Don't Worry About Tomorrow, Lord, You'll Know It When It Comes - (Bob Weir - "One More Saturday Night")

           Well, it was election night in the United States. As I did some work, the news of the mid-term elections and the future of democracy in the United States provided background noise.  However, as the night wore on, I found myself listening for the results of the candidates that my daughter’s labor union supported.  Before the polls opened I had texted her, wishing her luck, and asking her about her chances of success. I wasn’t just interested politically, nor was I interested in the labor union. However,  I was genuinely nervous for my daughter who has worked so hard on behalf of her constituency. Like a typical parent, I was worried about my daughter. I wanted her to be successful in her goal of getting those candidates that her Union supported, elected to office. However as the hours passed, the polls closed, and the results tabulated late into the night, I realized how much anxiety I had spent worrying about our daughter’s being successful in her job, a job in which success is easily evaluated. Did the candidates win or lose? Sure, I understand worrying about one’s children when they are younger and living at home. The parent perceives a sense of control and perceives the possibility of "fixing" the problem. However, my daughter is a grown woman, in her thirties, an adult. As the night wore on, I realize how little or no control, and much less able to help than I did when she was younger and living at home.

          This Shabbat we read from Parsha VaYeira. The narrative and adventures of Avraham the Patriarch continue. While healing from his ritual circumcision, he fulfills the mitzvah of Hachnasat Orchim, hospitality. He negotiates with God and reduces the number of righteous people that must be found in Sodom and Gemorrah in order to prevent its destruction. The narrative of Avraham is interrupted as we read the narrative of Lot, the two Angels (the same two that had visited Avraham at the beginning of the Parsha), the destruction of the city, and the impure relationship that results when the survivors think that world has been destroyed. The narrative returns to Avraham as its focus and he and his wife Sarah give birth to a son (Yitzchak), the banishment of Hagar and Ishmael (Avraham’s first-born son and from his concubine) and the final test of his belief, the Akeidat Yitzchak – the Offering of Isaac.

          Throughout the Parsha, there are several examples of “questionable” parenting moments as well as “child-ing” moments. These moments include Lot offering his daughters to the mob of Sodom and Gemorrah in order to save the guests that the mob wanted to harm. The daughters don’t say a word about it. These moments include Ishmael, being sent away along with his mother. As Ishmael lies dying of thirst, Hagar leaves him so that she doesn’t have to hear him whine and walks out of earshot. God hears Ishmael’s prayer and saves him due to his merit. However nowhere do we read that Ishmael tells his mom to stay with him so he shouldn’t be alone. Finally, we read of the Akedah Yitzchak, the offering of Isaac as a test of Avraham’s faith in God. In the text, we read that Yitzchak asks Avraham about the offering, Ayeh  HaSeh L’Olah – Where is the lamb for the offering? (Gen 22:7)  From this question the Midrash Tanchuma shows an Avraham that was unsteady, shaky, and nervous about making the offering. The Midrash portrays Avraham in a much more human and troubled manner. He worried about his son’s welfare, he worried about Yitzchak. Yitzchak offers him support and strength and tries to mitigate his father’s anxiety. Yitzchak tells him not to worry and that Yitzchak will do everything he can to help his father.

          When our children are younger and we worry about them, we still have more control to “fix” the problem. Whether we fix it or not, the only thing our children can do is thank us.  However, when our children are older and we have little or no control over “fixing” the problem, it is up to our children to ease our anxiety, to tell us that “it will be OK,” “not to worry” or “I can handle it”. Then we realize that all the hard work of raising them, all the worrying as they grew up wasn’t a waste because they really can handle life.  No, I don’t stop worrying about our kids as they grow older. Rather the test is that as they grow up and mature they are able to ease my anxiety and concern by the effort they exert in striving towards their goals.

Peace,
Rav Yitz