recent poll, 62% of Americans trust Dr. Fauci, and roughly 36% trust the President.  Needless to say, whenever the President speaks, we assume that he lies. We assume that there is no truth, no plan, no idea of how to respond to the ongoing crisis of Covid19.  There is no leadership; there is only the bluster of a self-serving carnival barker. As this self-serving carnival barker continues to espouse conspiracy theories and dismiss science, and lie, my children ask why I shake my head in disgust. I explain that when the  Leader of the Free World is so untrustworthy,  he diminishes the office of the Presidency as well as America. A diminished America is not good for any country based upon democracy,   

This week, we again read a double portion, Parsha Behar and Parsha Bechukotai. These are the last two Parshiot of Sefer Vayikrah (Book of Leviticus). Throughout the entire book, we have read how to elevate our lives with holiness. We elevate our lives by thanking God and atoning to God, through a variety of Korbonot. We elevate our lives by avoiding behavior that defiles us; we don’t marry our sisters. We elevate our lives in every day physical behaviors; we only eat certain types of food. We elevate our lives by consciously setting aside holy times throughout the day, week, and season. In Parsha Behar, we elevate our lives and our land with holiness by setting aside another type of sacred time, Shmita (the seventh year.) Just like the seventh day (Shabbat) is a day of rest. Shmita is a year of rest. Every seventh year, all outstanding debts are canceled. The land lies fallow. Slaves and servants are set free. Agriculturally speaking, there is a benefit. Resting the soil for a year allows for the replenishment of nutrients. Rabbinically speaking, less time devoted to agricultural concerns meant more time devoted to Torah study! Parsha Bechukotai, being the end of Leviticus, tells us the ramifications for behavior. “If you’ll keep the commandments… then I’ll send the rains in their time, the earth and trees will give forth their produce, you’ll settle securely in the land…I will multiply you…I will walk with you” (Lev. 25:3-10). If we don’t live up to these standards, if we neglect to add Kedushah (holiness) to our lives, if we “don’t perform these commandments, if we consider these decrees loathsome, if we reject these ordinances, if we annul the covenant, then I will do the same to you…. (Lev. 26:14:17) God will annul us. All blessings will become curses. 

While the Torah does not paint a very pleasant picture, both parshiot reflect the vital importance of Bitachon, trust in God. In Behar, we may consider this notion of Shmita to be quite nice. All debts are canceled. On the other hand, if the land is to lie fallow, what would people eat? We are urged to trust God. “I will command my blessing upon the sixth year and it will bring forth (enough) produce for three years (Lev. 25:20-21).  The Chatam Sofer, (Rabbi Moshe Shreiber from Frankfort on the Main, Germany 1762-1839) explained the importance of reminding us that the Mitzvah of Shmita originated from Sinai just like the Mitzvah of gathering the Manna while B’nai Yisroel wandered and traveled to Eretz Yisroel.  God provided a double portion of Manna on Friday thereby guaranteeing enough food for Shabbat during their time of wandering; so too God will “guarantee” enough produce in the sixth year when they are living in the land. B’nai Yisroel won’t starve in the seventh (Shmita) year nor will they starve in the first year of the next cycle while they are waiting for that year’s harvest.  

So what does the Torah teach us? We learn that every rung climbed towards Kedushah, confirms our trust in God. Rather than diminishing ourselves out of ignorance and arrogance, we remind ourselves of God’s presence in all aspects of our lives including the harvest, the Jubilee year, and helping those most vulnerable. Because of this constant reminder, we trust that God is Holy, otherwise, we would have no need to be holy. We trust that everything pure and good is attributable to God. Otherwise, we would constantly defile ourselves. We trust that we are created in God’s image. Otherwise, there is no reason to treat people with kindness first. Trust in God, in a sense, is a spiritually individualized Mishkan. The Mishkan was built so that God would dwell among us. Similarly, if our purpose is to attain higher and higher levels of Kedusha, we trust that the end result is God’s dwelling within us. Leviticus teaches us that God is involved in our daily routine. Our struggle for Kedusha is our way of reminding ourselves of this fact. Failure to remind ourselves means we fall away from God and our faith diminishes. When we lack in faith and trust in God, it diminishes the Jewish people. When the Leader of the Free World cannot be trusted, well, my son will watch me continue shaking my head in disappointment as the diminished of the United States and in concern all societies that cherish freedom and democracy. 

