The United States observance and celebration of it Thanksgiving signal the beginning of the holiday season. If Christmas decorations have not yet appeared in storefronts, they do so now. Individual homes and town centers begin cleaning up and decorating acknowledging Christmas and Chanukkah. We all begin shopping for gifts for family and friends. Of course, all the Christmas specials are re-broadcast on television. Our family’s favorite Holiday season movie is Frank Capra’s 1946 film It’s A Wonderful Life. I have watched the movie since I was a kid. With each passing year, with each phase of my life, I have seen Jimmy Stewart’s character, George Bailey, in a different light. As he went through different phases of growing up, getting married, and raising a family, I have done the same. As he struggled with his existential angst, so have I. This year, for the first time in 32 years, I have no children in my house. Instead, they are living their lives, on their own, following their path. As a result, I experienced the movie just a bit differently than before. During one particular scene Jimmy Stewart’s character George Bailey sits at the dining room table with his mother, his father, and his younger brother, they discuss George’s future plans. He expresses his need to leave and go out on his own: “I just feel like if I don't get away, I'd bust.” I smiled to myself because, in my mind, it seemed like yesterday that I felt that way in terms of my parents. Now I am at a point in my life where my kids have all adopted a similar mantra. For the first time, I identified with George Bailey’s father, the parent offering guidance to the child who prepares to go off on his own.
This Shabbat we read from Parsha VaYeitze. The focus of the narrative is on Yaakov. For the first time, Yaakov will find out what it means to be alone in the world. He has left his mother, Rivkah, and his father Yitzchak, for the first time. In fleeing his brother Esav, Yaakov now embarks on a new phase of his life. For the first time, but certainly not the last time, he will have to face being alone. He will learn to be an independent individual. Yes, Yaakov will meet his future wives, his cousins Leah and Rachel. He will work for his father-in-law, Lavan, and he will have children. The narrative will focus on Yaakov’s life from young adulthood to becoming a responsible father, earning a living, and all the trials, tribulations, and tensions of career and family. As Yaakov makes his way in life, hopefully, he will learn more about himself. With each event, with each adventure, Yaakov has an opportunity to become better connected, better connected to himself, and better connected to a covenant that his father bequeathed to him. Yet throughout the narrative he will learn to be alone, he will learn to become independent, and he will learn, through trial and error, to whom he should spiritually cling: Esav, his parents, Lavan, his wives, and God.
At the conclusion of the previous Parsha, Parsha Toldot, we read that Yitzchak and Rivkah instructed Yaakov to go to Padan- Aram, to the house of Bethuel (Rivkah’s father’s home) and take a wife from there. We would expect Parsha VaYeitze to begin with Yaakov heading to Padan- Aram. Instead, VaYeitze begins: VaYeitze Yaakov M’Beer Sheva VaYeilech Charana – Yaakov departed from Beer Sheva and went toward Charan. Why doesn’t VaYeitze, say that Yaakov departed and went to Padan Aram? Why do we need to be told that he went to Charan? What’s in Charan? Yaakov has never been away from home. Although he is heading toward his mother’s family; even Rivkah knew enough to leave her family of origin. Now Yaakov, in order to preserve his life, must leave his family of origin. In Toldot, Yaakov was described as Ish Tam Yoshev Ohalim – a simple man of faith who dwells in tents (Gen. 19;27) The Talmudic Sages explain that Yaakov’s dwelling in the tents meant that he spent time in his parent’s tents studying and learning. However, no learning would prepare him for what he would contend with when dealing with Rivka’s family and particularly her brother Lavan. Rabbi Kamenetsky, (1891-1986), explained that prior to arriving in Paddan Aram, Yaakov stopped in Charan to learn from Shem and Eber. Shem was Noah’s son and Eber from the generation of the Tower of Bavel. Both were considered righteous and wise men who lived in unsavory environments and managed to retain their sense of righteousness. Yaakov sought their practical wisdom prior to his encounter with Lavan and dealing with becoming independent in an unsavory environment. He will also need the wisdom of Shem and Eber to help him eventually return home. As a result of Yaakov’s diversion, Yaakov understands that he must maintain a relationship with God, and he understands that he will need to find his way home when the time is right.
In It’s A Wonderful Life, George Bailey’s desire to leave home was symbolized by his request and his “wish to never been born”. Indeed, when George cries out “I want to live again” he is asking to return home. For Yaakov, he needed to leave his physical home, but clearly, he took with him the values and the learning that he acquired from his family. He took God with him as well as the sense of the land. He took with him a desire to return home. Yaakov and George Bailey derive an aspect of their independence from not only leaving home but leaving home with a code as well has to have the courage and humility to return home. Indeed, our children have all left home, however, our children also know that whenever the need arises, the doors of the home are always open, and their parents' arms are also open to hug them when they walk in the door
Rav Yitz.
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