Inside You're Burning, I Can See Clear Through; Your Eyes Tell More Than You Mean Them To (John Barlow & Bob Weir - "Feel Like A Stranger")

           On Thursday, the  United States celebrated Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving was always a big deal in my family and hundreds of millions of other families in the U.S. There was always an expectation that our family, wherever we were, would come together for this meal. In an observant Jewish home, a family coming together for a meal happens more than once a year. In fact, it happens once if not twice a week on Shabbat. It happens during the Jewish Holidays. As a kid, our family composed of grandparents, aunt, uncle cousin parents, and sister wasn’t such a big deal. As we grew older and our own lives took us on our own path and our own levels of observance, Thanksgiving was the one Holiday that allowed us to come together, and re-connect. Of course, there are also numerous families that grow distant over the course of a year or even longer, and when they gather for Thanksgiving, the day and the meal are filled with tension and dysfunction. 

          This Shabbat we read from Parsha VaYeishev. The focus of the narrative now shifts from Yaakov (aka. Israel) to his most beloved son Yosef. Contextually, Yaakov is at a point in his life where he has finished his spiritual and personal struggles. He now is at a calm and settled point in his life, hence the name of the Parshah: Vayeishev – and he settled. We learn that Yaakov, like his parents, played favorites. He showered Yosef, Rachel’s son, with a beautiful Kutonet Pasim – Coat of Many Colors.  Despised by his brothers,  they sell Yosef to a passing caravan. Yosef winds up in the home of one of the Pharaoh’s courtiers. As a slave, Yosef proved invaluable to the welfare of the Courtier’s business dealings. Yosef managed everything and the courtier profited greatly. The courtier’s wife however was a bit bored and made a pass at Yosef. Yosef put her off and then was accused of sexual harassment. Yosef was sent to prison. While in prison, Yosef helped the warden manage the prison, and the warden did well. Yosef became known for his ability to interpret dreams.

          The dysfunction within Yaakov’s family is palpable. The Torah tells us that because Jacob demonstrably loved Joseph more and perhaps it was at the expense of Jacob’s other sons, the brothers hated Yosef. VaYiru Echav Ki Oto Ahav Avihem Mikol Echav VaYisnu Oto  V’Lo Yachlu Dabro L’Shalom - His brothers saw that it was he whom their father loved most of all so his brothers hated him, and they could not speak to him peaceably (37:4). The brothers had so much animosity towards Joseph that they couldn’t even be civil to him. Yes, Yosef would tell their father all the bad things that the brothers did (37:2). Certainly, Yosef acted a bit obtuse, lacking self-awareness when he shared the dreams about the sheaves and the constellations. After hearing these dreams the brothers hated Yosef even more, even more than being unable to speak peaceably to him. More than hating Yosef, they were now jealous of Yosef. The next interaction the brothers have with Yosef occurs while tending the flocks. VaYiru Oto M’Rachok U’Vterem Yikra Aleihem Vayitnaklu Oto L’Hamito- They saw him from afar; and when he had not yet approached them, they conspired against him to kill him. (37:18) The Vorker Rebbe (1779-1848) explained that Yosef and the brothers seemed to always keep a distance. The Torah never tells us of any positive interaction between Yosef and his brothers. The brothers never speak to Yosef and Yosef only speaks to them when sharing his dreams of dominion over them. Instead of expressing their pain to their father, and perhaps their anger, they channel it towards Yosef. The distance becomes greater and greater. They never spoke and the brothers’ hatred and jealousy grew by the day. Eventually, they became detached, and Yosef ceased being kin but evolved into “other” instead. “Other” can be dangerous and threatening. So the brothers plotted to kill Yosef.

          It is probably safe to say that Yosef and his brothers did not break bread together. They probably couldn’t remember the last time they shared a meal together where they just talked and laughed. One can imagine a family meal, a Shabbat meal, or a Fesitval meal, fraught with innuendo, harboring the pain of past slights, and finally the meal abruptly concluding with tempers flaring and seething anger. Indeed, the distance that grows among family members is frequently too great to traverse at one meal, even if it is Thanksgiving.

