Long Is The Road We MustTravel On Down (John Barlow & Brett Mydland- "I Will Tak You Home"

Our 18 year old just returned from Israel after having studied in Seminary for the year.  Now there are two children, 18 and 17 years of age, living at home constantly badgering me and their mom for the use of a car. Let’s just say that there have been a variety of creative ways in which they have asked for the car. However, among the most creative ways have involved their attempt to utilize the car maintenance approach.  The approach is quite clever. They will say things to me such as “Don’t you want me to be self- reliant and NOT dependent on my boyfriend or my husband? “  Of course their assumption is that I will trust them more because they indicate that they are not only concerned about using our cars but that they are willing to assume responsibility in caring for the cars. So I begin showing them the indicator lights, what things mean. If it is something that can be taken care of with minimal knowledge such as pumping gas or checking the oil or the tires, they drive to the gas station. I can see by the look on their faces that they would prefer to just have their father, or someday their husband do this for them. However, they know that if they learn now and practice, I will be much more willing to lend them the car. So the first thing I make clear to them is to pay attention to the indicator lights. “Never ignore the indicator lights”, I tell them.

This morning we read from Parsha BaHalotcha. This Shabbat we read from Parsha Bahalotcha. For the previous two Parshiot, Bemidbar and Naso, Bnai Yisroel has counted and prepared for their journey from Sinai to Eretz Canaan. This week, the final preparations are ordered and executed and the departure from Sinai begins. Aaron, Moshe’s brother and the Kohen Gadol, lights the lamp for the Mishkan, the entire Levite tribe is purified, offerings made and their service for maintenance of the Mishkan begins. Final instructions for observing Pesach under these new conditions, (they were not leaving Egypt anymore nor had they arrived in the land) were offered, including the case of coming into contact with the deceased and becoming spiritually impure. The narrative tells us the manner in which Bnai Yisroel traveled: sheltered by a cloud during the day and protected by a pillar of fire at night. Then the complaining begins. They complain about the Mannah. They complain about the food. They complain about Moshe’s leadership. Moshe’s sister complains about his wife.

As Bnai Yisroel finally begins its trek from Sinai towards Canaan, the Torah makes the following statement.  Vayehi Binsoah Ha’Aron VaYomer Moshe, Kuma Adoshem VeYaFuTzu Oyavecha, VeYaNuSu Misanecha MiPanecha. U’vNucho Yomar Shuva Adoshem Rivvot Alfei Yisroel – When the Ark would journey, Moshe said: ‘Arise Hashem, and let Your foes be scattered let those who hate You flee from before You. And when it rested, he would say, ‘reside tranquilly, O Hashem, among the myriad thousands of Israel. (Num. 10:35) Today we say the first part of the verse while we take the Torah out from the Aron before we read the Torah, and we say the second part of the statement when we have finished reading from the Torah and are returning it to the Aron.  In the Torah, this verse is enclosed by two brackets. The bracket is really an inverted letter, the letter “Nun”. The Talmud in Shabbat 116a teaches us Mipnei Sh’ Sefer Chashuv Hu Bifnei Atzmo – Because it constituted a book on its own. This is a rather cryptic statement since it suggests that there are more than 5 books comprising the Torah. We normally think that the Torah comprised of 5 Books (Breishit- Genesis, Shmot –Exodus, Vayikra – Leviticus, Bemidbar-Numbers, Devarim-Deuteronomy). Now the Talmud is suggesting that there is another book?

Perhaps the brackets are the indicator lights. The verse within the brackets is the one section of the User’s Manual that will constantly be referred to during this one aspect of the journey. Originally this journey was supposed to be a few weeks or months at the most. Bnai Yisroel had not yet been punished with 40 years of “wandering in the desert’.  Most of the Torah’s instructions were given in anticipation of Bnai Yisroel’s eventual arrival in Canaan. In the meantime, this is the verse that they will need to refer to, this is the section of the user manual that Bnai Yisroel will need in order to survive until their eventual arrival. In reality, this is the “Book” that they would use each day that they traveled and each day that they would temporarily rest. For my daughters, understanding the indicator lights, knowing how to handle some simple aspects of basic car maintenance will help them arrive safely at their destination while remaining independent young women. Of course, once they arrive at their destination, I hope they remember everything else that their mother and I taught them in terms of managing life, expectations and being responsible for their own actions and decisions.  

