Mama, Mama, Many Worlds I've Come Since I First Left Home (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Brokedown Palace")

           The United States observance and celebration of it Thanksgiving signal the beginning of the holiday season. If Christmas decorations have not yet appeared in storefronts, they do so now. Individual homes and town centers begin cleaning up and decorating acknowledging Christmas and Chanukkah. We all begin shopping for gifts for family and friends. Of course, all the Christmas specials are re-broadcast on television. Our family’s favorite Holiday season movie is Frank Capra’s 1946 film It’s A Wonderful Life.  I have watched the movie since I was a kid. With each passing year, with each phase of my life, I have seen Jimmy Stewart’s character, George Bailey, in a different light. As he went through different phases of growing up, getting married, and raising a family, I have done the same. As he struggled with his existential angst, so have I. This year, for the first time in 32 years, I have no children in my house. Instead, they are living their lives, on their own, following their path. As a result, I experienced the movie just a bit differently than before.   During one particular scene Jimmy Stewart’s character George Bailey sits at the dining room table with his mother, his father, and his younger brother, they discuss George’s future plans. He expresses his need to leave and go out on his own: “I just feel like if I don't get away, I'd bust.” I smiled to myself because, in my mind, it seemed like yesterday that I felt that way in terms of my parents. Now I am at a point in my life where my kids have all adopted a similar mantra. For the first time, I identified with George Bailey’s father, the parent offering guidance to the child who prepares to go off on his own. 

          This Shabbat we read from Parsha VaYeitze. The focus of the narrative is on Yaakov. For the first time, Yaakov will find out what it means to be alone in the world.  He has left his mother, Rivkah, and his father Yitzchak, for the first time. In fleeing his brother Esav, Yaakov now embarks on a new phase of his life. For the first time, but certainly not the last time, he will have to face being alone. He will learn to be an independent individual. Yes, Yaakov will meet his future wives, his cousins Leah and Rachel. He will work for his father-in-law, Lavan, and he will have children. The narrative will focus on Yaakov’s life from young adulthood to becoming a responsible father, earning a living, and all the trials, tribulations, and tensions of career and family. As Yaakov makes his way in life, hopefully, he will learn more about himself. With each event, with each adventure, Yaakov has an opportunity to become better connected, better connected to himself, and better connected to a covenant that his father bequeathed to him. Yet throughout the narrative he will learn to be alone, he will learn to become independent, and he will learn, through trial and error, to whom he should spiritually cling: Esav, his parents, Lavan, his wives, and God.

           At the conclusion of the previous Parsha, Parsha Toldot, we read that Yitzchak and Rivkah instructed Yaakov to go to Padan- Aram, to the house of Bethuel (Rivkah’s father’s home) and take a wife from there. We would expect Parsha VaYeitze to begin with Yaakov heading to Padan- Aram. Instead, VaYeitze begins: VaYeitze Yaakov M’Beer Sheva VaYeilech Charana – Yaakov departed from Beer Sheva and went toward Charan. Why doesn’t VaYeitze, say that Yaakov departed and went to Padan Aram? Why do we need to be told that he went to Charan? What’s in Charan? Yaakov has never been away from home. Although he is heading toward his mother’s family; even Rivkah knew enough to leave her family of origin. Now Yaakov, in order to preserve his life, must leave his family of origin. In Toldot, Yaakov was described as Ish Tam  Yoshev Ohalim – a simple man of faith who dwells in tents (Gen. 19;27) The Talmudic Sages explain that Yaakov’s dwelling in the tents meant that he spent time in his parent’s tents studying and learning. However, no learning would prepare him for what he would contend with when dealing with Rivka’s family and particularly her brother Lavan.  Rabbi Kamenetsky, (1891-1986), explained that prior to arriving in Paddan Aram, Yaakov stopped in Charan to learn from Shem and Eber. Shem was Noah’s son and Eber from the generation of the Tower of Bavel. Both were considered righteous and wise men who lived in unsavory environments and managed to retain their sense of righteousness. Yaakov sought their practical wisdom prior to his encounter with Lavan and dealing with becoming independent in an unsavory environment.  He will also need the wisdom of Shem and Eber to help him eventually return home. As a result of Yaakov’s diversion, Yaakov understands that he must maintain a relationship with God, and he understands that he will need to find his way home when the time is right.

