Thursday, July 11, 2013

If My Words Did Glow With The Gold Of Sunshine (Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia - "Ripple")



When I was young and I behaved badly; my parents would criticize, castigate and lecture me about my poor behavior or misguided judgment. It didn’t happen frequently, but it happened enough. While they meted out the punishment, I would frequently hear things like: “this is going to hurt me a lot more than it will hurt you” or “Do you think that I enjoy this?” After the criticism and lectures and the punishment would be meted out, their shoulder would slouch, their head would hang. Yes I was punished, but they were exhausted.  Yes I would be punished, but they would be exhausted. However I never understood how or why my parents were more deeply affected or more tired after such an episode. Recently I had a fight with our eldest daughter. What we fought about is irrelevant. However there I was, criticizing her behavior and lecturing her about her misguided judgment. During the course of my leveling criticism at her, I sensed that she stopped listening although she was courteous enough to stay on the phone. But I was pained and exhausted having lectured someone who just didn’t seem to listen nor validate a word I said.
This Shabbat we begin the final book of the Torah, Sefer Devarim, the Book of Deuteronomy. This fifth and final book begins with the Parsha of the same name Devarim. This book is completely apart from the previous four books. Moshe criticize and even berates B'nai Yisroel while simultaneously recounting their recent 40 year history. He mentions the various places they stopped along the course of their 40 journey. He reminds them that what should have been an eleven day journey continued another 38 years because of their misguided judgment. Moshe reminds them that their misfortunes are a direct function of their poor behavior. In the first five verses Moshe points out their current location: M’Ever HaYardenThe Other Side of the Jordan. That is too say they are currently on the wrong side of the Jordan (east of their promised land) due to their poor behavior. Moshe subtly reminds them that it is because of them, that he (Moshe) is destined to remain M’Ever HaYardenthe Other Side of the Jordan.  The Parsha begins with the words Eila HaDevarim Asher Diber Moshe El Kol Yisroel B’Ever HaYardenThese are the words that Moshe spoke to the All of Israel on the Other (wrong) side of the Jordan.  Moshe shares his perspective of the Israel’s most recent history. In so doing, Moshe portrays himself as pained, exhausted, and aware that he nearing the end of his role as leader of Bnai Yisroel.
The Midrash points out the significant of the words Devarim (words). It has the same consonants as Devorim which means “bees”.  Moshe’s criticism, his words, his lecture, and his castigation of Kol Yisroel of all of Israel are words that sting. Moshe was not being “nice”. He shared his perspective, his emotions 38 years of pent of frustration because of Israel’s poor behavior and lack of judgment. Yes, the words stung. However assuming no allergies, we all know what happens when we are stung by a bee. Yes we get stung. We have some discomfort. However the bee dies. Moshe will grow weary, exhausted and eventually die at the end of Devarim, after he has shared his stinging words. The Talmud points out that Bilaam was the Moses for all the other nations. When he finally got around to cursing B’nai Yisroel by getting the Midianite and Moabite woman to have illicit relations with Bnai Yisroel, we are not told that Bilaam is so exhausted from the enterprise. We are not told that Bilaam was worn out and eventually died because he leveled so much hate and vitriol upon Bnai Yisroel. No, it’s Moshe’s critical words that leave Moshe old, cranky, exhausted and eventually dead. Why was Moshe so affected by his own words? The Midrash explains that deep down, Moshe’s criticism was done out of love and concern for the welfare and future welfare of the Bnai Yisroel. If he were indifferent then he wouldn’t have been as affected. Moshe was hardly indifferent. Rather he cared so much he was willing to lose his "stinger" and with it his vigor and vitality.
Well, I am not close to 120 years old. However I will be turning 48 in a few months. It took me all this time and a fight with my daughter for me to have greater sympathy and empathy for my parents. The words, the criticism, and the lecture left me physically and emotionally exhausted. Of course it did; I was “talking at” my daughter. I was “lecturing at” my daughter”, and I could not sense if my words were getting through.  They probably were not. Maybe I should have “talked with” my daughter, “spoken with” my daughter, “discussed with” my daughter and I would have been less physically and emotionally drained like my stinger had been taken out of me.   I hope that she understood that the effort made through the words, the criticism and the lecture are a direct function of my care and concern for her.
Peace,
Rav Yitz

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