Peace,

Rav Yitz

Lotta Pretty Vanity, No Not Me; Glorified Insanity, No Not Me - (John Barlow & Bob Weir - "Heaven Help The Fool")

Raising three daughters has made me extra sensitive to issues concerning self-image, peer pressure, social cliques, and body image. Over the years,  their mother and I have tried to create an environment where our daughters acquired the tools to deal with the perils of social cliques and peer pressure; all the social network apps that our daughters “must be on” has made our job that much more difficult. Over the years, their mother and I have tried to create an environment where deeds, substance, effort and the content of character receive more praise and are held in much higher regard than the superficiality of physical appearance and fashion. However, television, fashion magazines, Twitter, and all the social networks, podcasts, and peer pressure has made our jobs more difficult. Thankfully, we only have one teenage daughter remaining in High School that demands our vigilant attention. So what did our Grade 11 daughter do last week that heightened her parents’ concern over the tumultuous nature of teenage girls, their self-image, popularity and sense of self-worth? She decided to run for Student Council Treasurer. All week, she and several friends made posters and videos, created slogans and developed a campaign. With the advice of her older sister, a political consultant currently managing a presidential campaign, our the declared candidate spent ten days speaking to as many of the students as possible, faculty and school administrators.  All of us, parents and siblings alike, helped on this campaign. So from that perspective, it was nice to see our children working together for a common goal.  On the other hand, I am aware that running for office in Student Council is not exactly the same as running for office at the municipal, provincial/state or federal level.  Running for office at the student council level is far more brutally honest. It is strictly a popularity contest. There are no real issues per se. And certainly one can’t “buy” the election with Super-Pac money or millions of small online donations. Student council politics can be a brutal endeavor precisely because it remains a popularity contest. So who are the teenage girls that tend to be the most popular? That’s right, the girls with the most pleasant and appealing appearances tend to be considered popular, the girls that keep up with popular culture and all that is trending. They might not necessarily be well-liked, but everyone knows who they are. Needless to say, I can’t help but notice the irony of the week. Our daughter, who we raised to have a positive self-image, participated in a school activity that focused upon those very qualities that can demean self- image.

This Shabbat we read from Parshat Emor. The four chapters that comprise Parsha Emor focus on the various aspects of Perfection. First, the Torah focuses upon the importance of the spiritual perfection and purity of the Kohen. He must remain in a perpetual state of purity. He is restricted in terms of whom he can marry. He is restricted in regards for whom he can mourn. He cannot go to a cemetery. He cannot make sacrificial offerings if he has physical abnormalities. Second, the Torah reminds B’nai Yisroel to be in a state of ritual purity when approaching God with a blemish-free offering. These offerings must come directly from the individual making them and not from “the hand of a stranger” (Lev.22:25). Third, the Torah focuses upon the perfection and the purity of time. Perfection in time is manifest in the prescribed order of each season and their timely commencement and conclusion. Each corresponding Festival acknowledges that perfection. Shabbat acknowledges the perfection of Time in the context of the Week. That sense of order and Timeliness is both pure and perfect since the designation of “Sacred” time comes from God. Fourth, the Torah concentrates on maintaining purity and perfection of physical space as embodied by The Mishkan. The Torah even deals with perfection and purity of human relationships and the punishments meted out when that perfection, purity, and holiness is violated. In a sense, this last chapter reminds us of God’s charge to B’nai Yisroel.