          In It’s A Wonderful Life, George Bailey’s desire to leave home was symbolized by his request and his “wish to never been born”. Indeed, when George cries out “I want to live again” he is asking to return home. For Yaakov, he needed to leave his physical home, but clearly, he took with him the values and the learning that he acquired from his family. He took God with him as well as the sense of the land. He took with him a desire to return home. Yaakov and George Bailey derive an aspect of their independence from not only leaving home but leaving home with a code as well has to have the courage and humility to return home. Indeed, our children have all left home, however, our children also know that whenever the need arises, the doors of the home are always open, and their parents' arms are also open to hug them when they walk in the door

Peace
Rav Yitz.

What I Want To Know Is, Are You Kind (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Uncle John's Band")

There are some life lessons that recur so frequently that it seems almost impossible to learn from them. Yet, for some, it is impossible to learn. As a husband, a parent, a child, as a friend, as an educator, as a Rabbi or a community leader one of the most vital and recurring lessons of Presence. Sometimes, the Lesson of Presence is a phone call, a tweet, or an email. Sometimes the Lesson of Presence is a formal statement. Sometimes it is physically showing up. The fires out west have been horrific, lives lost. My wife’s family lives in both northern and southern California. We call them because we are concerned, but we also call them to let them know that we are thinking of them, that we are present. With a daughter in learning in Jerusalem and friends throughout Israel, when we say “stay safe”, it reminds them that we care and that we are sensitive what has been happening in Israel with hundreds of rockets being fired from Gaza.  With a daughter who has finished an election cycle and was driving alone from Florida to Washington DC; I spoke to her several times so she shouldn’t feel so alone (it probably drove her a bit crazy but she should know that she wasn’t alone).  As Jews, we pay a Shiva visit to a mourner, we do Bikur Cholim- we visit the sick. On a Yartzeit, (the anniversary of a person’s death), the loved one might visit the grave.  To be “Present” is among the most basic and simplest acts that one person can demonstrate to another. Sometimes it may require words or a hug. Sometimes it can be done in silence. For a leader of a Nation, the Power of Presence is about the easiest thing to do.  On one hand, it is incredibly symbolic, it creates a sense of good will, and it goes a long way in reminding the person or the group that feels alone and abandoned that they are not.  

This week we read from Parsha VaYeitze. This week we read from Parshat VaYeitze. The focus of the narrative is upon Yaakov. For the first time, Yaakov will find out what it means to be alone in the world.  He has left his mother, Rivkah, and his father Yitzchak, for the first time. In fleeing his brother Esav, Yaakov now embarks on a new phase of his life. For the first time, but certainly not the last time, he will have to face being alone. Yes, Yaakov will meet his future wives, his cousins Leah and Rachel. He will work for his father in- law, Lavan, and he will have children. The narrative will focus upon Yaakov life from young adulthood to becoming a responsible father, earning a living and all the trials, tribulation, and tensions of career and family. As Yaakov makes his way in life, hopefully, he will learn more about himself. With each event, with each adventure, Yaakov has an opportunity to become better connected, better connected to himself, and better connected to a covenant that his father bequeathed to him. Yet throughout the narrative he will come to understand the Lesson of Presence.  At the beginning of the narrative, he feels alone but will quickly sense God’s presence. He will learn the importance of Presence when his wife begs for a child, when a son helps his mother, and when a family prepares to finally leave an untenable situation.

