You Who Choose To Lead Must Follow (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Ripple")

With the conclusion of the last final exam, the last in class party, and the “goodbye’s”, our three younger children finished 7^th, 5^th and 3^rd grade respectively.  As they happily came into the house, and dumped their knapsack in the hall for the last time of this school year, they showed us their report cards. I am always amazed what adults say to our children when they hear about their grades. Actually my amazement has more to do with how utterly silly the comments tend to be and the genuine fear that the comments will serve as a “turn-off” to our children’s continued effort in the particular subject and success.  When our children are asked about their grades, and they mention their grades in Talmud and Tanach, and all things Jewish, someone always asks, “Are you going to be a Rabbi like your father?” If I am standing there, they look at me; eyes open wide, with a slight look of apprehension. I nod to them and they smile and say “no”.  The question is usually asked of our son, but each of our daughters has been asked the question.  While our son used to say that he wanted to be a Rabbi, his answer has subtly evolved. No, he doesn’t want to be a rabbi. While he would like to learn: learn Tanah, learn Talmud, study Judaism and live an observant life; he aspires to other things. Neither his mother nor I encourage him to be a Rabbi but instead gently discourage him from the life of a pulpit Rabbi.

This Shabbat we read from Parsha Pinchas. The first few Psukim of the Parsha are a direct continuation of the previous Parsha: Balak. There is no elapse of time in the narrative. Parsha Balak concludes with a plague upon Bnai Yisroel for its worship of Moabite/Midianite god, Baal Peor. Aaron’s son Pinchas zealously acts by killing Zimri from the tribe of Shimon and Cozbi the Midianite woman. God tells Moshe to reward Pinchas for his behavior by giving him the Brit Shalom, the Covenant of Peace. This covenant is only for Pinchas and his descendants. Keeping in mind that B’nai Yisroel has now concluded it 40 years of wandering in the wilderness and are poised upon the eastern bank of the Jordan River; a new census is taken. Just like we needed to know how many left Egypt, we now need to know how many will enter into Eretz Canaan. After the census is taken Moshe must judge a legal case concerning the laws of inheritance when a man has only daughters. This brief narrative is about the “Daughters of Tzelophchad”. Following this narrative, God commands Moshe to teach the new generation the laws for time bound offerings including the Shabbat offering, the Rosh Chodesh offering, the offerings for the Shelosh Regalim (Three Pilgrimage Festivals etc).

             God also tells Moshe Rabeinu that his time as leader and in fact his life is quickly drawing to a close and that he should put his affairs in order (27:12-18). Given the opportunity this incredible opportunity to put his affairs in order, the most glaring concern that Moshe has is publicly naming and endorsing his successor. On the one hand, it is an obvious choice. The Torah mentioned two men who were there at Sinai and were eligible to enter into Canaan: Caleb and Joshua. Of the two, Joshua has received far more print. After all, he warned Moshe of Bnai Yisroel’s behavior with the Egel Zahav, he fough the Amalekites while Moshe held up his hands. Joshua has served as Moshe’s right hand for all these years.  Yet Moshe, as smart as he is, as prophetic as his spirit is, still speaks to God in the hope that God will make the choice: Yifkod Adoshem Elokai Haruchot L’Chol Basar Ish Al Ha’Eidah. May Hashem, God of the spirits of all flesh, appoint a man over the assembly, Asher Yeitzei Lifneihem va’Asher Yavo Lifneihem Va’Asher Yevieim V’Lo Tiheyeh Adat Adoshem Katzon Asher Ein Lahem Roeh –who shall go out before them and come in before them, who shall take them out and bring them in; and let the assembly of Hashem not be like sheep that have no shepherd. (27:16-17). Indeed God makes a choice. The question is: why didn’t Moshe just nominate Joshua using the language of the two Psukim and invoking the qualities enumerated in these two psukim?

