I'll Still Sing You Love Songs, Written In The Letters Of Your Name (John Barlow & Bob Weir- "Looks Like Rain")

The bad thing about teen-age daughters is that they are teen-agers. The good thing about teen-age daughters is that eventually they will no long be teen-agers. In the meantime, I remind myself that “it’s a phase” or “patience this will end someday.” While our teen- age daughters are not quite “boy crazy”, they do have their pop culture teen heart throbs, such as One Direction, Nick Jonas, and Zac Efron. Of course, I recognize that this is merely the first step towards increased angst and aggravation about dealing with boys. In the meantime when they appear on tv or are heard on the radio, why must they scream or begin talking so loudly, quickly and excitedly.  I also keep reminding myself that although our teenagers are loud and dramatic about the “heart throb” thing; the real focus and concern should be upon our 25 year old. After all, she could actually meet someone, fall in love and get married. Until now I had very little anxiety about her and boys, and relationships. There are, not too many choices in Des Moines or Salt Lake City for a young woman who one day would like to have a Jewish home.  Now that she has moved to Philadelphia, a place with lots of Jewish graduate students, a sizeable Jewish population and only a 90 minute train ride from New York City, well let’s just say we perfectly happy with her dedication and focus upon her career in politics.

This Shabbat is the last day of Pesach. Among the additions to the Shabbat/Pesach service is the fact that we say Yizkor and commemorate the deceased. Because we are celebrating a Festival that did not have an intermediate Shabbat, but rather the last days fall on a Shabbat; we read a Megillah - a Scroll that corresponds to Pesach.  ChaZaL – our sages teach us that we read Shir HaShirim, the Song of Songs. This biblical text, taken from Ketuvim (Writings) is attributed to Shlomo HaMelech – King Solomon.  The eight chapters, which are song in a melody different from both Torah and Haftarah speaks of the young romantic love between a young couple.  I imagine that this young couple is in their early twenties but there is no evidence that suggests a specific age. One thing is for sure, because the text begins with the words: Shir HaShirim Asher L’Shlomo – The Song of Songs by Solomon. ChaZaL explains that only a young man in throes of romantic love would write such poetry. A middle age man wouldn’t write such romantic poetry since some of the idealism  of that romantic love would have waned, and certainly a older man, towards the end of life wouldn’t write of romantic love since an older man would be more scarred by life’s experience. Nevertheless, this beautiful poetry and the illusions of green meadows, deer, trees and fruit, portray a romantic vision that would great poets such as Shakespeare and Keats jealous with its use of language.

The question is why we read Shir HaShirim during the Pesach Festival. How is a nation attaining liberty remotely connected to Romantic poetry?  R’Akiva, the same R’Akiva that we all read about in the Haggada at our respective sedarim, comments that the Song of Songs is the holy of holies (Midrash Tanchuma).  We understand that something becomes holy when it has been separated from the mundane and ordinary and elevated to a higher purpose.  Certainly, Bnai Yisroel fits such a description. Throughout the story of the Yetziat Mitzrayim, when Moshe request of Pharaoh that Bnai Yisroel be released from bondage, Moshe repeatedly says to ‘Let me people go… Asher Ya’Avduni  “So that they may serve me.” Clearly the purpose of being released from Pharaoh’s slavery enabled Bnai Yisroel to enter into a relationship with God. As long as Pharaoh declined Moshe’s request, the more Pharaoh prevented Bnai Yisroel from separating itself from Egypt and elevating itself for the sole purpose of entering into a sacred relationship with God. Now that Bnai Yisroel has been freed from Egypt, it can return to the sacred relationship with God, a relationship that it had not experienced for over two centuries.  From that perspective, the relationship, with this generation of Bnai Yisroel is novel, idealistic and romantic. After all, within our tradition we view Hashem as our protector, we view Hashem as bound to the Jewish people much like a husband is bound to a wife. On Friday nights, we have a Kabalistic tradition of viewing the Shabbat Queen as our spiritual mate. After all, Sunday has Monday, Tuesday has Wednesday and Thursday has Friday. Can Shabbat really be left alone? According to Midrash, Shabbat is paired off with the Jewish People.  (Breishit Rabbah 11:8)The Shabbat Bride serves as a symbol of that pairing off.

As Pesach draws to a close,  our story doesn’t end, nor does our relationship with God draw to a conclusion. Because we are counting the Omer each evening up until 50, we understand that our job is to prepare ourselves for our long, awaited re-union with Hashem.  That re-union will occur on Shavuot when we stand at Sinai to receive the Torah. Shir HaShirim merely marks the beginning of a loving relationship, a courtship prior to a marriage,  a time when we should be full of romantic visions prior to entering a relationship built upon obligations.  As a father of three daughters, someday all three will grow into relationships that culminate in the sanctity of marriage. For now, however, I have enough anxiety just dealing with the inevitability of their interest in boys!

