Inside You're Burning, I Can See Clear Through; Your Eyes Tell More Than You Mean Them To (John Barlow & Bob Weir - "Feel Like A Stranger")

           On Thursday, the  United States celebrated Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving was always a big deal in my family and hundreds of millions of other families in the U.S. There was always an expectation that our family, wherever we were, would come together for this meal. In an observant Jewish home, a family coming together for a meal happens more than once a year. In fact, it happens once if not twice a week on Shabbat. It happens during the Jewish Holidays. As a kid, our family composed of grandparents, aunt, uncle cousin parents, and sister wasn’t such a big deal. As we grew older and our own lives took us on our own path and our own levels of observance, Thanksgiving was the one Holiday that allowed us to come together, and re-connect. Of course, there are also numerous families that grow distant over the course of a year or even longer, and when they gather for Thanksgiving, the day and the meal are filled with tension and dysfunction. 

          This Shabbat we read from Parsha VaYeishev. The focus of the narrative now shifts from Yaakov (aka. Israel) to his most beloved son Yosef. Contextually, Yaakov is at a point in his life where he has finished his spiritual and personal struggles. He now is at a calm and settled point in his life, hence the name of the Parshah: Vayeishev – and he settled. We learn that Yaakov, like his parents, played favorites. He showered Yosef, Rachel’s son, with a beautiful Kutonet Pasim – Coat of Many Colors.  Despised by his brothers,  they sell Yosef to a passing caravan. Yosef winds up in the home of one of the Pharaoh’s courtiers. As a slave, Yosef proved invaluable to the welfare of the Courtier’s business dealings. Yosef managed everything and the courtier profited greatly. The courtier’s wife however was a bit bored and made a pass at Yosef. Yosef put her off and then was accused of sexual harassment. Yosef was sent to prison. While in prison, Yosef helped the warden manage the prison, and the warden did well. Yosef became known for his ability to interpret dreams.

          The dysfunction within Yaakov’s family is palpable. The Torah tells us that because Jacob demonstrably loved Joseph more and perhaps it was at the expense of Jacob’s other sons, the brothers hated Yosef. VaYiru Echav Ki Oto Ahav Avihem Mikol Echav VaYisnu Oto  V’Lo Yachlu Dabro L’Shalom - His brothers saw that it was he whom their father loved most of all so his brothers hated him, and they could not speak to him peaceably (37:4). The brothers had so much animosity towards Joseph that they couldn’t even be civil to him. Yes, Yosef would tell their father all the bad things that the brothers did (37:2). Certainly, Yosef acted a bit obtuse, lacking self-awareness when he shared the dreams about the sheaves and the constellations. After hearing these dreams the brothers hated Yosef even more, even more than being unable to speak peaceably to him. More than hating Yosef, they were now jealous of Yosef. The next interaction the brothers have with Yosef occurs while tending the flocks. VaYiru Oto M’Rachok U’Vterem Yikra Aleihem Vayitnaklu Oto L’Hamito- They saw him from afar; and when he had not yet approached them, they conspired against him to kill him. (37:18) The Vorker Rebbe (1779-1848) explained that Yosef and the brothers seemed to always keep a distance. The Torah never tells us of any positive interaction between Yosef and his brothers. The brothers never speak to Yosef and Yosef only speaks to them when sharing his dreams of dominion over them. Instead of expressing their pain to their father, and perhaps their anger, they channel it towards Yosef. The distance becomes greater and greater. They never spoke and the brothers’ hatred and jealousy grew by the day. Eventually, they became detached, and Yosef ceased being kin but evolved into “other” instead. “Other” can be dangerous and threatening. So the brothers plotted to kill Yosef.

          It is probably safe to say that Yosef and his brothers did not break bread together. They probably couldn’t remember the last time they shared a meal together where they just talked and laughed. One can imagine a family meal, a Shabbat meal, or a Fesitval meal, fraught with innuendo, harboring the pain of past slights, and finally the meal abruptly concluding with tempers flaring and seething anger. Indeed, the distance that grows among family members is frequently too great to traverse at one meal, even if it is Thanksgiving.

