At
48 year of age, with a wife, four
children: one in her twenties, one who needs to decide on a high school, one
preparing for a bat mitzvah, and one who is just a typical 10 year old boy, my focus, my energy and my worries are
amazingly middle class and family oriented. I worry
about how to afford day school, high school, and university. I worry about our
family’s health, our family’s financial welfare. I worry about my work.
Socially, I tend to me most comfortable with people who are on a similar path
or trajectory. Many of my childhood
friends are on the same trajectory, so that when we speak to each other, or see
each other we can reminisce about the past, but we can also share current life
experiences because we share this common trajectory. So even if we don’t see each other for months
or years at a time, or even speak to each other
for months at a time, there is a
familiarity because of how long we have known each other as well as dealing
with similar worries about family, children etc. One friend, I would see whenever I visited
New York City. We would spend a couple
of hours together and “catch up”. When it came time to leave, we would both say
how we should keep in touch and we would wish for the other only good things.
However, I knew that I wouldn’t reach out and keep in touch as we were on such
different paths; we had very little in common.
This week’s Parsha
is VaYishlach. We read about Yaakov and Esav’s reunion. We read about Yaakov’s
daughter Dina and her unholy tryst with Shechem a member of the Hivvites. We
learn of what many consider to be the fanatical response on behalf of her
brother Shimon and Levi. Yaakov returns to Bet El, the place where he dreamt of
the ladder many years before, builds and altar, and receives the covenant from
God. During that process, God changes his name from Yaakov to Yisroel. And
while we read about the name change at the very beginning of the Parsha, that
name change was given by another being (Gen. 32:29). Rachel dies as well as a
wet nurse named Deborah. Finally we read a list of Yaakov’s children as well as
Esav’s.
At the time of the
re-union, Esav seems very excited to see his Yaakov. VaYaratz Esav Likrato VaChabkeihu VaYiPol Al Tzavarav Vayishakeihu
VaYiVKu – And Esav ran toward him [Yaakov] embraced him, fell upon his neck and
kissed him; then they wept. Until
the last word of the verse, we had no idea sense of Jacob’s emotions. All the
action was with Esav. He ran towards Yaakov and he hugged and he kissed his
brother. While we don’t know the true nature of the tears that were shed, Rabbi
Shimshon Rapheal Hirsch, (19th Century German Rabbi and father of
Modern Orthodoxy) explains that one cannot cry unless there were genuine
emotions. Indeed, one can perceive Esav actions as genuine and he was crying
because he was happy to see Yaakov. However Yaakov might have cried due to
relief, relief over the fact that Esav no longer intended to kill his
brother. As the Reunion unfolds (33: 5-15) it becomes quite evident that
Yaakov doesn’t not want to spend any more time with his brother than is
absolutely necessary. Esav offers to
escort Yaakov and Yaakov diplomatically and very politely declines the
offer. Esav offers two of his men as
escorts and Yaakov once again diplomatically and politely declines the offer.
(Gen. 33:15) VaYashav BaYom HaHu Esav L’Darko
Seira - So Esav returned on that day
on his way back to Seir. V’Yaakov
Nasa Sukota – But Yaakov traveled to
Sukkot. For all the emotion, all the
relief, all the hugging and crying that occurred at the beginning of the re-union;
there are absolutely no details when the brothers depart. There are no tears, no hugs, no “well wishes”
rather one goes one way and the other goes another way. However a clue as to why there were so few
emotions when the brothers departed occurs in the second half of the verse
after we are told that Yaakov went to Sukkota. VaYiven Lo Bayit UlMikneihu Asah Sukot … (Gen. 3:16-17). Immediately afterwards we read about Yaakov’s
daughter Dina and the troubling events that surround her experience while the
family lived near the city of Shechem.
Yaakov and Esav
had absolutely nothing in common. While Esav was married and we learn about all
of his descendants at the end of the torah portion, Esav’s focus is not upon
his family. Esav is with his 4oo men.
Esav is portrayed as taking care of his family. Yaakov is the exact opposite.
Yaakov’s entire existence is centered on his wives and his children. Yaakov
doesn’t ride off with 400 men, rather he walks along with his family and his
sheep and then when it is time to settle down he builds a house and focuses
upon the mundane aspects of raising children. As a result, Yaakov knows full well that his
departure from Esav will be the last time that they have any encounter of
value. He realizes that his life is on a trajectory that includes God’s covenant,
being a father to the future nation of Israel.
That childhood
friend will be getting married. We remain in very different places in life.
However, maybe this time, because he will not be experiencing marriage and God
willing and his wife will have children,
we will have a little more in common. Maybe now we will have a little
more to connect with than just reminiscing about the past.
Peace,
Rav Yitz
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