Like parents of many 18-year-old children here in North America, we said “good-bye” to ours as she left for her gap year in Israel. There were about 30 sets of parents at the Toronto airport, all from our daughter’s school, saying goodbye. Yes, some of those kids will return to Toronto and attend university in Toronto and live at home. Some will go attend university and college out of town (most likely our daughter will be in this category), some will remain in Israel for a second year of study and some will make Aliyah and stay. No matter which category the eighteen year old falls into, I have explained to our daughter that a fundamental change is occurring. She will now have two homes, a home where her parents live and that she will either frequently or infrequently visit, and home is where she lives her life. For me, as a parent and for many of the parents who were saying goodbye at the airport, our focus was upon our children leaving home. Sure enough, there were lots of tears, many mothers and fathers cried. Our family was not spared. However in the few moments that I had alone with our daughter, I explained that this is what parents sign up for, raise them, feed them clothe them, educate them, instill values, morals, and as many life lessons as possible in order diminish the risk when they do leave; however a child’s leaving is inevitable. I looked into my daughter’s big hazel eyes and re-assured her that she is ready to leave, to embark on her journey confront life and live life without mommy and daddy involved on a daily basis.
This week's Torah portion is Ki Teitzei. Moshe continues with listing laws such as: rights of the firstborn for inheritance, the wayward rebellious son, lost and found property, sending a mother bird from the nest when procuring the egg from the nest, tzitzit, false accusations, forbidden marriages, charging interest, divorce, workers’ rights to timely payment, honesty in weights and measures and remembering Amalek. That is just to name a few. All these laws reflect one extremely relevant idea. Judaism is not just a ritualized religion that takes on import three times a year, or only at life cycle events. Judaism is a way of life.
Anything, any idea that is considered to be a “way of life” must be relevant in two places, in the home (a sanctuary) and outside the home where life is much less ideal than the home/sanctuary. Certainly, we can read the first verse as Moshe’s instructions regarding the appropriate manner to behave while fighting a war. Ki Teitzeh LaMilchama Al Oyvecha UnTano Adoshem Elokecha B’Yadecha - When you will go out to war against your enemies, and Hashem, your God, will deliver him [your enemies] into your hand (Deut. 10:11). Yes, Moshe presentation of these laws suggests that there is an inevitability about going out to wage war. Rashi clarifies by explaining that this B’Milchemet HaRashut-an optional war. The sages explained that biblically speaking, an “optional war” is any war other than a war of the conquest of the Land of Canaan and the war against Amalek. Those wars are not optional but rather the fulfillment of a direct commandment. According to Sforno (the great Italian Renaissance commentator), “an optional” war is any war outside Israel or a political war.” Sforno’s comment is fascinating because it forces us to understand Moshe’s statement about Ki Tetzei La Milchama from a figurative and perhaps even a spiritual dimension. Moshe is speaking to “you” in the singular, “you” the individual. The Torah never said that he was addressing the only the army. Each and every one of “you” wages a war of Reshut, an optional war. The individual “You” wages war against inner demons, against peer pressure, against that which is convenient and easy. “You” the individual wages a war against the monotony of routine. One thing is for certain, from Moshe’s perspective, war is waged upon Ki Teitzeh upon “going out”, leaving the “friendly confines”, leaving the “nest”, leaving the warmth and safety of the home and a sanctuary.
Reading Ki Teitzeh in a figurative manner, gave new meaning to our daughter’s leaving for Israel. Yes, I am her father and yes, I am protective. However, I know that protecting her means that her mother and I accept the inevitability of her leaving and it is our job to give her the tools, the “weapons” so to speak, in order to deal with life, people, and her own insecurities and anxieties. So when I hugged my daughter goodbye, and when I blessed her through my tearing eyes, I also reminded her that she was ready for this and I lovingly reminded her code, her way of life is applicable not only to our home, the home she was raised in, but the home that she will be making for herself.
Peace,
Rav Yitz
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