Peace,
Rav Yitz

Am I Living Truth Or Rank Deceiver (Gerrit Graham & Bob Weir - "Victim Or The Crime")

Every so often, someone in our home becomes keenly aware of the cultural differences between growing up in Toronto and growing up in New Jersey or California. Most of the time these cultural differences are cute little idiosyncrasies. Once in a while they are enormous cultural clashes that leave us feeling as if we are caught between the proverbial “rock and a hard place”.  Such a cultural clash occurred as our 17 year old took her standardized tests that are required by most U.S. universities and colleges. Such standardized tests are not required by any school that we are aware of in Ontario. These standardized tests have been a part of the U.S. educational fabric since the 1920’s. Indeed, they are a rite of passage. Not some rite of passage based upon symbolic ritual, but a rite of passage that, from the person going through it, can make or break dreams of acceptance into a desired college or university. Growing up with the standardized test as part of the High School experience, high school offer programs to help students prepare and guidance counselors offer students coping mechanisms to help them deal with the stress, and students, if they can afford it, take a course and learn how to take the test. However, as I reminded our daughter, just as my parents reminded me, that standardized tests are not a measure of the content of one’s character nor are these tests an indication of whether the person is a kind, decent, mentsche.   

This week’s Torah portion is VaYigash.  The confrontation between Yosef and his brothers is about to occur. The Parshah begins with Yehudah approaching his brother Yosef, whom he does not recognize, and pleads for Benjamin’s freedom.  Yosef reveals his identity and the brothers hug and kiss each other. They cry and they forgive each other. Yosef asks about his father’s welfare. The brother’s return to their father, Yaakov, and tell him that Yosef is alive. The brothers add that everyone, the entire clan, should go down to Egypt. So this clan, including: Jacob, the brothers, their wives and children, heads down to Egypt. Yaakov meets Pharaoh. Yosef’s family is given a parcel of land outside of Egypt in a place called Goshen, where they can tend to their flocks. Yaakov is re-united with his beloved Yosef in the land of Goshen.

For the ChaZaL, the Sages of Blessed Memory, the Sages of the Talmud, the confrontation between Yosef, the second most powerful man in Egypt, and Yehudah, the leader of the Yaakov’s sons; the confrontation is much more than just two brothers meeting up after a couple of decades. For ChaZaL, the word VaYiGaSh refers to Yehudah girding himself for war. Remember, Yehudah does not yet know the identity of the man standing before him. For all Yehudah knows, this man, who looks Egyptian, dresses Egyptian, and speaks Egyptian embodies the most powerful empire and the most dominant culture in the world. However, according to the Or HaChayim that is not the plain meaning of the word. The Or HaChayim explains that if Yehudah was “girding himself for war” then he would not have spoken so respectfully and politely to Yosef: Bi Adoni “if it pleases my lord”. Nor would Yehudah be concerned with antagonizing Yosef’s anger. Instead,  Yehudah’s approaches Egypt’s second in command not girded for war but confidently approaches bypassing guards and advisors and manages to speak quietly and privately into the minister’s ear. Make no mistake, when Yehudah tells the minister that he is just like Pharaoh, when he speaks truth to power, Yehudah does it in a whisper, privately, without causing embarrassment to second most powerful man in the Egyptian empire. Yehudah’s approach to Joseph was based upon several factors. First, he felt a deep sense of responsibility for his brother Benjamin. Second, he felt a deep sense of responsibility and commitment to his father. Third, he felt a deep sense of respect of the power and authority of the man standing before him and what that man represented.  As a result, Yehudah had to project the perfect blend of strength and humility. He had to speak politely yet forcefully. Most of all he had to make sure that that he wouldn’t embarrass the second most powerful man in the Egyptian empire. Only after this confrontation was Yosef able to reveal himself, and his character to the brothers. Only then could he reveal the fact that he had no desire for retribution, no animosity but rather only joy, relief and concern.