 It seems that maybe Moshe was hoping for a different answer.  Bemidbar Rabbah, the Talmudic Sages commentary on the book of Bemidbar, makes the following comment: What prompted Moshe to make this request immediately after the chapter dealing with the laws of inheritance? Since the daughters of Zelophehad inherited their father, Moshe said: Now is the time to make my claims. If daughters inherit, then it is only right that my sons inherit my glory! Said the Holy One Blessed Be He to him: ‘Who so keepeth the fig tree shall eat the fruit thereof’ (Proverbs 27:18). Your sons idled away their time and did not occupy themselves with the study of the Torah, but as for Joshua, much did he minister to you and much honor did he apportion you… Since he served you with all his strength it were meet for him to minister to Israel that he doesn’t lose his reward. Take Joshua son of Nun” The Talmud adds: Why do not the children of scholars usually turn out to be scholars? Said Rabbi Yosef: That it should not be said that the Torah came to them by inheritance” (Nedarim 71a).  Rather, Torah is inherited by those who labor in it, who study it, who struggle with it and wrestle with it. A scholar’s son may engage in such activities but he does so because of his own volition, not because of his father.

             As parents we always hope our children will do well in school. More importantly we stress that they should put forth an honest effort. More importantly we hope that they will discover their own academic interests, not because they are mine and my wife’s but rather because each recognizes his/her own intellectual curiosity  about various subjects and wishes to pursue them because each has made it their own.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

So Many Roads I Know; So Many Roads To Ease My Soul (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia "So Many Roads")

      With one daughter almost finished with the Bar/Bat Mitzvah circuit, and another one just about to begin the Bar/Bat Mitzvah circuit; I have discovered that the biggest obstacle to “good parenting” are other parents. It is difficult enough to instill our values into our children when I have to compete against popular culture, IPods, and the Internet. Now I have to compete with poor judgment of other parents, the misplaced values of other parents and even sometimes their utter lack of common courtesy. My wife and I learned that lesson the hard way. Not all parents deal with curfews and bedtimes like us, nor are they considerate of other parents rules. With our daughter at a Sunday night Bat Mitzvah party; the parent who was supposed to pick up her daughter and our daughter didn’t bring our child home until 11:30pm. She apologized and said that the “girls were having so much fun, and I didn’t want anyone’s feelings getting hurt by picking them up too early, so I let them stay until the band finished playing.” Her daughter was also dressed as if she were a 25 year old at a singles bar. Needless to say, I pick up our kids from these parties, and our daughter is only allowed to look her age, or maybe a year older. No adolescent daughter is permitted to dress like a 25 year old woman at a singles bar. Of course, our daughters’ desire to look like everyone else, to act like everyone else, as opposed to look like who they are and behave like who they are, is a constant source of tension.  Very often, we talk with our daughters and remind them that being “Happy “ is not a function of a cool cell phone, high heels, dressing in a slinky dress,  looking like and acting like their friends or even being popular.  Both my wife and I realize that not only do we have to work that much harder instilling our values, we have to teach our daughters not to be jealous of others or insecure with who and what they are. Certainly our daughters questions are legitimate, and I realize that the unhappiness and insecurities that are raised; are all too often the same questions, insecurities and unhappiness that we all raise at one time or another.

     This Shabbat we read form Parsha Balak. Balak was a Moabite King. After watching what B’nai Yisroel had done to the Ammonites, Balak was distressed. He realized that fighting B’nai Yisroel with a regular army was doomed to fail because he realized that God had blessed them. Being a clever king, Balak surmised that the only way to fight B'nai Yisroel was to fight them on a spiritual level. Since God blessed Bnai Yisroel, Balak wanted to find someone to curse them. There lived a prophet, a “Prophet Consultant,” a “hired gun” if you will, named Bilaam. King Balak hired Bilaam to curse B’nai Yisroel. Bilaam is visited by God and told not to curse B’nai Yisroel. Bilaam ignores the visitation. On his donkey heading towards B’nai Yisroel’s camp, and preparing his curses, the donkey stops. Although Bilaam could not see the angel standing in the middle of the road with a sword drawn, the donkey did. As a result the donkey refused to continue forward. Finally Bilaam realizes that there is a divine force in the middle of the road and must confront it. Bilaam listens and heads toward the camp. Looking down upon the encampment, Bilaam blesses B’nai Yisroel with words that we say upon entering into any synagogue, words that we teach our children at the youngest of ages. Ma Tovu Ohalecha Yaakov Mishkenotecha Yisroel – How goodly are your tents, O Jacob, your dwelling places O Israel – Kinchalim Nitayu K’ganot Alei Nahar K’Ahalim Natah Adoshem Ka’Arazim Alei Mayim – stretching out like brooks like gardens by the river, like aloes planted by Hashem, like cedars by the water (Num 24:5-6). Try as he might, Bilaam is unable to curse Bnai Yisroel, rather he blesses them.