Yaakov acknowledges his loneliness at the beginning of the Parsha. He doesn’t even feel connected to God. First God speaks to Yaakov in the dream: Ani Adoshem Elohei Avraham Avicha, V’Elohei Yitzchak HaAretz Asher Atah Shocheiv Aleha Lecha Etnenah U’LeZarecha – I am Hashem, God of Abraham your father and God of Isaac; the ground upon which you are lying, to you will I give it and to your descendants (28:13). In the dream, God offers Yaakov protection wherever Yaakov goes. In a sense, God volunteers to be Yaakov’s God as well.  When Yaakov wakes up from the dream he still does not feel reassured: Im Yiheyeh Elohim Imadi Ushmarani Baderech Hazeh Asher Anochi Holech v’Natan Li Lechem L’echol Uveged Lilbosh, vShavti b’Shalom el Bet Avi v’Hayah Hashem Li Le’lohim.  If God will be with me and will keep me in this way that I go, and will give me bread to eat, and clothes to wear, so that I come back to my father’s house in peace, then shall the Lord be my God.  Im Yiheyeh Elohim Imadi Ushmarani Baderech Hazeh Asher Anochi Holech v’Natan Li Lechem L’echol Uveged Lilbosh, vShavti b’Shalom el Bet Avi v’Hayah Hashem Li Le’lohim.  If God will be with me and will keep me in this way that I go, and will give me bread to eat, and clothes to wear, so that I come back to my father’s house in peace, then shall the Lord be my God.   Yaakov equates the feeling of abandonment or a lack of presence with a lack of demonstrable kindness.  It will take nearly two decades, but as Yaakov is able to act selflessly, demonstrate kindness, he will feel less alone, and less of a sense of abandonment. As Yaakov is more present in others’ lives, he will sense God’s presence in his life.

In the first chapter of Genesis, we learned that humankind was created in God’s image. That is to say, human beings have the capacity to emulate Godly qualities. The Talmudic Tractate Sota 14 a explains that clothing the needy is a Godly quality because God clothed Adam and Chava; visiting the sick is a Godly quality because God visited Avraham while Avaraham was healing from circumcision (the beginning of Parsha VaYeirah); comforting the mourner is a Godly quality because God comforted Isaac (end of Parsha Chayei Sarah) and burying the dead because God buried Moses (end of Deuteronomy 34:6). Emulating God requires us to act selflessly, to remove the self from the equation and to do for the other. Fundamental to each of these Godly actions, these acts of kindness is the notion of being present. Every act of kindness is an expression of God’s Presence. Perhaps it is the simplest activity for a person to do – be present, empathize, and in doing so, God’s presence is self-evident.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

Why Hold Out For More (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Here Comes Sunshine")

The other morning I am watching my favorite news show, a U.S. newscast based in New York. The morning news leads with gubernatorial elections in Virginia and New Jersey and the political implications for the national Democratic and Republican Parties as well as the Tea Party. My children were awake, bleary eyed and quietly eating breakfast since they are not yet too excited by politics. Then the host of the morning show began speaking about the next news story. “In Toronto…” she began. My kids perked up and started paying attention. The newscaster was talking about the troubling news story of Toronto Mayor Rob Ford smoking crack and even with this news the Mayor’s approval ratings had actually gone up 5 points from the previous week.  Our children’s’ eyes didn’t blink, they didn’t leave the television. Their mouths, ears and eyes were wide open. The story ended, the commercial began and so did the questions. “What’s crack?”  “Is it illegal?” “If the Mayor is doing something illegal why is he still Mayor?” “How can his approval ratings go up if he was smoking crack?” For five minutes as I am preparing to leave for morning minyan, I am answering questions about Crack, drugs, and how can the Mayor smoke crack, break the law, and be Mayor.  We all like to have our leaders, Mayors, Prime Ministers, and Presidents to serve as role models and to have minimal character flaws.

            This week’s Parsha is Parsha Va’Yeitze. We continue reading of the adventures of Yaakov Avinu, Judaism’s third Patriarch.  Yaakov flees from home and eventually arrives at his uncle’s home. Yaakov’ marries both his cousins, Leah and Rachel. He is given their maidservants as a concubine. He has children, twelve sons; he works for his uncle and makes his uncle very wealthy. Finally Yaakov realizes that it is time for him to leave his uncle Lavan and return home. Yaakov devises a plan that will allow him to return home with much of his uncle’s flock as a form of payment for the 21 years of indentured servitude. 