Peace,
Rav Yitz

Well You Know, Hate's Just The Last Thing They're Thinking Of (John Barlow & Bob Weir - "Looks Like Rain")

Over the past few weeks, we have witnessed a human tragedy unfold in Aleppo. Actually what is happening in Aleppo has been going on in Syria for the past five years. Only now has it become starker, crueler, and more brutal and with more callousness and hatred that what previously existed as hundreds of thousands of Syrians have been killed, wounded or displaced. Now, not only has it been the Syrian army and air force indiscriminately killing its own. We have witnessed several attempted ceasefires in order to evacuate the innocent civilians from the wanton death and destruction.  We have witnessed tens of thousands killed. We have watched as the some countries, Russia, explicitly aid and abet the Assad loyalists. We have watch as the other countries, like the rest of the world remain silent as this Assad does to Aleppo what his father did to Hama in the 1980’s. As we watch the evening news, as we see the footage, our children admit to confusion. They understand a leader putting down a rebellion and they understand a civil war. What they don’t understand and what I can’t comprehend is a leader so focused on putting down a rebellion that he doesn’t care how many of his own innocent civilians are part of the “collateral damage” or are actual targets. I told our children to google Stalin, Mao, and Pol Pot as they all turned on their own civilian populations and killed hundreds of thousands of their own. Just when it seems that a leader can’t be filled with any more hate; the leader manages to find even more in order to engage in such heinous behavior. 

This Shabbat we read from Parsha VaYeishev. We begin the Joseph story. Loved more than his brothers, Joseph is eventually sold into slavery by his brothers. He works for a powerful Egyptian only to wind up in prison. While in prison, he helps the warden and the prison becomes very profitable. The Parsha begins with Joseph interpreting dreams and the Parsha ends with Joseph interpreting dreams.  In between, we read about Yehuda who presented with an opportunity to engage in public repentance.

  For the first time in narrative in Book of Genesis, we encounter hatred. Regarding Joseph’s brother’s feelings towards Joseph, the Torah is clear. They are not jealous nor angry. V’Yavei Yosef et Dibata Ra’ah el Avihem – Joseph brought and evil report of them (this might mean only Leah’s son’s or it might refer to all the brothers). V’Yisroel Ahav et Yosef Mikol Banav Ki Ven Zekunim Hu Lo V’Asah Lo KeTonet Pasim – Now Israel loved Joseph more than all his sons because he was the son of his old age and he made him a coat of many colors. Va’Yiru Echav Ki Oto Ahav Avihem MiKol Echav VaYisnu Oto  V’ Lo Yachlu Dabro L’Shalom – And when his brothers saw that their father loved him more than all the brothers, they hated him and could not speak peacefully to him. VaYachalom Yosef Chalom VaYaGeid L’Echav VaYosifu Od Sno Oto – and Joseph dreamed a dream and he told it to his brothers and they hated him even more (Gen.27:2-5). Normally one goes through a series of emotions before arriving at hatred. We might have assumed that the brothers were at first angry or jealous before we learn that they hate Joseph. However, not only do these brothers hate Joseph they couldn’t speak civilly to him. They had to avoid speaking to him for fear that they might hurt him. That seems like a lot of hatred. Yet they managed to find even more hatred in their souls after Joseph told them about his dream of their bowing down to him. What is the difference between the first hatred that the brothers felt prior to hearing of the dream and the hatred they felt after hearing about the dream? Perhaps the first hatred really was the culmination of emotions. That the normal anger and jealousy, over time, evolved into a hatred for Joseph. Certainly that “hatred” seems to be justified as the Torah text offers reasons for their hatred. It seems that by trying to ignore Joseph, the brothers are aware that their hatred is passionate based upon jealousy, anger and rage. The second hatred is more than the first. This hatred seems like a cold calculating hatred where they stop seeing Joseph as a brother. Hinei Ba’al Chalomot HaLaZeh Ba – Behold the dreamer comes (Gen. 27:19). How much do the brothers hate their brother? They hate him so much that they don’t see him as a brother but as something else. Because he is seen as and considered to be something else, something other than a part of their family, they see Joseph as threat. Without passion but rather with a cool hatred they can coolly, calmly and rationally discuss killing him and leaving him in a pit.

