Look Through Time, It's For Sure, It's The Greatest Gift To Man (Willie Dixon, Bob Weir, & Rob Wasserman - "Eternity")

          I remember when I was a college student (approximately 35 years ago) the end of January and the beginning of February marked the time of year that my father made arrangements for the payment of 2nd-semester tuition. Also, this was always the time of year that I told my parents and grandparents about my 2nd-semester courses. Twenty-one years after I graduated,  our eldest daughter headed off to University. The pattern continued. Around this time of year, I made arrangements for 2nd-semester tuition to be paid. Thankfully, we set aside a portion of savings for college/university. Our eldest daughter would dutifully call me, her grandparents and great-grandfather, and tell us about her 2nd-semester courses.  Back then, when I would speak to our eldest daughter’s grandparents, and great-grandfather, they would kvell with pride, saying “it is money well spent to see our grandaughter/ great-grandaughter thrive at university.” Despite the U.S. dollar price tag, I agreed with them.  Now, thirty-five years after I graduated from college, the grandparents have grown older and the great grandfather has been deceased for nearly ten years.  Two more daughters both attend university and the family has been setting aside a portion of savings. Once again, as January concluded and February began I made arrangements for two 2nd semester tuitions to be paid.  Both daughters routinely call and speak with us (the parents) and their grandparents, telling us about their classes and college life. Whenever I speak to our kids' grandparents and we talk about how their college-age granddaughters, both grandfather, and grandmother “kvell”, beaming that “it is money well spent to see their grandaughters intellectually and emotionally thrive. Despite the steep price tag, I agree with them. 

          This Shabbat we read from Parsha Terumah. In it, Moshe has re-ascended the mountain in order to receive the laws, and the blueprint, if you will, for the construction of the Mishkan, the portable tabernacle that will eventually permit B’nai Yisroel to gather, to make offerings to God, and to provide a physical dwelling for God. If you are an architect, or if you are an interior decorator, this Parsha goes into tremendous detail about Mishkan’s construction and decoration. More than anything, this Parsha is all about fundraising, financial development, and a  community getting behind a concrete common cause as opposed to the shared experience of revelation or shared words of the law.

          Before all the detail are presented for construction and decoration, God commands Moshe to tell B’nai Yisroel that the funding for this vital public works project will come from each individual V’Yikchu Li Terumah Mei’eit Kol Ish Asher Yidvenu Libo Tikechu et Terumati – They shall take for Me a portion, from every man whose heart motivates him, you shall take my portion (Ex. 25:2). The holiest spot within the community, the most sacred area is based upon each and every individual apportioning a percentage of their assets to the construction of, decoration of, and maintenance of the Mishkan. How incredibly equitable! Everyone is involved and everyone has a stake in the outcome. All this fundraising success occurs as a result of Yidvenu Libo- literally, he will donate according to his heart. This is not a tax. These funds were to be raised by voluntary donations. The Or Hachayim (Rabbi Chaim Ibn Attar 18th century Moroccan Talmudist, Torah Commentator, and Kabbalist) explains that three phrases, three expressions correspond to three degrees of “gifts”/ “donations”.  He explains that the phrase: Mei’eit Kol Ish, from every man, appears superfluous. The verse could have easily been written without it so that the new verse would have read: They shall take for me a portion from anyone whose heart motivates (from anyone willing to donate), you shall take my portion. Why is the phrase necessary? The verse speaks of “Terumah -gift” and “Terumati – my gift.” The term “my gift” cannot be used except when the donor has done so willingly. The donor could not have been coerced. According to the Midrash, this Mishkan, this “mobile worship station” was a form of atonement for Golden Calf (Jerusalem Talmud Shekalim 1:5). This phrase “from every man” indicates that each individual person made a donation (an offering) above and beyond the designated “atonement tax”.  “From every man” also indicates that economic station and social status were irrelevant. The motivation was based upon “one’s heart” and not some external authority.

          The value of setting aside “a portion” was meant as a mechanism for B’nai Yisroel to participate in the relationship with God.  For a family, setting aside a portion as a gift towards children and grandchildren’s college education was instilled by my grandfather. He never went to college. He barely went to high school since he had to help support his family. He used to explain that the greatest gift he received was witnessing and listening to his children and grandchildren become educated adults. I think he would be proud to know that his legacy continues. Parents and grandparents continue to experience nachas, (joy and pride) in witnessing and listening to children and grandchildren become university-educated adults. Indeed, the ability to give them “their” gift has been an incredibly meaningful gift for us.  

Peace,

Rav Yitz

   

Promises Made In The Dark Dissolve By Light Of Day (Robert Hunter & Bob Weir - "Easy Answers")