Peace, 

Rav Yitz 

Hearts Of Summer Held In Trust, Still Tender Young And Green (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - Days Between)

My family and I were at a Bar Mitzvah last Shabbat. I was speaking to the Bar Mitzvah boy’s uncle who came in from Israel. As we spoke, and I told him that I was a Rabbi of a large synagogue that was about 4 miles from my home; his eyes grew very large and he exclaimed, “You’re him!” He proceeded to clarify himself by explaining that he had heard of this Rabbi in Toronto that walks over 4 miles each way to his shul. He then asked me what I think about when I walk. I explained that on Shabbat morning if the weather is pleasant; I will always begin my walk with the weekly Parsha. I will think about it in terms of my Shabbat morning class, the Divrei Torah that I present in two different minyanim (services). Depending on how much preparation I did during the week; that thinking, going through it in my head; may last a couple of miles or it may last the whole walk. However, if the weather is unpleasant, then at some point my thought will drift to Lottery 649, the New York State Lottery, or the Mega Millions. I will think that I should have bought a ticket. I will think about winning the lottery. I will think how I will set aside some for my children in trust funds. I will think about the various charities I wish to donate. If the lottery is large enough I will think about creating a family foundation where I can spend my days giving Tzedakah (charity).

            Parsha Behar and Parsha Bechukotai. These are the last two Parshiot of Sefer Vayikra (Book of Leviticus). Throughout the entire book, we have read how to elevate our lives with holiness. We elevate our lives by thanking God and atoning to God, through a variety of Korbonot. We elevate our lives by avoiding behavior that defiles us; we don’t marry our sisters. We elevate our lives in everyday physical behaviors; we only eat certain types of food. We elevate our lives by consciously setting aside holy times throughout the day, week, and season. In Parsha Behar, we elevate our lives and our land with holiness by setting aside another type of sacred time, Shmita (the seventh year.) Just like the seventh day (Shabbat) is a day of rest. Shmita is a year of rest. Every seventh year, all outstanding debts are canceled. The land lies fallow. Slaves and servants are set free. Agriculturally speaking, there is a benefit. Resting the soil for a year allows for replenishment of nutrients. Rabbinically speaking, less time devoted to agricultural concerns meant more time devoted to Torah study! Parsha Bechukotai, being the end of Leviticus, tells us the ramifications for behavior. “If you’ll keep the commandments… then I’ll send the rains in their time, the earth and trees will give forth their produce, you’ll settle securely in the land…I will multiply you…I will walk with you” (Lev. 25:3-10). If we don’t live up to these standards, if we neglect to add Kedushah (holiness) to our lives, if we “don’t perform these commandments, if we consider these decrees loathsome, if we reject these ordinances, if we annul the covenant, then I will do the same to you…. (Lev. 26:14:17) God will annul us. All blessing will become curses.

            While the curses in the Torah portion don’t paint a very pleasant picture, both parshiot reflect the vital importance of Bitachon, trust in God. In Behar, this idea of Bitachon is evident in the commandments of Shmitta (the 7-year agricultural cycle) and Yovel (Jubilee). In the Jubilee year, all debts are canceled, and there is a quasi-national “reboot”. While it may sound nice for those of us with credit card debt, consider the turmoil. The economy would come to grinding halt in the months and perhaps year or two before. What lender would lend knowing that the loan gets canceled in 6 months or a year?  In the Shmitta year, the land lies fallow. We all agree that the field needs a rest, a Shabbat, just like we do. If the fields lie fallow, what would people eat? We are urged to trust God. “I will command my blessing upon the sixth year and it will bring forth (enough) produce for three years (Lev. 25:20-21). Just like God provided a double portion of Manna on Friday and thereby guarantee enough food for Shabbat, so too God will “guarantee” enough produce in the sixth year. B’nai Yisroel won’t starve in the seventh (Shmita) year.