Like running for student council places an emphasis upon physical appearance as it relates to popularity; the Torah places an emphasis upon the physical appearance of the Kohen as it relates to his spiritual purity and eligibility of serving as the Kohen Gadol.  The last eight verses (21:16-24) explain all the physical abnormalities that exclude the Kohen from assuming the position of Kohen Gadol. Blemishes, blindness, being lame, having any broken bones, bad skin, abnormally long eyebrows, a blemish in his eyed, are but a few of the physical attributes that make a Kohen ineligible for the position of Kohen Gadol.   How can the Torah, with its primary focus upon Mitzvot (commandments) and the importance of deeds and the Kavanah, the intentionality behind those deeds, now focus upon something as superficial as appearance? Sefer HaChinuch, a13th Century Spanish commentary, explains: “At the root of the precept lies the reason that most actions of people are acceptable, appealing to the heart of those who see them, in accordance with the eminence of those who do them. For when a man is distinguished in his appearance and good in his actions, he will find grace and good understanding (Prov. 3:4). With all that he does in the eyes of all who observe him. Should he be, however, the opposite of this- inferior in his form, or peculiar in his limbs then even if he is correct in his ways, his activities will not be so attractive to the hear…” (Emor 275). As upsetting and politically incorrect as that sounds, the comment and the Torah text infer a keen understanding of human nature. While watching the physically flawed Kohen conducting the ritual slaughtering in a perfectly correct manner; our attention would be upon the flaw in appearance, our Kavanah (our intention) would be lacking and the sacrificial process would fail.

            This line of reasoning doesn’t offer any solace to the Kohen with the physical flaw or abnormality.  I don’t for a second agree with it. However, it is important to remember that the Torah’s goal was to make sure that the offerings were accepted and the Kavanah (the intention) behind the offerings was both pure and focused. Thankfully, we don’t have a Third Holy Temple. We have evolved beyond animal offerings as a means of engaging God in a sacred relationship. However, human nature has remained fairly consistent.  All these decades later, the Home Coming King and Queen are still very good looking and popular, and running for Student Council remains a popularity contest as well. Maybe what really matters is not winning a popularity contest but rather, putting oneself out there as the offering, showing external physical flaws and all, and showing people the goodness and purity and authenticity within. Maybe having the courage to run and be exposed to the vulnerability of losing truly is a measure of the content of character. Thankfully, as election night drew to an end, our daughter won her campaign by being as authentic as possible and avoiding the social cliques and drama.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

I'll Still Sing You Love Songs, Written In The Letters Of Your Name (John Barlow & Bob Weir- "Looks Like Rain")

The bad thing about teen-age daughters is that they are teen-agers. The good thing about teen-age daughters is that eventually they will no long be teen-agers. In the meantime, I remind myself that “it’s a phase” or “patience this will end someday.” While our teen- age daughters are not quite “boy crazy”, they do have their pop culture teen heart throbs, such as One Direction, Nick Jonas, and Zac Efron. Of course, I recognize that this is merely the first step towards increased angst and aggravation about dealing with boys. In the meantime when they appear on tv or are heard on the radio, why must they scream or begin talking so loudly, quickly and excitedly.  I also keep reminding myself that although our teenagers are loud and dramatic about the “heart throb” thing; the real focus and concern should be upon our 25 year old. After all, she could actually meet someone, fall in love and get married. Until now I had very little anxiety about her and boys, and relationships. There are, not too many choices in Des Moines or Salt Lake City for a young woman who one day would like to have a Jewish home.  Now that she has moved to Philadelphia, a place with lots of Jewish graduate students, a sizeable Jewish population and only a 90 minute train ride from New York City, well let’s just say we perfectly happy with her dedication and focus upon her career in politics.

This Shabbat is the last day of Pesach. Among the additions to the Shabbat/Pesach service is the fact that we say Yizkor and commemorate the deceased. Because we are celebrating a Festival that did not have an intermediate Shabbat, but rather the last days fall on a Shabbat; we read a Megillah - a Scroll that corresponds to Pesach.  ChaZaL – our sages teach us that we read Shir HaShirim, the Song of Songs. This biblical text, taken from Ketuvim (Writings) is attributed to Shlomo HaMelech – King Solomon.  The eight chapters, which are song in a melody different from both Torah and Haftarah speaks of the young romantic love between a young couple.  I imagine that this young couple is in their early twenties but there is no evidence that suggests a specific age. One thing is for sure, because the text begins with the words: Shir HaShirim Asher L’Shlomo – The Song of Songs by Solomon. ChaZaL explains that only a young man in throes of romantic love would write such poetry. A middle age man wouldn’t write such romantic poetry since some of the idealism  of that romantic love would have waned, and certainly a older man, towards the end of life wouldn’t write of romantic love since an older man would be more scarred by life’s experience. Nevertheless, this beautiful poetry and the illusions of green meadows, deer, trees and fruit, portray a romantic vision that would great poets such as Shakespeare and Keats jealous with its use of language.