           With the new year set to begin on Shabbat, there is a wonderful opportunity to look back on the year that was, and hold out hope for the year that will be.  Looking back at the year that was, the tragic loss of life, and the continued spread of Covid, some might question his/her faith in God. In looking forward to the new year, some might put his/her faith in God, in mankind, in both, or in none. Some may question faith. For others, their faith remains firm and unbending.  With two University age daughters home (one on winter break and one online heading into final exams) and our 12th-grade son who cannot wait to go to university, there is a lot of discussion regarding “authority”, “faith”, and there is a lot of questioning “authority” and “faith”. During one discussion with our children, I was reminded of an event that took place several years ago.  A congregant came into my office crying. “Rabbi, Rabbi, I have horrible news and I don’t know what to do!” My thoughts immediately went to the worst-case scenarios: her husband had been stricken with a terminal illness or that she discovered that one of her children was addicted to drugs, or she was deciding to get out of her marriage. Of course, all of my “worst-case scenario” thoughts were particularly troubling because this family was a pillar in the community. They were an extremely generous family, generous with their money and their time. They were in Shul all the time. Each of their two children was a mentsche, smart, Jewishly aware, and observant. I could not imagine what possible could be the crisis that this distraught woman brought into my office. “What is it?” I asked. With a heavy sigh, and eyes welling up in tears she explained that her son, who was a sophomore in college (2nd-year university students for Canadians), called her the other night and he told her that he no longer believed in God. I breathed a sigh of relief and said, “For a minute there some horrible tragedy had occurred in your family. So, Nu? What’s the problem? What’s the crisis?” She could not understand why I was smiling. Her son’s declarative statement expressing disbelief in God, apparently made her feel inadequate as a parent and challenged the foundation of her own belief system. I explained that for an intellectually honest and curious college student to think and express such thoughts is not only healthy and normal but also vital to the process of developing and strengthening faith. Most 19-year-old young men feel neither mortal nor limited. Everything is possible,  and they feel all-powerful as if they can “handle anything”. Under such circumstances and with such an attitude, who needs God? Instead of a belief in God, there is a profound belief in oneself.

           This Shabbat is Parsha V’Eira. In this Parshah, God reassures Moshe after Pharaoh and mocked and dismissed both him and Aharon. God explains the plan to Moshe, that Pharoah’s heart will be hardened after each plague but eventually Pharaoh will capitulate. God explains the various stages of redemption. The plagues begin. We are supposed to understand that each of these first seven plagues is more severe than the previous plague: Blood, Frogs, Lice, Wild Beasts, Animal plague, Boils, Hail. Moshe requests that Pharaoh allows B’nai Yisroel to worship God for three days, Pharaoh sometimes acquiesces sometimes he doesn’t. Sometimes he asks Moshe to pray on his behalf and sometimes he doesn’t. One thing is clear, that whenever Pharaoh gets his way (a plague ceases), something that would clearly indicate the power of God, Pharaoh acts almost like a child. He reverts right back to his nature.

          Hail, the seventh plague, devastates the land. Hail destroyed any living being, person or animal that was outside during the plague. Witnessing the devastation and destruction of land and life; Pharaoh’s belief system appears to have evolved. Rather than dismissing the plague, rather than demonstrating a self-centered attitude in which Pharaoh is all powerful, Pharaoh seems to have acquired a degree of humility.  Vayishlach Paroh Va’Yikrah L’Moshe U’le’Aharon Vayomer Aleihem Chatati HaPa’am Adonay  HaTzaddik v’Ani V’Ami Harsha’im – Pharaoh sent and summoned Moshe and Aaron and said to them, “This time I have sinned; Hashem is the Righteous One, and I and my people are the wicked ones (Ex. 9:27). Pharaoh asks Moshe to pray on his behalf to end the plague. He seems to be genuine in his belief. By acknowledging sin, by explicitly calling God the Righteous One, Pharaoh not only acknowledges the fact that God exists but admits that Pharaoh is not a God. Unfortunately, as soon as the plague ends, Pharaoh sins again and refuses to let B’nai Yisroel leave. However, now Pharaoh is choosing to ignore that which he has come to legitimately accept. The Parsha concludes with Pharaoh committing the sin of ignoring God based upon his own willful stubbornness not ignoring based upon the failure of recognition.

           Pharaoh, like the 19-year-old college student, obviously believes he is the center of the world. Time and History begin and end with him. Pharaoh, like the 19-year-old, believes he is immortal and without limitations. At times, it is our process as well. We constantly question and wonder about God. Like Pharaoh, ultimately our belief in God cannot be solely confined to experiencing miracle after miracle. Rather our belief, our complete and devoted faith in God will evolve from the small things in life. Unlike Pharaoh, hopefully that 19-year-old son of my former congregant learned what so many learn as they mature. Hopefully, he has a sense of mortality, hopefully he understands that he is not all powerful, hopefully he has come to learn to rely on on others. Hopefully, he understands that he is not the center of the universe, nor has much control over the universe.  Hopefully, as he developed his own faith, he was able to sense God in the presence of his life and his family’s life.

Shabbat Shalom,
Rav Yitz

On The Dreams You Still Believe; Don't Give It Up; You Got An Empty Cup (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Comes A Time")

           I happened to be at the supermarket this week. My wife needed oil, potatoes, sweet potatoes, onions, and something healthy to offset all the starch and oil of latkes and Chanukkah foods. As I left the supermarket, I saw one of my wife’s book group friends.  After the standard chit chat, she asked me which yeshivot and universities our son hopes to attend?  Which Yeshivot and universities did we prefer? For the next ten minutes, we discussed the merits of various yeshivot and universities in Ontario. She spoke about why her son attended a particular Yeshiva and planned upon attending a particular university as opposed to another. Then she made an interesting comment.  When she and her husband first discussed where they thought their son should attend Yeshiva and university,  their sole consideration was to protect and shield their son from all the shmutz of modern society, all the hedonistic behavior, the drugs, and all the difficult things that young vulnerable adults face. Then they realized that if this was the sole criteria for choosing a Yeshiva and university;  then they were going to be greatly disappointed. She explained that no Yeshiva nor university could protect her son from all the negative aspects of secularism. hedonistic culture. So they adopted a new approach and looked at yeshivot and universities that provided the tools to deal with, and not deny the negative aspects of secularism in our everyday culture. Ultimately, her son would have to decide how much he would assimilate into the dominant culture. She hoped that her son would have enough knowledge and character to make a thoughtful and informed decision. 

