Death Don't Have No Mercy (Rev. Gary Davis)

For the past week I have been in San Francisco, my wife’s hometown. No, we haven’t been on a vacation. My wife’s father passed away last Shabbat and we, my wife, my four children and I came to the funeral and stayed for Shiva. Shiva is winding down as my wife and her mother will arise from Shiva on Sunday morning. While my wife and her mother have been mourning, and fulfilling the obligations of mourners, the entire Jewish people spent an intensive day of mourning during Tisha B’Av, the commemoration of the destruction of the First and Second Temples in Jerusalem as well as the an array of other historical calamities that befell our people. Needless to say there were numerous questions about whether we should take the children to the cemetery. My wife thought it best that they should just stay in the car, her mother agreed, explaining that a cemetery was no place for children and that it would make them very uncomfortable. While we made our way from the funeral home towards the cemetery, I explained that my kids were coming with us to the cemetery, they would stand next to their mother and father as opposed to being alone in a car with a million unanswered questions, an equal number of anxieties floating around their heads, and imagining something far worse than reality. We compromised by not allowing our children to shovel the dirt upon the casket but they stood by us, asked lots of questions, received lots of answers, and were essentially comforted during a rather uncomfortable moment. More importantly, they learned how to behave in such a situation. They became just a little more familiar with death and burial and they learned that death is part of life. I have done lots of funerals; many adults are not mature enough to handle death like these three children handled it.

This Shabbat we read from Parsha V’Etchanan. Because this is the Shabbat immediately after Tisha B’Av, and the Haftarah begins with the word Nachamu (Comfort), this Shabbat is known as Shabbat Nachamu – or the Shabbat of Comfort. Considering, the Jewish people just observed Tisha B’Av, comfort seems to be both a timely and well deserved. In the Parsha, Moshe continues recounting the recent history of Bnai Yisroel and exhorts this generation to follow the commandments. Moshe recounts the revelation at Sinai. He reminds Bnai Yisroel that the generations that come later will fail to fulfill the covenant, they will be exiled but eventually later generations will return. Moshe reiterates the purpose of the Arei Miklachat – the Cities of Refuge. Finally Moshe warns and cajoles Bnai Yisroel of the vital importance of passing this tradition, and these laws to their children. Comfort doesn’t necessarily come from Moshe and Parsha V’Etchanan. Rather Comfort comes from the Prophet, Nachamu Nachamu says Isaiah, proclaiming that the exile has come to an end and Bnai Yisroel can return to the land.

Implicit in the Parsha is a means for all of us to find comfort. However this is not warm fuzzy comfort that makes us feel warm and toasty inside. Nor is the kind of comfort that reassures us that no matter what we will be OK. Moshe does us comfort. However this is the type of comfort that is based upon hard work. This is the typ e of comfort that is based upon taking responsibility for our emotions, our behavior, and our decisions. This is the type of comfort that makes no guarantee as to a specific outcome. Instead this is type of comfort that keeps us connected to God and our children no matter the difficulties and hardships of life. First Moshe states V’Atem Ha’Dveikim B’Adoshem Elokeichem Chayim Kulchem HaYom – You who cling to the Hashem, Your God, You are all alive today. Comfort can be found in a relationship with God. Spiritual life, sustenance and strength can be found in the manner in which we cling to God. Later Moshe will tell Bnai Yisroel V’Shinantam Levanech V’Dibarta Bam – You shall teach them [words of Torah] thoroughly to your children (Deut. 6:7) Comfort is the hard work of passing Torah down to the one’s children. Comfort is knowing that wherever our children are during the course of their lives, whether experiencing sickness, death, sadness, or loss, they are equipped to handle it. Torah and God are vital tools in the toolbox that we offer our children to deal with life.

After we buried my father-in law, we headed back to the cars. My son was upset. We talked. I asked him why he was upset. Then he and I walked back to the grave, we watched the grave diggers finish filling the grave. I explained that because his grandfather had been so sick it was a better that he was now in the ground next to those who loved him so much, his parents and his sister. We thanked the gravediggers and returned to the cars. My son looked up and said that “I guess we will all die some day, so we should make sure that we live good lives.” My jaw dropped as I was shocked by the wisdom of this 7 year old. I asked him what “living a good life” means. “Abba”, he said, “that’s easy you be a dad to your children and teach them Torah.” Sometimes comfort and re-assurance can come from the words of torah, an inspiring scene in nature, and sometimes it can come from a 7 year old boy speaking with no pretense from the heart.

Peace,

Rav Yitz