I am
always amazed at the difference between sons and daughters. Besides the obvious
differences, I am even more amazed at the social relationships that
pre-adolescent and adolescent boys have with each other and the social
relationships that pre-adolescent and adolescent girls have with each other. Boys
are much more physically oriented. The conflicts are more physically oriented
and even the way hurt feelings are dealt with and ultimately resolved are more
physically oriented. When I ask my son about school; rarely do I receive an
answer that is academically oriented. More often than not I hear about the
latest confrontation, the latest wrestling match, or who beat whom in a fight.
Honestly, sometimes I think my son is like a Jewish Don King, always promoting
a fight, booking a fight or selling tickets to the fight. When I ask my daughter about school, I
usually hear about the latest insults or rumors spread about some classmate,
how the classmate was upset, how the rumors weren’t true but the person who
started the rumor had it in for the other girl. Frankly, after about five
minutes of this my eyes begin to dim, my mind begins to wander off into current
events, news stories, who is pitching for the Yankees tonight, or if the
Rangers will make it out of the first round of the NHL playoffs. Just before I
completely emotionally and intellectually depart from my daughters monologue, I
politely interrupt and ask her if this is Lashon HaRah –Speaking ill of
another. I quickly add that if it is, I do not want to hear about it and my
daughter should refrain from telling me about it. Recently one of my daughters
was in the throes of some serious gossiping stopped cold and began expressing
empathy for the girl about whom the rumor of the week spread. She asked if there
was anything she could do. “Ahhhh” I thought to myself, “a teachable and
parental moment”. I told her the famous
story from the Talmud.
One
man spread a rumor about another. He later felt regret, and went to the rabbi
to ask how to make amends. “Go to the store and buy a bag of seeds,” said the
rabbi, “then go to a big open field and scatter the seeds into the wind. Do so
and report back to me in a week.” The man did as he was told, and came back the
next week to find out what to do next. “Now,” said the rabbi, “go back to the
field and pick up all the seeds.” “But,” protested the man, “those seeds have
scattered far and wide!"I’ll never find them all. Many have even already
taken root!” “Exactly,” explained the rabbi. “Now you understand. When we speak
badly about another person, the effect is far and wide. And it is damage that
can never be fully undone.” Gossip, Lashon HaRah, kills. It kills the subject,
the listener as well as the speaker.
This
week’s parshah is the combined parshiot of Tazria and Metzora. In keeping with
the Levitical theme of Kedushah, holiness, these parshiot teach us the Kedushah
diminishes when touched by death, either physical or spiritual. When blood is
lost, especially during childbirth, the woman has been touched by death and
must become spiritually touched by life. She must enter into Mayim Chayim,
living waters, the Mikveh. When a person has gossiped, or found evil in a name,
Motzi Shem Rah, that person has touched death. Leprosy is merely a physical
manifestation of that spiritual death.For the Talmudic Sages, the name of the Parsha, Metzorah serves as an acronym for Motzi shem Rah. Hence, they were able to connect laws of purity and impurity to something that we could all relate to.
The
idea that speech carries this kind of power was a revolutionary concept in
biblical times. For modern societies, this is still a revolutionary concept.
How many of us grew up with the adage that “Sticks and stones can break my
bones but names can never hurt me!” Judaism teaches just the opposite. Mankind
has the power to create; mankind has the power to destroy. We create books, we
can destroy books, we create human life, we can extinguish human life, we can
build esteem through our words and we can slander and defame with our words.
Names can hurt; names can destroy.
There
are many ways to build a community. If we are Spartans, we built our community
upon the ideals of service to the army/state, and conquest of foreign lands. If
we are Athenians we built our community upon the ideals of art and philosophy.
If we are the Soviets we built it upon the ideals of the totalitarian of the state.
If we are Americans we build our community upon the ideals of capitalism, and if we are Canadians we build our community upon the ideals of capitalism with a large social safety net. Only the Jewish community, the ideal Jewish community as
espoused in the book of Leviticus is built upon the ideals of holiness. Here in
Parsha Tazria/Metzora, we learn holiness is directly related to how we treat
others as well as how we treat God. The community becomes holy; that is, God
remains dwelling among us when we treat those created in God’s image as holy.
We don’t spread rumors and speak ill of others let alone to do so to elevate
one’s own ego or personal agenda. It creates divisiveness in a community. It
breeds mistrust and spawns contempt. Lashon HaRah is an affront to God because
it damages the divine spark that God placed within all of us.
Every
day we are confronted by Lashon Harah. We hear it on the news. We are
confronted by it when we are “hanging out” with our friends. We even engage in
it. Most likely we have been subjects of it as well. Think how holy, how warm
and how safe would this or any community be if Lashon HaRah did not exist? No
one would have anything to be concerned about. Everyone would know and
certainly appreciate that they would be judged favorably. Everyone would enjoy
the benefit of the doubt as opposed to the assumptions that follow rumors.
Sadly, for some of us it would mean not talking as much since for some of us
Lashon HaRah is what we do. So is such a
community an ideal that only exists in the perfect world? Probably, but it his
human nature to strive towards perfection. Lashon Harah can be achieved; it
just requires a steadfast commitment and resolute awareness that we do indeed
possess great power. We have the power to hurt others. We have the power to
hurt others with our words. We also have the power to trust, to grant the
benefit of the doubt and when we are hurt we confront those who hurt us as
opposed to involving a third party.
Needless
to say when I remind my daughters of that story or better yet, when they
realize how easy it is to contribute to Lashon HaRah, they stop in their
tracks. I can return to the conversation and listen as they tell me about what
they learned in school rather than the rumors that floated around the school.
Peace
Rav
Yitz
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