           This Shabbat we read from Parsha Mikeitz. Mikeitz always coincides with Chanukah.  The Parsha begins two years from when VaYeishev concluded. Pharaoh has a dream. He is unsatisfied with all attempts to interpret it. Pharaoh's wine chamberlain remembers that Yosef accurately interpreted his dream while in prison. Yosef is released from prison and brought before Pharaoh. He interprets that soon will begin seven years of abundance followed by seven years of severe famine. Pharaoh appoints him as viceroy to oversee the project. Egypt becomes the granary of the world. Yaakov sends his sons to Egypt to buy food. The brothers come before Yosef and bow to him. Yosef recognizes them but they do not recognize him. Without disclosing his identity, Yosef sells food to the brothers;  but he keeps Shimon hostage. Shimon will remain a hostage until they bring their brother Binyamin as proof that they are who they say they are. Yaakov refuses to let Binyamin go to Egypt, but when the famine grows unbearable, he accedes. Yehuda guarantees Binyamin's safety, and the brothers go to Egypt. Yosef welcomes the brothers lavishly as honored guests. When he sees Binyamin he rushes from the room and weeps. Yosef instructs his servants to replace the money in the sacks and to put his goblet inside Binyamin's sack. When the goblet is discovered, Yosef demands Binyamin become his slave as punishment. Yehuda interposes and offers himself instead, but Yosef refuses.

             For the first time, beginning in last week’s Torah portion, VaYeishev and again in Mikeitz, we read about an individual encountering a dominant culture while still retaining his sense of code and morality. Avraham left the dominant culture and encountered it periodically but did so accompanied by his wife. Yitzchak encountered a different culture but had never left home in a spiritual nor a physical sense (he always remained in the land). Even when Yaakov encountered Shechem, he did so accompanied by his sons. However, Yosef was in his late teens, early twenties when arrived in Egypt. He worked for Potifar. He had to stave off the sexual harassment of Potifar’s wife and accept the injustice of prison. At the beginning of Mikeitz, we find Yosef in prison, still referred to as Naar Ivri- Hebrew Youth even though he is 30 (Gen. 41:46).  Even after interpreting Pharaoh’s dreams, becoming a Viceroy, wearing Egyptian clothes, looking Egyptian, being clean-shaven like an Egyptian, speaking Egyptian, marrying an Egyptian woman (Asnat) and receiving an Egyptian name (Zaphenat Paneah), and essentially living an Egyptian lifestyle; Yosef somehow manages to maintain his tribal loyalty, his Jewishness, his sense of morality and code. When Pharaoh tells Yosef about his dream and is asked to interpret it; VaYa’An Yosef et Paroh Leimor, Biladai Elohim Ya’Eneh et Shlom Paroh – Joseph answered Pharaoh saying, That is beyond me; it is God who will respond with Pharaoh’s welfare.   The Or HaChaim comments that Biladai  “that is beyond me” is not necessarily an expression of humility. Biladai means “this does not depend on me”. Yosef’s response not only gives credit for his “Dream Telling Gift” to God; Yosef subtly indicates that his code and his theology will not waver within this overbearing and all-encompassing culture. Yosef adds the words Shlom Paroh- literally, the peace of Pharaoh. Yosef is merely a vessel. He isn’t so much interpreting a dream, as he is providing prophecy. As a result, Yosef must speak truth to power and cannot bend or interpret the meaning to satisfy some other agenda or plan except God’s plan.

           Yosef, at the relatively young age of 30 has accepted the fact that his path, is part of God’s plan. Yes, some people are lucky to sense that a plan has been revealed to them. Yosef’s spiritual strength, his unwavering sense of belonging to a covenantal relationship means that no matter the name, no matter the clothes, no matter the culture, he is acutely aware that certain constants will keep him grounded in his relationship with God.  No, I don’t know the path our son or any of our children are supposed to take. We can offer them guidance as they make their way along the path of their lives. Eventually, they will need to make those decisions for themselves. While we light the Chanukah candles, we are reminded of Judaism’s survival within a powerful Hellenistic culture, we are reminded of Yosef surviving within a powerful Egyptian culture.  As our children make their way in the world, their mom and I only hope that we have provided them enough tools, enough education, and enough grounding in values that we deem important so that their decisions are an expression of a moral code and covenant to which they belong.

Peace,
Rav Yitz

I Guess That Can't Revoke Your Soul For Trying; Get Out Of The Door, Light Out, and Look All Around (Robert Hunter, Jerry Garcia, Phil Lesh, & Bob Weir- "Truckin'")

           Frequently, our 17-year-old son confides that he can’t wait to finish high school, spend a gap year in Israel and then head off to university preferably out of town. When he tells me this, I smile since I felt the same way many years before. Lately, when we sit down to Shabbat dinner, he will say “this is my last  Shabbat of Parsha such and such before I leave home.” His mother immediately states that she cannot believe it and urges him not to rush away her time with him.  Although he says it in a kind and loving way, he clearly looks forward to moving on to the next chapter of his life. While we would love for our son to remain close by, intellectually we understand the importance of a child leaving home and making his/her way in the world. We find it reassuring that for years now, universities such as Harvard and Yale to name a few, preferred that their incoming freshman take a gap year in order for the student to mature and be more prepared for living away from home.  

