Just Want To Have A Little Peace To Die And A Friend Or Two I Love At Hand (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Black Peter")

          Late last week, while  Americans and allied forces prepared to leave Afghanistan, and airlifting Afghanis who were able to get to the airport and had the necessary papers to leave, a suicide bomber killed over 100 Afghan civilians 13 U.S. service members: 11 Marines, one from the Army and one from the  U.S Navy. With 4 days before pulling out of Afghanistan, these 13 Service members, 12 of whom were between the ages of 20-23, and one was 31 lost were days away from going home, their families were days away from being reunited with loved ones. Not one of those 13 service members had a chance to prepare for their own deaths, to gather loved ones around them, tell them that he/she loved them.  So I watched 13 coffins arrive at Andrews Airforce base, 13 coffins treated with the dignity and the respect that the deceased should always be treated, and ultimately escorted to their families for burial. Each coffin was saluted by the President, the First Lady, the Secretary of the Defense, and other military brass.It was a somber moment and a powerful reminder of the importance of closure when dealing with the death of a loved one.

            This week’s Parsha is the Parsha Nitzavim. According to the Aggadah, this is the recounting of Moshe Rabeinu’s last day of life. Unafraid of his imminent death, he gathers his family: Rosheichem, Shivteichem, Zikneichem, v’Shotreichem, Kol Ish Yisroel, Topchem N’Sheichem V’Geircha Asher B’Kerev Machanecha Meichotev Eitzecha Ad Sho’eiv Meimecha – The heads of your tribes, your elders, and your officers, all the men of Yisroel; your children, your women, and the stranger who is in the midst of our camp, from the woodchopper to the one who draws water (Deut. 29:9-10). Moshe imparts his last vestiges of wisdom to his children, his people. Moshe wants to make sure that everything is in order when he dies and Joshua takes over. Moshe truly has been blessed. He has had the blessing of old age, and here God has granted him the gift of saying goodbye. God has commanded Moshe to say his goodbyes and impart the final vestiges of wisdom.

            We are taught that death is a part of life. Yet many of us are afraid of death. Many of us believe that we should shield our children from death, sadness and loss. However, when we read Parshat Nitzavim, we learn that while impending death is sad, death in the manner of Moshe’s can take on an aura of holiness – of Kedushah. It is in holiness that we attain the highest level of life, a life that is directly connected to God. When death comes like this, from God, with an opportunity to say Goodbye- with an opportunity to impart wisdom to one’s children, death is not mundane, death is not ordinary, but rather holy and part of life, the final expression of holiness in a very physical endeavor. When we talk of strength, we, unfortunately, think of the person who lifts a lot of weight. We think of the person who doesn’t cry, who remains stoic if he/she is all torn up inside. At this time of year, from Elul through Sukkot, when we recite the 27th Psalm and conclude with the words Chazak v’Ya’Ameitz Libecha, v’Kavei El Adoshem – Strengthen yourself, and he will give you courage; and hope to HaShem!, we now understand what it means to strengthen oneself.  Moshe had that kind of strength. To be aware of the end of life, to prepare for it, to draw loved ones toward and tell them how we feel is the epitome of courage.

         One of the service members was a 23-year-old Marine from California, Sgt Nicole Gee. Days before the attack, while helping Afghans get through the myriad of obstacles that separate them from freedom, she posted a picture of her cradling a little baby. She posted the picture on her social media account with the caption saying that this is why she loved her job. Amid a war zone, amid the chaos of an airlift and the stress of an enemy waiting for America and its allies to leave before they do whatever they want to Afghan citizens, Sgt, Nicole Gee was able to re-affirm life in a place and a moment where life was cheap and death seemingly close by. Sargent Gee, with that poignant picture, reminds us to reaffirm life no matter how difficult, no matter how troubling. The Jewish People are less than a week from celebrating Rosh HaShanah, (Jewish New Year). Rosh HaShanah is also known as Yom HaDin (Judgment Day). So while there is joy at arriving on the brink of a new year, perhaps there is a bit of anxiety while awaiting Judgment. The tragic deaths of those 13 service members should remind us that if we have that we should seize the opportunity to tell our loved ones, that we love them so that there is always closure.

Peace,
Rav Yitz

 there is always closure.

