For the past few months, only our 16-year-old son has been living at home. He will remain the only child in our home through Pesach and on into the middle of May. For his sake, one of his older sisters is scheduled to return. Yes, there are moments when he enjoys being the only child. For example, he doesn’t have to battle his sisters for bathroom rights. On the other hand, he can’t get away with pawning off his chores onto anyone else. Certainly, he cannot get away with winning the “Ignoring Game”; a game that he quickly mastered while his sisters were home. The “Ignoring Game” is a game that all children play with their parents and sometimes their grandparents. I remember playing it with my parents when I was a teenager. The game can be played at any time of day and under nearly any circumstance. The rules of the game are rather simple. The parent initiates play by calling out to the teenager with a simple request. Assuming that a sibling will actually respond, the teenager ignores the first request. The parent waits approximately 30 seconds before calling out to the teenager with the same request. Again, the teenager ignores the parent’s request, hoping the other sibling will respond. Now the parent waits 45-60 seconds before calling out for the same request. This time the request is louder, sterner, and more specific. “Hello, (child’s name), yeah I am talking to you” or “can you hear me (add child’s name)? I am talking to you.” Now the game changes slightly. The teenager needs to respond, and generally, the response involves a grunt, “Huh” or a question such as “what?” or a statement such as “Ok, ok, I heard you” or “Ok, I’ll do it in a minute”. Keep in mind, that those statements are code for “I am ignoring you doing something else that I prefer to be doing rather than anything you request.” Now the game escalates. The parent needs to get the teenager’s attention and focus on the request. To accomplish this the parent still utilizes leverage however does so in a quiet disarming manner. At this point, I try to close the physical distance by approaching them. If they are in their room, I will stand in their doorway. With as much calm as I can muster, I turn the request into a transaction. I rely on my inner Don Corleone and try to “make an offer they can’t refuse”. I try to speak quieter and in a colder more calculating tone. First I confirm that they will ultimately fulfill the request. Then I make a business arrangement. I remind them that they will make requests of me and ask favours of me and it will become very difficult for me to fulfill their request and favours. We agree on a reasonable timeframe for my request to be fulfilled. With mutually agreed upon deterrents to prevent potential “forgetfulness”, I thank the teenager for fulfilling my request, and the “Ignoring Game” concludes.
This Shabbat, we begin the third book of the Torah, Sefer Vayikra by reading from the Parsha with the same name VaYikrah. For all of Bereishit (Genesis) and the first half of Shmot (Exodus), we read narratives. In the Second half of Shmot, we read the blueprints of and then the actual construction of the Mishkan – the portable worship station that would accompany Bnai Yisroel on their journey towards Eretz Yisroel. Now the Torah takes a break from narrative and construction. We begin reading the various types of offerings that Kohen Gadol, the High Priest, will make on our behalf. These offerings were the various means by which God permitted the individual or the community to approach. We approach Hashem for a variety of reasons, including special occasions and for personal reasons: repentance, thanksgiving, and special occasions for communal reasons: seasonal festivals, or daily service.
We are familiar with the language that usually appears when Hashem speaks to Moshe. VaYomer Adoshem el Moshe Leimor – Hashem said to Moshe saying, or VaYiDaBeR Adoshem El Moshe Leimor – And Hashem spoke to Moshe saying. Now for the first and perhaps only time, Hashem neither ‘says’ nor “speaks” to Moshe. Instead, we read Vayikrah el Moshe -God called to Moshe (Lev 1:1). ” Imagine, God, calling out to a person before speaking? The word “VaYiKRa” ends with a letter that is in a smaller font size than the rest of the letters that are found in the Torah. So clearly, this type of VaYiKRa is different than the typical kind of VaYiKRA with all the letters being the same size. Rashi, the 11th-century French vintner and commentator, explains that God speaks in a loud booming voice; a voice that can shatter trees and be heard throughout the world. However, this VaYiKRa, was only heard by Moshe. The calling was done so in a loving manner. The diminutive final letter – Aleph; suggests two possibilities. First, Hashem whispered Moshe’s name in a manner that only Moshe could hear. Second, Moshe was humble enough, as symbolized by the diminutive letter, that his soul was receptive to God’s calling. The result of which Moshe quickly and eagerly responded with Hinneni –“Here I am”.
I can’t imagine Moshe ignoring God’s call. I can’t imagine Moshe saying, “I’ll be there in a minute” and not showing up. On those rare occasions when our son doesn’t feel like playing the “Ignoring Game”, but instead, immediately responds to my call; he always seems surprised that I am nicer and easier going. He even displays surprise because my request seems neither overbearing nor unreasonable. He even thinks that I am in a good mood. Usually, his immediate response elicits a smile from me or I will tell him that I “appreciate” it. I remind him that no one likes being ignored. On more than one occasion, he has sheepishly smiled and told me that it is especially hard to ignore when he is the only child in the house.
Peace,
Rav Yitz
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