          This Shabbat we read from Parsha VaYeitze. The narrative focuses upon Yaakov. For the first time, Yaakov will find out what it means to be alone in the world.  He has left his mother, Rivkah, and his father, Yitzchak, for the first time. In fleeing his brother Esav, Yaakov now embarks on a new phase of his life. For the first time, but certainly not the last time, he will contend with being alone. He will learn to be an independent individual. Yes, Yaakov will meet his future wives, his cousins Leah and Rachel. He will work for his father-in-law, Lavan, and he will have children. The narrative will focus upon Yaakov’s life from young adulthood to becoming a responsible father, earning a living, and all the trials, tribulations, and tensions of career and family. As Yaakov makes his way in life, eventually, he will learn more about himself. With each event, with each adventure, Yaakov has an opportunity to become better connected to himself, and better connected to a covenant that his father bequeathed to him. Through trial and error, Yaakov will figure out to whom he should spiritually cling: Esav, his parents, Lavan, his wives, and God.

          At the conclusion of the previous Parsha, Parsha Toldot, we read that Yitzchak and Rivkah instructed Yaakov to go to Padan- Aram, to the house of Bethuel (Rivkah’s father’s home) and take a wife from there. We would expect Parsha VaYeitze to begin with Yaakov heading to Padan- Aram. Instead, VaYeitze begins: VaYeitze Yaakov M’Beer Sheva VaYeilech Charana – Yaakov departed from Beer Sheva and went toward Charan.  VaYifga BaMakom and he experienced and encounter (Gen 28:10-11) If Yaakov’s ultimate destination is Padan Aram and Rebecca’s family of origin, why does the Torah explain that Yaakov stopped at Charan and experienced an encounter? Did Yaakov stop in Charan intentionally in order to have an “encounter”? Or was his stopover in Charan and the ensuing “encounter”  unintentional. Clearly, if the Torah is taking the time to explain Yaakov’s itinerary and the resulting “encounter” during his stopover, then it must be important. Yaakov has never been away from home. He was supposed to head toward his mother’s family, the same family that Rivkah knew enough to leave when she was younger.  Like his mother, Yaakov must leave his family of origin in order to preserve his life.  However, the reason for Rebecca’s departure and the reason  Yaakov’s departure were very different. In Toldot, Yaakov was described as Ish Tam  Yoshev Ohalim – a simple man [of faith] who dwells in tents (Gen. 19;27) The Talmudic Sages explain that Yaakov’s dwelling in the tent meant that he spent time in his parent’s tents studying and learning. However, no amount of learning would prepare him for what he would contend with when dealing with Rivka’s family and particularly his uncle Lavan.  Rabbi Kamenetsky, (1891-1986), explained that prior to arriving in Paddan Aram, Yaakov stopped in Charan to learn from Shem and Eber. Shem was Noah’s son and Eber from the generation of the Tower of Bavel. Both were considered righteous and wise men who lived in unsavory environments and managed to retain their sense of righteousness. Yaakov sought their practical wisdom prior to his encounter with Lavan, becoming independent, and maturing in an unsavory environment.   As a result of Yaakov’s diversion, Yaakov understands that he must maintain a relationship with God, and he understands that he will need to find his way home when the time is right.

          For Yaakov, he needed to leave his physical home for fear of his physical safety. He was heading towards a place that would test his values and test his ethical code.  Certainly, he took with him the values and the learning that he acquired from his family.  By making a stopover in Haran, by taking time to put into practice the wisdom and the book learning he acquired at home; he had  “an encounter”, that steeled himself for what he would experience with Uncle Lavan.  After the stopover and after the “encounter”, Yaakov took God with him as well as the sense of the land, covenant and a sense of purpose. Certainly, our son has acquired a moral code, a sense of ethics as well as “book learning”. Prior to heading off to four years of university, he understands, appreciates, and looks forward to a gap year, a stopover, to put into practice what he has learned. He looks forward to the “encounter” of studying in Israel, in order to give him a deeper sense of purpose as he continues his intellectual, emotional, and spiritual journey in life. Certainly, our son looks forward to his upcoming departure and I think both my wife and I are comforted knowing that his gap year in Israel will give him the self-confidence and the added focus for dealing with university life.

Peace
Rav Yitz.

I Was Blind All The Time I Was Learning To See (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Help Is On The Way")

             This week, I spent getting our youngest daughter, our 19-year-old, ready to head off to university in New York City. After picking her up from camp at the beginning of the week, there was laundry, doctors appointments, shopping, course registration, housing registration, medical forms to be submitted, and all the stuff that college students need for dorm life, and creating a new home while they are away at school. Finally, with all that finished, and a car loaded we drove down to New York and encountered hurricane Henri. We came to New York very late in the afternoon, dropped off her duffle bags and suitcase, and headed uptown to my sister and brother-in-law's upper west side apartment. We were wet, tired, hungry, and very tired. The next day, while the rain from Tropical Storm Henri continued to fall, we got her squared away and then attended a couple of orientation sessions. There was something for just the students, just the parents and both. Even though this was the third of four children, and I knew the drill when it comes to preparing and dropping children off at university. This felt different. Ten years ago, I brought our eldest to University by myself, I suppose I really didn’t know what I was doing. But ten years ago, our world was a very different place. Besides she was in a campus setting in the middle of nowhere in Upstate New York. The second daughter, both my wife and I brought her down to school, and although it was in New York City because the responsibilities were shared and my wife happily attended many of the orientation sessions. It was also pre-Covid. Knowing my wife wanted me to attend these orientation sessions; I went. To be honest, I wanted to hear the University administrators, teachers, and campus officials speak about the students' safety, security health, and welfare. I wanted to know the policies about Covid, and testing in order to ensure the safety and welfare of not only my daughter but all the daughters who are attending school. There was a long presentation about Covid, masks, testing, and vaccination requirements. It was very different from several governors of southern states and their stubborn refusal to permit school mask mandates and the safety and welfare of its students.