Indeed Yaakov struggles in this week’s Parsha as he struggled in last week’s Parsha.  He struggles in his relationships and faith in God. He struggles with his need to cling to someone or something. He was born clinging to his brother. Now he desperately struggles to find another to cling to: God, Lavan, Rachel, his sons, or his wealth. Yaakov also struggles with himself. He struggles with his “moniker” and what he is supposed to be, an Ish Tam- a simple man (Gen. 25:27), and his desire to be materially well off (Gen.28: 20). Perhaps this struggle is best illustrated at the beginning of the Parsha when Yaakov suggests that God is not yet his God but only the God of his father and grandfather. In that famous dream about the ladder and the angels, God stands next to Yaakov and tells him the Covenant made with his father and grandfather  will now be passed down to him. By re-iterating the covenant with him, Yaakov not only inherits a pre-existing Covenant but also becomes an active participant in the Covenant. God tells Yaakov “Hinei Anochi Imach Ushmarticha b’chol Asher Teilech, Behold I am with you and I will guard you wherever you go…” (28:15). That should have been re-assuring to Yaakov as he makes his way to Padan Aram and to his uncle’s home.

However, Yaakov needs more. Yaakov does not yet have the faith that his father and grandfather have. Yaakov, as a young man, still struggles with who he is, whom he should emulate, and how to live his life.  In an incredible act of chutzpah, Yaakov makes a deal with God. Im Yiheyeh Elohim Imadi Ushmarani Baderech Hazeh Asher Anochi Holech v’Natan Li Lechem L’echol Uveged Lilbosh, vShavti b’Shalom el Beit Avi v’Hayah Hashem Li Le’lohim  -  If God will be with me and will keep me in this way that I go, and will give me bread to eat, and clothes to wear, so that I come back to my father’s house in peace, then shall the Lord be my God. Until now Yaakov only considered God to be the God of Avraham and Yitzchak, his father and grandfather. When will Yaakov consider God his God? If and when God provides him with the material sustenance that his brother Esav clamored for in Parsha Toldot. Yaakov wants food, clothes and material goods. Again we see a very different Yaakov than the one described as an Ish Tam (Simple Man- Gen.25:27) Now that he is on his own, Yaakov is unwilling to accept God as his until he too has some type of personal relationship with God. Both Avraham and Yitzchok had this personal relationship with God and experienced signs and wonders. Yaakov takes the first steps toward a personal relationship with God. He received a Covenant from God. However Yaakov still struggles in his attempt to cling to God.  Certainly some kind of sign or wonder would cement his belief.

Yaakov was hardly a saint. From Yaakov we learn that faith in God is not necessarily easy. While a covenant may satisfy our mind, a sign or a miracle engenders faith in God. Yaakov demonstrates that achieving faith in God is a challenging undertaking, as well as an ongoing process. Frequently this process begins as Yaakov’s began, with an immature demand such as: “if you save me now God,” or “if you do this for me God, then I will do….” Hopefully the process evolves into a more mature relationship where neither party has to prove its faith or its presence to the other. Perhaps this is the difference between one who perpetually struggles and one who has achieved spiritual fulfillment and contentment. I admit it is far easier to explain  and learn from the “flaw” of a lack of faith as opposed to the flaw of arrogance, hubris and smoking crack.

