Our
children had an opportunity to spend some time with their grandparents. We had
dinner together. Their grandfather seized the rare opportunity of dinner with
his son, his daughter in law and three of his grandchildren and turned it into
an American History lecture and discussion. The lesson began with a question aimed at the
grandchildren. “Do you know what famous speech was given 150 years ago this
week?” I closed my eyes and smiled. My kids looked around and asked if this had
to do with American History. Grandpa smiled and nodded yes. A chorus of “Well
we haven’t learned any American History since we moved to Canada” erupted. Grandpa
calmly smiled and replied “well we have an opportunity to learn some American
History right now.” Then he repeated the question, “what famous speech was
given 150 years ago this week?” It was Abraham Lincoln’s “The Gettysburg
Address”. For the next 45 minutes, his
three grandchildren listened to their grandfather talk about the Civil War, the
Battle of Gettysburg, the speech, and the importance of taking the time
remember those who gave their lives for a noble idea called freedom. A couple
of days later, my son and I watched the speech on YouTube. During the video,
they showed the battlefield, the death, and all the graves. My son looked and
me and stunned me with his insight when he heard that 50,000 were killed in
three days of fighting. “There must have been lots of mothers and fathers who
were so sad. Did the President’s speech comfort those parents whose sons died
at Gettysburg; did the speech make those parents feel any better?”
This
morning we read from Parshah Vayeishev. The focus of the narrative now shifts
from Yaakov (aka. Israel) to his most beloved son Yosef. Contextually, Yaakov
is at a point in his life where he has finished his spiritual and personal
struggles. He now is at a calm and settled point in his life, hence the name of
the Parshah: Vayeishev – and he settled. We learn that Yaakov,
like his parents, played favorites. He showered Yosef, Rachel’s son, with a
beautiful Kutonet Pasim – Coat of Many Colors. Yosef was a bit arrogant.
This was manifested in his dreams that portrayed his greatness and the
subjugated his brothers and his parents to his power. Needless to say, no one
appreciated his dreams, neither his brothers who wanted to kill him but instead
threw him into an empty pit, nor his father who sent Yosef back to his brothers
knowing that they were angry with him (Gen. 37:10-14). Yosef is then removed
from the pit, sold as a slave and worked in home of one of Pharaoh’s courtiers.
As a slave, Yosef proved invaluable to the welfare of the Courtier’s business
dealings. Yosef managed everything and the courtier profited greatly. The
courtier’s wife however was a bit bored and made a pass at Yosef. Yosef put her
off and then was accused of sexual harassment. Yosef was sent to prison. While
in prison, Yosef helped the warden manage the prison, and the warden did well.
Yosef became known for an ability to interpret dreams.
While
there were no actual deaths of sons in this week’s Parshah, as far as Jacob was
concerned; his favorite son – Yosef had died in the pit. After having sold
Yosef into slavery, the brothers conspire to convince their father that Yosef
was dead. They bring Yosef’s Coat of
Many Colors as evidence. Jacob
identifies the Yosef’s tunic and then he mourns: VaYiKRa Yaakov Simlotav VYaSem Sak BMaTNav VYitABeiL Al B’No Yamim
Rabim – Then Yaakov tore his garments
and placed sackcloth on his loins; he mourned for his son many days. In
reality, Yaakov was inconsolable VaYakumu Chol Banav v’Chol B’Notav – All his sons and all his daughters arose to
comfort him, VaYaMaEin LaHitNaCheM
– but he refused to comfort himself and
said: “ For I will go down to the grave mourning for my son” (Gen.
37:33-36). Clearly Yaakov’s children offered no source of comfort. Yaakov was
unable to find any source of comfort to deal with the apparent death of Yaakov. It seemed that Yosef had died in vain. It
seemed that there was no purpose in Yosef’s death. Yaakov was completely bereft;
the Torah tells us that he mourned for Yamim Rabim. – Many days. However anyone who has ever lost a parent has
“mourned for many days”: 7 days of Shiva, another 3 weeks and 2 days combined
with Shiva makes Shloshim (30 days), and then another 10 months of saying Mourners
Kaddish, then another month without mourners Kaddish being said at each daily
service, up to the anniversary of the burial constitutes a year of mourning.
Yet the Torah, by telling us Yamim Rabim, suggests that Yakov, aveilus
(mourning) is even longer. Rashi clarifies and quantifies Yaakov’s deeps sense
of grief and loss by citing the Talmud in Megilla 17a which explained that
Yaakov mourned for 22 years, until he was re-united with Joseph down in Egypt.
As I
thought about my son’s statement regarding the Gettysburg Address, I thought about
Yaakov’s Avinu’s mourning for “many days” and unable to “comfort himself”. I
answered my son’s questions. For Yaakov, Yosef‘s apparent death seemed utterly
in vain, purposeless. Yosef did not die for some noble cause, nor could Yaakov
find anything meaningful in his son’s death. As a result, Yaakov was unable to
comfort himself. Sometimes there is
comfort in knowing that there was a noble cause worth dying for. When my son
heard and understood Lincoln’s words “we
take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure
of devotion—that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in
vain” he understood that sometimes comfort can be found in the reason for
death.