This week's Parsha is Ki Tavoh. For the past several Parshiot, Moshe has been listing and explaining all the precepts and laws. Last week's Parsha and the first part of Ki Tavoh explain the rewards. We will inherit the land; we will keep the land. Our enemies will be rendered weak. We will be fruitful and multiply. However, the second half of the Parshah explains all the curses that would befall us if we neglect to observe these laws. Every curse, of course, is the diametric opposite of the previous blessings. So if we were promised bountiful harvests and many children, then our curse will be drought, famine, and bareness. Traditionally, the Aliyot that contain the curses are read in a softer voice. However, as horrible as these curses are, we must understand that it is up to us. We can either follow these laws or not, and as a result, we will bear the consequences of our actions. This is not necessarily a bad lesson for us as well as our children to learn. We are responsible for our actions, and we must bear responsibility for the consequences of those actions.

        One of the curses is most poignant in light of listening to Trump.  Arur Mashgeh Iveir Ba'Derech, Va'Amar Kol Ha'Am Amen - Accursed is one who causes a blind person to go astray on the road. And the entire nation said 'Amen" (Deut 27:18). If read this literally, it seems the verse is speaking about, a guide or maybe a seeing-eye dog that would lead the blind astray. However, this curse is symbolic. We know that Torah is tantamount to light, to spiritual light, and the word Derech (way) is usually in combination with the Way of the Lord (God's Laws). On a metaphorical level, the curse is upon those leaders of a community that causes the less knowledgeable to go astray. If that knowledge causes those who are blind (re: those who are in the dark or without light) to go astray, then that leader should be cursed. Implicit to that statement is that the one who causes the blind to go astray sees the light, has the knowledge, knows better, and teaches or guides the community away from God. 

        Our Talmudic Sages offer an Aggadah about the teachers/Rabbis who were the leaders of their communities. "If there are two teachers, one who covers much ground but is not exact, and one who does not cover much ground but is exact, Rav Dimi b. Nehardea maintained that the one who is exact and does not cover much ground is to be appointed. The reason? A mistake once implanted (in the mind or in behavior) remains [a mistake]. (Talmud Baba Batrah 21a-b). The Talmudic sages essentially understood the first rule in education. It is terribly difficult to undo that which has already been incorrectly taught.  It appears that the Talmudic Sages also understood quite a bit about how impressionable college students can be. It appears that the Talmudic Sages also understood the power of those in trusted positions of authority, teachers, administrators, some elected officials, and the media. So, standing on a Manhattan sidewalk in front of our daughter’s dorm and my car parked, I hugged and kissed my youngest daughter goodbye. Through smiles and tear-filled eyes, I told my youngest daughter what I have told her and her three siblings their whole lives. I reminded her how she was raised, I reminded her to use her common sense: don’t walk alone in New York at night, don’t take the subways alone at night, be aware of surroundings, avoid parks at night, wear a mask when going indoors. I  reminded her that she can call me at any time of day for anything good, bad or just to say “hi”. I reminded her that I won’t call her five times a day as I never want to be the overbearing parent that doesn’t give a child room to grow.  Finally with one last hug and kiss, and a wipe away of her tear, I was about to give one more piece of last-second fatherly advice, something inspirational. However, my daughter beat me to it. She smiled and said to me what I have been saying to her for the past week as we prepared for this moment. “Yes, Abba, I know, my job is to study, take classes that I enjoy, and, most of all, don’t do stupid. I know you spent your life teaching me ‘to avoid stupid decisions and not do stupid’, I know… you taught me well.” With one last hug and kiss, I watched her head off to her next orientation session, and I realized that as she began this new chapter of her life; she was where she was supposed to be.

Peace,
Rav Yitz

Walk Into Splintered Sunlight; Inch Your Way Through Dead Dreams To Another Land (Robert Hunter & Phil Lesh - "Box Of Rain")

Our seventeen year old has come down with a sickness that strikes students in their final year of High School and University. It became particularly acute this past week as my daughter and I attended University Night at her high school. About a dozen universities made presentations to parents and students suffering from the disease known as “Senioritis”. Judging from how well attended University Night was; it is apparent that “Senioritis” is quite prevalent in our daughter's class. “Senioritis” tends to strike high school students in their final year, and it is marked by a keen and profound desire to leave home. Whether the desire is to go away for a gap year and return home for university, or to actually leave for a four-year university; there is an expectation of “going away”, or embarking on a journey. In some cases, it means going far away, and in some cases, it may mean being only an hour away. The desire to get out of the parents’ home is so powerful, that life with the 12^th grader can be quite strained. When suffering from “Senioritis”, long-established family rules are questioned, parents are considered to be overbearing and impossible to deal with. The 12^th grader walks around frequently aggravated and muttering under his/her breath: “I can’t wait to get out of here.” Senioritis is most dangerous when the student has not yet been accepted to a college/university or gap year program because of the pressure to academically succeed and apply remains. All the while, the student still struggles with the profound and overbearing desire to finally leave high school. 

