At age 17, our son is a bit of an idealist. Like so many of his generation, he deals in absolutes. People are good or bad. I try to explain to him that people do good things or bad things. He also discovered “Classic Rock”. Earlier this week he asked me to listen to a song called “American Pie”. Before he had a chance to play the song for me, I told him who wrote and performed it, the year the song was released, and what the song was about. I also told him that the artist was an abusive husband, and convicted of several misdemeanor domestic abuse charges. My son was shocked. First, he was shocked that his old father actually knew the song. Second, he was now upset to find out that a person who had done some pretty awful things, created such an iconic song. I challenged him by suggesting that perhaps we should not listen to the song anymore. He hesitated because he like the song. I suggested that he read the New York Times Op-Ed by Jennifer Finney Boylan’s “Should Classic Rock Songs Be Toppled Like Confederate Statues” (NY Times Nov 3, 2021). She does what Judaism has always done, acknowledge deeds because people are complex.
This week, we read from Parsha is Toldot. We read of the birth of Esav and Yaakov. Even though they were twins, we learn that these boys couldn’t be any more different. Esav is a hunter Ish Sadeh – a man of the field, an outdoorsman, Yaakov is Ish Tam v’Yashav b’Ohalo – a simple man who resides in his tent. Yaakov is concerned with the Birthright, receiving the covenantal blessing, and the spiritual world. Esav is concerned with eating, drinking, hunting, and the physical world. We learn that just like his father, Avraham, who experienced a famine in the land, Yitzchak also experienced a famine in the land. Unlike his father, Yitzchak does not go down to Egypt. Yitzchak remains in the land, grows wealthy, and re-opens the wells that had gone dry in his father’s day. The narrative then re-focuses upon Yitzchak and his family. Yitzchak, sensing his imminent death, wants to bless Esav. Rivka overhears this and tells Yaakov to pose as Esav in order to receive the blessing. Yaakov listens to his mother and dresses as Esav. Yaakov receives Yitzchak’s blessing. As a result, Esav is fit to be tied and threatens to kill Yaakov. The Parsha concludes with Rivka telling Jacob to go to her brother’s home, convincing Yitzchak that Yaakov needs to leave home in order to find a wife. Yaakov receives his father’s blessing, the blessing of the Brit, the Covenant that God made with Avraham and Yitzchak, a blessing that was never intended for Esav. Yaakov leaves home and Esav moves away as well. He decides to dwell with his uncle Ishmael among the Canaanites.
The Torah never tells us that Esav is a bad son. Instead, some of his deeds are described in a less than positive light. Yes, he sells his birthright to his brother because he is “starving to death”. He marries the wrong girl from the wrong tribe which upsets his parents. However, we should keep in mind he fulfills his father’s request in order to receive his blessing. In fact, the ChaZaL, the Talmudic Sages, ascribe the mitzvah of Kibud Av, respecting the father, to Esav. Frequently, Esav would cook and care for his father. Clearly, he was very close to Yitzchak. So when Esav doesn’t receive the blessing: KiShma Esav et Divrei Aviv Yitzchak Tzaaka Gedola U’Mara Ad M’Ode; VaYomer L’Aviv Barcheini Gam Ani Avi When Esav heard his father’s words, he cried out an exceedingly great and bitter cry, and said to his father, “Bless me to my Father” (27:34). Four verses later, when it appears that Yitzchak doesn’t have a blessing in reserve for Esav: VaYomer Esav El Aviv HaBracha Achat Hee Lecha Avi, Barcheini Gam Ani Avi VaYisah Esav Kolo VaYeivk – Esav said to his father, “have you but one blessing, my Father? Bless me too my father!” and Esav raised his voice and wept (27:38). After this big strong strapping sort of man finished crying he then vowed to kill his brother. For a moment at least, Esav appears sympathetic, his cry is “exceedingly great”; he “raises his voice and weeps”. What did these cries sound like? After all, not all cries sound the same. Was it the type of cry when one has suffered a sudden loss? Was it the cry of someone who just broke a bone? Was it the cry upon hearing the news of a loved one? Was it the cry of being at the end of one’s emotional rope and feeling helpless in the face of life’s onslaught? The Meforshim (the commentators) are oddly silent about the nature of the “Tzaak Gedola UMara- the great and bitter cry. Perhaps the silence suggests that Esav’s response is legitimately reasonable. Maybe the silence suggests that Esav’s crying is so out of character from the way he has behaved up until this point. Perhaps Esav is changed after the second cry. Regarding the VaYisah Esav Kolo VaYeivk Esav raised his voice and wept;” the Midrash Tanchuma comments that Esav wept only three tears. One from each eye and one that disappeared in the midst of his eye. When God saw that the “wicked one wept over his life only 3 tears”, that small limited moment demonstrated the smallest of regret over the what his life had become and might very well be in the future. For this tiny moment, for this humane cry, God made sure that Esav received a blessing. Maybe not the one that Yaakov received, but this minimal blessing reflects the minimal nature of the crying, weeping.
Indeed, Esav did some bad things. Time and time again, the Torah records Esav’s deeds. Describing Esav as a hunter doesn’t make him bad. Selling his birthright doesn’t make him bad. Even when distraught over the loss of the blessing, he leaves his parents and goes to his uncle Ishmael and marries the Canaanite woman, the Torah never expresses its disapproval. Only Esav's mother, Rivkah indicates her disapproval. Only the generations after Yaakov, the generations living under Roman rule beginning with the Talmudic Sages evaluated Esav’s deeds and categorized him as “bad” as “evil”; all but dismissing his expression of Kibud Av (respect and reverence for one’s father). Certainly, Esav is not worthy of receiving the covenantal blessing. Does that mean he is unworthy of receiving a blessing? Is he unworthy of his father’s love even if that love is conditional?. As our son listened to the “American Pie” several more times, he began to understand that the works or the deeds of a person stand alone. Even more important, he realized the limitations of looking at the world in terms of “black” and ‘white” and evaluating a person as either “good” or “bad”. Suddenly, he understood that life has far more gray and people are far more complex. It seems our son is growing up.
Rav Yitz
No comments:
Post a Comment