                The Torah narrative almost seems to acknowledge that the human soul has a large capacity for hatred. However as large a capacity for hatred we may have, that doesn’t mean we should act upon it. The brother’s discuss killing Joseph but they don’t. They sell him to Midianites on their way to Egypt. Hatred is one of the seven basic emotions. We are not supposed to succumb to our emotions, no matter how justified, no matter how cool and calculated those emotions may be. They are still emotions. The narrative reminds us and we see it with the development of Joseph and Judah. We are supposed to be governed by something more than our emotions. We are supposed to be governed by our desire to be holy and sacred. Leave it to an Israeli youth group to understand and appreciate that lesson, a lesson that they understood and anticipated two years ago. Two years ago they asked the Chief Rabbi who told them to recite Psalms 37 and 120.  Hopefully the rest of the world can catch up and pray for the civilians of Aleppo and the victims of this horrible civil war.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

I Would Say That The Blame Is Mine (John Barlow & Bob Weir - "My Brother Esau")

A few Sundays ago, it was “Daddy Day”. I had the opportunity to spend the day with our children while my wife was busy.  I had the great idea of taking the kids horseback riding. I found a place, made a phone call and spoke to the horse stables. The individual explained to me the physical requirements: age, height, length of inseam etc.  Our 13 and 11 year old satisfied all the requirements. Our nine year old was too young, and his inseam was maybe 1 ½ to 2 inches too short.  I explained to him that we would try and go anyway but I needed him to lie.  He looked up at me and I could see the worry on his face. I asked him what was wrong.  “You and mommy don’t get mad when I lie.” I reminded him that he routinely tells lies when we ask him if he washed his hands when he leaves the bathroom or if his homework was finished and he would say “yes”.  He quickly explained that those are very different cases because “you know I am lying and basically I am playing a game. This is different.”  However he wanted to go horseback riding so he went along.  I told him that he was now 10 instead of 9. He was in 5^th grade and not 4^th grade. He was born in 2003 and not in 2004. I reminded him to just answer the questions that are asked. On our way to the stables, we practiced. “How old are you?” “Ten”.  “What grade are you in?” “ 5^th grade”.  “What year were you born?” “2003”. I reminded him that when he is asked these questions, he needs to look straight ahead at the person and just answer the way we practiced.  Well when we arrived, the woman who ran the stables asked  our son how old he was.  He blinked for a long time,  he  took a deep breath, and looked straight up toward the ceiling and answered in one breath, “I am 10, I was born in 2003, and I am in 5^th grade.” His sisters and I looked at each other and rolled our eyes and thought the same thing. “What a bad liar!” It turned out that he didn’t fit into the stirrup anyway so we never went horseback riding.  When we told Mommy about  the incident, she was so proud that he was such a bad liar.

This Shabbat we read from Parshah Toldot. This Parshah serves as a transition from the narratives of Avraham  to the upcoming narratives of Yaakov. This one Parshah focuses upon Yitzchak and Rivka’s struggle to have children, the ensuing twin sons that are born: Yaakov and Esav, Yitzchak receiving the same blessing re-affirmation of the covenant that Avraham received, Esav’s selling his birthright and then Rebecca scheming with her son Yaakov to trick Yitzchak into giving Yaakov the Blessing of the first born.  The Parshah concludes with Yaakov receiving the Blessing and then being forced to flee for his life because of his brother’s wrath.  