Peace,

Rav Yitz

Wherever He Goes The People All Complain (Robert Hunter, Phil Lesh & Jerry Garcia - "St. Stephen")

               One evening a week, I bring our son to his little league baseball practice.  He and three other boys played organized baseball before so they understand the fundamentals of the game. For the rest of team, this is their first foray into “America’s Pastime”.  During the practice, I noticed that very few boys knew where to throw, how to throw or even when to throw to a particular base.  Our son noticed this as well. After the first practice, our son hung his head and expressed his frustration and said “This is going to be a long season.”  I asked him if he thought if they could win a game. He didn’t think so. He couldn’t imagine that any team was as bad as his. I smiled and we talked about what he can do in order to continue having fun in an otherwise apparently difficult situation. During the course of our discussion I explained to him that he and the other boys who played last year should not try to do too much, they should not try to take over, nor express their frustration with their teammates when they make these mistakes. In his first at bat, I could see our son gripping the bat so hard, the look on his face saying that he had to hit a home run every time at bat. He grounded out. The same thing happened again at his next at bat.  Later on in the game, one of the new kids fielded the ball and then had no idea where to throw the ball, all the base runners were safe and the other team even scored a run.  Our son kicked the dirt in frustration and then he walked over to the teammate, and patted him on the back, telling him it was OK and where to throw the bowl if he fields it. When the game ended, a sloppy affair in which the team fell behind early and mounted a comeback that fell just short, our son’s attitude about the season had completely changed. Rather than feel the despair and the loneliness of having to be the “hero” or the “leader” every play and every at bat; he understood that he just needs to encourage his teammates, and do well when the opportunity presents itself. Since then, he had only cheered on his teammates and tried to help. They have lost some more games, but he no longer feels as if he has to neither do everything nor be responsible for everything on the field.

This morning we read from Parsha Korach. Following their punishment of wandering for forty years because of their initial belief in the ten spies’ false report, Korach, a member of Moshe Rabeinu’s family stirs up trouble. Moshe’s authority is questioned, those who rebel are punished, and those who were silent bystanders, those who did not speak out were also punished. The Parsha concludes with God speaking to Moshe and enumerating Aaron’s priestly responsibilities, all of the entitlements and all the sacrifices that come with the position

            Clearly the most poignant moment in the narrative is the confrontation between Korach, Datan and Aviram, and all their followers with Moshe and Aaron. After witnessing Miriam becoming a leper for speaking against Moshe (Parsha B’Halotcha), after witnessing God’s anger and Moshe’s defense of the people in Parsha B’Halotcha and Shlach Lecha, the rebellion is very troubling. Moshe is shocked by it. He is hurt by it. The fact that he didn’t want the job in the first place, the fact that he went to bat for his flock time after time, leaves Moshe questioning his purpose.  Vayishmah Moshe Vayipol Al Panav – Moshe heard [the complaints] and fell on his face (Num 16:4).  Why did Moshe fall on his face? The Medieval commentators offer a variety of explanations.  Chizkuni, the 13^th century French commentator explains “Moshe fell to the ground in humiliation [at Korach accusation]. Rashi, the 11^th century French commentator explains that “Moshe fell in despair, he felt powerless to appeal to God for a fourth time. He defended the people after the Golden Calf, when they complained for no good reason, and when they heeded the spies. There is an enormous difference between falling due to humiliation or public embarrassment and falling down upon the ground due to despair and the knowledge that one his helpless to fix a bad situation.

            Indeed, the interpretation is in the eyes of the beholder. Did Moshe fall upon the ground due to humiliation or despair? Moshe has always been described as humble. So falling to the ground probably has nothing to do with neither him nor his ego. Rather he falls to the ground because they had the meeting, they registered the complaint. He falls to the ground because he is ashamed that they still haven’t learned faith, they still don’t trust they are still so easily swayed by the minority. Moshe falls to the ground because he feels anguish for them because those who followed Korach still don’t get it, and they certainly don’t appreciate the damage they have done to Moshe’s leadership. Moshe falls down upon his face because he realizes that he cannot do this job by himself. It his tiring fending off the challenges and it is unrewarding dealing with the same complaints day in and day out. Moshe is ready to have a team around him who buy into his vision, and his role among the people.