This week’s Parsha offers an excellent example of the first steps towards independence, the natural need for re-assurance, and mutual trust and faith between a parent and child. Many events occur in Parshat Lech Lecha. Included among these are: Abram leaving his birthplace, traveling down to Egypt and becoming wealthy, separating from Lot, his brother’s son and last blood relative, fight in a battle and killing those men responsible for territorial instability, fathering a son by his wife’s handmaid (with his wife’s approval), and finally circumcising himself at age 99 and all the males in his household, including his son Ishmael.

In this Parsha, so many things happen to Avram. He is forever running ahead of God; He is forever living life and making decisions. Avram is forever wondering if he is indeed “doing the right thing”.  Like any good parent, God allows Avram to “run ahead”, be independent, and still offer the necessary parental reassurance.  Noach’s relationship was very different than Avraham’s. Noach walked with God suggesting an image of a parent holding a baby’s hands as he/she learns to walk.  Regarding Avram, the Torah says: “And the Lord appeared before Avram and said- Ani El Shaddai Hithaleich Lefanai Veheyei Tamim - I am El Shaddai; walk before Me and be perfect (17:1). Avram is spiritually more evolved; he can walk ahead. However, even when we allow our children to run ahead of us, or give them more and more independence, we still reassure them that we are part of their lives, and everything will work itself out. Six times Avram receives fatherly assurance in the form of a covenant. Ironically, the first time we read of this assurance is immediately following Avram’s father’s death. God tells Avram to leave his birthplace and he will become a great nation (12:2).  God reassures Avram a second time while Avram, literally, walks ahead of God and keeps going until God tells him where to stop. God reiterates his covenant to Avram (12:7), thereby reassuring Avram. God reassures Avram after he made the difficult decision of separating from the last vestiges of his family of origin, Lot (his brother’s son). By re-iterating his covenant (13:14), God reassures Avram that although the decision was painful, it was correct. After worrying whether he behaved appropriately by fighting against the five kings, God re-iterates and reassures Avram a fourth time (15:4). Avram receives re-assurance a fifth time after he drives away the birds of prey that ruined the sacrifice he made to God (15:13). Avram’s sixth reassurance occurs after making the difficult decision of sending away his firstborn son Ishmael.      

Avram walks ahead of God knowing that God is always around to reassure him. Ultimately this type of relationship breeds a strong sense of security, trust, and faith in the parent figure. Faith breeds more faith and trust breeds more trust. Certainly, our 12th-grade daughter might think that she is ready to begin her own version of Lech Lecha. Yet about some things, she still needs to walk with her parents and, believe it or not, still wants to walk with her parents. About other things, her frustration and aggravation with us is merely an expression of the fact that she wants to walk on ahead of us. In those cases, it is quite clear that her “Senioritis” has spread to us because there are moments that we wish she would walk on ahead of us. However, we are acutely aware that in both instances, she is expressing her level of self-confidence to handle the first steps of her own life's path and her lifelong journey.  One thing is for sure, we never stop trying to infuse and teach her so that way when she does walk on ahead, she remains grounded in her values and the lessons that we instilled. Hopefully, as she gets older and well on her journey, her aggravation with her parents will diminish and she will appreciate the wisdom her mother and I gave her. However, I won’t hold my breath.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

Man Oh Man Oh Friend Of Mine; All Good Things In All Good Time (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Run For The Roses")

     It was an incredibly busy week for our family. I picked up our 15-year-old and 17-year-old daughter from summer camp. Upon our return, laundry was brought in, and then my wife and three teenage children had our first and last family dinner. The next morning, we dropped off the two teenagers, who had just returned from camp, at their grandparents home in Upstate New York. After about a 30 minutes visit, my wife, our 19-year-old daughter and I got back into the minivan and drove to New York City. By 9 P.M., we dropped our daughter’s bags off at her dorm room. After a nice dinner and a nights sleep; we returned to her dorm, stood in line for her key and then mom and daughter got our daughter settled into her dorm room and began her week of orientation before she starts classes at University. As Mom was helping our daughter get settled, I drove back to pick up our two kids who had spent 36 hours with their grandparents. Mom flew back from New York and while we drove back home. The next morning, the two high school age kids went to the oral surgeon and had their wisdom teeth removed. After everything was finished, and the oral surgeon told me about the post-op care, she commented about the fact that we had brought two kids in on the same day to remove wisdom teeth. She thought that it was very smart to do because it was time for both of them to have the teeth removed, and everything happens in its due time. So why wait?