     However more than blessing B'nai Yisroel, Bilaam learned something else. He examined B’nai Yisroel and he reflected upon his own life. Whatever B'nai Yisroel has, he wishes it was bottled for his use. Tamot Nafshi Mot Yi’sharim Ut'hi Achariti Kamohu – May my soul die the death of the upright, and may my end be like this. Bilaam, a once materialistic, prophet for hire, looks out upon a peaceful people’s encampment. Bilaam looks out a upon a warm caring community in which boundaries are observed, Derech Eretz is respected (the considerate treatment of one’s fellow man), observance of ritual, and the desire of everyone to live as a holy a life as possible is lived out every day in a million and one little ways. Bilaam looks out upon a nation that has achieved a sense of spiritual completeness, Shalem. This is a community that is at peace with itself, with a sense of purpose and destiny. If an entire nation has achieved this, what individual would not want this? Bilaam realized that this spiritual wholeness is attainable. If Bilaam realizes this, why don’t we?

      The community model that Bilaam sees and wants for himself is still possible today. Obviously it takes work. Obviously it takes all of us being on the same page in terms of our sense of purpose for our children and for our seniors. Obviously it takes all of us being on the same page in terms of our spiritual priorities and desire to learn. It takes all of us caring about each other, and still respecting each other’s space and privacy. It takes parents looking at their children and saying, “No, you may not wear those types of clothes.”  It takes parents understanding that children are not little adults but rather children, children that mimic what we say, what we do, and how we behave towards others.  Gee, I can’t wait until the Bar Mitzvah circuit includes my son and his class. By then I am sure I will have to agate and aggravation.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

The Law Come To Get You If You Don't Walk Right ( Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Tennessee Jed")

Among the ongoing sources of tension for our son is the fact that he is frequently picked on by the older sister closest in age. Frequently he points out that the oldest sister picks on the younger sister and then the younger sister picks on him, the youngest brother. Usually this statement of the obvious occurs while tears are running down his face and he just wants to unleash his anger, his frustration and his hurt upon her in such a way that she wouldn’t dare to pick on him again.  He figures that if he could just physically beat her up once, that would be the end of his problems with his sister.  I smile to myself, and tell him, that he could hit her, he could beat her up, but then I have to get involved, I will get angry, and then there will be some serious punishments doled out. I then remind him that I don’t want to dole out serious punishments. I would rather watch the ball game. I offer another suggestion, “try not to act like the little brother and be aware of those times when your sister might think that you are being annoying and then don’t be, or better yet, try not to respond to her since she just wants to get a rise out of you. “ While he understands all the words, he is not quite mature enough and self aware enough to put those words into practice. We have even set up signals for him so he then knows that he should just walk away without displaying anger or hurt and hang out with me or his mom.

This Shabbat we read from Parsha Chukkat. Chukkat begins by telling us the Law for the Red Heifer. The Priest who prepares the mixture of water and  Red Heifers burnt ashes  will render the entire nation spiritually pure, but he will become impure from the mixture. A brief narrative concerning the death of Miriam, the lack of water and B’nai Yisroel’s resulting anxiety and lack of faith leads to the issuance of another test of faith in the Wilderness. Moshe and Aaron don’t know what to do; so God tells them: Kach et HaMateh v’Hakhaeil Et Ha’Edah Ata v’Aharon Achicha v’Dibartem El HaSela L’Eineihem V’Natan Meimav V’Hotzeitah Lahem Mayim Min HaSela V’Hishkita et HaEidah v’Et B’Iram – Hashem spoke to Moshe saying: Take the staff and gather together the assembly, you and Aaron your brother, and speak to the rock before their eyes that it shall give its waters. You shall bring forth for them water from the rock and give drink to the assembly and to their animals (Num. 20:8). Instead of following instructions, Moshe succumbed to his anger and hit the rock with his staff. Indeed water came out, the people drank, but Moshe and Aharon were punished. Aharon died and Moshe learned that he would not be able to enter into Eretz  Canaan.