Character is revealed in a myriad of ways, but a standardized test is not one of them.  Rather character might be revealed by speaking forcefully without demeaning or embarrassing the other. Character might be revealed by showing forgiveness. Indeed, the tension and the confrontation between Yehuda and Yosef, perceived by the Sages to foreshadow the mystical tension between Israel and Egypt, quickly dissipated once Yosef revealed his identity. Only by revealing his identity and making himself vulnerable; was Joseph able to show the content of his character, the contentment in his soul rather than a desire for retribution. As I picked up our daughter from that very difficult day, I explained to her that just by sitting for the exam; college admissions people learned more about her as a person than some score. Buoyed by the experience and knowing that she could get through it; she already wanted to know the next opportunity to write the test just in case her scores were not satisfactory enough.

Peace,

Rav Yitz 

Shadow boxing the apocalypse yet again, yet again. Shadow boxing the apocalypse, and wandering the land. (John Barlow & Bob Weir "My Brother Esau")

While our daughters were home for Thanksgiving, their friends came by to visit and we discussed Jewish life and anti- Semitism on college/university campuses. I especially wanted our grade 12 daughter to listen and be a part of the discussion since she is in the process of applying to universities both in Ontario and in the North East U.S. One friend of our 19-year-old daughter’s friends is an observant woman and only wears skirts. She attends a university in Toronto. The friend explained that while she is aware of the institutional anti-Semitism and the BDS campaigns; because she doesn’t live on campus, it doesn’t feel as acute.  Far more troubling has been the anti-Semitism she has encountered on an individual basis. She explained that her lab partner is an observant Muslim. The friend explained that she and the lab partner seemed to get along as both were very respectful of issues of religion, and they shared a common concern about an over-emphasis upon the secular. Well, when the young Muslim woman noticed a pro-Israel sticker on our daughter’s friend’s computer; the Muslim woman refused to work with our daughter’s friend. Eventually, she switched out of the lab and now our daughter’s friend no longer has a lab partner. When she does see her former lab partner; she receives no acknowledgment, and the former lab partner won’t speak to her nor acknowledge her existence.

This week we read from Parsha VaYishlach. We read Yaakov’s preparation for the reunion with his brother Esav. We read about Yaakov’s wrestling match. We read about Yaakov and Esav’s reunion. We read about Yaakov’s daughter Dina and her unholy tryst with Shechem a member of the Hivvites. We learn of what many consider to be the fanatical response on behalf of her brother Shimon and Levi. Yaakov returns to Bet El, the place where he dreamt of the ladder many years before, builds an altar, and receives the covenant from God. During that process, God changes his name from Yaakov to Yisroel. And while we read about the name change at the very beginning of the Parsha, that name change was given by another being (Gen. 32:29). Rachel dies as well as a wet nurse named Deborah. Finally, we read a list of Yaakov’s children as well as Esav’s descendants and the princes of Edom.