The question is why we read Shir HaShirim during the Pesach Festival. How is a nation attaining liberty remotely connected to Romantic poetry?  R’Akiva, the same R’Akiva that we all read about in the Haggada at our respective sedarim, comments that the Song of Songs is the holy of holies (Midrash Tanchuma).  We understand that something becomes holy when it has been separated from the mundane and ordinary and elevated to a higher purpose.  Certainly, Bnai Yisroel fits such a description. Throughout the story of the Yetziat Mitzrayim, when Moshe request of Pharaoh that Bnai Yisroel be released from bondage, Moshe repeatedly says to ‘Let me people go… Asher Ya’Avduni  “So that they may serve me.” Clearly the purpose of being released from Pharaoh’s slavery enabled Bnai Yisroel to enter into a relationship with God. As long as Pharaoh declined Moshe’s request, the more Pharaoh prevented Bnai Yisroel from separating itself from Egypt and elevating itself for the sole purpose of entering into a sacred relationship with God. Now that Bnai Yisroel has been freed from Egypt, it can return to the sacred relationship with God, a relationship that it had not experienced for over two centuries.  From that perspective, the relationship, with this generation of Bnai Yisroel is novel, idealistic and romantic. After all, within our tradition we view Hashem as our protector, we view Hashem as bound to the Jewish people much like a husband is bound to a wife. On Friday nights, we have a Kabalistic tradition of viewing the Shabbat Queen as our spiritual mate. After all, Sunday has Monday, Tuesday has Wednesday and Thursday has Friday. Can Shabbat really be left alone? According to Midrash, Shabbat is paired off with the Jewish People.  (Breishit Rabbah 11:8)The Shabbat Bride serves as a symbol of that pairing off.

As Pesach draws to a close,  our story doesn’t end, nor does our relationship with God draw to a conclusion. Because we are counting the Omer each evening up until 50, we understand that our job is to prepare ourselves for our long, awaited re-union with Hashem.  That re-union will occur on Shavuot when we stand at Sinai to receive the Torah. Shir HaShirim merely marks the beginning of a loving relationship, a courtship prior to a marriage,  a time when we should be full of romantic visions prior to entering a relationship built upon obligations.  As a father of three daughters, someday all three will grow into relationships that culminate in the sanctity of marriage. For now, however, I have enough anxiety just dealing with the inevitability of their interest in boys!

Peace,

Rav Yitz

They Love Each Other; Lord, You Can See It's True (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia- "They Love Each Other")

With three daughters, every so often I get anxious regarding that moment when they discover boys. Our youngest daughter is now twelve and while most boys are still considered “gross” or “immature” like her little brother, a tiny select few have enter the category of “cute”. Our oldest daughter, several years removed from her college graduation is focused entirely upon her career in politics.  Right now she has absolutely no interest in boys and a relationship.  That leaves our fourteen year old. No, she is not boy crazy in the least bit, but it has been fascinating watching her leave the “boys are gross” stage and talking with boys at the Shabbat table, or hanging out with them at the movies. For our fourteen year old, boys are no longer “gross”; some of them are actually “people.” Of course, all this gives me reason to worry, first the boys become “people” and then one or two becomes friends, and then comes “adorable” and then  comes “puppy love”, and then? Then I try to stop thinking about it and try to end my anxiety attack.