When Esav comes to get his blessing, Yitzchak, the father, tells his son, the son whom he intended to bless states:  Vayomer Bah Achicha B’Mirmah Vayikach Birchatecha – He (Yitzchak) said, Your brother came  B’Mirmah (in guile, in fraud) and took your  blessing.  The statement suggests that Yaakov coldly and callously stole Esav’s blessing. However in reality Yaakov reluctantly went along with his mother, Rebecca’s, plan.  When Yaakov heard his mother’s plan, Yaakov responded with caution Ulai YeMusheini  Avi V’Hayita V’Einav Kimtatei’ah V’Heiveiti Alai K’lalah V’Lo Bracha – Perhaps my father will feel me, and I shall be as a mocker in his eyes; I will therefore bring a curse upon myself rather than a blessing (27:12). Yaakov recognizes the shortcomings in the plan and recognizes that there is a real risk to being caught in a web of deceit.  .  After his mother re-assures him that she will take responsibility, Yaakov goes and brings meat for his mother to prepare, VaYeilech VaYiKach Vayavei L’Imo. The Talmudic Sages in Breishit Rabbah offer an insight into Yaakov’s reluctance to go along with his mother’s plan.  They explain very simply and succinctly Enos V’Chafuf U’Bocheh – Under duress, bent and weeping. From this comment, the Talmudic sages suggest that Yaakov was deeply troubled, caught between not wanting to deceive his father and not wanting to disappoint his mother.  Yes he ultimately went along with his mother’s plan, but did so unenthusiastically and hesitatingly.

When I listened to our son, tell his mom what I had asked him to do, it was quite evident that I had put him into an uncomfortable position, a position that he was not yet ready to assume.  Needless to say I was quite proud that his conscience bothered him about such a white lie. He still claims to have washed his hands when he leaves the bathroom when indeed he hasn’t. He still tells us that he finished his homework, when he hasn’t.  However I realize the discomfort and the trepidation that I caused my son was a result of the fact that I asked him to do something that we otherwise deem as inappropriate. I suppose my son taught me a valuable lesson.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

The Law Come To Get You If You Don't Walk Right ( Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Tennessee Jed")

Among the ongoing sources of tension for our son is the fact that he is frequently picked on by the older sister closest in age. Frequently he points out that the oldest sister picks on the younger sister and then the younger sister picks on him, the youngest brother. Usually this statement of the obvious occurs while tears are running down his face and he just wants to unleash his anger, his frustration and his hurt upon her in such a way that she wouldn’t dare to pick on him again.  He figures that if he could just physically beat her up once, that would be the end of his problems with his sister.  I smile to myself, and tell him, that he could hit her, he could beat her up, but then I have to get involved, I will get angry, and then there will be some serious punishments doled out. I then remind him that I don’t want to dole out serious punishments. I would rather watch the ball game. I offer another suggestion, “try not to act like the little brother and be aware of those times when your sister might think that you are being annoying and then don’t be, or better yet, try not to respond to her since she just wants to get a rise out of you. “ While he understands all the words, he is not quite mature enough and self aware enough to put those words into practice. We have even set up signals for him so he then knows that he should just walk away without displaying anger or hurt and hang out with me or his mom.

This Shabbat we read from Parsha Chukkat. Chukkat begins by telling us the Law for the Red Heifer. The Priest who prepares the mixture of water and  Red Heifers burnt ashes  will render the entire nation spiritually pure, but he will become impure from the mixture. A brief narrative concerning the death of Miriam, the lack of water and B’nai Yisroel’s resulting anxiety and lack of faith leads to the issuance of another test of faith in the Wilderness. Moshe and Aaron don’t know what to do; so God tells them: Kach et HaMateh v’Hakhaeil Et Ha’Edah Ata v’Aharon Achicha v’Dibartem El HaSela L’Eineihem V’Natan Meimav V’Hotzeitah Lahem Mayim Min HaSela V’Hishkita et HaEidah v’Et B’Iram – Hashem spoke to Moshe saying: Take the staff and gather together the assembly, you and Aaron your brother, and speak to the rock before their eyes that it shall give its waters. You shall bring forth for them water from the rock and give drink to the assembly and to their animals (Num. 20:8). Instead of following instructions, Moshe succumbed to his anger and hit the rock with his staff. Indeed water came out, the people drank, but Moshe and Aharon were punished. Aharon died and Moshe learned that he would not be able to enter into Eretz  Canaan.