     This week’s Parsha is Eikev. Here, in his second discourse, Moshe explains to the new generation how the second set of tablets that contain the Aseret Dibrot came into being. He explains how God forgave the parents of their idolatrous behavior in regards to the Eigel Zahav (Golden Calf), and all B’nai Yisroel must do essentially refrain from Idolatry, serve God, worship God, and the nation will be rewarded with water, grass and quality lives. Moshe also reminds B’nai Yisroel that they have nothing to fear when they enter into Canaan and conquer the land even if they are outnumbered. God already demonstrated that he will protect his people. He did so during the Yetziat Mitzrayim (Exodus), and he did so over the past 40 years in the wilderness. As long as B’nai Yisroel keeps its side of the B’rit, God will continue to protect his people. V’Haya Im Tishma’u El Mitzvotai Asher Anochi M’tzaveh Etchem Hayom L’Ahavah Et Adonai Eloheichem Ul’Avdo B’Chol Levavchem Uv’chol Nafshachem. V’Natati M’tar Artzechem B’Ito Yoreh Umalkosh V’Asaftah D’Ganecha V'Tiroshcha v’Yitzharecha – It will be that if you hearken to My commandments that I command you today to love Hashem your God and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul, then I shall provide rain for your Land in its proper time, the early and the late rains, that you may gather in your grain, your wine, and your oil. V’Natati Esev B’Sadcha Livhemtecha V’Achalta V’Savata – I shall provide grass in your field for your cattle and you will eat and be satisfied (Deut 11:15). Among the rewards is grass for our cattle and we will eat and be satisfied. In this second paragraph of the Shema, we are told that there is a reward for our obeying God’s commandment.

     The reward for obedience is so simple and perhaps so uninspired. The reward for obedience is rain in its due time. V’Natati M’tar Artzechem B’Ito- then I shall provide rain for your Land in its proper time (Deut. 11:14). Rashi, the great 11th-century French commentator, explains that “in its proper time” means that the rain will come at night so as not to cause inconvenience. Alternatively, Rashi explains that “in its proper time” means late Friday night when everyone is in their homes. For farmers, that is truly a relief. For those of us who are not farmers, the reward as simple as it is explicitly stated; it is incredibly profound. Rain in its due time means that there is order, that life and nature will progress in an orderly and natural manner. Things will happen in due course and our job is to respond and behave appropriately.

     Moses reminds the people that life happens in due course, That our reward for observance is the reassurance that the life So as our 17-year-old daughter and 15-year-old son lay on the sofa recovering, as we change their gauze, and feed them ice cream, I am reminded of the oral surgeon’s comments. Everything happens in its due time. Children grow up, they go off to college (university), they get their wisdom teeth out, they graduate, they make a life for themselves. For some reason, as I watch my kids sitting quietly, eating some ice cream, amid the incredibly busy week, the nearly 1000 miles that were driven in three days, I have found great comfort that life’s reward seems to be that life happens in its due course.

Peace,
Rav Yitz

With Its Words Of A Life That Could Almost Be True (John Barlow & Bob Weir - "Black Throated Wind")

Our nineteen-year-old daughter was confronted with a conflict while working as a camp counselor. Camp is scheduled to end two days before she needs to be at her university dormitory in New York City. She needed a week at home in Toronto before heading down to University. So she arranged with the camp to that she would leave four or five days prior to the official conclusion of camp. She and the camp agreed and signed a contract.  When I went to visit her, my wife and our two other children last week, she and I spoke about her early departure. She explained that she felt conflicted because originally she wanted to leave a week before the official conclusion of camp and the camp ‘s original position was that leaving early was unnecessary. Both sides compromised on four days.  As we spoke and she shared with me her frustration, I suggested that she speak to her boss, request an earlier departure date and simultaneously offer to forego being paid the last week. I thought my suggestion was completely reasonable. She gave me a look of shock and incredulity. Then she stated, “I have a contract, I gave my word”.

This Shabbat, we read from the final two Parshiot in Sefer Bemidbar (Book of Numbers): Matot and Masei.  This double Parsha begins with the laws of Nedarim (Vows), and then Bnai Yisroel fights against the Midianites. Moshe rebukes his officers for their collective failure to deal with the Midianite woman since they were the cause of Bnai Yisroel’s plague in the first place. Bnai Yisroel then begins the process of dividing the spoils of this battle. Two tribes, Reuben and Gad request to settle in the land east of the Jordan River and not the land promised by Hashem. Moshe expresses his anger over the request and the two tribes amend their request. Moshe adds a condition and an agreement is reached. The Torah recounts the various stops that Bnai Yisroel made on their journey to Eretz Canaan, the boundaries of Eretz Canaan are clarified, the new leadership is introduced and the cities of refuge of explained and established. Finally, Sefer Bemidbar concludes with a reminder of the laws for tribal inheritance. With all those loose ends neatly sewn up; Bnai Yisroel now sits on the eastern bank of the Jordan River waiting to enter Eretz Canaan. As we conclude the reading, we say Chazak Chazak v’ NitChazeik – From strength to strength we shall go forward in strength.

The beginning of the Parsha, with its focus upon Nedarim v’Shvuot Vows and Oaths, we are being reminded of two vital concepts. First, we are reminded of the Aseret Dibrot, of the Ten Commandments and specifically invoking God’s name in vain.  Ish Ki Yidor Neder L’adoshem When a man takes a vow to Hashem (Num. 30:3). Part of the process by which one makes a vow is to invoke God name. Therefore, a failure to keep the vow or the oath means that one has used God’s name in vain. The repercussions of which are extremely serious.  Second, we learned in Sefer Breishit (Book of Genesis) that speech is holy. Speech is part of the God’s creative process; Vayomer Elokim, Yehi Or, VaYahi Or- And God said: Let there be Light, and there was light. In a sense, speech is perhaps one of the only actions available to us that allow us to emulate God. When we make a vow or an oath, we are acting similar to God. A Neder is a pledge to prohibit oneself from something that that the Torah permits. Or a Neder can be obligating oneself to something that the Torah considers to be optional. Obligating one’s self to contribute to a specific charity would be an example of "obligating that which is optional". Refraining from apples would be an example of prohibiting something that is originally acceptable. In either case, the individual is truly acting like God. The individual is creating Halacha and making his vow and or oath becomes tantamount to Torah. Clearly, this cannot be taken lightly. After all, the severity of the language is a function of the fact that one makes this vow, pledge or oath to God and not to oneself or to another.  Fundamental to our vows with God is a trust in the relationship, trust that it exists, trust that it is desired by both and trust that is must be treated as sacred.