This Shabbat is the last day of Pesach. Among the additions to the Shabbat/Pesach service is the fact that we say Yizkor and commemorate the deceased. Because we are celebrating a Festival that did not have an intermediate Shabbat, but rather the last days fall on a Shabbat; we read a Megillah - a Scroll that corresponds to Pesach.  ChaZaL – our sages teach us that we read Shir HaShirim, the Song of Songs. This biblical text, taken from Ketuvim (Writings) is attributed to Shlomo HaMelech – King Solomon.  The eight chapters, which are song in a melody different from both Torah and Haftarah speaks of the young romantic love between a young couple.  I imagine that this young couple is in their early twenties but there is no evidence that suggests a specific age. One thing is for sure, because the text begins with the words: Shir HaShirim Asher L’Shlomo – The Song of Songs by Solomon. ChaZaL explains that only a young man in throes of romantic love would write such poetry. A middle age man wouldn’t write such romantic poetry since some of the idealism  of that romantic love would have waned, and certainly a older man, towards the end of life wouldn’t write of romantic love since an older man would be more scarred by life’s experience. Nevertheless, this beautiful poetry and the illusions of green meadows, deer, trees and fruit, portray a romantic vision that would great poets such as Shakespeare and Keats jealous with its use of language.

The question is why we read Shir HaShirim during the Pesach Festival. How is a nation attaining liberty remotely connected to Romantic poetry?  R’Akiva, the same R’Akiva that we all read about in the Haggada at our respective sederim, comments that the Song of Songs is the holy of holies (Midrash Tanchuma).  We understand that something becomes holy when it has been separated from the mundane and ordinary and elevated to a higher purpose.  Certainly, Bnai Yisroel fits such a description. Throughout the story of the Yetziat Mitzrayim, when Moshe request of Pharaoh that Bnai Yisroel be released from bondage, Moshe repeatedly says to ‘Let me people go… Asher Ya’Avduni  “So that they may serve me.” Clearly the purpose of being released from Pharaoh’s slavery enabled Bnai Yisroel to enter into a relationship with God. As long as Pharaoh declined Moshe’s request, the more Pharaoh prevented Bnai Yisroel from separating itself from Egypt and elevating itself for the sole purpose of entering into a sacred relationship with God. Now that Bnai Yisroel has been freed from Egypt, it can return to the sacred relationship with God, a relationship that it had not experienced for over two centuries.  From that perspective, the relationship, with this generation of Bnai Yisroel is novel, idealistic and romantic. After all, within our tradition we view Hashem as our protector, we view Hashem as bound to the Jewish people much like a husband is bound to a wife. On Friday nights, we have a Kabalistic tradition of viewing the Shabbat Queen as our spiritual mate. After all, Sunday has Monday, Tuesday has Wednesday and Thursday has Friday. Can Shabbat really be left alone? According to Midrash, Shabbat is paired off with the Jewish People.  (Breishit Rabbah 11:8)The Shabbat Bride serves as a symbol of that pairing off.

As Pesach draws to a close,  our story doesn’t end, nor does our relationship with God draw to a conclusion. Because we are counting the Omer each evening up until 50, we understand that our job is to prepare ourselves for our long, awaited re-union with Hashem.  That re-union will occur on Shavuot when we stand at Sinai to receive the Torah. Shir HaShirim merely marks the beginning of a loving relationship, a courtship prior to a marriage,  a time when we should be full of romantic visions prior to entering a relationship built upon obligations.  As a father of three daughters, someday all three will grow into relationships that culminate in the sanctity of marriage. For now, however, I have enough anxiety just dealing with their interest in boys!

Peace,

Rav Yitz

Wake Up To Find Out That You Are The Eyes Of The World (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Eyes of The World")

There is nothing like teenage girls.  I dreaded the five years between 8^th grade through 12^th grade of our oldest daughter and I am already dreading these tumultuous five years of our soon to be 13 year old daughter.  The best thing about this five year period of emotional ups and downs with our daughter is the knowledge and experience that it will eventually end. One day it will be over. Maybe it will end when she heads off to college so that we don’t have to deal with it. Maybe it will end when she spends a period of time away and gets the antidote to these difficult five year – “perspective”.  Maybe it will end when she finally grows weary of the seemingly unending drama of who is a friend with whom, what is in style, what my friends think, as the most important criteria for making decisions.  For now, we merely take a deep breath. We try to avoid the emotional roller coaster of a teenage girl’s life, sit in awe as she spends hours getting her hair just right, and listen as she tries to struggle with the opinions of her friends and the opinions of her family. Unfortunately, at this point, there is no question she is much more concerned with how her friends perceive her as opposed to how her family perceives her.  My wife and I smile hopefully, aware that someday, God Willing, she will be less concerned about the perception of others and more concerned with her own self-perception and her parents’ perception.