Peace,

Rav Yitz

 

Wake Up To Find Out That You Are The Eyes Of The World (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Eyes of The World")

There is nothing like teenage girls.  I dreaded the five years between 8^th grade through 12^th grade of our oldest daughter and I am already dreading these tumultuous five years of our soon to be 13 year old daughter.  The best thing about this five year period of emotional ups and downs with our daughter is the knowledge and experience that it will eventually end. One day it will be over. Maybe it will end when she heads off to college so that we don’t have to deal with it. Maybe it will end when she spends a period of time away and gets the antidote to these difficult five year – “perspective”.  Maybe it will end when she finally grows weary of the seemingly unending drama of who is a friend with whom, what is in style, what my friends think, as the most important criteria for making decisions.  For now, we merely take a deep breath. We try to avoid the emotional roller coaster of a teenage girl’s life, sit in awe as she spends hours getting her hair just right, and listen as she tries to struggle with the opinions of her friends and the opinions of her family. Unfortunately, at this point, there is no question she is much more concerned with how her friends perceive her as opposed to how her family perceives her.  My wife and I smile hopefully, aware that someday, God Willing, she will be less concerned about the perception of others and more concerned with her own self-perception and her parents’ perception.

This Shabbat we read from Parsha Shelach Lecha. The Torah portion begins with the narrative of Moshe gathering up twelve spies, one corresponding to each of the twelve tribes, and giving them the mission. The spies are told to investigate the quality of the land – fertile or barren, its inhabitants - warlike or peaceful, the nature of cities –fortified or open? The spies go and investigate and return. Ten spies offer a negative report and two, Caleb and Joshua, offer a positive report. Bnai Yisroel listen to the ten spies with the negative report and fell utterly overwhelmed at the prospect of entering into the land that Hashem promised them.  Hysterical, the people beg to return to Egypt. Hashem wants to wipe them all out immediately but Moshe defends the people just like he did after the Golden Calf. So rather than wiping out an entire people Hashem punishes Bnai Yisroel by prohibiting this generation from entering into the land. Eventually, when the slave generation has died out, the generations born in freedom will enter Eretz Canaan.  The people hear the punishment and decide they are ready to enter the land. Moshe explains that it is too late since entry into Canaan is ultimately premised upon faith.  Then Moshe begin teaching Bnai Yisroel laws specific and premised upon settlement in the Canaan.  First Moshe teaches the Libation Offering as well as Challah. Next, Moshe teaches the laws of public atonement of unintentional idolatry, individual unintentional idolatry, intentional idolatry, a reminder about violating Shabbat and finally the laws of Tzitzit.

The ten spies whom Bnai Yisroel chose to believe did not really bring such a negative report. They explained that the land was fruitful and fertile, there were trees and that it was really quite beautiful.  The problem with the report was that it revealed more about the spies and Bnai Yisroel than the land itself. When seeing some of the inhabitants and the physical size of some of those inhabitants.  The Ten spies said Vanhi V’Eineinu Ka’CHaGaVim V’Chain Hayinu B’Eineihem – we were like grasshoppers in our eyes and so we were in their eyes. (Num. 13:33) How do the ten spies know how the Nefilim (the Giants) perceive them? Did they ask the Nefilim? The answer to both questions is “No”. No they don’t know how the Nefilim perceive the Ten Spies and “No”, the Ten Spies did not ask the Nefilim. The spies feel small because from their own perspective and self image, they are small. When they look in a mirror, they see slaves. They don’t see people who stood at Sinai and received the Torah. They don’t see a people who carry a Mishkan with Hashem protecting them and scattering their enemies. They don’t see a people worthy of Hashem’s daily miracles of Manna, and water.  Instead they carry with them the burden of two centuries of slavery and being slightly less than human rather than being slightly less than angels.  Rabbi Menachem Mendel of Kotzk (The Kotzker Rebbe) explained that this was the root of the spies as well as Bnai Yisroel’s sin. They had no right to consider how others viewed them, nor should they have been at all concerned.  They should have all been spiritually strong enough to realize and accept that they were “priests to the nations” and “chosen by God”. The fact that such spiritual awareness was still lacking even after all the miracles and promises that God made; meant that problem lay with Bnai Yisroel. These former slaves were not ready for the responsibility of land and people hood.

Yes, the most frequently asked question by our soon to be teenage daughter is, “does this look ok?” “What will they think?” Yes we try to explain that more important than what THEY think is what SHE thinks. The most rewarding moments these days occur after the emotional outbursts, after the tears of frustration, after the fights, when she calmly sits down with us and shares with us her realization how much happier she is  when she worries less about what other think and say. Maybe the next five years won’t be as difficult as we anticipate.

Peace,

Rav Yitz