 This statute was directed at Moshe and Aaron. There was no apparent logic or reason for it. The Torah text offers a very simple explanation of Moshe’s sin and ensuing punishment. After striking the rock twice, water came out from the rock, and the assembly drank. God explains the reason for the harsh punishment. Ya’an Lo He’ehmantem Bi L’Hakdisheine L’Einei Bnai Yisroel Lachein Lo Taviu et HaKahal Hazeh el Ha’Aretz asher Natati Lahem: Because you did not believe in Me to sanctify Me in the eyes of the Children of Israel, therefore you will not bring this congregation to the Land that I have given them (Num. 20:12). The most humble man, who had the closest relationship to God, receives perhaps the most hurtful of punishments for a moment of weakness. Certainly, it is possible to question the punishment as too severe for what transpired. Why does Moshe need to take the rod, the same rod he used to touch the Nile in order to begin the plague of blood? The last time God issued a command about drawing water from a rock; Moshe was commanded to strike the rock (Ex. 17:6). Why pick up the rod if he wasn’t going to use it? Now, without warning God has changed the way Moshe was to draw water from the rock.

Our commentators offer a variety of explanations for this apparently harsh punishment. Rashi explains that Moshe’s fall from the pedestal of “the Hero” because he hit the rock rather than speak as he was commanded. Rambam explains that Moshe’s error was the fact that he was incredibly angry with the people. Since Moshe is a direct emissary of God, the people mistakenly thought that God was mad at them as well when that was not the case. In this Parsha we are never told that God is angry at Bnai Yisroel.  Rabeinu Chananel explains that the mistake was the fact that Moshe and Aharon had used the phrase HaMin HaSelah HaZeh Notzim Lachem Mayim – Shall we bring forth for you water from this rock?” The phrase suggests that Moshe and Aharon had forgotten that God was going to bring forth the water, not Moshe and Aharon. The statement intuits that Moshe was elevating himself above God. Instead Moshe should have rhetorically asked if God will bring forth water for you…. The Midrash Tanchuma and Abarbanel explain that Aharon and Moshe already fell from their heroic pedestals. Aharon had not yet been punished for his involvement in the episode of the Golden Calf and Moshe initiated the episode of the spies. God had never commanded Moshe to send spies.  The Chiddushei HaRim explains that Moshe and Aharon’s failure and reason for punishment has to do with speaking to the Rock  L’Eineihem – before their eyes – before the people. For the Chiddushei HaRim,  Moshe’s ultimate shortcoming was that he wasted an opportunity to teach this new generation, this generation that was not familiar with slavery, nor familiar with life in Egypt, nor directly experienced the miracle of the Exodus.

While we may disagree with severity of Moshe’s punishment, perhaps we can appreciate why God could no longer support Moshe as the leader to bring Bnai Yisroel into Eretz Canaan.  For God, leading Bnai Yisroel means serving as a role model. For God, being a leader, indeed, being heroic means possessing the strength, the courage and the faith to sanctify God when all reason, and context suggests that do so is ludicrous or even life threatening. For God, being a leader, engaging in heroic behavior means bringing others, family, community, or an entire people closer to a meaningful relationship with God. Within our community, we are all role models for other members of the community. We all are presented opportunities to draw other members into the community or to push members out of the community.  We can either engage or alienate. Within our families, parents are role models for their children. Older siblings are role models for younger siblings. As our son is finding out, sometimes the younger siblings can also be role models for their older siblings.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

Wherever He Goes The People All Complain (Robert Hunter, Phil Lesh & Jerry Garcia - "St. Stephen")