This Shabbat we read from Parsha Shelach Lecha. The Torah portion begins with the narrative of Moshe gathering up twelve spies, one corresponding to each of the twelve tribes, and giving them the mission. The spies are told to investigate the quality of the land – fertile or barren, its inhabitants - warlike or peaceful, the nature of cities –fortified or open? The spies go and investigate and return. Ten spies offer a negative report and two, Caleb and Joshua, offer a positive report. Bnai Yisroel listen to the ten spies with the negative report and fell utterly overwhelmed at the prospect of entering into the land that Hashem promised them.  Hysterical, the people beg to return to Egypt. Hashem wants to wipe them all out immediately but Moshe defends the people just like he did after the Golden Calf. So rather than wiping out an entire people Hashem punishes Bnai Yisroel by prohibiting this generation from entering into the land. Eventually, when the slave generation has died out, the generations born in freedom will enter Eretz Canaan.  The people hear the punishment and decide they are ready to enter the land. Moshe explains that it is too late since entry into Canaan is ultimately premised upon faith.  Then Moshe begin teaching Bnai Yisroel laws specific and premised upon settlement in the Canaan.  First Moshe teaches the Libation Offering as well as Challah. Next, Moshe teaches the laws of public atonement of unintentional idolatry, individual unintentional idolatry, intentional idolatry, a reminder about violating Shabbat and finally the laws of Tzitzit.

The ten spies whom Bnai Yisroel chose to believe did not really bring such a negative report. They explained that the land was fruitful and fertile, there were trees and that it was really quite beautiful.  The problem with the report was that it revealed more about the spies and Bnai Yisroel than the land itself. When seeing some of the inhabitants and the physical size of some of those inhabitants.  The Ten spies said Vanhi V’Eineinu Ka’CHaGaVim V’Chain Hayinu B’Eineihem – we were like grasshoppers in our eyes and so we were in their eyes. (Num. 13:33) How do the ten spies know how the Nefilim (the Giants) perceive them? Did they ask the Nefilim? The answer to both questions is “No”. No they don’t know how the Nefilim perceive the Ten Spies and “No”, the Ten Spies did not ask the Nefilim. The spies feel small because from their own perspective and self image, they are small. When they look in a mirror, they see slaves. They don’t see people who stood at Sinai and received the Torah. They don’t see a people who carry a Mishkan with Hashem protecting them and scattering their enemies. They don’t see a people worthy of Hashem’s daily miracles of Manna, and water.  Instead they carry with them the burden of two centuries of slavery and being slightly less than human rather than being slightly less than angels.  Rabbi Menachem Mendel of Kotzk (The Kotzker Rebbe) explained that this was the root of the spies as well as Bnai Yisroel’s sin. They had no right to consider how others viewed them, nor should they have been at all concerned.  They should have all been spiritually strong enough to realize and accept that they were “priests to the nations” and “chosen by God”. The fact that such spiritual awareness was still lacking even after all the miracles and promises that God made; meant that problem lay with Bnai Yisroel. These former slaves were not ready for the responsibility of land and people hood.

Yes, the most frequently asked question by our soon to be teenage daughter is, “does this look ok?” “What will they think?” Yes we try to explain that more important than what THEY think is what SHE thinks. The most rewarding moments these days occur after the emotional outbursts, after the tears of frustration, after the fights, when she calmly sits down with us and shares with us her realization how much happier she is  when she worries less about what other think and say. Maybe the next five years won’t be as difficult as we anticipate.

Peace,

Rav Yitz