Only If You Let Me Be Your World; Could I Ever Give This World To You (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "If I Had The World To Give")

Thanksgiving with my family is always an interesting time. My sister and I revert to being children of 11 and 8 years of age.  My parents revert back to being parents of an 11 year old and an 8 year old.  Old emotional scars get scratched a bit, and we seem to walk on eggshells as we try to avoid confrontation. That being said, our children have a great time seeing their grandparents, and we all enjoy the meal. This year’s Thanksgiving was a bit different.  My parents recently celebrated their 50^th wedding anniversary. However it coincided with my grandfather’s rapid deterioration and recent death in August. Originally they had planned a party during the Thanksgiving weekend. However the plan changed, and my mother wanted to have a 50^th re-wedding. So my mother put on a lovely dress and my father put on his tuxedo. Our son walked his grandmother down the aisle; grown up children held the Talis as a Chuppah; and younger granddaughters were bridesmaids and flower girls. I performed the ceremony. As I spoke and I watch my mother and father standing there, beaming at each other and looking at their children and grandchildren; I was struck by what they had built. Typically in a Jewish Wedding, the Mesader Kiddushin (the person conducting the ceremony) speaks of a Bayit Neeman – a House of Faith. While my parents are hardly the most ritually observant; as they stood before me, I understood what a Bayit Neeman means and the effort required to build one.

This week we read from Parsha VaYishlach. We read Yaakov’s preparation for the reunion with his brother Esav. We read about Yaakov’s wrestling match. We read about Yaakov and Esav’s reunion. We read about Yaakov’s daughter Dina and her unholy tryst with Shechem a member of the Hivvites. We learn of what many consider to be the fanatical response on behalf of her brother Shimon and Levi. Yaakov returns to Bet El, the place where he dreamt of the ladder many years before, builds and altar, and receives the covenant from God. During that process, God changes his name from Yaakov to Yisroel. And while we read about the name change at the very beginning of the Parsha, that name change was given by another being (Gen. 32:29). Rachel dies as well as a wet nurse named Deborah. Finally we read a list of Yaakov’s children as well as Esav’s descendants and the princes of Edom.

                After the unfortunate episode with Yaakov’s daughter, Dina, a new phase of Yaakov’s life is set to begin. VaYomer Elokim El Yaakov Kum Alei Beit El V’Shev Sham V’Asei Sham Mizbeach La’Eil HaNireh Eilechah B’Varchacha Mipnei Esav Achicah- God said to Jacob, “arise go up to Beth El and swell there, and make an altar there to God Who appeared to you when you fled from Esau your brother (Gen. 35:1) God wants Yaakov to settle at Bet El, the place where Yaakov first made the vow that he would enter into a relationship with God upon his return to his father’s house. God wants Yaakov to settle in Beit El, the same place where Yaakov dreamt of the ladder twenty years before. God wants Yaakov to settle in Beit El, with his wives and children and build his home in the same place he spent his first night away from his parents and his home while fleeing Esau.  So, Yaakov gets rid of his wives amulets and small idols and VaYiven Sham Mizbeiach VaYikra LaMakom Eil Beit El – so Yaakov builds and Altar and names it El Beit El  {God House of God} (Gen. 35:6).  Although Yaakov named the place Beit El nearly twenty years before, Yaakov recognizes that the context of his life has changed. He has wives and children, and as a result, the context of the relationship has changed. It is not enough for Yaakov to have a relationship with God and invoke God’s protection for himself. He now has a family that needs protection. The work that Yaakov needed to do for the relationship has increased as he and his family all need to work at the relationship with God in order to insure God’s divine protection. The hard work will require sacrifice.

The hard work of a marriage also requires sacrifice. Both have to give to the other and both have to be willing to build something bigger them just themselves. A Bayit Neeman – a house of faith is predicated upon the idea that the marriage, the home possesses, within it, aspects of holiness. The relationship is not only about economic and social benefit, but there is an aspect of Holiness. Having children and raising children is not just something that is done nor is it about making sure that they attend Harvard or Yale and make hundreds of thousands of dollars so that parents can brag. Raising a family is infused with holiness when those children and their children’s children understand that they are part of a Godly covenant and legacy.  While watching my mother and father stand before me during their “Re-Wedding”, it became clear that it took at least fifty years for them to build a Bayit Neeman, and know that their House of Faith, can withstand the test of time and life.

Peace,
Rav Yitz