The fact that three people died this week is not such a statistical anomaly. Sadly, people die each and every week. The fact that there were three suicides this week is also not such a statistical anomaly. However, what makes these three deaths, these three suicides, so troubling are the circumstances of the three people who committed suicide. In Parkland Florida, two of the teenagers who survived last year’s Parkland High School shooting suffered from PTSD. Tragically, they couldn’t live with the guilt of having survived; and they took their own lives. Imagine being the parents, siblings, grandparents or friends of those two teenagers? The third suicide occurred in Connecticut. Jeremy Richman was 49 years old, a husband and a father of three children. One of his daughters, Avielle, was murdered in the Sandy Hook School shooting in 2012. Upon his daughter’s death, Mr. Richman, a research scientist by training, created a foundation to promote research into the brain pathologies and mental health issues that lead to violence. Tragically, families and communities that dealt with the horror of a mass shooting in Parkland Florida, or Sandyhook, Connecticut or anyplace where such a tragedy occurs, need to grapple with the fact that there are always more victims. Not only must families and communities struggle with the immediate loss of life, we know that those who survive rarely do so unscathed. Sadly and tragically, it seems that they are vulnerable and at risk to become victims and statistics. How those families, and their respective communities dealt the initial tragedy and how they deal with these current deaths may go a long way in preventing future deaths due to suffering from survivor’s guilt and PTSD.
This Shabbat is known as Shabbat Para because of the special Maftir Aliyah. Following the weekly Torah Portion, the Maftir Aliya discusses the offering of the Para Adumah (the Red Heifer). The weekly Parshat, is Shemini. Parsha Shemini consists of three complete chapters, focusing upon the three parties necessary for the Brit (the covenant) of B’nai Yisroel: God, the Kohen, and B’nai Yisroel. While certainly, God is the embodiment of Purity, the second and third chapters of the Parsha explain how the Kohen and B’nai Yisroel are able to achieve a higher level of purity. All three parties: God, the Kohen and B’nai Yisroel, must remain spiritually pure otherwise the relationship cannot work. As long as any one is spiritually impure, then that impurity creates a buffer between God, the Kohen and B’nai Yisroel.
In the second chapter of the Parsha, there is a very brief narrative about Aharon’s two sons Nadav and Avihu. After Aharon completed his own purification process, thereby making him pure enough to begin making offering on the behalf of B’nai Yisroel, Nadav and Avihu brought an unsolicited offering to God. They were never commanded to bring an offering. The result of Nadav and Avihu’s inappropriate approach to G-d caused a tragedy. VaTeitzei Aish Milifnei Adoshem VaToChal Otam Va’Yamutu Lifnei HaShem – A Fire came forth from before Hashem and consumed them, and they died before Hashem (Lev. 10:2). His two sons were tragically killed by the “strange fire” that they offered to God. Aharon's sons, like Aharon were public figures. In a sense their deaths were public and Aharon's mourning might also have been public. In an attempt to protect his older brother, in a desire to shield him from shame and embarrassment, Moshe tells Aharon of the sad news as follows: Bikrovai Ekadeish V’Al Pnei Chol Ha’Am Ekaveid – Moshe said to Aharon; Of this did Hashem speak, saying: I will be sanctified through those who are nearest Me, thus I will be honored before the entire people (Lev. 10:3). Even though Aharon was clearly a public figure, he did not make their deaths any more public than they already were. We all would have forgiven Aharon if he wept, if he questioned his faith, or if he decided to take a few days off to grieve for his sons. Yet, Aharon remained a paragon of faith and dignity. Vayidom Aharon – And Aharon was silent (Lev 10:3). While his son’s deaths were tragic, and certainly the news became public, Aharon’s response, and his behavior reaffirmed his faith. Aharon did not question, he did not fight, he did not complain or rail at the heavens asking “why me?” Instead, in Aharon’s silence, and his own private response to his son’s death, Aharon was able to grant Nadav and Avihu dignity and grace in their deaths.
When we feel most helpless in our confrontation with death and tragedy, perhaps we can learn from Aharon. For some people touched by tragedy and death, there will be a struggle with their faith. Hopefully, those that struggle will not only maintain their faith, but their faith will actually strengthen. There is a dignity in that struggle for the survivor as well as for the memory of the deceased. We know that there will be a possibility of overwhelmingly dark thoughts seeping into our soul. But those thoughts need to be acknowledged and dealt with. As parents, our inclination is to protect our children from death. Over the years, I have learned that the best way to protect our children from death and tragedy is to create an environment where it is safe to talk about it and safe to grieve in each person’s own way. May the souls of those three individuals finally be at peace, and may all the families that have been touched by any tragedy, be aware of these new vulnerabilities as they struggle to deal with death and tragedy.
Peace,
Rav Yitz
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