When I was young and I behaved
badly; my parents would criticize, castigate and lecture me about my poor
behavior or misguided judgment. It didn’t happen frequently, but it happened
enough. While they meted out the punishment, I would frequently hear things
like: “this is going to hurt me a lot
more than it will hurt you” or “Do
you think that I enjoy this?” After the criticism and lectures and the
punishment would be meted out, their shoulder would slouch, their head would
hang. Yes I was punished, but they were exhausted. Yes I would be punished, but they would be
exhausted. However I never understood how or why my parents were more deeply
affected or more tired after such an episode. Recently I had a fight with our
eldest daughter. What we fought about is irrelevant. However there I was,
criticizing her behavior and lecturing her about her misguided judgment. During
the course of my leveling criticism at her, I sensed that she stopped listening
although she was courteous enough to stay on the phone. But I was pained and
exhausted having lectured someone who just didn’t seem to listen nor validate a
word I said.
This Shabbat we begin the final
book of the Torah, Sefer Devarim, the Book of Deuteronomy. This fifth and final
book begins with the Parsha of the same name Devarim. This book is completely apart
from the previous four books. Moshe criticize and even berates B'nai Yisroel
while simultaneously recounting their recent 40 year history. He mentions the
various places they stopped along the course of their 40 journey. He reminds
them that what should have been an eleven day journey continued another 38
years because of their misguided judgment. Moshe reminds them that their
misfortunes are a direct function of their poor behavior. In the first five verses
Moshe points out their current location: M’Ever
HaYarden – The Other Side of the
Jordan. That is too say they are currently on the wrong side of the Jordan
(east of their promised land) due to their poor behavior. Moshe subtly reminds
them that it is because of them, that he (Moshe) is destined to remain M’Ever HaYarden – the Other Side of the Jordan.
The Parsha begins with the words Eila
HaDevarim Asher Diber Moshe El Kol Yisroel B’Ever HaYarden – These are the words that Moshe spoke to the
All of Israel on the Other (wrong) side of the Jordan. Moshe shares his perspective of the
Israel’s most recent history. In so doing, Moshe portrays himself as pained,
exhausted, and aware that he nearing the end of his role as leader of Bnai
Yisroel.
The Midrash points out the
significant of the words Devarim (words). It has the same consonants as Devorim which means “bees”.
Moshe’s criticism, his words, his lecture, and his castigation of Kol Yisroel of all of Israel are words that sting. Moshe was not being “nice”.
He shared his perspective, his emotions 38 years of pent of frustration because
of Israel’s poor behavior and lack of judgment. Yes, the words stung. However
assuming no allergies, we all know what happens when we are stung by a bee. Yes
we get stung. We have some discomfort. However the bee dies. Moshe will grow
weary, exhausted and eventually die at the end of Devarim, after he has shared
his stinging words. The Talmud points out that Bilaam was the Moses for all the
other nations. When he finally got around to cursing B’nai Yisroel by getting
the Midianite and Moabite woman to have illicit relations with Bnai Yisroel, we
are not told that Bilaam is so exhausted from the enterprise. We are not told
that Bilaam was worn out and eventually died because he leveled so much hate
and vitriol upon Bnai Yisroel. No, it’s Moshe’s critical words that leave Moshe
old, cranky, exhausted and eventually dead. Why was Moshe so affected by his
own words? The Midrash explains that deep down, Moshe’s criticism was done out
of love and concern for the welfare and future welfare of the Bnai Yisroel. If
he were indifferent then he wouldn’t have been as affected. Moshe was hardly indifferent. Rather he cared so much he was willing to lose his "stinger" and with it his vigor and vitality.
Well, I am not close to 120 years
old. However I will be turning 48 in a few months. It took me all this time and
a fight with my daughter for me to have greater sympathy and empathy for my
parents. The words, the criticism, and the lecture left me physically and emotionally
exhausted. Of course it did; I was “talking at” my daughter. I was “lecturing
at” my daughter”, and I could not sense if my words were getting through. They probably were not. Maybe I should have
“talked with” my daughter, “spoken with” my daughter, “discussed with” my
daughter and I would have been less physically and emotionally drained like my
stinger had been taken out of me. I
hope that she understood that the effort made through the words, the criticism
and the lecture are a direct function of my care and concern for her.
Peace,
Rav Yitz
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