               One evening a week, I bring our son to his little league baseball practice.  He and three other boys played organized baseball before so they understand the fundamentals of the game. For the rest of team, this is their first foray into “America’s Pastime”.  During the practice, I noticed that very few boys knew where to throw, how to throw or even when to throw to a particular base.  Our son noticed this as well. After the first practice, our son hung his head and expressed his frustration and said “This is going to be a long season.”  I asked him if he thought if they could win a game. He didn’t think so. He couldn’t imagine that any team was as bad as his. I smiled and we talked about what he can do in order to continue having fun in an otherwise apparently difficult situation. During the course of our discussion I explained to him that he and the other boys who played last year should not try to do too much, they should not try to take over, nor express their frustration with their teammates when they make these mistakes. In his first at bat, I could see our son gripping the bat so hard, the look on his face saying that he had to hit a home run every time at bat. He grounded out. The same thing happened again at his next at bat.  Later on in the game, one of the new kids fielded the ball and then had no idea where to throw the ball, all the base runners were safe and the other team even scored a run.  Our son kicked the dirt in frustration and then he walked over to the teammate, and patted him on the back, telling him it was OK and where to throw the bowl if he fields it. When the game ended, a sloppy affair in which the team fell behind early and mounted a comeback that fell just short, our son’s attitude about the season had completely changed. Rather than feel the despair and the loneliness of having to be the “hero” or the “leader” every play and every at bat; he understood that he just needs to encourage his teammates, and do well when the opportunity presents itself. Since then, he had only cheered on his teammates and tried to help. They have lost some more games, but he no longer feels as if he has to neither do everything nor be responsible for everything on the field.

This morning we read from Parsha Korach. Following their punishment of wandering for forty years because of their initial belief in the ten spies’ false report, Korach, a member of Moshe Rabeinu’s family stirs up trouble. Moshe’s authority is questioned, those who rebel are punished, and those who were silent bystanders, those who did not speak out were also punished. The Parsha concludes with God speaking to Moshe and enumerating Aaron’s priestly responsibilities, all of the entitlements and all the sacrifices that come with the position

            Clearly the most poignant moment in the narrative is the confrontation between Korach, Datan and Aviram, and all their followers with Moshe and Aaron. After witnessing Miriam becoming a leper for speaking against Moshe (Parsha B’Halotcha), after witnessing God’s anger and Moshe’s defense of the people in Parsha B’Halotcha and Shlach Lecha, the rebellion is very troubling. Moshe is shocked by it. He is hurt by it. The fact that he didn’t want the job in the first place, the fact that he went to bat for his flock time after time, leaves Moshe questioning his purpose.  Vayishmah Moshe Vayipol Al Panav – Moshe heard [the complaints] and fell on his face (Num 16:4).  Why did Moshe fall on his face? The Medieval commentators offer a variety of explanations.  Chizkuni, the 13^th century French commentator explains “Moshe fell to the ground in humiliation [at Korach accusation]. Rashi, the 11^th century French commentator explains that “Moshe fell in despair, he felt powerless to appeal to God for a fourth time. He defended the people after the Golden Calf, when they complained for no good reason, and when they heeded the spies. There is an enormous difference between falling due to humiliation or public embarrassment and falling down upon the ground due to despair and the knowledge that one his helpless to fix a bad situation.

            Indeed, the interpretation is in the eyes of the beholder. Did Moshe fall upon the ground due to humiliation or despair? Moshe has always been described as humble. So falling to the ground probably has nothing to do with neither him nor his ego. Rather he falls to the ground because they had the meeting, they registered the complaint. He falls to the ground because he is ashamed that they still haven’t learned faith, they still don’t trust they are still so easily swayed by the minority. Moshe falls to the ground because he feels anguish for them because those who followed Korach still don’t get it, and they certainly don’t appreciate the damage they have done to Moshe’s leadership. Moshe falls down upon his face because he realizes that he cannot do this job by himself. It his tiring fending off the challenges and it is unrewarding dealing with the same complaints day in and day out. Moshe is ready to have a team around him who buy into his vision, and his role among the people.

Peace,

Rav Yitz