 This statute was directed at Moshe and Aaron. There was no apparent logic or reason for it. The Torah text offers a very simple explanation of Moshe’s sin and ensuing punishment. After striking the rock twice, water came out from the rock, and the assembly drank. God explains the reason for the harsh punishment. Ya’an Lo He’ehmantem Bi L’Hakdisheine L’Einei Bnai Yisroel Lachein Lo Taviu et HaKahal Hazeh el Ha’Aretz asher Natati Lahem: Because you did not believe in Me to sanctify Me in the eyes of the Children of Israel, therefore you will not bring this congregation to the Land that I have given them (Num. 20:12). The most humble man, who had the closest relationship to God, receives perhaps the most hurtful of punishments for a moment of weakness. Certainly, it is possible to question the punishment as too severe for what transpired. Why does Moshe need to take the rod, the same rod he used to touch the Nile in order to begin the plague of blood? The last time God issued a command about drawing water from a rock; Moshe was commanded to strike the rock (Ex. 17:6). Why pick up the rod if he wasn’t going to use it? Now, without warning God has changed the way Moshe was to draw water from the rock.

Our commentators offer a variety of explanations for this apparently harsh punishment. Rashi explains that Moshe’s fall from the pedestal of “the Hero” because he hit the rock rather than speak as he was commanded. Rambam explains that Moshe’s error was the fact that he was incredibly angry with the people. Since Moshe is a direct emissary of God, the people mistakenly thought that God was mad at them as well when that was not the case. In this Parsha we are never told that God is angry at Bnai Yisroel.  Rabeinu Chananel explains that the mistake was the fact that Moshe and Aharon had used the phrase HaMin HaSelah HaZeh Notzim Lachem Mayim – Shall we bring forth for you water from this rock?” The phrase suggests that Moshe and Aharon had forgotten that God was going to bring forth the water, not Moshe and Aharon. The statement intuits that Moshe was elevating himself above God. Instead Moshe should have rhetorically asked if God will bring forth water for you…. The Midrash Tanchuma and Abarbanel explain that Aharon and Moshe already fell from their heroic pedestals. Aharon had not yet been punished for his involvement in the episode of the Golden Calf and Moshe initiated the episode of the spies. God had never commanded Moshe to send spies.  The Chiddushei HaRim explains that Moshe and Aharon’s failure and reason for punishment has to do with speaking to the Rock  L’Eineihem – before their eyes – before the people. For the Chiddushei HaRim,  Moshe’s ultimate shortcoming was that he wasted an opportunity to teach this new generation, this generation that was not familiar with slavery, nor familiar with life in Egypt, nor directly experienced the miracle of the Exodus.

While we may disagree with severity of Moshe’s punishment, perhaps we can appreciate why God could no longer support Moshe as the leader to bring Bnai Yisroel into Eretz Canaan.  For God, leading Bnai Yisroel means serving as a role model. For God, being a leader, indeed, being heroic means possessing the strength, the courage and the faith to sanctify God when all reason, and context suggests that do so is ludicrous or even life threatening. For God, being a leader, engaging in heroic behavior means bringing others, family, community, or an entire people closer to a meaningful relationship with God. Within our community, we are all role models for other members of the community. We all are presented opportunities to draw other members into the community or to push members out of the community.  We can either engage or alienate. Within our families, parents are role models for their children. Older siblings are role models for younger siblings. As our son is finding out, sometimes the younger siblings can also be role models for their older siblings.

Peace,

Rav Yitz