Yaakov’s trepidation prior to his reunion with his brother stems from the one unanswered question. “Does my brother still wish to kill me”? “What can I do to prevent Esav from killing me and wiping out my family?” Yaakov just crossed the Yabok River and is unsure as to what to expect from his brother Esav.  VaYaratz Esav Likrato VaiChabkeihu, VaYipol Al Tzavarav Vayishahkeihu Vayivku – Esav ran toward him, embraced him, fell upon his neck, and kissed him; then they wept (Gen. 33:4).  The plain meaning suggests Esav has forgiven his brother. The plain meaning suggests that nearly two decades have washed away Esav’s animosity towards his brother and he no longer desires to harm his younger brother. Esav embraces his brother and kisses him. Yet questions about Esav and his attitudes toward his brother remain. Esav’s actions: the embrace, the kiss, even the manner in which he ran towards Yaakov and “fell upon him” could be easily interpreted as something far more disturbing even ominous for Yaakov and his family. There are four dots that appear in the Torah text above the word VaYishahkeihu – And he kissed him. What do the dots indicate? Is there a difference between the embrace when there is genuine affection as opposed to an embrace when there still a deep-seated animosity? As early as the late 2^nd century, R’ Shimon ben Eliezer, in B’reishit Rabba (The Talmudic Sages’ commentary on the TaNaCh) explained that VaYishaKiehu with the letter Kuf means “kiss”. However, if the dot above that letter suggests that the letter ought to be a Kaf,  then “he kissed him”, would mean “and he bit him”. Whereupon, Yaakov’s neck turned to marble and thus preventing Esav from biting Yaakov’s neck. An 8^th/9^th century text, the Midrash Tanchuma, explains the approach, kiss, and tears in a more ominous manner. Esau should be compared to a wolf that sought to bite Yaakov. When Yaakov’s neck turned to marble, Esav’s teeth “were set on edge”. Both men cried but for different reasons.  Esav was frustrated because he will have to wait for another opportunity to kill his brother, and Yaakov cried because he understands that he would always remain on ready in case of another attack.

For the Rabbinic Sages, Esav, and his tribe Edom came to symbolize Rome. When Rome became Christian, that symbolism became more poignant. As the Church became more anti-Semitic throughout the first and second millennia, Yaakov and his descendants, the Jewish people, had to remain vigilant about the anti-Semitism that originated from his brother. With the rise of political extremism on both the political left and the political, Jews have to remain vigilant. These displays of anti-Semitism from either extreme whether it is supporting BDS speakers and policies or white nationalist pro-fascist speakers and policies, both are easy to identify on a university/college campus.  For our 12^th grade daughter, it is reason enough not to apply to such an institution. However, what is more difficult, and perhaps more hurtful on a personal level, is the antisemitism encountered on an individual and personal basis as manifested in our daughter’s friend’s experience. When asked about this type of anti-Semitism, our 12^th grade daughter explained that she expects to encounter that type of anti-Semitism. However she is thoughtful enough to understand and see the distinction between individuals and institutions. To her credit, she like Jacob, understood that she would have to deal with that type of anti-Semitism on a contextual case by case basis.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

And So I Wrestle With The Angel To See Who'll Reap The Seeds I Sow (Gerrit Graham & Bob Weir - "Victim Or The Crime")

Like so many American families, we celebrated Thanksgiving. We packed up and drove to my parents’ home. Our eldest daughter who had been working in Florida until the recent midterm elections came, my sister brother in law and niece came.  Our daughter studying in Israel made Thanksgiving and we all had the chance to video chat with her. The last time that I saw our eldest daughter was in June when she came for her sister and brother’s graduation. Certainly, we had video chatted. Let’s just say a video chat doesn’t exactly offer a complete picture. So when she took one look at my completely gray beard, my salt and pepper head of hair, she hugged and kissed me and said. “You are so old! What happened to you?” Like the crows feet around my eyes, I attributed all the gray hair and white beard to the existential angst of fatherhood. For me, existential angst usually occurs in the middle of the night. It wakes me up, I go downstairs, I look outside at the night sky full of stars I think and worry. I worry about life, death, the quality of life and the quality of death, what am I doing with my life, how am I going to pay for Jewish day school, college, and weddings. I worry about my aging parents, my aging mother in law. I worry about my wife worrying about her aging mother. I explain to my eldest daughter that I wake up in the middle of the night and worry about all the stuff that a middle-aged person wrestles with.” While I normally sleep quite soundlessly, every so often I am wake up to wrestle with all my existential angst and worries.

