There is a concept in Judaism called Cheshbon HaNefesh, an accounting of the soul. Cheshbon HaNefesh, similar to analyzing a balance sheet, Cheshbon HaNefesh forces the individual to engage in analysis of “where they are in their lives”. How far astray have they wandered from the most sacred and holy aspects of themselves? How far astray have they wandered from the best version of themselves? It is not a process that leads to a request for forgiveness although it is a process that may lead to an apology. It is not a process that leads to a request for mercy; although it is a process that may inform and direct others to avoid the mistakes that the individual made. It is not a process that generally occurs in public; rather it is a deeply personal and spiritual endeavor. Last week and this week; it was possible to watch and listen to Michael Cohen as a case study in Cheshbon HaNefesh – a spiritual accounting of the soul. He offered no excuses. His character flaw made him susceptible to all kinds of temptation, he did many bad things he was going to prison. His character flaw meant that he sacrificed the values and morals that he learned from his parents, he had become untethered to the code and behavior by which he was supposed to live his life. He knew that he had disappointed his family and himself. He had just made an accounting, and where his misdeeds affected others, he apologized. After the two days of hearings, it is quite clear that Cohen has become unburdened, spiritually cleansed and ready to do time, without noise, drama, fanfare or a pardon.
This week's Parsha is Pekudei. It is the last Parsha of Sefer Shmot. The Parsha, in a very matter of fact way, provides us with an accounting of all the material that was used for the Mishkan. The Parsha, in a very matter of fact way, tell us all that Betzalel and Oholiab had done while inspired by God and their art. We derive this idea of "taking stock" from the first Pasuk. Eilah F'kudei Ha'Mishkan Ha'Eidut Asher Pukad Al Pi Moshe Avodat Ha'Leviim - These are the countings of the Tabernacle, the Tabernacle of Testimony, which was reckoned at Moshe's bidding (Ex.38:21). What follows is essentially a ledger of all materials that were used in the Mishkan's construction. What follows is essentially a ledger of the order in which Betzalel, Oholiab, and B'nai Yisroel used these materials and actually constructed the Mishkan. Why do we need this accounting? We have been reading about the Mishkan for the last four Parshiot. However, it was not until now, when Moshe and B'nai Yisroel were able to look back at the process and see exactly how far along they have come. Think about it. For a lengthy period of time, B'nai Yisroel, as told to us in the Torah, had experienced an individual, communal and spiritual revolution. They watched Ten Plagues destroy Egypt, fled Egypt, and experienced the miracle of the Crossing of the Yam Suf. They witnessed the revelation at Sinai, received the Ten Commandments, panicked and built the Golden Calf. They began the Teshuvah process by bringing a half Shekel as a means of expressing atonement. They willingly brought their precious jewels and raw materials for the construction of the Mishkan. They came together as a community and they successfully constructed "God's dwelling place."
Certainly, there were specific events that we would deem as vitally important, including the actual exodus from Egypt, the Crossing of the Reed Sea, and the Revelation at Sinai. However, in each of these three pivotal moments, B'nai Yisroel behaved as individuals. During each of these three pivotal moments, one could argue that B'nai Yisroel was more reactive than proactive. After the Tenth Plague, following God's direct command, B'nai Yisroel left Egypt. After God opened the Reed Sea, B'nai Yisroel began to cross it. It is the Midrash that explains that B'nai Yisroel took the first steps into the water prior to God's miracle. The Revelation at Sinai was a more reactive experience than a pro-active one. Even the Golden Calf fiasco could be argued as B'nai Yisroel's response to the fact that Moshe delayed his descent from the mountain. B'nai Yisroel only acts pro-actively when they willingly bring their donations in order to build the Mishkan. Those donations were a proactive expression of their engaging in Teshuva, Repentance. For this generation, constructing and completing the Mishkan, was perhaps its greatest achievement. For the time being, they were finally pure of soul and pure of heart. They understood what it meant to be a community, a holy community, and the Mishkan was an expression of that. Therefore when B'nai Yisroel completed this transition to “peoplehood” culminating in the completion of the Mishkan; it makes sense that an accounting of the Mishkan's construction would occur.
From Moshe's "accounting", we learn something very important about human nature. As individuals, as part of a team and as part of a community; we need to do Cheshbon HaNefesh, an accounting of our souls. While it is certainly important to do Cheshbon HaNefesh at prescribed times with the community (Yom Kippur for example); it is also vital that we engage in this process when we have survived and successfully or unsuccessfully navigated through a transition. These transitions and changes are not necessarily confined to lifecycle events or the calendar but as a part of life in general; and certainly when about to begin a new and difficult phase of life. Parsha Pekudei reminds us that we must possess the self-awareness to step back and look back at the process and own it, and if it is appropriate, mourn it, celebrate it, or learn from it. The result is that when the time comes for the next project, (The Holy Temple), the next national endeavor (Bnai Yisroel’s entry in to the land of Israel), the next hardship to be faced or the next joyous occasion to celebrate; Cheshbon HaNefesh will lead to thoughtful and correct decisions that are to the benefit of the person and the community.
Peace,
Rav Yitz
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