Peace,

Rav Yitz 

Look Into Any Eyes You Find By You; You Can See Clear To Another Day (Robert Hunter & Phil Lesh - "Box of Rain")

Several hours before the Rosh HaShanah holiday began, my wife and I received an email from our daughter who is studying in Israel for the year. Since she arrived, her main form of communication has been phone calls or texts messages through Whatsapp. So when I saw an email from her, I was concerned. Don’t ask me why I should be concerned about getting an email from my daughter; I guess as I grow older and worry more and more. (I guess I am becoming more like my father.) So I read our daughter's email. I welled up. She explained that she did not have classes the day before Rosh HaShanah. Apparently, it was a beautiful day in Jerusalem, yet our daughter was experiencing the first twinges of homesickness as this was the first time that she was away during the High Holidays. She explained all this to us in her email and amid the twinges of homesickness and the welling up of tears, our daughter thanked us. She not only thanked us for giving her the opportunity to spend a gap year in Israel, she thanked us for the making her attend this particular seminary even though her teachers thought she would be happier elsewhere. She thanked us for not only seeing her in an honest and clear light but knowing what was best for her, as compared to her high school teachers. She thanked us for being her parents. I quickly wrote back two words. One word sums up the reason we wanted her to participate in sports as well as community service programs- Perspective. The other word allowed her to cope with hardship, discomfort or any challenge – clarity. Usually, clarity occurs when one is able to sense moments of extreme possibility. I know that I had great moments of clarity when each of my children was born. I also had great moments of clarity when my grandfather passed away a few years ago. Life and death allow us to get at the essence of life.

            In this week’s Parsha, Va’Yeileich, for the last time Moshe experiences a moment of clarity. However of all the moments of clarity including: the Burning Bush, the Revelation at Sinai, the Personal Revelation when he saw the back of God while defending B’nai Yisroel following the episode of the Golden Calf; it is the moment of death to which we can all relate. It is at the moment of impending death that Moshe has perfect clarity. He sees and understands the anguish that his children will experience as they drift towards and away from their Covenant with God. He sees all that his life has been and he recognizes that while his life will be no more, there will be closure. Ki Yadati Acharei Motie Ki Hashcheit Tashchitun v’Sartem Min HaDerech Asher Tziviti Etchem V’Karat Etchem Ha’Ra’Ah B’Acharit Hayamim Ki Ta’Asu et Ha’Rah B’Einei Adoshem L’Hachiso B’Ma’Asei Y’deichem – For I know that after my death you will surely act corruptly,  and you will stray from the path that I have commanded you, and evil will befall you at the end of days, if you do what is evil in the eyes of HaShem, to anger Him through your handiwork (Deut.31:29). We should note that closure does not necessarily mean that the content of the closure will be positive, however, the process of closure is always positive. Our sages are adamant about the vital importance of closure. If a person engages in Tshuvah, a repentant return to God, and Vidui, confession even if the moment before death it is tantamount to a person who has returned to living a life of Mitzvot. In a moment of clarity, certainly such a moment exists at death, Moshe has the opportunity to make that moment holy, sanctified, an un-wasted moment.

            This is a very special time of year for The Jewish People. It is a very spiritual time of year. This ten-day period from Rosh HaShanah until Yom Kippur is known as the Aseret Yamei Teshuvah – the Ten Days of Repentance. As the name suggests, this is the time of year in which we seek M’chila or forgiveness for any transgression we have committed. We seek forgiveness from God, and we seek forgiveness from family and friends. Mostly, it seems to me, that during these ten days we honestly look at ourselves and assume that we have hurt others instead of being shocked when we find out that we are capable of hurting another. The ability to engage in this process known as Tshuvah, the process of returning to the holiest aspect of our being, requires great clarity. Sometimes clarity occurs when one experiences a beginning, like a new life. Sometimes clarity comes at the conclusion, the death of a loved one. For our daughter clarity came on a beautiful autumn day in Jerusalem as she thought about the path of her life, leaving home, this current gap year and then onto college/university. Perhaps, Shabbat Shuvah,, the Shabbat of Return, reminds us of the importance of allowing those moments of clarity to serve as a source of spiritual strength.

Peace,

Rav Yitz