This Shabbat we read from Parsha Vayishlach. Yaakov and his family prepare to return to Yaakov’s home. However, they will first need to deal with an almost twenty-year grudge held by Esav. Yaakov will hope for the best and prepare for the worst as he prepares to meet his brother.  After their short reunion, Yaakov makes his way back to his ancestral lands. His mother passes away. He is blessed with another son, Benjamin, born to his wife Rachel. However, she dies in childbirth. His daughter, Dinah, has an illicit relationship with a prince of Shechem. According to the text, she is rendered “impure” and her brothers wipe out the prince and his village. Yaakov’s name is changed to Yisroel. God blessed Yaakov within the context of the covenant made with Avraham and Yitzchok. Yaakov’s blessing includes children, land and wealth, all of the things that God promised to Yaakov’s grandfather – Avraham. The Parsha concludes Yaakov and Esav seeing each other one last time in order to bury their father Yitzchok, and then we read the final psukim: a list of Esav’s descendants down to grandchildren.

The parsha is replete with dramatic moments. However, the brief narrative (Gen. 32:25-29) about Yaakov’s night prior to his first meeting with Esav, offers us a life-changing moment in Yaakov’s life. The narrative of the wrestling match begins in a very peculiar manner. VaYivater Yaakov L’Vado, VaYei’avek Ish Imo Ad Alot HaShachar – Jacob was left alone and a many wrestled with him until the break of dawn.  So if Yaakov was left alone, with whom did he wrestle?  The Torah tells us he wrestled with a man, however by the end of this brief narrative, Yaakov is asking the man(?) to bless him. During the wrestling match, and to add to the confusion the word for “man” is not used neither is Yaakov’s name. Rather the third person masculine singular pronoun “Hu” is used.  The M’forshim also struggle with this brief narrative.  Rashi reminds us of how our sages explain Sh’Hu Saro Shel Eisav – that it was the guardian angel of Esav.  Chizkuni – the 13th-century French commentator succinctly states Malach B’Damut Ish – an angel in the form of a man. Radak, Rabbi David Kimchi – a late 12/early 13th-century French commentator is even more explicit. He offers a single word of explanation as to the “man’s” identity – Melach – an angel. Some say it was the guardian angel of Esav and some say it was an Angel sent to restate God’s promise to Yaakov. However, a more modern and psychologically aware understanding seems that the “man” is Yaakov. Yaakov is struggling with himself. The language of the wrestling match only uses the Hebrew word “Hu” – in English "he". He said, he held on, he didn’t let go, he blessed him, he wrestled with him. Yaakov’s name is only mentioned when his hip is pulled out of joint, when he states his name and when the other being renames Yaakov. Yaakov’s whole life has been a struggle… first with Esav, God, and then Lavan. Before his impending struggle with Esav, Yaakov needs to know who exactly Yaakov is and who he clings to – which aspect of himself does he cling to? The godly aspect within him? The Esav within him? The reality is, Yaakov must decide who He is and what that means as he returns to his ancestral home and receives the covenant.  It will leave a mark for sure, however during his sleepless night, during his “mid-life crisis” and his “moment of clarity”; Yaakov will finally be a complete spiritual person with a full acceptance of his relationship to God and a sense of purpose in his life. This does not mean his life will be easier. It just means that Yaakov, with this renewed sense of purpose and identity, will be able to deal with all the troubles and heartache that is involved in living life as he continues to grow old.

             Of course, I have gray hair. Yes, my beard is turning white. There are more worries, there are more things that feel beyond my control.  There are more times that I worry about the direction of my life and my children's lives. There are more times when I worry about my parent’s health. No, I don’t necessarily have my hip pulled out of joint when we wake up in the middle of the night with this existential angst. Although due to an old back injury; I sometimes wake up with my back pain more acute than at other times.  We do have the emotional scars of such moments. Our souls struggle and sometimes our souls receive scars because of those moments when we question our purpose in life. It probably causes wrinkles and definitely causes gray hair. However those struggles are necessary because it leads us to moments of clarity, and we understand that our lives do have a purpose, and our families will be ok and everything will be all right.

Peace,

Rav Yitz