            So what does the Torah teach us? We learn that every rung climbed towards Kedusha, confirms our trust in God. We trust that God is Holy, otherwise, we would have no need to be holy. We trust that everything pure and good is attributable to God. Otherwise, we would constantly defile ourselves. We trust that we are created in God’s image. Otherwise, there is no reason to treat people with kindness first. Trust in God, in a sense, provides the foundation for our own individualized Mishkan. The Mishkan was built so that God would dwell among us. The very act of Bitachon (trust in God) is a demonstration of Holiness. As I finished explaining what I think about during my hour and ten-minute walk each way, the other fellow became more intrigued. From his perspective, a person had the opportunity to think/study Torah for several miles and when not thinking about Torah, he was thinking about his family, Tzedakah (charity), and helping those in need (Chesed). Funny, I just needed something to think about on Shabbat while walking back and forth. This mean reminded me that I had figured out a way to make that particular walk just a bit more holy than a walk on any other day.  

Peace,

Rav Yitz 

Pretty Soon Won't Trust You For The Weather ( Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "They Love Each Other")

Lately, my son has been sitting with me watching many of the news shows that I watch. Maybe he wants to spend time with me.  This week we learned of a Times of Israel article about the U.S. President’s upcoming trip to Israel, Saudi Arabia and Rome. This is President’ Trump’s first overseas visit as President so the eyes of the world will be on Trump. America's allies will be watching and so will America's enemies. For the first time ever, a U.S. President plans to visit the Kotel (Western Wall). This is a very big deal. It is a big deal for the Israel. It is a big deal for the Jewish People. Israeli Government representatives asked the White House representatives if Prime Minister Netanyahu could accompany the President. Could the Israeli press cover this historical moment? Normally, before the President arrives, representatives of the from the State Department usually arrive a week or two ahead, work out the itinerary, security, meetings according to  all the necessary  international protocol. Unfortunately, the State Department is only minimally staffed as the President decided to severely cut its budget. As a result, the White House has sent representatives to make these preparations and they are not quite as well trained as the State Department. During a meeting with their Israeli counterparts, the Presidents itinerary was discussed. With great ignorance and arrogance, the White House representative declined Netanyahu’s offer to accompany the president and couldn’t understand why Israel and the Israeli press cared so much about the President’s visit to the Wall since the Wall and Jerusalem were part of the West Bank. Not only did the ignorant comment make the news in Israel it made the news in the United States and Canada. By the next day the White House put out an explanation. As our children watched the news with me that night and saw me shaking my head; our son asked me why I seemed so disgusted. Like a good father, and a typical rabbi, I answered his question with a question. “Why do you think?” He thought for a moment, I could see him thinking. He astutely remarked that over the past couple of weeks, the President, otherwise known as the leader of the free world, fired the Head of the FBI, the day after during a meeting with the two Russian official in the Oval Office, verbally passed along classified information, White House representatives are making asinine comments about Jerusalem and the Wall as being part of the West Bank and the classified information that the President shared with the Russians in the Oval Office came from Israeli intelligence sources. My son told me that I probably shook my head out of disgust because the Leader of the Free World was so untrustworthy, and if the President is not to be trusted, that diminishes America, and a diminished America is not at all good for Israel.

This week, we again read a double portion, Parsha Behar and Parsha Bechukotai. These are the last two Parshiot of Sefer Vayikrah (Book of Leviticus). Throughout the entire book, we have read how to elevate our lives with holiness. We elevate our lives by thanking God and atoning to God, through a variety of Korbonot. We elevate our lives by avoiding behavior that defiles us; we don’t marry our sisters. We elevate our lives in everyday physical behaviors; we only eat certain types of food. We elevate our lives by consciously setting aside holy times throughout the day, week, and season. In Parsha Behar we elevate our lives and our land with holiness by setting aside another type of sacred time, Shmita (the seventh year.) Just like the seventh day (Shabbat) is a day of rest. Shmita is a year of rest. Every seventh year, all outstanding debts are cancelled. The land lies fallow. Slaves and servants are set free. Agriculturally speaking, there is a benefit. Resting the soil for a year allows for replenishment of nutrients. Rabbinically speaking, less time devoted to agricultural concerns meant more time devoted to Torah study! Parsha Bechukotai, being the end of Leviticus, tells us the ramifications for behavior. “If you’ll keep the commandments… then I’ll send the rains in their time, the earth and trees will give forth their produce, you’ll settle securely in the land…I will multiply you…I will walk with you” (Lev. 25:3-10). If we don’t live up to these standards, if we neglect adding Kedushah (holiness) to our lives, if we “don’t perform these commandments, if we consider these decrees loathsome, if we reject these ordinances, if we annul the covenant, then I will do the same to you…. (Lev. 26:14:17) God will annul us. All blessing will become curses.