Indeed, my daughter made gave her word regarding her early departure from camp. Yes, she complained. Yes, she shared her anxiety as she wondered how everything would get done before her leaving for university. Yes, she was certainly shocked when I suggested that she calmly and reasonably offer to give up a week of pay in order to leave earlier than the time that had been agreed upon. All that time, as I listened to her, and made suggestions, I thought I was listening to my little girl. After she incredulously told me that she gave me her word and signed a contract’ my little girl reminded me that her mother and I spent the last nineteen years raising her to be a woman that kept her word.  I guess she is our little girl isn’t so little anymore. Indeed, she is a woman of her word.  

Peace,

Rav Yitz  

Out Of The Door And Into The Street All Alone (Robert Hunter, Jerry Garcia, Phil Lesh, & Bob Weir - "Truckin'"

Like parents of many 18-year-old children here in North America, we said “good-bye” to ours as she left for her gap year in Israel. There were about 30 sets of parents at the Toronto airport, all from our daughter’s school, saying goodbye. Yes, some of those kids will return to Toronto and attend university in Toronto and live at home. Some will go attend university and college out of town (most likely our daughter will be in this category), some will remain in Israel for a second year of study and some will make Aliyah and stay. No matter which category the eighteen year old falls into, I have explained to our daughter that a fundamental change is occurring. She will now have two homes, a home where her parents live and that she will either frequently or infrequently visit, and home is where she lives her life. For me, as a parent and for many of the parents who were saying goodbye at the airport, our focus was upon our children leaving home. Sure enough, there were lots of tears, many mothers and fathers cried.  Our family was not spared. However in the few moments that I had alone with our daughter, I explained that this is what parents sign up for, raise them, feed them clothe them, educate them, instill values, morals, and as many life lessons as possible in order diminish the risk when they do leave; however a child’s leaving is inevitable. I looked into my daughter’s big hazel eyes and re-assured her that she is ready to leave, to embark on her journey confront life and live life without mommy and daddy involved on a daily basis.

This week's Torah portion is Ki Teitzei. Moshe continues with listing laws such as: rights of the firstborn for inheritance, the wayward rebellious son, lost and found property, sending a mother bird from the nest when procuring the egg from the nest, tzitzit, false accusations, forbidden marriages, charging interest, divorce, workers’ rights to timely payment, honesty in weights and measures and remembering Amalek. That is just to name a few. All these laws reflect one extremely relevant idea. Judaism is not just a ritualized religion that takes on import three times a year, or only at life cycle events. Judaism is a way of life.  

Anything, any idea that is considered to be a “way of life” must be relevant in two places, in the home (a sanctuary) and outside the home where life is much less ideal than the home/sanctuary. Certainly, we can read the first verse as Moshe’s instructions regarding the appropriate manner to behave while fighting a war.  Ki Teitzeh LaMilchama Al Oyvecha UnTano Adoshem Elokecha B’Yadecha  - When you will go out to war against your enemies, and Hashem, your God, will deliver him [your enemies] into your hand (Deut. 10:11). Yes, Moshe presentation of these laws suggests that there is an inevitability about going out to wage war. Rashi clarifies by explaining that this B’Milchemet HaRashut-an optional war. The sages explained that biblically speaking, an “optional war” is any war other than a war of the conquest of the Land of Canaan and the war against Amalek. Those wars are not optional but rather the fulfillment of a direct commandment. According to Sforno (the great Italian Renaissance commentator), “an optional” war is any war outside Israel or a political war.” Sforno’s comment is fascinating because it forces us to understand Moshe’s statement about Ki Tetzei La Milchama from a figurative and perhaps even a spiritual dimension. Moshe is speaking to “you” in the singular, “you” the individual. The Torah never said that he was addressing the only the army. Each and every one of “you” wages a war of Reshut, an optional war. The individual “You” wages war against inner demons, against peer pressure, against that which is convenient and easy. “You” the individual wages a war against the monotony of routine. One thing is for certain, from Moshe’s perspective, war is waged upon Ki Teitzeh upon “going out”, leaving the “friendly confines”, leaving the “nest”, leaving the warmth and safety of the home and a sanctuary.

Reading Ki Teitzeh in a figurative manner, gave new meaning to our daughter’s leaving for Israel. Yes, I am her father and yes, I am protective. However, I know that protecting her means that her mother and I accept the inevitability of her leaving and it is our job to give her the tools, the “weapons” so to speak, in order to deal with life, people, and her own insecurities and anxieties. So when I hugged my daughter goodbye, and when I blessed her through my tearing eyes, I also reminded her that she was ready for this and I lovingly reminded her code, her way of life is applicable not only to our home, the home she was raised in, but the home that she will be making for herself.

Peace,

Rav Yitz