Peace,

Rav Yitz 

Wait Until That Deal Come Round (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Deal")

During another stressful weekday night when parents battled children to do their homework, our son took a unique approach in expressing his frustration.  After finishing one assignment and stating he was finished and now wanted to watch television, mommy checked his assignment sheet. Realizing that that our son still had homework, she now was the harbinger of bad news and told him to do his homework.  Like a typical 8 year old boy already engrossed in a video game, he ignored his mother.  Now it was my turn. I marched downstairs and expressed my frustration with his behavior.  Now our son was not only upset that he was still not finished with his homework, but now he was mad at me and began telling me as much. Then he made the most fascinating statement in the throes of his fit. With his voice rising, he looked at me and said, “If you make me do this, I won’t let you be my Abba anymore!”  I was about to interrupt his statement and really yell at him but I stopped, let him finish saying it, and then I thought about what he said for a second.  I thought of this week’s Parsha, Parsha Vayeitze.

This Shabbat we read from Parsha Va’Yetzei. Fearing for his life, Yaakov flees his brother who has vowed to kill him after Yaakov “stole” Esav’s birthright. He heads towards Rivka’s brother’s home – Uncle Lavan. There Yaakov begins a new phase of life. Yaakov enters adulthood and family life. He marries Lavan’s daughters Leah and Rachel. He has children, and he deals with all the headaches and all the ups and downs of family life. Yaakov then realizes that it is time for him to return to his ancestral home with his wives and children.

Yaakov hinted that he had every intention of returning to his ancestral home during his first night away from home and heading towards Lavan. As he falls into a deep sleep, he dreams of ladder and the angels (Gen. 28:12). God stands next to him and tells Yaakov the Covenant that will now be passed down to him. By re-iterating the covenant with him, Yaakov not only inherits a pre-existing Covenant but also becomes an active participant in the Covenant. God tells Yaakov “Hinei Anochi Imach Ushmarticha b’chol Asher Teilech, Behold I am with you and I will guard you wherever you go…” (28:15). So, in a dream, Yaakov sees God and receives the covenant that God had made with Yaakov’s grandfather, Avraham, and his father Yitzchok.

Yet the dream wasn’t good enough. Perhaps God’s covenant wasn’t good enough. Or maybe, Yaakov had to feel as if he was the one dictating terms to God.  Ironically, Yaakov has absolutely nothing except the clothes on his back and his ancestry. So Yaakov offers a deal with God. However, compared to what God offered Yaakov, Yaakov demands are much simpler and it seems that his offer is rather pedestrian. Im Yiheyeh Elohim Imadi Ushmarani Baderech Hazeh Asher Anochi Holech v’Natan Li Lechem L’echol Uveged Lilbosh, vShavti b’Shalom el Bet Avi v’Hayah Hashem Li Le’lohim.  If God will be with me and will keep me in this way that I go, and will give me bread to eat, and clothes to wear, so that I come back to my father’s house in peace, then shall the Lord be my God.  In a rather crass manner, Yaakov merely asks for the physical necessities, food and clothing. He doesn’t need the promise of land, nor does he need the promise of future descendants. Yaakov offers to demonstrate that he will be a willing participant in a relationship with God by offering a tenth of whatever he acquires and accumulates. Yaakov is asking God to be permitted to participate in the relationship. Only when he is permitted to participate will God become Yaakov’s God as well as the God of his ancestors.  Yaakov's “unseemly negotiation” teaches us that while it is very nice to receive a promise, a gift, or part of tradition, if we are not actively involved in that promise, using that gift or participating in that tradition, then returning becomes much more difficult.

After I thought about Yaakov’s negotiation, I thought about the best possible answer for my son’s fascinating statement. I could ignore the statement. However that wouldn’t be any fun. Then I figured that if he won’t let me be his Abba then I don’t have to have these types of aggravating moments anymore.  Then I thought that the choice to be his Abba or not should really be mine. A split second later I gave him my answer in a very quiet stern voice. I told him to come near me, then I told him “I will always be your Abba, whether you like it or not. If you need me to help you with your homework, I will. If you can do your homework without my help, then that is terrific. However, you will eventually do your homework. How you do it and when you do will be up to you.” He took a deep breath. Grabbed a cup of water, drank and then asked if I could help him with his homework. I helped him and he finished without any more aggravation.

Peace,

Rav Yitz