            While the Torah does not paint a very pleasant picture, both parshiot reflect the vital importance of Bitachon, trust in God. In Behar, we may consider this notion of Shmita to be quite nice. All debts are cancelled. On the other hand, if the land is to lie fallow, what would people eat? We are urged to trust God. “I will command my blessing upon the sixth year and it will bring forth (enough) produce for three years (Lev. 25:20-21).  The Chatam Sofer, (Rabbi Moshe Shreiber from Frankfort on the Main, Germany 1762-1839) explained the importance of reminding us that the Mitzvah of Shmita originated from Sinai just like the Mitzvah of gathering the Manna while B’nai Yisroel wandered and traveled to Eretz Yisroel.  God provided a double portion of Manna on Friday thereby guaranteeing enough food for Shabbat during their time of wandering; so too God will “guarantee” enough produce in the sixth year when they are living in the land. B’nai Yisroel won’t starve in the seventh (Shmita) year nor will they starve in the first year of the next cycle while they are waiting for that year’s harvest.

            So what does the Torah teach us? We learn that every rung climbed towards Kedushah, confirms our trust in God. Rather than diminishing ourselves out of ignorance and arrogance, we remind ourselves of God’s presence in all aspect of our lives including the harvest, the Jubilee year, and helping those most vulnerable. Because of this constant reminder, we trust that God is Holy, otherwise we would have no need to be holy. We trust that everything pure and good is attributable to God. Otherwise, we would constantly defile ourselves. We trust that we are created in God’s image. Otherwise, there is no reason to treat people with kindness first. Trust in God, in a sense, is a spiritually individualized Mishkan. The Mishkan was built so that God would dwell among us. Similarly, if our purpose is to attain higher and higher levels of Kedusha, we trust that the end result is God’s dwelling within us. Leviticus teaches us that God is involved in our daily routine. Our struggle for Kedusha is our way of reminding ourselves of this fact. Failure to remind ourselves means we fall away from God and our faith diminishes. When we lack in faith and trust in God, it diminishes the Jewish people. When the Leader of the Free World cannot be trusted, well, my son will watch me continue shaking my head in disappointment as the diminished of the United States and in concern for the welfare of Israel.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

Hearts of Summer Held in Trust (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia "Days Between")

A couple of weeks ago, my wife had to go to Baltimore for work. Thankfully she was outside of Baltimore while it was rioting.  I looked after our kids. Because they are older, 9^th 7^th and 5^th grade respectively, they are a little more independent and can take on a bit more responsibility. During these two days,  while we watched the news during every spare moment; there was a very minor incident during which I had flashback of my father expressing his anger and frustration with me and my sister.  Our son was deeply engrossed in his IPod. He was so engrossed, he didn’t hear me when I asked him to something. I asked once, twice, three times. Then I yelled, but still no answer. I walked over to him, and took the IPod away.  He grew angry with me but at least I had his attention. I explained that he was off the IPod until he could prove that he could listen to instructions, acknowledge that he hear the instructions and then follows the instructions without the IPod obstructing his “listening”, “acknowledging” or “following” capacities. He asked how long would he be without an IPod. I said, a week or two, maybe longer depending upon him.  He looked up and comment that a week or two means he will have it within a day or two certainly “by the time mommy returns.” I hung my head and smiled. His sisters’ eyes lit up. They told him that when Abba says a week or two; it’s a week or two. Each of his sisters told him that he should always trust Abba when it comes to carrying out a punishment.  “Mommy will eventually back down”, they said, but if Abba says it’s “No IPod for a week or two, then trust him - no IPod for a week or two. Our son’s jaw dropped, I smiled, took the IPod, circled the date on the calendar and reminded him that if his ability to listen and follow instructions improved, then he gets the IPod back upon the dated I circled – 10 days later.  Again, I was smiling first because they kids knew me so well, and second because my father taught me well. Only make a punishment that I was willing to carry out.

