Frequently, our 17-year-old son confides that he can’t wait to finish high school, spend a gap year in Israel and then head off to university preferably out of town. When he tells me this, I smile since I felt the same way many years before. Lately, when we sit down to Shabbat dinner, he will say “this is my last Shabbat of Parsha such and such before I leave home.” His mother immediately states that she cannot believe it and urges him not to rush away her time with him. Although he says it in a kind and loving way, he clearly looks forward to moving on to the next chapter of his life. While we would love for our son to remain close by, intellectually we understand the importance of a child leaving home and making his/her way in the world. We find it reassuring that for years now, universities such as Harvard and Yale to name a few, preferred that their incoming freshman take a gap year in order for the student to mature and be more prepared for living away from home.
This Shabbat we read from Parsha VaYeitze. The narrative focuses upon Yaakov. For the first time, Yaakov will find out what it means to be alone in the world. He has left his mother, Rivkah, and his father, Yitzchak, for the first time. In fleeing his brother Esav, Yaakov now embarks on a new phase of his life. For the first time, but certainly not the last time, he will contend with being alone. He will learn to be an independent individual. Yes, Yaakov will meet his future wives, his cousins Leah and Rachel. He will work for his father-in-law, Lavan, and he will have children. The narrative will focus upon Yaakov’s life from young adulthood to becoming a responsible father, earning a living, and all the trials, tribulations, and tensions of career and family. As Yaakov makes his way in life, eventually, he will learn more about himself. With each event, with each adventure, Yaakov has an opportunity to become better connected to himself, and better connected to a covenant that his father bequeathed to him. Through trial and error, Yaakov will figure out to whom he should spiritually cling: Esav, his parents, Lavan, his wives, and God.
At the conclusion of the previous Parsha, Parsha Toldot, we read that Yitzchak and Rivkah instructed Yaakov to go to Padan- Aram, to the house of Bethuel (Rivkah’s father’s home) and take a wife from there. We would expect Parsha VaYeitze to begin with Yaakov heading to Padan- Aram. Instead, VaYeitze begins: VaYeitze Yaakov M’Beer Sheva VaYeilech Charana – Yaakov departed from Beer Sheva and went toward Charan. VaYifga BaMakom and he experienced and encounter (Gen 28:10-11) If Yaakov’s ultimate destination is Padan Aram and Rebecca’s family of origin, why does the Torah explain that Yaakov stopped at Charan and experienced an encounter? Did Yaakov stop in Charan intentionally in order to have an “encounter”? Or was his stopover in Charan and the ensuing “encounter” unintentional. Clearly, if the Torah is taking the time to explain Yaakov’s itinerary and the resulting “encounter” during his stopover, then it must be important. Yaakov has never been away from home. He was supposed to head toward his mother’s family, the same family that Rivkah knew enough to leave when she was younger. Like his mother, Yaakov must leave his family of origin in order to preserve his life. However, the reason for Rebecca’s departure and the reason Yaakov’s departure were very different. In Toldot, Yaakov was described as Ish Tam Yoshev Ohalim – a simple man [of faith] who dwells in tents (Gen. 19;27) The Talmudic Sages explain that Yaakov’s dwelling in the tent meant that he spent time in his parent’s tents studying and learning. However, no amount of learning would prepare him for what he would contend with when dealing with Rivka’s family and particularly his uncle Lavan. Rabbi Kamenetsky, (1891-1986), explained that prior to arriving in Paddan Aram, Yaakov stopped in Charan to learn from Shem and Eber. Shem was Noah’s son and Eber from the generation of the Tower of Bavel. Both were considered righteous and wise men who lived in unsavory environments and managed to retain their sense of righteousness. Yaakov sought their practical wisdom prior to his encounter with Lavan, becoming independent, and maturing in an unsavory environment. As a result of Yaakov’s diversion, Yaakov understands that he must maintain a relationship with God, and he understands that he will need to find his way home when the time is right.
For Yaakov, he needed to leave his physical home for fear of his physical safety. He was heading towards a place that would test his values and test his ethical code. Certainly, he took with him the values and the learning that he acquired from his family. By making a stopover in Haran, by taking time to put into practice the wisdom and the book learning he acquired at home; he had “an encounter”, that steeled himself for what he would experience with Uncle Lavan. After the stopover and after the “encounter”, Yaakov took God with him as well as the sense of the land, covenant and a sense of purpose. Certainly, our son has acquired a moral code, a sense of ethics as well as “book learning”. Prior to heading off to four years of university, he understands, appreciates, and looks forward to a gap year, a stopover, to put into practice what he has learned. He looks forward to the “encounter” of studying in Israel, in order to give him a deeper sense of purpose as he continues his intellectual, emotional, and spiritual journey in life. Certainly, our son looks forward to his upcoming departure and I think both my wife and I are comforted knowing that his gap year in Israel will give him the self-confidence and the added focus for dealing with university life.
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