This week we read the double Parshiot of Behar/BeChukotai; the final two Parshiot of Leviticus. This week we read the double Parsha of Behar/Bechukotai. These final two parshiot offer us insight into another dimension of Holiness- Kedushah. For most of Vayikra (Leviticus), we learned how the Kohen Gadol makes himself holy. We have learned how the individual makes himself/herself holy. We have learned how the entire nation makes itself holy. We have learned how holiness permeates all are physical activities including what we eat, how we treat others and the relationships that may and may not have.  We have learned how we designated holiness in terms of seasons and special occasions. Now we read about the laws in which we acknowledge the holiness of Eretz Canaan Israel. We learn that the Jubilee is similar to Shemitah (the term used to describe the land lying fallow every 7 years) only on a grander scale, leaving the land to lie fallow for a year while it rests. We learn about the Yovel, the Jubilee year and all that it entails in terms of our behavior. Sefer Vayikra concludes with the Torah explaining the rewards for following these and all the commandments that God gave us at Sinai as well as the punishments that would befall us if we fail to observe these commandments.  

                Throughout these two final Parshiot, several future miraculous occurrences are described. First is the Jubilee Year. The miracle described is not the logic of allowing the land to lie fallow for one year. The miracle is the practical implication of the logic of land lying fallow for a full year. In reality it’s not just one year, it’s more than one year. The Harvest occurs after the end of the 6^th year.  There is no harvest for the 7^th year and then we plant in we begin the first year of the next cycle. However we still have to wait for a harvest in that first year of the new cycle. So all the food harvest in year six has to be enough for an extraordinary amount of time. This same miracle occurs in the Yovel year as well.  We have to Trust that the  harvest before Shemitah year, and every seven cycles, the harvest before the Shmitah year and the Yovel year will be large enough to keep everyone fed, rich and poor alike. The second future miraculous occurrence are the rewards/punishment outline in Bechukotai for following the commandments or for casually (b’KeRI) disobeying the commandments. The rewards will be rain in the right time. The punishments will be our dismissal from the land. The land will become unproductive and unable to support us. Like, Shmittah and Yovel, Bnia Yisroel is left having to trust God’s words. 

                The entire book of Leviticus, VaYikra, has been about Holiness and drawing close to God.  When we strive for holiness, in terms of behaving toward our fellow man, or mindful of God’s presence in our lives vis a vis space, time, and the physical realm, we learned that Holiness is a function of our distance from God. The closer we are, the greater Holiness. The further we are from God, the lesser the Holiness. Now Leviticus teaches us one last vital aspect in terms of Holiness. Vayikra reminds us that we must have Trust, we must Trust God. From a practical standpoint we have to trust that the harvest will be large enough to carry B’nai Yisroel through Shmitah and Yovel. We have to trust that there is reward for following rules and punishment for casually disobeying.  Ultimately the concept of Trust cannot be Keri, trust cannot be casual. Rather, our holiness, our ability to be near God is ultimately about trust, Trust in God’ role in the lives of Bnai Yisroel, Trust in our ability to strive towards God and Holiness, our ability to Trust in a process that may or may not defy logic, and our Trust in God’s words, God’s blessings and God’s curses. Therefore, the fundamental nature of the relationship, cannot be Keri; it cannot be casual. If Bnai Yisroel takes its role in the covenant seriously, then Bnai Yisroel will achieve holiness.

                Learning to trust is a learned trait. Learning to Trust the spoken word requires effort from both parties, from the listener as well as the speaker. The speaker must always be prepared to back up the spoken word. The listener must be prepared to accept not only the spoken word but the listener must recognize that the spoken word matches the deed.  Whether it is children and parents or people and God, at some point the relationship boils down to Trust: trust in the presence in our lives, trust that we have the ability to affect the relationship and trust that the relationship cannot be casual for it to be meaningful. After a couple of days alone with my children, they now trust my words and more importantly, they now understand that there is nothing casual about my concern for them nor is there anything casual about the effort required for them to be kind, decent, thoughtful people.

Peace,

Rav Yitz